Why am I doing this to myself? (Self-destructive streak?)

LegacyUser

My ex and I broke up two months ago. We remain in contact a lot - I've been told by numerous people that I should cut all contact, but I really don't want to. I enjoy talking to her - when I talk to her, it feels good, it feels right. We broke up because she decided she didn't want a relationship right now, yet she is the one who usually makes first contact and also has recently asked to meet up with me. I asked her to stay the night at mine possibly and she said maybe.

Why am I doing this to myself? Part of me thinks we'll get back together at some point in the future, yet I don't know if that will ever happen. It's like my hormones/feelings are completely at ends with any logic I have.

It also probably doesn't help that I am feeling somewhat lost right now - having recently completed college and not feeling mentally ready to pursue a career. So I essentially feel like I have nothing going on right now, for the first time in my life.

Miss Fluff

Why am I doing this to myself? wrote: »

Why am I doing this to myself? Part of me thinks we'll get back together at some point in the future

Think you've kind of answered your own question there. Oh dear. Your entire post is actually peppered with hope:

When I talk to her it feels good, it feels right
She didn't want a relationship right now
She's the one who gets in contact first
She said "maybe" at your suggestion of staying over

I think you know what I'm going to say, don't you?

She's being very selfish. She has broken up with you and yet is weaning herself off you but keeping on contact and keeping the "friend" element alive. This is only going to fill you with hope and ultimately prolong the hurt that will inevitably have to come with being dumped. And sorry for using the word dumped.

I think what would work for both of you in this instance is to agree to no contact whatsoever for a period of a month or so. That way you can both get the clarity you need on the situation. You can't make a clean break of it if you're talking on the phone and you're going as far as to invite her around to stay. Right now she is obviously all over the place and you're banking on their being a reunion. Far better that you both back off and take stock tbh.

On a side note if you are finished college and not ready to pursue a career why don't you think about going off travelling (sans ex) for a while and perhaps working as a TEFL teacher....it will give you all the distance you need tbh

Taltos

OP

if she wanted to be with you she would not have ended it.

Right now you are just her emotional crutch until the next guy comes along.

All you can do is protect yourself - that means severing all contact as per Miss Fluff.

Sorry OP.

I am a friend

Why am I doing this to myself? wrote: »

it feels good, it feels right

But it doesnt / isnt and thats why you are posting here.... OP, you are not doing yourself any favours here... Its likely she is keeping up contact as a safety blaanket for herself and to ease herself out of the relationhip without feeling too guilty or hurt.

You seem to be reliant on her as you are a bit 'lost' at the moment but in all honesty its holidng you back as you are still hoping that staying in contact with her will bring her back... You need to cut the cord hon and move on, make decisions about your life and get out of the slump (you referred to)... Onwards and upwards...