Acknowledging posters when they die

Bottle_of_Smoke

Is this really appropriate? Have seen it a few times, a poster dies and there's very nice, respectful dedications to the poster in forums where they posted.

Have to wonder though - does the poster want this? ie that their family will probably hear about said dedications and probably end up reading them as well as everything the person has ever posted, which is not nececsarily something the poster may have wanted.

Can't really think of a practical way of stopping this, as posts are forever, but perhaps worth a discussion.

Insect Overlord

Keep it as it is.
End of.

mike65

I don't really see an issue if only because its clearly not practical to delete every contribution (not to mention quoted posts maybe weeks, months later)

Would the family worry about what the deceased posted over a number of years? Would they even bother to look? I'd imagine a tribute thread would give them a little boost at a very difficult time.

TrueDub

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Is this really appropriate? Have seen it a few times, a poster dies and there's very nice, respectful dedications to the poster in forums where they posted.

Have to wonder though - does the poster want this? ie that their family will probably hear about said dedications and probably end up reading them as well as everything the person has ever posted, which is not nececsarily something the poster may have wanted.

Can't really think of a practical way of stopping this, as posts are forever, but perhaps worth a discussion.

I know of at least one case where the tribute thread was printed off and given to the family, who then came on to the site to thank everyone and express their gratitude at the level of affection shown to the poster. I'd hate to see that outlet being curtailed.

OutlawPete

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

[Their family will] .. probably end up reading them as well as everything the person has ever posted, which is not nececsarily something the poster may have wanted.

I see your point but I guess that's just life. When I kick the bucket my family are gonna find things which I would prefer that they didn't. Like my DVDs: Porn on the 4th of July, Romancing the Bone, Pulp Friction, Titty Titty Bang Bang, Buffy the Vampire Layer, Hump Up The Volume, On Golden Blonde, Few Hard Men, Saturday Night Beaver and Titty Slickers etc, but that's just something I have to learn to accept. When we leave this mortal coil, many things that we kept from our loved ones out of just sheer embarrassment or maybe just because didn't feel we could be open about them as we thought that people wouldn't understand that side of us .. will all become known - it's inevitable really. Your diary, old love letters, midsummer murder recordings on your Sky Plus, that Daniel O'Donnell CD in your glove compartment - all revealed when you go to that great dark ether.

So, yup .. see your point totally, but tis just one of life's inevitabilities, that much of what we hide from those closest to us (for whatever reason while we are here) will be disclosed and accessible when we are not. Some of which is of course bound to be cutting for those you leave behind, as they will surely question why they did not know certain things about that person while they were still here and question whether it was something they had done to prevent that person from being more open. On the other hand, if there are no surprises from what it's revealed about a person when they have passed on, well then that could be quite comforting, in that it is highly indicative of a person having had great friends and a great family who were just what they needed in life as they clearly had no problems being just who they truly were when around them.

Dr.Phil, Season 7, Episode 24.

Dudess

Yeah, hadn't thought about the "People seeing stuff in posts a person wrote as an anonymous and would rather it stayed that way" angle but the tribute threads are genuinely nice, heartfelt, a source of comfort to those left behind, and I guess the risk of posts being read isn't Boards' responsibility. Loved ones may choose NOT to read the person's posts too....

AckwelFoley

My sister is a boardsie, as is the best man at the wedding i will be getting married in next month.

I really hope the best mans speech doesnt contain material from boards.ie :eek:

LoLth

hehe, you know when we say "you own your words" and "think before you post" ?

We weren't posting it because we're all evil and stuff and love bossing you lot around (well, not just because of that ).

5starpool

If they are dead I don't think they'll mind who reads what about them, tbh.

Dudess

Think it's more about their loved ones finding anything private among the deceased's posts that might be upsetting - but unfortunately that's not for Boards to watch out for really I suppose.

If a member dies, it wouldn't really be right, nor particularly easy, to stop it being said on Boards anyway...

Oryx

If a poster is truly anonymous, then their family will never know about their boards account, and a tribute thread would not happen as we would not know they had died. If a posters real life identity is widely known, then that poster must have already accepted the consequences of their posts here being brought into their non boards life, while alive.

Rev Hellfire

I can't see the point in them, most of the people don't know the person so why are they bothering to reply in them.

aidan_walsh

Rev Hellfire wrote: »

I can't see the point in them, most of the people don't know the person so why are they bothering to reply in them.

You don't have to personally know someone to know that you'd miss their contributions to a forum or community.

Rev Hellfire

aidan_walsh wrote: »

You don't have to personally know someone to know that you'd miss their contributions to a forum or community.

I don't know, it all smacks of "me too".
But hey to each their own I guess.

Dudess

Meh, not everyone is a bandwagon-jumper...

You can make up your own mind and admire people solely based on their Boards posts, you can deduce from what they say that they're a decent person - I know I get that feeling about a number of people here... that's enough to be genuinely moved if they pass on, surely?

FlutterinBantam

Dudess wrote: »

Meh, not everyone is a bandwagon-jumper...

You can make up your own mind and admire people solely based on their Boards posts, you can deduce from what they say that they're a decent person - I know I get that feeling about a number of people here... that's enough to be genuinely moved if they pass on, surely?

Holy shidt, you actually admire people who are anonymous on the Internet.:eek:

WTF... you should get out more missus.

Wolfe Tone

Some people post about their struggles etc, despite not meeting them in the flesh, or even knowing their name, it is hard not to admire them for how they tackle things

Dudess

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Holy shidt, you actually admire people who are anonymous on the Internet.:eek:

WTF... you should get out more missus.

You're pretending to be surprised. I'm sure you admire all the folks 'round here who write stuff that looks like Daily Mail/Fox News parodies.

FlutterinBantam

Dudess wrote: »

You're pretending to be surprised. I'm sure you admire all the folks 'round here who write stuff that looks like Daily Mail/Fox News parodies.

Not on your wavelength missus.

Wouldn't be a fan of 'An Poblacht' to be honest, or any of those left wing rags which support taxpayers funding those grungy punters who like to let the state take care of them.

M'kay;)

Oryx

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Holy shidt, you actually admire people who are anonymous on the Internet.:eek:

WTF... you should get out more missus.

There are people here who I have never met but that I consider friends. Years of chat and interaction counts for something to me. If they died, I would be affected by that. There was also a regular from A/R/T recently who was killed suddenly. Even though I didnt know him apart from reading his posts now and again, I was shocked by how such a fit and upbeat guy could be just suddenly gone. I posted in the thread dedicated to him to express my sympathy to the others in the forum who did know him well and were grieving. Its not a lame thing to do, its a sign that we have a real community here.

K-9

Plenty of posters are caricatures, others are pretty genuine.

Logical Fallacy

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Not on your wavelength missus.

Wouldn't be a fan of 'An Poblacht' to be honest, or any of those left wing rags which support taxpayers funding those grungy punters who like to let the state take care of them.

M'kay;)

I find the "missus" thing doesn't work for you as well as "buddy" or "pal" I have to say...it lacks something...i think because it makes you sound like a plumber or a shady Sky TV installer or something.

The "buddy" and "pal" implies aggressive finger jabs, the "missus" just implies you are looking for jam jars so the bairns can drink soup from something other than the saucepan.

Earthhorse

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Holy shidt, you actually admire people who are anonymous on the Internet.:eek:

It is also possible to dislike people based on their posting style.

We don't need a rule for everything. Unless a poster, or their family, expresses a wish that no threads be started then I see no reason to stop people expressing themselves in this manner.

LoLth

mod hat on

lets try to not let this thread get bogged down in personal tit-for-tat. Thanks to the posters that stayed on topic.

Steve

We should have a forum for this - a place to remember past boardsies, a place for epitaphs if you will. Something written by a close friend or relative or even an online buddy - whatever - details - the thing to remember is this is also a coming of age for the site and we have to realise that it's going to happen more as the community develops. Life (and death) happens, it'll happen to us all one day and it'd be nice to know that the many friends we've all become here will somehow be remembered for our contributions.

Who knows, it could be any of us tomorrow.

Tar.Aldarion

I am a fan of it as it stands. Threads such as JIZZLORDS where his family came on were really good, and it's nice to have a read back over it to remember him etc. They are a good addition to the site.

Pherekydes

If I die IRL will anyone on boards know? If I die on boards will anyone IRL know? :pac:

AckwelFoley

Pherekydes wrote: »

If I die IRL will anyone on boards know? If I die on boards will anyone IRL know? :pac:

If you are friends on FB with anyone from boards yea probably.

Pherekydes

snyper wrote: »

If you are friends on FB with anyone from boards yea probably.

I don't even know if any of my FB friends are boardsies. :eek:

Jazzy

Bottle_of_Smoke wrote: »

Is this really appropriate? Have seen it a few times, a poster dies and there's very nice, respectful dedications to the poster in forums where they posted.

Have to wonder though - does the poster want this? ie that their family will probably hear about said dedications and probably end up reading them as well as everything the person has ever posted, which is not nececsarily something the poster may have wanted.

Can't really think of a practical way of stopping this, as posts are forever, but perhaps worth a discussion.

yes, it absolutely should be kept. dunno what else to say on it other then that tbh.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Lot of good points made. Was hoping someone might have a practical solution, but as LoLth said, "you own your words" is the bottom line.

Oryx wrote:

If a poster is truly anonymous, then their family will never know about their boards account, and a tribute thread would not happen as we would not know they had died. If a posters real life identity is widely known, then that poster must have already accepted the consequences of their posts here being brought into their non boards life, while alive.

I see what you mean but there's the much more common scenario of someone who's identity isn't widely known but perhaps a few posters know them in real life who will start the threads.

Tigger

i'm me here and there

if i wasn't immune to death i'd want a rip tigger thread but luckly i am

The Left Hand Of God

RIP threads are OK.

Bit of a quandary when they were a good poster but died doing something illegal

Insect Overlord

The Left Hand Of God wrote: »

RIP threads are OK.

Bit of a quandary when they were a good poster but died doing something illegal

WTF are you on about?

Handsome Bob

Yeah, afaik that has never happened.

The Left Hand Of God

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Yeah, afaik that has never happened.

bad cocaine. but don't mention it. Under the radar. Stuff!

Wolfe Tone

bad cocaine. but don't mention it. Under the radar. Stuff!

What exactly do you mean? You could pick this up in a few ways...

LoLth

I think this thread has gone quiet enough apart from some showboating by a user trying to be all mysterious to get attention.

Dont feed the trolls people. Either report them or ignore them. Dont report and then respond, dont respond and give them the attention they want.

@The Left hand of God: you're trolling and you know it. consider this your one and only warning.