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Your coming out experiences
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20-06-2011 9:50pm#1Kind of a spin-off from ItsThatManAgain's thread. Post your coming out stories - emotional, funny, sad, happy, whatever
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Pretty much exactly two years ago, I decided it was time to come out to my Dad.
A bit of background. At that time, I was in the process of getting my psychological evaluation by Dr. Kelly. My first appointment with Loughlinstown was only a few weeks away, though I knew that they weren't going to prescribe me hormones until Dr. Kelly had finished with his evaluation. It was almost a year since I had started to take my gender issues seriously - it was a year which saw me go from being terribly obese to being just overweight, which saw me go from being isolated to being quite social, from being quite unhappy to being generally happy. Finally, I had spent much of the previous Christmas day visiting my Dad. One of the films on TV that Christmas day was "Breakfast on Pluto", and I was gutted when I heard a snicker from my Dad as he read a review of the film.
So I wasn't expecting the coming out to go well.
Anyhoo, I was on the bus heading out to the pub where I had arranged to meet him. I had some photographs with me of my recent visit to Canada, where I met my sister. I had told my Dad that I wanted to show him the photos and let him know how his daughter and grand-daughters were doing. On the bus, I had a wee pang of sadness - I was going to give my Dad this news, and it was going to ruin his day. But it had to be done.
I met him, and showed him the photos. Then, there was the introduction - "I have some other news to give you".
I explained to him that I was "transgender", and nervously waited for his response. "I see" was his response. OK - need to explain what that means. "For the past number of months, I've been socialising as a female". "Oh".
Eh? What's going on here? Is he not understanding what I'm saying?!
"I feel that I might actually be female". "I see".
And so it went. It was actually quite strange. The more I said to him without major reaction, the more frustrated I started to feel! I had come here for a fight goddamnit! He surely must not be understanding what it was that I was saying?
OK - it's time to bring out the bigger guns.
"Since I've started to explore my gender issues, I've discovered that I actually have a sexual interest in men".
Aha - I got you now! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!!! How are you going to respond to THAT?!
"I see".
:mad:
Right! OK! If that's the way it's to be, it's time to bring out the cannon! The 20-pounder!
"I've applied to Loughlinstown hospital for a sex change".
"I hope you get it".
I'll never forget those words as long as I live.
On the bus on the way home, I was in a state. It looked like it had gone better than I could possibly have imagined. I noticed that there was actually still a part of me that was disappointed that I hadn't received the fight I had expected. I remembered that, on the bus earlier on in the day, I had expected that I was going to ruin his day. In the end, if anything, he ruined mine! I just didn't know how to feel - it just seemed so incredibly unreal!
When I got home, I went on an internet trans support group, and said "You'll never guess what just happend with my Dad!". The responses I got said "uh oh - he's in shock - he just gave you the politically correct response while he deals with his actual feelings". It looked like I might still get my fight...
The following week was my birthday, and I asked him if he would like to join me in a restaraunt to celebrate it. He did. I spent the first two courses not mentioning the war. By the time dessert came around, I decided to say something. He was still terribly accepting. I still wasn't going to get a fight. I said to him "at some stage, you meeting the female me for the first time is going to become an issue". His response was "I had expected that maybe I was going to meet her tonight".
He explained to me that he had watched as I lost weight and became just so much happier. So when I told him the cause, he was happy for me that there was a real cause behind the changes he had witnessed.
I also received fantastic responses from my two brothers and my sister, not to mention the in-laws, the nieces and a cousin. I think the nieces think it's really cool to have a trans aunt!
I've been so so so lucky. My heart breaks to read stories of bad comings-out.0 -
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Very well then. Behold! The Life of Knife (ooh it rhymes and everything!)
0 - 16: the asexual years
la la la uneventful childhood...puberty comes...meh!....wait what? Why is my Dad giving me a book about sex? I don't want sex......oh God secondary school is weird! Guys like girls, girls like guys....why don't I see anything? Why am I not attracted to anyone?.....eww that's what porn is like? People seriously do that? What is this, I don't even.....
16 - 17: The (supposedly) straight years:
Ahhh.....NOW I see it. These buxom young maidens are certainly a sight to behold......although some of these guys are quite handsome too.....but I'm comfortable enough with my heterosexuality to admit that, yes? Of course.....Now do I dare confirm my status as horny, hormone ridden, straight teen male and purchase a copy of Loaded?.....Nah, I'll stick with NME, I think. ZOMG I'm so alternative. LOL.
17 - 18: The questioning years
Lalala college...oooh LGBT I'll sign up for that, and never go (like I did with about 20 other societies. Sorry Christian Union!).....now there are lots of rather cute girls here....but cute guys too....where do I look? WTF is this? C'mon, you're supposed to know what sexuality you are when you're like 14; at 14 I barely even knew what sex was!.....this is weird, but we'll see what happens....
18 - 19: The "officially bicurious" years
I like girls. I like guys.
No-one likes me. FML
Goes to house party. Gets incredibly drunk....allegedly tells "guy crush" that I'm bisexual and that I think he's sexy (I have no memory of this)....proceed to throw up and pass out in his house....he has to bring me home. Another proud moment!
Lesson learned: vodka + wine = DO NOT WANT.
19 - 20: The officially bisexual years
Here is where I come out properly to a friend of mine (i.e. reveal my sexuality and actually remember doing so!) Drunk, in a club....where else?
Me (yelling over music): I'M BISEXUAL
Her: WHAT?
Me: BI. SEX.YOU.AL.
Her: REALLY? I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY!
*hugs*
Her: YOU KNOW I'M BI TOO?
ME: SERIOUSLY???
*more hugs, followed by more drink*
Then a little later, I proceed to have my first kiss with a guy.....drunk, in a club. Where else? Night ends with me being attacked and robbed......a mixed evening, I guess you could call it. I never see him again. Tbh he wasn't that good looking anyway....
Next comes first ever attempt at asking someone out. A girl. Drunk, in a club...where else? She politely refuses. I die a little inside. Later on see her scoring the crush I mentioned earlier. World ends, momentarily...
....but fear not! A little while later comes the first proper relationship. And it's with a guy.
Now comes the moment of truth: telling the family.
Me: "Mam, Dad, <sister's name>.....I'm bi...bi....bisexual"
Dad: *shrug* "Whatever you're happy with it."
Sister: "Ha! I knew by the look of your face you were either gonna come out or tell us you got a girl pregnant."
Mam: "Bisexual?.....What does that mean?....Is that a real thing?"
A little while later she accepts it; she's not so much annoyed with me having a boyfriend as she is by the fact that he lives in Dublin.
So now all is well.....until:
20 - 21 (and present): Bisexual? Or....dun dun DUN.....GHEY???!!!1!
Relationship with boyfriend number 1 ends. Relationship with boyfriend number 2 begins.
He doesn't seem to think I'm bi. I begin to doubt it myself.
Am now on the cusp of declaring myself to be gay.....then I watch Mad Men....that wily minx, Christina Hendricks, reignites straightness....but until I have a proper relationship with a woman I don't think I'll ever solve my gay/bi conundrum. Hence my dislike of labels. (The other thread has given me a new word; pomosexual. YAY! Though that to me suggests sexual attraction to poms, y'know those little yippity dogs....yeah, that wouldn't be so good)
And what have we learned?
So there you have it. There's really very little "coming out" there, it's only ever been a minor sidenote for me. Hopefully the rest of it was somewhat relevant though. Or, at least, mildly interesting.
I retain all movie and/or animation rights.
Fin0 -
deirdre_dub wrote: »Pretty much exactly two years ago, I decided it was time to come out to my Dad.
A bit of background. At that time, I was in the process of getting my psychological evaluation by Dr. Kelly. My first appointment with Loughlinstown was only a few weeks away, though I knew that they weren't going to prescribe me hormones until Dr. Kelly had finished with his evaluation. It was almost a year since I had started to take my gender issues seriously - it was a year which saw me go from being terribly obese to being just overweight, which saw me go from being isolated to being quite social, from being quite unhappy to being generally happy. Finally, I had spent much of the previous Christmas day visiting my Dad. One of the films on TV that Christmas day was "Breakfast on Pluto", and I was gutted when I heard a snicker from my Dad as he read a review of the film.
So I wasn't expecting the coming out to go well.
Anyhoo, I was on the bus heading out to the pub where I had arranged to meet him. I had some photographs with me of my recent visit to Canada, where I met my sister. I had told my Dad that I wanted to show him the photos and let him know how his daughter and grand-daughters were doing. On the bus, I had a wee pang of sadness - I was going to give my Dad this news, and it was going to ruin his day. But it had to be done.
I met him, and showed him the photos. Then, there was the introduction - "I have some other news to give you".
I explained to him that I was "transgender", and nervously waited for his response. "I see" was his response. OK - need to explain what that means. "For the past number of months, I've been socialising as a female". "Oh".
Eh? What's going on here? Is he not understanding what I'm saying?!
"I feel that I might actually be female". "I see".
And so it went. It was actually quite strange. The more I said to him without major reaction, the more frustrated I started to feel! I had come here for a fight goddamnit! He surely must not be understanding what it was that I was saying?
OK - it's time to bring out the bigger guns.
"Since I've started to explore my gender issues, I've discovered that I actually have a sexual interest in men".
Aha - I got you now! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!!! How are you going to respond to THAT?!
"I see".
:mad:
Right! OK! If that's the way it's to be, it's time to bring out the cannon! The 20-pounder!
"I've applied to Loughlinstown hospital for a sex change".
"I hope you get it".
I'll never forget those words as long as I live.
On the bus on the way home, I was in a state. It looked like it had gone better than I could possibly have imagined. I noticed that there was actually still a part of me that was disappointed that I hadn't received the fight I had expected. I remembered that, on the bus earlier on in the day, I had expected that I was going to ruin his day. In the end, if anything, he ruined mine! I just didn't know how to feel - it just seemed so incredibly unreal!
When I got home, I went on an internet trans support group, and said "You'll never guess what just happend with my Dad!". The responses I got said "uh oh - he's in shock - he just gave you the politically correct response while he deals with his actual feelings". It looked like I might still get my fight...
The following week was my birthday, and I asked him if he would like to join me in a restaraunt to celebrate it. He did. I spent the first two courses not mentioning the war. By the time dessert came around, I decided to say something. He was still terribly accepting. I still wasn't going to get a fight. I said to him "at some stage, you meeting the female me for the first time is going to become an issue". His response was "I had expected that maybe I was going to meet her tonight".
He explained to me that he had watched as I lost weight and became just so much happier. So when I told him the cause, he was happy for me that there was a real cause behind the changes he had witnessed.
I also received fantastic responses from my two brothers and my sister, not to mention the in-laws, the nieces and a cousin. I think the nieces think it's really cool to have a trans aunt!
I've been so so so lucky. My heart breaks to read stories of bad comings-out.
What a lovely story ,congrats to you and what a wonderful family you have .Continued happiness to you and best wishes for the future0 -
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Ah, the coming out stories... I'm pretty sure I've shared mine on here before, but feck it, ye can skip mine if ye want!!!
My first crush happened when I was about 7, I had a crush on my best friends older sister, I think I even sent her a love note (cringe!!!!) but bless her, she was sweet about it. Then I switched to boys, which was much more acceptable.
Had a few boyfriends, and then when 5th year came it brought with it a new geography teacher... I hated her on sight. Really. Then one day I was ranting about her in class "Stupid woman, standing up there with her fancy hair and her stupid smile and her stupid perfect body and her hot legs and her... Oh. OH!"
By the end of 6th year I knew I was gay so what came next was telling people...
The best friend:
Leaving cert results night. Staying in her Aunts house, in her baby sons room who moved into their room for the night. So I say to my friend-
"I've something to tell you"
"Oh yeah?"
"I'm gay"
Pause
"Do you fancy me?"
"Well... no."
"Why the hell not???"
Queue lots of crying, lots of hugging until she says
"Oh my God, the baby monitor- I think I heard them moving around, they must have heard everything!!"
"Oh **** really??!??!?!?"
"hahah, no."
HEART. ATTACK. She came out to me as bi a few years later...
My brothers were great, the night I told them they both just went "Cool. I fancy girls, don't see why you shouldn't!" and then wanted to set me up with one of their friends!
My Mum thought I was going to tell her I was pregnant! Pretty much the exact opposite, really!! Dad did the Irish Dad thing of ignoring it until he HAD to say something and it boiled down to "Fair enough, just don't do anything stupid".0 -
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I'm not fully out yet, but I may as well tell the quite boring tale of my coming out story thus far.
I probably started telling my friends about 2 or 3 years ago that I was bisexual but they all knew I was gay so they just referred to me as gay which got rid of the need to come out to them again later! Everybody reacted very well, in the sense that nobody really reacted at all, it wasn't an issue. One of my male friends was a bit homophobic but he got over that very quickly, and still loves to tell me about how liberal and open-minded he is every time we're drunk!
Probably the most priceless part of my story was when I decided to come out to my two best male friends (I posted about this before in the 'The Funny Side of not being straight' thread). So I wanted to tell them anyway, and I told the first one who was completely fine, and I told him that I was nervous about telling the second one. He said that he'd tell them if I wanted, so I said yeah. So he rang him anyway and told him and then he called my after if, I asked him how it went and he said "I told him and he just said 'Shane, we have a gay friend, we're so modern!''. Que countless rofls and piss-taking to this day!
Then last winter sometime, my older brother being the nosy bastard he is was snooping around on my facebook because I had forgotten to log out of it (I do the same to him). Anyway, he was dropping me to my friend's house on the way to the gym and he told me that he read a message where I was talking to a friend about the guy I like. I was actually really afraid of telling my brother, cause I always thought he'd react badly, but he said that when he read that mail that he felt like he had to tell me that he knew because he wanted me to know that he's there for me when I need him and that he'll support me no matter what. That was one of the best moments of my life. 0 -
Coeurdepirate wrote: »I'm not fully out yet, but I may as well tell the quite boring tale of my coming out story thus far.
I probably started telling my friends about 2 or 3 years ago that I was bisexual but they all knew I was gay so they just referred to me as gay which got rid of the need to come out to them again later! Everybody reacted very well, in the sense that nobody really reacted at all, it wasn't an issue. One of my male friends was a bit homophobic but he got over that very quickly, and still loves to tell me about how liberal and open-minded he is every time we're drunk!
Probably the most priceless part of my story was when I decided to come out to my two best male friends (I posted about this before in the 'The Funny Side of not being straight' thread). So I wanted to tell them anyway, and I told the first one who was completely fine, and I told him that I was nervous about telling the second one. He said that he'd tell them if I wanted, so I said yeah. So he rang him anyway and told him and then he called my after if, I asked him how it went and he said "I told him and he just said 'Shane, we have a gay friend, we're so modern!''. Que countless rofls and piss-taking to this day!
Then last winter sometime, my older brother being the nosy bastard he is was snooping around on my facebook because I had forgotten to log out of it (I do the same to him). Anyway, he was dropping me to my friend's house on the way to the gym and he told me that he read a message where I was talking to a friend about the guy I like. I was actually really afraid of telling my brother, cause I always thought he'd react badly, but he said that when he read that mail that he felt like he had to tell me that he knew because he wanted me to know that he's there for me when I need him and that he'll support me no matter what. That was one of the best moments of my life.
haha this is only my second post and i have quoted you in both of them haha!!
That seems like such a nice coming out story!! Its just so like, natural:)0 -
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I've a fairly good mix of the good and the bad. Overall it has been good. I've probably posted some of these before but I can't remember.
The first coming out - I had gone for a walk with my oldest friend (we've been friends since I was two) and we were nearly back at my house. I suddenly turned to her and blurted "IthinkImightbegay" and then I burst into tears. That was followed by me bawling my eyes out while she frantically tried to calm me down in case anyone saw me crying and thought it was her fault. She also kept telling me how many gay friends she had and how it was no big deal or anything to her. Such a sweetie!
The first proper coming out - It was that (^^^) friend and my other oldest friend. I did the whole *deep breathe in* "I have something to tell you. I'm *dramatic pause* GAY!" Yes, in capital letters and all :P They had pretty much no reaction since one knew and the other just didn't care. I think I may have cried again
The second coming out - I was in Costa in Jervis with my two best friends from school. It was the day after my first coming out, there was about 13 hours difference. I was even more worried about coming out to these two since neither of them are Irish (how racist do I sound :P). We were talking about crushes and stuff and one of them said she fancied someone in school. I assumed she was talking about a teacher and the other friend thought she was talking about a girl. So we ended up wondering aloud how gay/bi each of us came across as. And I just kinda popped it into the conversation. Except one of them just couldn't get their heads around it and I had to retell her about an hour later.
The (old) school coming out - I had something rainbowey on me or on my bag or something. It pretty much went like this:
Her - Is that a Joseph thing? (Joseph the musical)
Me - No
Her - So you're gay then?
Me - Eh... Yeah...
Her - FANTASTIC
Other friend *turning around* - WHAT???
Me - Yeah...
Other friend - Cool
Third friend *turning around* - For reals?
Me - Yeah...
The third friend freaked She was the only one of my "friends" who freaked. We were 15/16 so I really should have expected some bad reactions. She spread the word and a couple of people weren't too happy. She made it fairly clear that she didn't want me hanging out with her anymore.
I came out to my (currently) closest friend at the very start of fifth year.
Me - You know I'm gay, right?
Her - *rugby tackles me to the ground in this massive hug*
I was kinda like WTF??? but then she explanined that one of her friends from outside school had had a ****e coming out so now she hugs people if they come out to her
The family - I came out to my mam over two years ago. She cried. And cried. And cried. Constantly. She tried to get me to tell my dad immediatly but he's kinda homophobic and I didn't want to. She flipped since I banned her from saying it to him. I gave her a bunch of resources, numbers to call, booklets to read, that kind of thing. We've talked about it about twice since then It's horrible frankly, and she still wants me to come out to my dad. I think his reaction will be worse than hers and I just don't think I can handle that. I keep meaning to talk to my brother and I know he is so suspicious as he kept asking me where I went out for my birthday, was it a "normal" bar, what the male/female ratio was like. I want to tell him so next time we have one of the once in a blue moon siblingey moment's I will tell him.
The (new) school coming out - I moved schools for sixth year and I was a little worried about coming out. But I ended up coming out fairly quickly to some people.
Guy I met for the first time -That's sooo gay.
Me - You're so freakin' offensive!!!
Him - What? Are you gay???
Me - Yeah!!! Have you got a problem with that!?!?!?!
He hadn't :P But he really doesn't like bi people and that pissed me off! I had been hanging out with some guys for a couple of months and I'd dropped enough hints so I assumed they knew. But then one of them said something about me and this other guy getting together. My next sentence started with the following "You know, if I liked boys..." Turns out they didn't know! Not a clue!
I was at War with a different group and I hadn't scored and one of the guys noticed that. He grabbed me and grabbed one of his mates and pretty much ment for us to meet. I kinda looked panicky (I was fairly well on it at this stage) and blurted "no thanks, I'm gay" The poor guy got such a shock, I felt so mean
I think that's it. My coming outs are fairly funny since no one has ever seemed to know in advance and a few of them have been at awkward times. And sorry for the essay!!0 -
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I sort of came out when I was 14. I told my best friend when I was 13 that I was bi and she said she was too (still maintains that :P) and a few other people.
Then I was talking to the guy I like and told him I was bi because I knew he was and I felt like telling more people. Turned out he liked me too and I kinda had to come out then. All my friends didnt care (almost all of them are bi/gay too, its crazy :pac:), but my straight sister wouldnt talk to me for a few days. Everyone shunned her until she got over it.
I dont tell people in school because its none of their business. The few bi/gay people in my year got a lot of **** for it when they came out but they dont anymore, so I wouldnt care if they did find out.
My mam used to make jokes about me not liking girls and stuff haha. I wish I knew if she knew. My dad seems oblivious. I dont like sports but neither does he.
So, by the age of 16 I'm out to pretty much everyone and would have no problem telling people. Maybe family, but thats just because I dont tell them that kind of stuff - I never told them when I had a girlfriend either :P Never had any bad reactions except my sister, but it was really funny because she got no sympathy for having an LGBT brother because no one else gave a **** :pac:
And that guy I liked is my boyfriend now 0 -
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I only started questioning myself when I was about 14, but when I look back to primary school and the way I was, it's a wonder I thought I was ever straight!
I was on a choir trip with my school, and there was a girl in the year ahead of me who I started to like. Not very pretty, but full of confidence. Turned out to be a right bitch in the end but it got me thinking. Skip forward about a year, I tell my best friend that I'm bi on the bus to school. She thought she might be too, turns out she isn't but she took it well anyway I tell my other friends bit by bit, good reactions, "as long as you don't fancy me" kinda thing (was an all-girls school) :P In TY everyone finds out through word-of-mouth, bullying begins. Though I didn't let it get me down, I can throw a punch like the rest of them :P Told my bf after a week or two of dating, now we just spend our time rating girls we see, quite similar tastes :P It came up fairly easily when I started college, nobody really cared because nearly everyone there is too :P
Haven't told the parents yet, don't see the point since I've been in a straight relationship since I was 15 and don't intend on leaving it any time soon :P0 -
Just been reading all your coming out stories and gotta say well done to everyone It's great to read them.
As for me, not out yet as I've no real need to (I guess that's the good thing about being bi and not full on gay )
I have one group of friends who are casually homophobic so might avoid them to start off with :pac:0 -
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ok, so here goes nothing
when i was 12 i thought i was bi , i didn't tell anyone
then when i was 14 i realised i gay, i told my mom a few DAYS after realising, she was fine with it
i was worried about telling my dad, but during a family 'discussion' my mom let the fact that i'm gay slip
he is also fine with it
i haven't told my sisters let because there still young0 -
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