who should pay?

murreemurree

hi im a 22yr old girl with a part time job. i finished college over a year ago and have been working part time ever since.
my sister who is 28 is getting married in a few weeks and the cost of the wedding is weighing hugely on my mind.
the wedding is in kerry and the hotel costs €150 per night and I will be staying 3 nights. nobody has suggested paying for me. i told my parents a few months ago that i have €600 saved and i will have to use this for the wedding it seems. is this fair? should somebody not be paying for me? it seems the meal is the only thing i will have paid for me. i already spent €200 on my dress and shoes so really am dreading spending all my savings.. also how much should i be giving my sister as a wedding present??
so can anyone enlighten me please.

tinkerbell

I don't think it's your sister's responsibility to pay for you. Are you in the bridal party? Why are you staying three nights if you cannot afford to? Give your sister what you can afford as a present, no more. If you cannot afford a pressie because of the hotel cost (which IMO €150 a night for 3 nights is a lot for a 22 yr old with a part time job), then just tell her that you won't be able to afford to get her a pressie.

Toto Wolfcastle

Are you a bridesmaid? If not then it's your responsibility to pay your own way. (And even if you are it's up to the bride and groom to decide whether to pay for your room.) Personally I think that €200 on a dress and shoes is excessive if you're worried about the cost of the wedding. Could you return them and get something cheaper? If you can't afford a gift, don't worry about it. It would be nice to give something if you can but it's not essential. Could you make your sister something like a scrapbook with photos of herself and her fiancé in it? Or maybe find some nice photos of them and arrange them in a frame? At least give a card!

Heyes

Are the hotel not providing "wedding prices" for the accomodation, most hotels dont request guests to pay advertised prices where there is a wedding.

kandr10

Yeah, you just pay your own way. It's unfortunate because weddings are expensive especially when they're away from home. Our wedding is in the same city that we live in but we offered guests hotel special rate anyway in case they didn't want to drive. We're not paying for anyone, not even the bridal party!
As regards a gift, your sister won't or at least shouldn't care about what you can afford to give. Maybe if you buy them a present it'll work out cheaper than giving cash? You'd be well placed to know what the b&g want/need..

peggie

can you stay in a near-by b+b for the night before and night after?

often there is cheaper accommodation available for guests and perhaps you could stay in a cheaper place for the non-essential nights,

i'd suggest looking it up, finding a place, then having an honest chat with your parents, say that you don't want to blow all your hard-saved money on one weekend so you have found somewhere cheaper for the extra nights,
see how they react before you book though in case its blows up into a major problem

best of luck, hopefully you'll save some of your savings,

for your sister look at photobox or similar, scan in a "this is your life" set of photos and print it in a book- time consuming rather than expensive but always nice to look at later

enjoy
peg

Who do you think should be paying for you?

polod

haha welcome to the real world ......where you have to pay your own way

cailinoBAC

First of all, do you have to stay 3 nights? Do you know somebody else that is also going that you could share a room with? I'm a good bit older than 22 but when I went to my brother's wedding last August I stayed in a b and b nearby because I just could not justify the cost of the hotel room. And I have a decent job. I think €200 is a bit much to spend on a dress, but maybe you'll be able to wear it at other weddings or events in the future?
In the end, you have to realise that attending weddings costs money and nobody has to pay except yourself (unless you are bridal party). However, if you are worried about money, would it be possible to borrow from your parents and pay them back? That's what my sister did as she was just finished college and had no money.

Neyite

Op, I had a similar situation, except I had no savings and lived abroad on a student placement and had to spend an entire months income on flights home for a siblings wedding. Even though I was still a student, nobody offered to help out. Dad gave me 30 quid all right to 'get myself a nice outfit for the wedding' Bless his ignorance at what getting dolled up actually costs. I can laugh about it now.

I dont get the 3 days though? Could you double up with other siblings in a room, or get a hostel nearby? or just stay for one night? 150 is eyewatering assuming that its per person sharing per night.