Overcoming Oral Sex Confidence Issues!

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I have a question for both guys and gals.

I am with a new guy and we have a great sex life. He really likes oral sex but I am not so confident in my ability.

He has realised that I am not into it (i havent even attempted it with him) and he has been brilliant and has not pushed me at all. The thing is is that I do want to do it but my confidence in my ability is really affecting me. I just dont know where to start really. I also feel that because he is so amazing in bed he has definitely had amazing oral sex and I cannot compete with past girlfriends (I know, it should be a comp). But I hate doing stuff if I dont think I am good at it (I stopped playing poker after 3 weeks because I wasnt winning all round me lol).

I have made suggestions that I defo want to try it with him but he has said no, he doesnt want to make me do anything that I dont want to do. And no matter how much protesting I will probably do I dont think he will believe me (he's a good guy)!!!

It did cross my mind that maybe he truly doesnt want a blow job and thats why he is protesting but he did tell me early on that he liked them.

How should I approach it both from the 'conversational' point of view (if we do talk about it which we prob will) and then the practical point of view of getting started.

All advise greatfully received!!

Pandora2

You are a lucky Girl:D A guy who's good in bed and puts your needs first:D Who puts no pressure on you whatsoever, to do something that might/makes you uncomfortable or that is possibly only going to be pleasurable for him and uncomfortable for you!!

Relax...enjoy what you are experiencing right now and in time this will happen naturally as you feel more secure within the relationship. Relationships are about looking for 'the one' ultimately and I think we all, at one time or another have tried to tick off all the boxes when it comes to early intimacy within a relationship, there is no need;)

When my OH and I met, the first night we spent together was blessed by a complete lack of condoms, I think we had both given up on the possibility of Throwing all caution to the wind and fancying someone to the point of needing 'urgent' sex;):D Well I was 42 and he was 47!! There was no conventional loving that night but I was more impressed than if there had been:D I can safely say it was the best night of my life, and morning!! Married 2 1/2 years now and there have been lots of marvellous repeat performances since then. Why not let this sensitive and experienced man take you on this trip and enjoy the journey;) After all you may be with this guy a long time, I know I'm a lifer:D

aidan24326

HowToStart wrote: »

Hi there,

I have a question for both guys and gals.

I am with a new guy and we have a great sex life. He really likes oral sex but I am not so confident in my ability.

He has realised that I am not into it (i havent even attempted it with him) and he has been brilliant and has not pushed me at all. The thing is is that I do want to do it but my confidence in my ability is really affecting me. I just dont know where to start really. I also feel that because he is so amazing in bed he has definitely had amazing oral sex and I cannot compete with past girlfriends (I know, it should be a comp). But I hate doing stuff if I dont think I am good at it (I stopped playing poker after 3 weeks because I wasnt winning all round me lol).

I have made suggestions that I defo want to try it with him but he has said no, he doesnt want to make me do anything that I dont want to do. And no matter how much protesting I will probably do I dont think he will believe me (he's a good guy)!!!

It did cross my mind that maybe he truly doesnt want a blow job and thats why he is protesting but he did tell me early on that he liked them.

How should I approach it both from the 'conversational' point of view (if we do talk about it which we prob will) and then the practical point of view of getting started.

All advise greatfully received!!

You're completely overstressing/overanalysing. Without going into detail the mechanics of it isn't complicated. Just have a go and do it and if he genuinely likes you he'll be thrilled by your efforts one way or another. Practise makes perfect so just give it a go and enjoy. You're making it into too much of a big deal in your own mind. Trust me if he really is into you (and you say ye have a good relationship) then he'll be more than happy to have a gorgeous girl giving him a bj, and analysing your performance will be the last thing on his mind

curlzy

Hey OP,

I used to be the same and for the same reason too, doubted myself something fierce. Then I gave it a go and I've since come to really enjoy doing it : ) My advise would be to ask him to let you know if he's enjoying/not enjoying what you're doing and go from there. Oh and be careful of your teeth. Also my guy quite likes a lot of licking as well as sucking. Hmmmmm not sure how much more I can say without getting in trouble for being rude! Sure google it, I'm sure there's tonnes of advise out there on this subject.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
If he isn't pressurising you then why so nervous. It's a simple enough task really but each guy is different and like different things.
One sure fire way to see how he likes his penis being touched is to watch him touch himself. Also if you do decide to go down there try a few different things. He should let you know what he likes from his breathing and response.
Just give it a crack and see how you get on.

gargleblaster

First off I want to echo Pandora2 - a man who puts your needs first and is a great lover also? You have hit the lotto bedroom-wise.

As for how to approach the subject, I wouldn't say a thing. My approach would be to wait till a time when you're both sufficiently aroused, and then just go for it. Hand first, move down, then lips and tongue.

Since you're likely to be somewhat nervous you might be tempted to rush into things - please don't do this. Take your time, be patient with yourself and him, and be gentle at first. His movements will urge you on as things progress and your confidence should grow by the minute.

Good luck, and enjoy.

Neyite

Theres the old joke "how would you describe the worst blow job you ever had?" Answer: "Awesome!:D "

Its very difficult to be 'bad' at it, unless you are rough or use teeth. Take it gentle and slow, and you wont go far wrong. Dont over-think it though, just do it if it feels right.

minidazzler

OP, Blowjobs are like Pizza, even when it's bad, it's pretty good.

Avoid using teeth and being like a vacuum cleaner (it's not a straw, it's a pump) and I guarantee you will do well. Sure, you might not be the best ever right off the bat, but I doubt it will take you long. That said, the best ever tends to be the current for me, because it's what I remember best!

So just dive straight in, if you wanna be all alluring and such I would simply advise saying something to the tune of "Get your **** out, I'm in the mood to practice my BJ skills" Had a girl say that to me before and I couldn't stop grinning.

tenchi-fan

Some people view oral sex as a particularly subservient act. So maybe your boyfriend views you at a higher level than his previous encounters.
If you're still up for it, I'm sure your bf will have no difficulty coming over your face/mouth/hair. There isn't much science behind the act.

Count Duckula

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I'm sure your bf will have no difficulty coming over your face/mouth/hair.

Yeh... no.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies everyone and the words of support. It makes me feel a lot better that boys arent ovely picky about this. I defitinely have enough enthusiasm for the job!

Interesting the point from Techni-fan about oral sex being subservient. That has got me thinking alright as a few things that have gone on point to him feeling that he doesnt want me to 'degrade myself' in a way. I sent him a saucy picture text and while he liked it and responded positively he wasnt as 'WOW WOW' as past boyfriends have been. As if sending a picture of myself to him was somewhat demeaning. All in all, I feel he doesnt want me doing things if I dont want to do them. So I must articulate that I DO!!!

This weekend I plan to start my 'job'!!

LegacyUser

OP,

I think you can go by what he said early on, that he does like receiving blowjobs. It seems like he's just been really nice to you since you seemed unsure. Sounds like a decent guy!!!

So long as you are enthusiastic, you'll be fine.

My advice is to surprise. He won't complain!!!!

Good luck!!!

LegacyUser

Back to report on how it all went (I always feel people who ask for advice should report back since you all took such time to give me advice).

I get drunk as a coot on Saturday night (not on purpose) and I have vague recollecations of going down on my BF. The next morning he was like 'ooh do you remember what you did last night' laughing. So last night (sober) I went for it again and it wasnt too bad. I mean I wasnt amazing or anything, I had a few gagging moments and he didnt cum but he was happy that I was giving it a go! He said it was like being 14 again and we joked all night about how I was the champion of the world and that I am now in training for the Olympics. We had a good giggle, that is the key I feel.

Looking forward to giving it another go tonight!

Thanks everyone xx

bird_on_a_wire

First of all you should talk to your lover perhaps when you're lying in bed together not before or after sex, just when you're alone and discuss with him his sexual preferences maybe have a play with him tease him and ask him if he likes this or that. As for your confidence issues, if you don't have confidence, pretend you do you'll find eventually that you wont even have to fake it anymore. Don't be unsure about what you're doing or be too shy to just take control!

Also to stop those gagging moments, here's a tip, breathe through your nose when you deep throat, also cover your teeth with your lips like you're pretending to be gummy to stop any uncomfortable teeth scraping. If you want to give him some extra pleasure incorporate your hand into the blow job so you're stimulating all of the penis and use your tongue to massage the extra sensitive tip of his penis. Also whilst deep throating massage the tip of his penis with the soft part at the back of your pallet as you go up and down. Increase pressure as he climaxes by sucking in (not too hard) and tightening the grip of your hand slightly and go a little faster.

Hope this helps!