mixed race= yes or no

murreemurree

hi all im with my asian boyfriend for 2 months now and love him dearly. i've never felt this way about any irish guy or european guy before. my worry is.. do mixed race relationships work long term? i dont mean if the individuals arent suited etc..
i mean do mixed race lovers have less chance of staying together happily in love as two people from ireland or from the same race?

Bottle_of_Smoke

murreemurree wrote: »

hi all im with my asian boyfriend for 2 months now and love him dearly. i've never felt this way about any irish guy or european guy before. my worry is.. do mixed race relationships work long term? i dont mean if the individuals arent suited etc..
i mean do mixed race lovers have less chance of staying together happily in love as two people from ireland or from the same race?

There's some statistics in america. For example if I remember correctly black male & white female were statistically the least stable. However a white male and black female were more likely to stay together than a same race couple.

Thats just statistics though. Personally I'd see no reason whatsoever to not give it a go. If I loved someone I wouldn't even consider it to be honest.

solerina

I think that all long as your personalities are suited you have as good a chance as anyone else (race shouldnt split people up unless some strict religious beliefs also exist which can cause problems)

ABajaninCork

Works for me. I'm Black British and my husband is Irish!

No big deal where I'm from, but yes - we've had a few stares walking down the road. And I have to say they WEREN'T from white people....

OP - Do what's right for you and your man. You are the sole owner of your happiness.

Lots of luck!

I am a friend

Well its still early days... Try to take the race question out of if for a while and see if you are just basically suited.

I think there are pro's and cons but then there are pro's and cons to marrying someone of your own background. From various research, it does appear that relationships which have the best chance are couples who have the same background, religion etc but its not law..

There can be the obvious issues - language, distance from family, life plan (where does he want to live), religions issues, etc... All of these can be overcome if you are basically compatible and want to overcome them. I would talk to him about some of the issues e.g. where does he want to live, does he want kids and if so, would he marry a foreign girl, where would he want to raise them... While these are basic discussions most couples have, they take on more meaning when you start dating a foreigner and then the big decisions tend to take over, for example, its unlikely that a couple both born and raised Tipperary will break up because he wants to go live and raise his kids in rural China / Japan (or anywhere) but this is a hurdle you may face in the future as he may want to raise his family close to his own... Could you live with that?

The positives are the exposure to a new culture, the opportunities to travel etc etc.

There is nothing stopping you being happy if you are well suited and both want the same thing out of life...

55

listen to whats inside you, it says different things from what you just wrote.. its life that makes us have double standards and make us adapt to what we feel more comfortable RIGHT NOW with, even if you know that future can be a true hell.. you just want to live your moment. Period


first 2 months i came to ireland i dated a local, after hard to get game.. the first dinner we had she said you ticked two boxes, when I asked what they were, she said you are not black, and you are not muslim.. i asked back if they were different, she had no answer apart from "such is the irish trend".


again, back to a close friend of mine (pure irish) who refused a marriage proposal from the most bright guy i ever met during my 35 living years! guess why? I bet you guessed already! just because she made a stupid mistake asking the priest if she can get married to a muslim guy, who said you are hmmmm okay, but beware, your kids might become muslims.. yada yada yada..so she immediately answered her bf of 7 years with NO.. 5 years later, shes still feeling sad and bad for such NO.. especially after she came back to ireland and dated couple of locals..


my neighbours, friends and random ppl i meet out, salute me and say you are a great catch whenever discussion goes deeper.. it reminds me always by the brilliant and bright locals who really appreciate "difference".. sadly, such ppl are not always lucky to meet the right one!


regardless of the billion times I got rejected just because Im not local (a local would be a peace of mind, no overthinking is needed.. everything is granted as they got raised on that), with time I learned to not give any attention and just look for a non irish girl (though im very biased to irish girls) and guess what.. its way more piece of mind to date non locals.. less questions and less trouble, neverthless, no ignorant relatives/friends.


Culture differences will not cause any issue, its just how are you willing to integrate or adapt or even let your OH accept it and comply with the very important matters.. when i first came to here, whenever anyone offers me something, and my reply is thank you, they think i meant yes then with time i learned to be a bit more rude by saying NO..pause for 10 second..Thank you


Nothing gets boring at all, because the cultures are different so you get impressed, surprised and amazed with things everyday as a part of your OH get reveiled everyday.. its such an excitement. you say a word in your local language/slang and you are obliged to say its meaning.. couple of days later you hear your OH saying it to you! they remember it, and use it.. they get more and more cultured everyday (you too!)

Im now with a french lady whos kissing the spots i walk on! shes very open minded and keeps reminded me how lucky she is with me! and guess what, Im becoming smarter everyday, learning french to mastering it.. free of charge.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm irish born asian, and my boyfriend is irish. We've been together over a year and i hope to god we have a future together! I have never once questioned our relationship because of my ethnicity and would hope that ethnicity would not be a reason for us to would break up.

If you and your boyfriend are compatible and are in love, why would that give you less chance to stay together? It sounds like you're very happy right now, so please don't let his background affect the way you think about your future.

Yes, your cultures may be different, but this gives you both the opportunity to learn about each other. My boyfriend loves hearing stories about my family and their culture. Likewise, I love hearing stories about his typical irish upbringing. It's like any other couple getting interested in each others history.

Unless your differences are affecting you negatively, then I see no reason for you to be worried. At the end of the day, as long as you both treat each other well, who cares about the colour of your/his skin?

Hope you and your boyfriend have a long, loving and happy relationship

-asp

Miss Fluff

If you're compatible and hold the same fundamental values then you have as good a chance as any other couple.

Religious views really tend to be the biggest culprit when conflict arises however and I wouldn't underestimate the potential for them chipping away at a relationship.

If your partner is from a strict Islamic family for example then that could potentially demonstrate a wildly different belief system. I lived in Saudi Arabia when younger and a lot of the mixed marriages there were fraught (fine when living abroad together but an entirely different ball-game when deciding to relocate to the man's home place). Is there an expectation to move to his homeplace were you to ever get married for example? Do you know what that would entail etc? Early days I know but you're evidently asking those questions so things that you do need to consider.

I think like any other relationship, success will mean work from both of you but if you both want it to work then and are clear on what you want from the start then no reason why it shouldn't.

Hope it works out for you.

55

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If your partner is from a strict Islamic family for example then that could potentially demonstrate a wildly different belief system. I lived in Saudi Arabia when younger and a lot of the mixed marriages there were fraught (fine when living abroad together but an entirely different ball-game when deciding to relocate to the man's home place). Is there an expectation to move to his homeplace were you to ever get married for example? Do you know what that would entail etc? Early days I know but you're evidently asking those questions so things that you do need to consider.

Hey Miss fluff,

I think, and difinite about it, being from different religion - not muslim though- that the strict Islamic family would NOT date anway :-)

Religion beliefs (regardless, strict or not) would play a role, but at the end of the day, if im strict, I would not bother dating (if they date at all!) a lady from different religion, not even out of curiosity (even though if i liked to try).

there are habbits more than religion (you lived in saudia, and seen manythings, and probably you blamed the religion for that, but actually its not the religion, its the culture)..

IrishEyes19

I dont really see the issue here, unless you are completely polarized on religious or moral issues or where to settle (country wise)

If all those issues are in check, then the relationship survival chance is the same as any type of relationship in the world. Personalities dont just vary on a racial basis, the vary on the individual, so if all is good with your relationship right now, dont nip it in the bud over race. That would be very foolish if your happy.

SuperGrover

I'm an Irish bloke happily married to an Asian woman. Been together since mid 90s so it's a keeper.

2 beautiful babies, cute as buttons.

Like any other relationship, no doubt. To be honest, the racial difference has never featured.

Beruthiel

murreemurree wrote: »

i mean do mixed race lovers have less chance of staying together happily in love as two people from ireland or from the same race?

My irish work colleague has a lovely Chinese wife.

My neighbours next door seem wonderfully happy. Irish and Nigerian. They have the two most lovely, beautiful children.

I think it has less to do with your race and more to do with your compatibility. By that I mean, your views on life in general, religion and how that impacts on your day to day life, this becomes especially important once children are considered.

Ksusha26

murreemurree wrote: »

hi all im with my asian boyfriend for 2 months now and love him dearly. i've never felt this way about any irish guy or european guy before. my worry is.. do mixed race relationships work long term? i dont mean if the individuals arent suited etc..
i mean do mixed race lovers have less chance of staying together happily in love as two people from ireland or from the same race?

Hi OP, there should not be any problem with race but just like any relationship, communication, compatability and respect should be key. if you feel uncomfortable then maybe you should end it. If you are happy, dont take any notice what others say, its your life. I have dated a non white man too. Two years ago I was in a relationship with a guy from Sudan who was working here as a doctor. We met by chance in a pub in Temple Bar. We had a very fulfilling and intense physical relationship lasting about 5 months and we both enjoyed each other's company. I found it strange at first dating a black and Muslim man at first but I soon got over it. He was by no means inexperienced as he had a previous Irish girlfriend here. In the end he went back home to get married to his fiance. I found out this after he left but there you go.

OP, go for it, but be careful about cultural differences. Just my two cents.

Emme

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Works for me. I'm Black British and my husband is Irish!

Good for you! Irish and Black women are traditionally strong - we have a lot in common. I don't see as many Black women with Irish men as I would expect but there are a lot of Irish men with East Asian women who would be perceived to be less assertive than Irish and Black women.

Mixed race relationships can work as long as cultural differences such as religion etc. aren't too big. I had a lovely Indian bf but it ended because he was the eldest and expected to do the traditional arranged marriage.

globalwarrior

Aisan / irish - beaut babies -go for it!!

Fentdog84

well it depends in what you mean by " Asian" is it asian in chinese/japanese etc or asian as in Iranian/iraqi/pakinstani/Muslim. the former i wouldnt forsee many issues but the others it could be more problematic.. but at the end of the day it depends on your personal relationship with the guy and if you make each other happy then nothing else should stand in ye're way..

55

Fentdog84 wrote: »

well it depends in what you mean by " Asian" is it asian in chinese/japanese etc or asian as in Iranian/iraqi/pakinstani/Muslim. the former i wouldnt forsee many issues but the others it could be more problematic.. but at the end of the day it depends on your personal relationship with the guy and if you make each other happy then nothing else should stand in ye're way..

oh come on Fentdog84, give us a break! - you cant generlise on races/religions (I can assure you Im non of them and not even close to any)..

Tell me, would you go with someone belives in god or someone believes in a temple or an object? in this case, it drops the above fact.

Muslims are not asians! muslims can be from any point on earth, so christians and jews, and other non-book religions.

Iraqi might have a trend, especially after iraq war, hence you have seen them on tv and probably refugess around the world, but still, what you have seen does not represent 1% of the iraqi nation.. same applies for pakistani, indian,.. etc

I do not represnt any of the above nation, but Im saying that in fairness to them and for the sake of the years I spent traveling between 27 countries.


I myself, would avoid as much as possible going out with some ppl with some specs (though some specis may represent a race/nation) but I would not say all guys/girls of that nations are same; some are very open minded and very well into integrate into any culture.

I hope you will have some nice experience with a non local someday, perhaps you become more positive about them generally :-)


all the best..

Maple

As the OP has not been back to this thread since starting it, I am locking it as it has morphed into a debate thread which is not the purpose/intent of this forum

Maple