unlikable?

LegacyUser

Ok this is solmethgingf i have been aware since a very young age but i seem very unlikable. i can never seem to make friends easily i put on an act of being really civil but people seem to think i am 'sound' rather than want top hang around me.

i am also totally passive i have in my life taken a lot of **** of people and rarely seem to lose my temper even to stand up for myself

Roselm

Hey,
You say you put on an act to be civil. What would you be like if you didn't put on the act?
Is there anyone that you feel comfortable with eg sibling/parent where it's easy and you don't have to try to fit in etc?

You say you are passive. Are you waiting for other people to initiate the hanging out with you? Sometimes without meaning to someone can come across as unfriendly/not interested in being friends if they never smile/say hi/initiate a chat

I hope you come across some useful advice that works for you. It sucks not having a close friend you can relate to.

LegacyUser

Almost sounds as if I wrote that post. I have being civil, friendly and polite, passive to people all my life and have ZERO friends and I am only 22. People seem to refer to me as 'sound' as well. So obviously I am just going to have to play the nasty guy and develop an 'edgier' side because being 'nice' just doesn't cut it.

Ave Sodalis

OP, this is going to sound really cliche but it works: Be yourself.

Acting and trying to be something you're not, shows and people can usually tell (unless you're a great actor). Just relax in society, be open to people and try to join conversations.

The truth is, to fit in, you have to try. Getting chatting to new people, show them your personality. You obviously haven't found anyone you click with yet, so find new people. Go out more, go on holiday even if you stay in Ireland, just make yourself accessible to people.

Most importantly, don't fret about it. If you keep thinking 'Oh I'll never make friends' or 'I can't make friends', your body language will become closed and reserved. Just relax, think positive, find new people and you'll be okay. There are friends out there, sometimes in the least expected places

LegacyUser

If your putting on an act people will pick up on that and read it as you not being genuine. It seems likely people are describing you as "sound" because theres nothing neccessarily bad about you but you come across as stand-offish, and disinterested in getting to know anyone. You dont have to go in guns blazing and falling over yourself to be friendly (that would be fake too) as someone said, just be yourself, chat to people about mutual interests or topical stuff, be approachable rather than "civil". Being civil as you describe it is how you treat people you have to be around that you dont particularly want to be around, its a bit too cold as a way of forming friendships.