parenthood

LegacyUser

Just wondering how others here feel about it. Had always wanted to be a parent without ever being that paternal, I suppose it's what we are conditioned to expect.

I'm still not that paternal but a single friend,whose clock is ticking has hinted about whether I'd be a sperm donor.

How would others here feel about that or have others here pursued such a line?. any advice?. any pitfalls to be avoided?.

Thanks to all who reply.

ninty9er

Not that I'm in the situation, but I'm an only child so at least 2 kids is part of my life plan, preferably within 10 years. Now...to find someone to set up home with

KnifeWRENCH

Just to clarify; does your friend who's asking you to be a sperm donor want/expect you to be a father to the baby? If that's the case, think long and hard about it because it's a huge decision to make. If you don't want to be a parent, make sure your friend knows this beforehand.

Personally I don't ever want to have children. I don't have a single paternal bone in my body and the thought of having kids is a nightmare for me. Now I'd have no problem being a sperm donor for someone else if they badly needed someone, but I would have to stipulate that it's on the condition that I have nothing to do with the child and have no responsibility for it.

df1985

Only 25 myself so wouldnt be on the cards just yet but I fully intend to have children someday be it through adoption or finding a surrogate. when I was younger I wanted 5 boys so I could manage their 5 a side football team......now 2 or 3 is plenty enough i think!

LegacyUser

Hi thanks all, I don't think she would want me to play a parenting role. However there may be a moral obligation when there ineviatably is difficult parenting times.

I'd be happy to be a sperm donor in principal, maybe send christmas/birthday presents. T idea of having a child is nice,it's what we are conditioned, rightly or possibly wrongly to expect. But I wouldn't want any day to day or even week to week responsibility. That might be impossible with a friend,what if she took ill?. I've visions of Sean on Coronation St.

foggy_lad

Ideally children should have and really need two parents, a mother and a father but they get on ok with just one but some aspects are different. Fathers would traditionally be responsible for discipline and also for treats outings etc so can show that good behavior leads to good things happening, the mothers part is to nurture teach and understand whennnobody else can, and also to hold the family unit stable.

If someone feels they can do both jobs well, which would not be an easy lifelong task, then I would say go for it.

Annasopra

Daffy the drake is back! wrote: »

Hi thanks all, I don't think she would want me to play a parenting role. However there may be a moral obligation when there ineviatably is difficult parenting times.

I'd be happy to be a sperm donor in principal, maybe send christmas/birthday presents. T idea of having a child is nice,it's what we are conditioned, rightly or possibly wrongly to expect. But I wouldn't want any day to day or even week to week responsibility. That might be impossible with a friend,what if she took ill?. I've visions of Sean on Coronation St.

I think you need to be 1000% clear on what she expects of you. Does she want you involved? Does she not? will you have to pay maintenance? what happens if the child gets older and starts asking questions?

baby and crumble

foggy_lad wrote:

Ideally children should have and really need two parents, a mother and a father but they get on ok with just one but some aspects are different. Fathers would traditionally be responsible for discipline and also for treats outings etc so can show that good behavior leads to good things happening, the mothers part is to nurture teach and understand whennnobody else can, and also to hold the family unit stable.

Wow, my time machine worked, I'm in the 50's, YAY!

BanzaiBk

Daffy the drake wrote: »

I'm still not that paternal but a single friend,whose clock is ticking has hinted about whether I'd be a sperm donor.

How would others here feel about that or have others here pursued such a line?. any advice?. any pitfalls to be avoided?.

Thanks to all who reply.

Hey, bittuva awkward situation huh! It would probably all boil down to how much interaction you would want/you were allowed/etc with the child. It's hard to see how your feelings will pan out once the baby is born though. I have 2 close friends who have been sperm donors; one donated to help his brother and wife conceive and the other anonymously to a sperm bank. My friend feels no real emotional attachment to the child, he isn't his godfather or anything special and sees him a few times a year like anyone would see a niece/nephew. As far as he sees it, the child is his brother's son and rightly so.

I've looked into egg donation in the past and it's probably something I will go through with in the future. I think children are cute etc but at this stage in my life idk if they would feature in my future. Having seen people be at pains to conceive though I'd like to help out, albeit anonymously, someone who was eager to conceive.

Aishae

id definitely absolutely 100% agree - do not go into anything without discussing - firmly - what'll happen. what role - if any - you will have in the childs life. will she want you to be a sometimes dad that does the odd day out, babysits etc. will she want maintenance? what will happen to the role (if you are a part of the childs life in some way) when she meets someone.
if you'll play no part in the childs life as a father. will you be some sort of cool uncle? as you are friends with the mum.

so you need to think about that - even if you play a small role (or none) in the childs life - youll still see him/her as your friends with the mum. but you wont have any say at all in how the child is brought up. or disciplined. you might find it hard to hold back your feelings once the child is a reality.

its certainly a workable situation but take sean in corries situation (that you mentioned) as an example - he hasnt seen his kid till recently because they did not discuss his role before they went ahead and got pregnant. he got too excited and more overbearing than she envisioned.
the situation mightve worked better from the off if theyd only spoken about the groundrules ( for lack of a better term)

Chuchoter

Personally, its something that I don't know if we do very well here legally so I'd be very careful to find out what the story is if she one day decides she wants maintenance, you could be obliged to give it to her. If I were in your friends position I'd never get involved with someone who wanted a relationship with the child beyond one day meeting them at the childs request. I wouldn't like the idea of somebody else intruding into my family.