exboyfriend

LegacyUser

A month ago myself and my boyfriend of 5 years broke up! to say im heart broken is an understatement! it seemed me and him just clicked from the start! in the passed few weeks we have still been talking and meeting up. This i realised was giving me false hope because after a long converstation he just doesnt want to get back together this has ripped out my heart and left me in bits!! He really wants to be my friend but i just dont think i can its to hard for me. Im finding it hard to explain this to him and also not talk to him i try it for a few days and i end up caving! i cant imagine my self without him or finding someone else that i click with so well. Im worried im just wondering if any one has any advice on trying to move on. Im just so heartbroken!

Miss Fluff

unreg12345667 wrote: »

He really wants to be my friend but i just dont think i can its to hard for me.

It's so so selfish of him to do this. And insulting. He doesn't want to have a relationship with you any more but he wants to hang on to the bits of you that he likes enough and on his terms, i.e. as a friend? My feeling would be if he dumped you then he doesn't deserve any part of you. It will only damage you and hinder you getting over him. I know it's very hard losing someone and having your heart broken but if you want to really and truly get over him you have to cut him totally out of your life. If you remain "friends" with him when it's all so raw you are just hurting yourself more and delaying the process tbh m'dear

LegacyUser

That was my feelings at first he wants everything but the relationship and i cant cope with that i cant think about the fact he is going to be with other people thats just who i am! Im stopping my self from moving on because of it! I havnt slept to well or been eating to well and im just genrally mopey and i dont want to be like that i want to be happy and able to go out and enjoy my self but i dont seem to be able to! I just wish it wasnt hurting so much!

Ickle Magoo

Your mental health is more important than your ex's wish for friends.

If you need the time and space away from him then you have to give yourself that - and if he is trying to stop you despite you telling him that is what is best for your mental health then he's being utterly selfish and self-serving - not the stuff decent friends are made of.

As for getting over him, time is the best healer I'm afraid. In the mean-time, you can try to lessen the hurt through removing the rose-tinted specs by writing down all the things that you weren't happy with in the relationship, all the times you got upset or felt hurt and remind yourself that you won't need to put up with any of that any more.

All the best.

Miss Fluff

unreg12345667 wrote: »

That was my feelings at first he wants everything but the relationship and i cant cope with that i cant think about the fact he is going to be with other people thats just who i am! Im stopping my self from moving on because of it! I havnt slept to well or been eating to well and im just genrally mopey and i dont want to be like that i want to be happy and able to go out and enjoy my self but i dont seem to be able to! I just wish it wasnt hurting so much!

Aw you poor thing, I know it's an awful old time for you. You will feel better and stronger with each day that passes though. And you can only truly do that if you are strong enough to cut contact. Tell him to leave you alone. No texting, no phoning, delete him from Facebook, avoid his friends and as much as possible forget he exists. I promise that with time it will be a case of "out of sight, out of mind" but only if you take those steps. Hugs to you x

fallen01angel

unreg12345667 wrote: »

That was my feelings at first he wants everything but the relationship and i cant cope with that i cant think about the fact he is going to be with other people thats just who i am! Im stopping my self from moving on because of it! I havnt slept to well or been eating to well and im just genrally mopey and i dont want to be like that i want to be happy and able to go out and enjoy my self but i dont seem to be able to! I just wish it wasnt hurting so much!

Hi OP,I suppose the way he feels is he loves you but no longer in love with you,so he wants to maintain the non sexual side of it,which I suppose is natural for some people but this would be a very bad idea for you at the moment.
You're not going to get over this today or tomorrow,to tell you otherwise would be a lie,it's going to take time for you to feel happy again and unfortuanately there's no way of rushing the "grieving process".But one thing you got to explain to your ex-he needs to stop contacting you completely as this is making it harder,it was his choice to end it and he needs to respect your wishes.But the most important that you start eating properly,getting out and generally looking after yourself,sitting around feeling "mopey",is not going to help you at all.
Good luck OP.

LegacyUser

Thanks guys all your info is much appreciated and very helpful. seems to be my only choice to cut him out and as hard as its going to be im goin to try and jus cut contact and try get on and just no im still young(ish) and theres plenty more time left for me to move on and be happy! thanks everyone ur tips are all so helpful and kinda xx

Ellie2008

If it helps this happened to me when I was 23-24 ish, wasnt five years more like 31/2-4 and I think I was as heartbroken as it was possible to be, I couldnt let go I behaved like an absolute madwoman, cried all the time, didnt ate, checked his emails and when he changed his password I checked his mothers (to see what he was up to), Im not proud of this clearly I was pretty much stalking the guy. He kept up the I really want to be friends things for ages and worse we kept sleeping together which made everything worse, then he scored a girl I knew....it was as big a mess as it was possible to be.

Im 29 now and although I look back with shame at how I behaved, Im over it and have been for many years, please cut contact at all costs it really makes things so much easier. Best of luck