no gift??

Lee1982

i got married recently and was disgusted to not receive and card or gift from alot of the people who attended (all family..aunts/uncles ect) its been almost 3 months now and none of them have mentioned it,i hate to sound greedy but these people came to a wedding costing me alot to feed them and did not even give a well wish,am i right to be annoyed?

kandr10

Oh good god, you're opening a can of worms here!
Prepare yourself to be berated
I personally think it's rude not to give a card. I know I would. As regards gifts, I couldn't care less. I don't really care about how much it's costing (cos we only invited people we really want there) and the cost the meal has no bearing for me on the gift that I would give when attending a wedding.

Toots

Yes, I agree with kandr10, a can is opened and worms will be wriggling everywhere! As regards presents that wouldn't really bother me TBH, but I'd be upset if loads of people came and didn't bring cards. I mean it costs a good bit to go to a wedding so I'd understand if people couldn't afford to give presents, and I wouldn't want my guests to feel under pressure, but a card costs a fiver max, or even a homemade one would cost less. I'm a big believer in 'it's the thought that counts' and I'd definitely be upset if some people didn't even bother to give a card.

Lee1982

i know what you mean i just thought i was close to these people yet they showed up and ate and drank on me then did not even give a card...even if it was empty an acknowledgement was all i wanted :mad: has it happened anyone else?

Sarah Bear

maybe they thought u wanted there presence and not presents. u should have just sold tickets to the wedding!

whydoibother?

What about a generous gift but no card? I'm thinking of the wedding list phenomenon, where your gift-giving is done online and you write a message to the couple. Do you still have to give a card then?

phasers

I'm just throwing this out there, but some people think it looks scabby to just give a card and no gift, so maybe they couldn't afford a gift and were too embarrassed to just give you a crappy card? (I don't agree with this sort of thinking and I know it seems a bit weird to think that coming empty handed is better than a card, but people do think like that)


Although tbh with your greedy attitude I don't think I'd give you a gift either.

Lee1982

im not being greedy as i said i didnt care if the card was empty i just wanted some sort of well wish its not too much to ask is it???

Toots

Guys just an early warning on here; these presents threads always get very heated, but any user berating the OP will be infracted. It's not difficult to phrase a constructive response without resorting to petty insults.

kandr10

Lee1982 wrote: »

im not being greedy as i said i didnt care if the card was empty i just wanted some sort of well wish its not too much to ask is it???

Ah I completely understand where you're coming from. An acknowledgement would be nice. Sure I've got people who a week from our wedding still haven't said if they're coming, despite being asked a hundred times (again it's close family so I'd expect better). People sometimes aren't aware of etiquette I think. As I said, I personally wouldn't go to any party with my arms swinging, even if I was only bringing a card! Guess we're all different though

Lee1982

i had 4 people cancel that morning its a stressful enough time without things like that happening

Toots

Lee1982 wrote: »

i had 4 people cancel that morning its a stressful enough time without things like that happening

That's shocking! Ok whatever if there was something really serious like an illness or death or something that stopped them going. Did they give a reason?

tinkerbell

I think you need to get some perspective here. They attended your wedding. Is that not enough? Do you really need a card to say congrats when they have already said it to your face since they were in attendance on the day you got married?

For me personally, I would rather my friends attend an event hosted by me, rather than not attend and just send a card. If they attended and I got no card, it wouldn't bother me because I value their presence more than a piece of paper.

And like others said - perhaps they didn't feel comfortable sending a card with no present inside it and that you would judge them for the lack of present.

Lee1982

Toots* wrote: »

Lee1982 wrote: »

i had 4 people cancel that morning its a stressful enough time without things like that happening

That's shocking! Ok whatever if there was something really serious like an illness or death or something that stopped them going. Did they give a reason?

No excuse..just no shows total waste of money

wexford12

Lee i hope the replies on here are just to wind you up.Its unreal that someone would go to a wedding and not even give a card let alone a present and for some to say is it not good enough for them to turn up what rubbish!I would send them a thank you card for coming and for the lovely gift they gave .

Now i'm sure i will get a bashing for that lol

gaeilgebeo

Lee1982 wrote: »

i got married recently and was disgusted to not receive and card or gift from alot of the people who attended (all family..aunts/uncles ect) its been almost 3 months now and none of them have mentioned it,i hate to sound greedy but these people came to a wedding costing me alot to feed them and did not even give a well wish,am i right to be annoyed?

I find it an absolute disgrace that someone would go to your wedding and not offer you congratulations/good wishes in the form of a card!

Not going to get into the "gift" debate.

However, I do think that a lot of people are jumping on the "recession" bandwagon.

Diddler1977

Lee1982 wrote: »

i got married recently and was disgusted to not receive and card or gift from alot of the people who attended (all family..aunts/uncles ect) its been almost 3 months now and none of them have mentioned it,i hate to sound greedy but these people came to a wedding costing me alot to feed them and did not even give a well wish,am i right to be annoyed?

You can't control the actions of someone else.

I would just be happy that a great day was had by all and you were surrounded by family and friends to celebrate your wedding.

Don't entertain these negative thoughts you are now having.

keanooo

Toots* wrote: »

That's shocking! Ok whatever if there was something really serious like an illness or death or something that stopped them going. Did they give a reason?

Don't feed the... http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=61405812

emarfrog

Hi OP, are you absolutely sure that some of the guests did not give you a card? Perhaps they were stolen, shocking but it happens. I know a girl from my home town, and at her wedding all the cards were stolen! :eek: (The best man had left them on a table in the lobby :eek:)

Anyway, I kept a list of who gave us what, I know that sounds terrible but it was so that I could write a thank you cards that showed that we appreciated every gift received, for example I love nice cutlery and one couple bought us a beautiful set, I took great pleasure in thanking the couple for that gift as it was something I really appreciated, etc. As a result of keeping the list, I could see that there was only one couple left that had not given us a card and that arrived in the post a few weeks later! I would have a chat with the hotel, best man etc. just in case they were mislaid?

The same thing happened to us re: cancellations on the day, my husband got one the night before the wedding and I suspect (thinking about it now, but I could be wrong!) that the couple felt that they could not afford to come as they had married the year before and probably wished to give us the same gift back as we gave them. I would have preferred if they had came, ate dinner, danced with us and enjoyed themselves without a gift. I think we did end up paying for two non existent dinners in the end, but that didn't bother me as much as the two empty spaces at one of the tables!

We did have a few people who attended and just gave cards. I have a group of friends that are still in college and I specifically mentioned to them that they were under no circumstances to bring a gift. Most did end up giving us something, I suppose it is the Irish condition to be unable to arrive at a party with one hand as long as the other:P. I'm actually sorry that I didn't roll that policy out to the entire guest list

Anyway OP before you start thinking ill of those that did not give cards make sure that they did not give cards!

super_furry

There are times when getting a wedding invitation is like getting a fine in the post. Whether you can afford the large expense of attending or not, you're more often than not, oblidged to go.

Having said that, there's no excuse for not sending a card.

lazygal

You're not alone OP-we got married recently and I was amazed at the guests who gave us nothing. One person actually texted me to ask what we'd like but gave us nothing, not even a card. I can honestly say I don't care about not getting a gift because who knows what people's finances are like but you can always afford a card. It's hard not to let it annoy you.

janbaby

These threads are great cos some people take the high road and some people are honest! I would be gutted, I think its rude and unthoughtful. So much work and energy and attention to detail goes into making sure everyone has a great time and that you get to celebrate the day with friends and family. This should be acknowledged with a card wishing you well in the marriage or else thanking you for inviting them. Presents are another debatable subject I'm afraid to admit that deep down I think most people would give something but I am also aware that everyones finances are in bad shape so I just want people to enjoy the day :P

keanooo

janbaby wrote: »

These threads are great cos some people take the high road and some people are honest! I would be gutted, I think its rude and unthoughtful. So much work and energy and attention to detail goes into making sure everyone has a great time and that you get to celebrate the day with friends and family. This should be acknowledged with a card wishing you well in the marriage or else thanking you for inviting them. Presents are another debatable subject I'm afraid to admit that deep down I think most people would give something but I am also aware that everyones finances are in bad shape so I just want people to enjoy the day :P

The lady or man who posted this thread (i.e. the OP) is making it up (not very well) as they go along... so I wouldn't cry any tears for him or her...

janbaby

keanooo wrote: »

The lady or man who posted this thread is making it up (not very well) as they go along... so I wouldn't cry any tears for him or her...

What are you talking about? Whats made up? Do you think I'm inviting people so that they can be miserable at my wedding? A wedding isn't a summons so if people don't want to come for what ever reason then thats fine but its good manners to give a card and say thanks or wish the couple well.

super_furry

janbaby wrote: »

A wedding isn't a summons so if people don't want to come for what ever reason then thats fine but its good manners to give a card and say thanks or wish the couple well.

If only that was true.

keanooo

janbaby wrote: »

What are you talking about? Whats made up? Do you think I'm inviting people so that they can be miserable at my wedding? A wedding isn't a summons so if people don't want to come for what ever reason then thats fine but its good manners to give a card and say thanks or wish the couple well.

Apologies Jan. Clarification: Lee's posts are made up. The bit from "i got married recently..." onwards.

janbaby

Super-Fury are you getting married? If so you'll know how hard it is to invite everyone without upsetting anyone or leaving anyone out or offending anyone. If I invited someone and they genuinely didn't want to come or couldn't afford to come I'd prefer they decline the invite instead of sitting at my wedding whinging about everything.

TheChevron

I was at a wedding recently where 3 cards were lost/stolen.
3 couples came and gave cards, but the cards were never seen by the Bride and Groom.

These things happen.

OP, this could have happened in your case so I wouldn't automatically blame the guests.

How many gave nothing by the way?

whydoibother?

There's so much emphasis on cards here, can I just ask is the card vital if you've given a present off a wedding list and written a message to the couple? Are you expected to give a card separately? Would people be annoyed if not?

janbaby

To make things easier at our wedding we're planning on having wish tags and we're hanging them on a tree so that no cards go missing. Its just to give people the opportunity to give advice, tips, joke and even to say thanks if they enjoyed the day.

Beruthiel

Lee1982 wrote: »

these people came to a wedding costing me alot to feed them

Can I ask, what was the purpose of you asking them to attend?
If you couldn't afford to have them then you should have left them off the invite list.

We had a small wedding.
We only asked people we care about and who would make the day one to remember. They were told in advance not to give prezzies.
We had a small budget and worked within that.
Thus, no dependency on expecting guest to cough up for their dinner.
I do not get this expectation brides/grooms seem to have on inviting people just so they can get prezzies.

Zulu

OP, nevermind the naysayers.
It's bloody rude to rock up to a wedding with nothing. You get invited to dinner - you bring something; you get invited to a party - you bring something; you get invited to a wedding - you bring something.

It's not greedy to expect a token of appreciation. If you were here complaining about a gift that only cost €x - that would be greedy.
Be pissed off. You've every right.

Lee1982

keanooo wrote: »

Apologies Jan. Clarification: Lee's posts are made up. The bit from "i got married recently..." onwards.

why would i make them up?dont comment if you have nothing to add here!

Lee1982

TheChevron wrote: »

I was at a wedding recently where 3 cards were lost/stolen.
3 couples came and gave cards, but the cards were never seen by the Bride and Groom.

These things happen.

OP, this could have happened in your case so I wouldn't automatically blame the guests.

How many gave nothing by the way?

7 couples in total

Daisy M

keanooo wrote: »

Don't feed the... http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=61405812

Keanoo is referring to this post by lee from over 2 years ago where he/she refers to him/her self as happily married. So somewhere the op has lied or else has managed to from happily married to divorced and remarried in 2 years, something that is impossible in Ireland.

Lee1982

oh my...some people have wayyy to much time on their hands!!

keanooo

Lee1982 wrote: »

oh my...some people have wayyy to much time on their hands!!

You're a crap troll Lee. You are giving the trolling fraternity a bad name.

Moderators, my work here is done. I will leave the paperwork to you.

Lee1982

what are you on about??you come on her stirring and making stuff up about me and you dont even know me i cant understand people commenting on posts who have nothing to add of any use!

Neyite

Lee,
I have heard of weddings where the groomsman didnt pass on several cards, also some people post the card in advance with a few quid in (which can get stolen- I know one couple this happend to.

if it were me, I would assume that they got lifted by someone or lost in the post. There is the possibility that you are wrong and as far as they know they did send you something. How bad would you feel if they did in fact send something and you found out afterwards.

Irish_Elect_Eng

is mise astra wrote: »

Keanoo is referring to this post by lee from over 2 years ago where he/she refers to him/her self as happily married. So somewhere the op has lied or else has managed to from happily married to divorced and remarried in 2 years, something that is impossible in Ireland.

This thread is probably genuine....

But I think that the OP was lying in the original post 2 years ago as she does mention in http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=68372449 that she was getting married this year.

:-)

Lee1982

seriously?i cant believe weather i actually got married is being questioned here,i did get married and its nobodys business to look through old posts and try catch me out on stuff,i mean cmon have you nothing better to do?to clear things up i have called myself "married" for years even though we only actually did it this year,i never thought when i wrote that thread id be getting this backlash,its making me think i shouldnt post here again although some people are a genuine help others are just plain rude!

keanooo

Lee1982 wrote: »

seriously?i cant believe weather i actually got married is being questioned here,i did get married and its nobodys business to look through old posts and try catch me out on stuff,i mean cmon have you nothing better to do?to clear things up i have called myself "married" for years even though we only actually did it this year

Well maybe that's why the guests didn't think it was that big a deal... And perhaps not worthy of a card or gift?

Lee1982

because we are together so long?that should not be a reason anyway im over it now im not gonna let it take anymore of my energy to even think of it again,its a lesson learned!!

Diddler1977

Lee1982 wrote: »

because we are together so long?that should not be a reason anyway im over it now im not gonna let it take anymore of my energy to even think of it again,its a lesson learned!!

Yes, rejoice in the fact that you were able to have a great day with your friends and family.

namurt

I kept a list of everyone who gave us something, just so I could give personalised thank yous. We realised we didn't get a card/gift from one person. I know it may sound petty to others to talk about not getting something but the only thing that bothered me about it was how to word the thank you card. I didn't want to mention a gift/card assuming we'd misplaced it because if we hadn't been given one it would've looked really bitchy, but then I didn't want to just say "thanks for coming" incase we had misplaced it. We got it sorted in the end but I can understand why it would bother the OP not to get something or not to know whether they got or were due to get something.

Toots

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