the difference between men and women(i'm drunk again)

housetypeb

Subject: The difference between men and women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.
He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs toElaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anythingabout his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetentthieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty... scumbags.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that... it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with onethat he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next,especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Roger," she says."
"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning,considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
And that's the difference between men and women.

Cupcake_Crisis

Too long. Did not read.

brianrcarney

mmm got a couple of words in.... break it down for me?

themadchef

Boobies.

..and if the difference isint very clear :eek: im not roiding!

chucken1

Wow OP :eek: You typed all that while drunk??

Id take my hat off to you if I was wearing one!

Micky Dolenz

So who got the ride?

chin_grin

tl;dr.

Solution: fap.

alwaysadub

So did he get the car sorted out then?

themadchef

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

So who got the ride?

The rabbit

housetypeb

It's a cut and paste job-couldn't type that if i was sober,ffs.

Where To

Was it mens or womens tennis?

El Weirdo

chucken1 wrote: »

Wow OP :eek: You typed all that while drunk??

Id take my hat off to you if I was wearing one!

Copy pasta.

hondasam

all I read was Elaine and Roger.

themadchef

housetypeb wrote: »

It's a cut and paste job-couldn't type that if i was sober,ffs.

Anyone who's fit to cut and paste or start a thread is not drunk, possibly tipsy (not manly enough a word i grat ya but accurate...)

Kojak

Men have a penis, women have a vagina.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQvnZOR_oIk

cryano

Waste of time reading this!

johnayo

Micky Dolenz wrote: »

So who got the ride?

With all that stuff going on, I doubt they had any time for riding.

k4kate

hondasam wrote: »

all I read was Elaine and Roger.

Well there was a car too, pay attention. This could be really important to Elaine or Roger......and let's not forget poor Norm.

housetypeb

themadchef wrote: »

Anyone who's fit to cut and paste or start a thread is not drunk, possibly tipsy (not manly enough a word i grat ya but accurate...)

I do believe you are calling me a liar! lets take this outside and sort it out, fiiiiiggggghhhhtttttt.

themadchef

housetypeb wrote: »

I do believe you are calling me a liar! lets take this outside and sort it out, fiiiiiggggghhhhtttttt.

Now i believe you...

Never a proper píss up without a few bruises. If you dont get them from the Mrs i'll sort you out with the frying pan. No rashers in sight.

\

The Princess Bride

KeithM89,where are you,lad?

We need you,potential trouble here(is it my imagination or is everyone trying to stir it tonight?)

k4kate

johnayo wrote: »

With all that stuff going on, I doubt they had any time for riding.

Of course there was no riding, there was no horse sure

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

housetypeb

msthe80s wrote: »

KeithM89,where are you,lad?

We need you,potential trouble here(is it my imagination or is everyone trying to stir it tonight?)

It's well known that the guy who acts the the peace maker in a fight is the first guy to get the **** kicked out of him, just saying.

hondasam

k4kate wrote: »

Well there was a car too, pay attention. This could be really important to Elaine or Roger......and let's not forget poor Norm.

you can tell me the short story, I don't have time to read it.
not your version btw.

housetypeb

hondasam wrote: »

you can tell me the short story, I don't have time to read it.
not your version btw.

Post ten explained that,btw

k4kate

hondasam wrote: »

you can tell me the short story, I don't have time to read it.
not your version btw.

My version has full frontal nudity (for both) a steamy love scene, a car chase and 2 musical numbers, so there!!!!

hondasam

k4kate wrote: »

My version has full frontal nudity (for both) a steamy love scene, a car chase and 2 musical numbers, so there!!!!

brings back memories

housetypeb

k4kate wrote: »

My version has full frontal nudity (for both) a steamy love scene, a car chase and 2 musical numbers, so there!!!!

Tits or gtfo

k4kate

housetypeb wrote: »

Tits or gtfo

Your tits or mine???:)

k4kate

hondasam wrote: »

brings back memories

The car chase or the nudity???

unbeat

wtf was that?
read 2 lines then it turned into mills and boon
did not read rest

housetypeb

k4kate wrote: »

Your tits or mine???:)

We'll start with yours, and take it from there.

k4kate

housetypeb wrote: »

We'll start with yours, and take it from there.

I have GREAT tits

housetypeb

unbeat wrote: »

wtf was that?
read 2 lines then it turned into mills and boon
did not read rest

Thats ok, you did your best,i'm sure.

housetypeb

k4kate wrote: »

I have GREAT tits

Please prove it,(oh please please please please)

hondasam

k4kate wrote: »

The car chase or the nudity???

car chase of course.

k4kate

housetypeb wrote: »

Please prove it,(oh please please please please)

You doubt me????

k4kate

hondasam wrote: »

[QUOTE)

car chase of course.

I have GREAT tits

pics[/QUOTE]

If I knew how to upload pics my tits would be in your face in no time?

Are you interested in tits hondasam??? Little lesbian streak here???

Kasabian

Great tits are subjective.

Why did Roger have to die, he was a good bloke.

housetypeb

k4kate wrote: »

You doubt me????

You may consider me a doubting thomas-i won't believe it until i stick my finger in it.

magna12

Load of ****e, not worth reading, I did. Just hit your back button and go read something else worthwhile. Someone should close the thread.

k4kate

housetypeb wrote: »

You may consider me a doubting thomas-i won't believe it until i stick my finger in it.

No wonder Roger and Elaine are having problems. Tits are not what he should stick his finger in!:eek:

The Orphan

Kasabian wrote: »

Great tits are subjective.

Why did Roger have to die, he was a good bloke.

who was roger

Jamie Starr

Kojak wrote: »

Men have a penis, women have a vagina.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQvnZOR_oIk

Arnie fathered all those children too?!!

housetypeb

k4kate wrote: »

No wonder Roger and Elaine are having problems. Tits are not what he should stick his finger in!:eek:

Teach me.
Why is Elaine such a nag-no wonder Roger forgot his tune up.

ArtSmart

housetypeb wrote: »

Subject: The difference between men and women

Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine.
He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs toElaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"
And then there is silence in the car.
To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
And Roger is thinking: ...so that means it was... let's see... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means... lemme check the odometer... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed-even before I sensed it-that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anythingabout his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetentthieves $600.
And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty... scumbags.
And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their...
"Roger," Elaine says aloud.
"What?" says Roger, startled.
"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have... Oh God, I feel so..." (She breaks down, sobbing.)
"What?" says Roger.
"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."
"There's no horse?" says Roger.
"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.
"No!" says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
"It's just that... it's that I... I need some time," Elaine says.
(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with onethat he thinks might work.) "Yes," he says.
(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.
"What way?" says Roger.
"That way about time," says Elaine.
"Oh," says Roger. "Yes."(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next,especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
"Thank you, Roger," she says."
"Thank you," says Roger.
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.
The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning,considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: "Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"
And that's the difference between men and women.

dude, take up writing comedy scripts. hilarious.

housetypeb

Post ten, copy and paste job,i'm afraid

k4kate

ArtSmart wrote: »

dude, take up writing comedy scripts. hilarious.

Are you serious??

ArtSmart

housetypeb wrote: »

Post ten, copy and paste job,i'm afraid

oh? who wrote it then?

Novella

Ya know, usually when I see walls of text like that, I can't be bothered reading... But that was quite good!