If your partner cheated on you, would you take them back?

SparkyTech · 22-06-2011 8:05pm #1

If you walked in and found Derek/Irene groping the clops of the Fireman/Window Cleaner/Police ladyman (insert stereotype affair image here), would you take your partner back? Can affairs ever be played down to one off urges and an affront, but not destruction, to the trust in your relationship? Is it possibel to forgive and forget? Or is once a cheater always a cheater :cool::eek:

Daegerty · 22-06-2011 8:07pm

No. **** no why would you do silly thing like that?

if you do you're not only a fecking eejit but they'll always have one over you, cause you're the desperate one taking back the ould cheater. a cheater is never worth your time

hondasam · 22-06-2011 8:08pm

yes everyone is entitled to one mistake.

RichieC · 22-06-2011 8:10pm

hondasam wrote: »

yes everyone is entitled to one mistake.

bollocks. once you let someone away with it once they'll take you for an idiot and keep cheating.

kfallon · 22-06-2011 8:10pm

I fooking knew Irene was having it off with that Fireman, I KNEW IT!!! :mad:

Thanks for confirming my suspicions OP, I'm off to weld up her flange!

arybvtcw0eolkf · 22-06-2011 8:10pm

hondasam wrote: »

yes everyone is entitled to one mistake.

What if it happened to be a threesome - with your best mate and your sister?.

pragmatic1 · 22-06-2011 8:10pm

No. Not a hope. Instant enemy.

stupidusername · 22-06-2011 8:11pm

Ariadne Prehistoric Knot wrote: »

What if it happened to be a threesome - with your best mate and your sister?.

you're painting quite a picture there....

Cianos · 22-06-2011 8:12pm

Nope

arybvtcw0eolkf · 22-06-2011 8:13pm

stupidusername wrote: »

you're painting quite a picture there....

I know!..

/semi :cool:

hondasam · 22-06-2011 8:13pm

RichieC wrote: »

bollocks. once you let someone away with it once they'll take you for an idiot and keep cheating.

not necessarily.

Ariadne Prehistoric Knot wrote: »

What if it happened to be a threesome - with your best mate and your sister?.

It would have to be a stranger.

Asphyxia · 22-06-2011 8:13pm

SparkyTech wrote: »

Or is once a cheater always a cheater :cool::eek:

I don't believe in that saying. I believe that people have it in them to change but would I? For me it would depend on the situation and whether I would be able to trust them again.

flutterflye · 22-06-2011 8:14pm

I said "no", but I don't agree with "once a cheater always a cheater".

Giselle · 22-06-2011 8:14pm

hondasam wrote: »

yes everyone is entitled to one mistake.

All depends on the quality of the mistake.

Too much depends on the circumstances, the relationship, the person, the reasons behind it, and whether or not its a long term relationship, marriage or the start of a new relationship. Remorse and responsibility are important too.

Its a black and white question and life is full of shades of grey.

Short answer? It depends.

deathrider · 22-06-2011 8:17pm

I could some this up in two words- NO! :pac:

stupidusername · 22-06-2011 8:18pm

i think in general i could say no, I wouldn't. I mean I know people are saying possibly, depending on the situation, but really what cheating is is a lack of interest in their partner and a lack of respect. so I don't really know that anything could solve the problem behind it.

hondasam · 22-06-2011 8:18pm

Giselle wrote: »

All depends on the quality of the mistake.

Too much depends on the circumstances, the relationship, the person, the reasons behind it, and whether or not its a long term relationship, marriage or the start of a new relationship. Remorse and responsibility are important too.

Its a black and white question and life is full of shades of grey.

Short answer? It depends.

It all depends on the reason and the circumstances. I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater.
I would not be prepared to walk away over one silly mistake.

7sr2z3fely84g5 · 22-06-2011 8:20pm

think make someone more paranoid in relationship in long run,but good talk can straighten it out.

SparkyTech · 22-06-2011 8:20pm

stupidusername wrote: »

i think in general i could say no, I wouldn't. I mean I know people are saying possibly, depending on the situation, but really what cheating is is a lack of interest in their partner and a lack of respect. so I don't really know that anything could solve the problem behind it.

In some cases the relationship itself may have fundamental problems. Some people suffer emotional/anxiety/intimacy issues which can cause them to cheat as an outlet. Not saying this excuses the behavior, but people sometimes don't always cheat just for the lust/sexual attraction

Ulysses Gaze · 22-06-2011 8:22pm

hondasam wrote: »

It all depends on the reason and the circumstances. I don't believe once a cheater always a cheater.
I would not be prepared to walk away over one silly mistake.

How do you know it was the first time though? Just because you caught them at it once?

hondasam · 22-06-2011 8:24pm

Ulysses Gaze wrote: »

How do you know it was the first time though? Just because you caught them at it once?

If you didn't catch them and they told you would it make a difference.

we are not talking about an affair here. That's different.

jclally · 22-06-2011 8:24pm

It'd be pointless. Id end up throwing it back in their face every time we argued

Cypher_sounds · 22-06-2011 8:26pm

Not a hope, after building up all that trust over the years/months, she would be kicked out pronto.

If your woman cheats then you can do a lot better than her.

Kiera · 22-06-2011 8:30pm

I wouldnt be able to get the image out of my head. So no i wouldnt take them back.

Tipsy McSwagger · 22-06-2011 8:32pm

If I found her in bed with some bloke that's it, get the fcuk out, I hate you, no second chance, die ya bitch, never come back.

If I found her in bed with a woman ...........................................................yum yum.

bronte · 22-06-2011 8:33pm

Not a hope. Had it happen once and I couldn't look at them let alone be around them. I felt so betrayed. I ended it and never regretted it. Life's too short for that bull.

Angron · 22-06-2011 8:35pm

No. I just wouldn't be able to trust them again, simple as that.

Larianne · 22-06-2011 8:36pm

No.

willow tree · 22-06-2011 8:38pm

nope... even if it was a mistake id have to move on. there would be no trust:( theres a huge difference between types of cheating, ongoing,one night things, with someone you know, etc
happened to me once, in the end he was devastated, i knew he was sorry but i just couldnt accept it. best thing that ever happened to me and maybe him (i doubt he'd do it again). it'd be harder to leave if you shared children/house etc

lesserspottedchloe · 22-06-2011 8:44pm

nope

Abi · 22-06-2011 9:02pm

No, for this reason

RichieC wrote: »

bollocks. once you let someone away with it once they'll take you for an idiot and keep cheating.

And because

Cypher_sounds wrote: »

If your woman cheats then you can do a lot better than her.

I'd see it as a broken bond / trust. A lot of people are citing problems in their relationship as an excuse to do it, and I think its a bull shit cop-out. I'd like to think that the basis of all relationships is a friendship, if you can't talk to the other about problems then you're in trouble. Counselling, if the problems are too big but you want to work on it. if thats not an option - forget it. Just dont run it into the ground and cause hurt.

Larianne · 22-06-2011 9:04pm

What about 'once a cheater, always a cheater'?

If you started going out with somebody and found out they cheated in a past relationship, would you be worried? Or is it once a cheater, always a cheater but just in that relationship??

Radharc na Sleibhte · 22-06-2011 9:08pm

Depends on the circumstances in fairness.
Probably not, actually.
Would probably tie her to the bed and set the house on fire.

hondasam · 22-06-2011 9:14pm

Larianne wrote: »

What about 'once a cheater, always a cheater'?

If you started going out with somebody and found out they cheated in a past relationship, would you be worried? Or is it once a cheater, always a cheater but just in that relationship??

That is a very good point. answers should be interesting.

can you not love someone enough to forgive them one mistake.

Radharc na Sleibhte · 22-06-2011 9:17pm

hondasam wrote: »

can you not love someone enough to forgive them one mistake.

Why only one so?
Why not love them enough for two, three or four "mistakes"?

Larianne · 22-06-2011 9:17pm

hondasam wrote: »

can you not love someone enough to forgive them one mistake.

You could turn that question around though and say could you not love someone enough not to cheat on them?? A person who cheats in a relationship does not respect the other person.

You don't cheat on someone you truly love.

Knasher · 22-06-2011 9:18pm

hondasam wrote: »

can you not love someone enough to forgive them one mistake.

It's not a question of forgiveness, it's a question of trust and I don't think I could trust somebody who cheated again.

deise48 · 22-06-2011 9:21pm

Kiera wrote: »

I wouldnt be able to get the image out of my head. So no i wouldnt take them back.

you have never been cheated on then imo

hondasam · 22-06-2011 9:22pm

Radharc na Sleibhte wrote: »

Why only one so?
Why not love them enough for two, three or four "mistakes"?

I would forgive once only.

Larianne wrote: »

You could turn that question around though and say could you not love someone enough not to cheat on them?? A person who cheats in a relationship does not respect the other person.

You don't cheat on someone you truly love.

True but mistakes happen for whatever reason.

Knasher wrote: »

It's not a question of forgiveness, it's a question of trust and I don't think I could trust somebody who cheated again.

would you trust someone who cheated on a previous partner.

Abi · 22-06-2011 9:23pm

Larianne wrote: »

What about 'once a cheater, always a cheater'?

If you started going out with somebody and found out they cheated in a past relationship, would you be worried? Or is it once a cheater, always a cheater but just in that relationship??

I don't know if I can give a straight answer to that tbh. If I were the cheatee, then I couldn't come back from that. If it was someone else, well the hurt isn't mine (that isn't meant to sound as selfish as it does when I read it back!). In one sense I think the knowledge that it happened before might leave me a bit on edge tbh.

But at the same time, if a man or woman cheated and lost the person they loved, it hurt like hell but they learned from it and vowed to never let it happen again (for themselves too)- then maybe.

It's hard to tell unless you were ever faced with it. One bonus point would be their honesty. It would take a lot of guts to be able to say they've made their mistakes, when they don't have to say anything at all nessesarily.

Damn you Lari :pac:

CardBordWindow · 22-06-2011 9:23pm

A relationship is built on trust. Without it, you're at nothing!

Kiera · 22-06-2011 9:24pm

deise48 wrote: »

you have never been cheated on then imo

I have. I was answering the question about walking in on them.

deise48 · 22-06-2011 9:28pm

Kiera wrote: »

I have. I was answering the question about walking in on them.

sorry kiera me too and i was prob blinded my own thoughts

Abi · 22-06-2011 9:29pm

hondasam wrote: »

True but mistakes happen for whatever reason.

For whatever reason?! =/

You've a very relaxed attitude towards being cheated on Sam. Of course, what you choose to do in that scenario is your thing and thats fine. But - and I don't mean to insult, it's merely a question in the hope of understanding your POV on the matter, have you ever cheated?

Knasher · 22-06-2011 9:30pm

hondasam wrote: »

would you trust someone who cheated on a previous partner.

If I knew about in advance then I probably wouldn't, to be honest. If I found out about it in the middle of a relationship then it probably wouldn't be enough to break the trust already built, but it would still give me pause.

Mrmoe · 22-06-2011 9:32pm

Most definitely not, no such thing as a mistake, there will always be a reason behind why someone cheats and they are rarely innocent or innocuous. Cheating will reflect that something is gone wrong in a relationship but that each person might not know it yet.

Greentopia · 22-06-2011 9:34pm

Trust is very important of course but it would depend on the status of our relationship, in my case anyway.
If I was in love with the guy and I believed he truly loved me and we were happy but yet he still cheated then I'd have to conclude that he didn't really love me at all so what would be the point in continuing?.

If it was just a casual thing where no-one got hurt if the other strayed then that's different.

Larianne · 22-06-2011 9:37pm

hondasam wrote: »

True but mistakes happen for whatever reason.

I think if someone did cheat they do not fully respect or love the person they cheated on. So what would the point in taking them back be?

Abi wrote: »

But at the same time, if a man or woman cheated and lost the person they loved, it hurt like hell but they learned from it and vowed to never let it happen again (for themselves too)- then maybe.

But did they really love the person in the first place?

Abi wrote: »

It's hard to tell unless you were ever faced with it. One bonus point would be their honesty. It would take a lot of guts to be able to say they've made their mistakes, when they don't have to say anything at all nessesarily.

Damn you Lari :pac:

I asked the question because my friend is in the situation currently - herself being the cheater.

She regrets that it happened but admits that the relationship was bad. (Turned out her partner had cheated on her too). What she's faced with now is her current fella being totally paranoid that she'll cheat with him. :cool:

She understands why the fella is wary but she feels that was that relationship, a bad relationship and she has learnt from it. This one is new, totally different. He's finding it hard to see that.

I feel sorry for her because her past relationship was shít, I could see that myself at the time. And now because of that mistake in her past she's afraid it will affect her future. :cool:

I dunno how I'd feel myself. I guess I would have concerns.

DonJose · 22-06-2011 9:38pm

If I caught the missus riding the milkman I'd storm out the door, go the bank and take out €50, then I'd ride two eastern european hookers and with the left over change I'd buy a 2 litre bottle of Lucozade, go home and blast the slut with piss!!!

Joe10000 · 22-06-2011 9:41pm

jclally wrote: »

It'd be pointless. Id end up throwing it back in their face every time we argued

Yes I think I would be the exact same.

Joe10000 · 22-06-2011 9:42pm

DonJose wrote: »

If I caught the missus riding the milkman I'd storm out the door, go the bank and take out €50, then I'd ride two eastern european hookers and with the left over change I'd buy a 2 litre bottle of Lucozade, go home and blast the slut with piss!!!

Two for 50, where ? Moore street ?

If your partner cheated on you, would you take them back?

If your partner cheated on you, would you take them back? 180 votes

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