Girlfriend and Facebook issues

LegacyUser

Hey guys, going unregged for this one.

I've been dating my current girlfriend for about a year. We're generally very in love with my jealousy being the fly in the ointment. I've been working on it and have come along a good bit of the way.

We recently took a break for about 10 days and even though we both agreed that no one would know, I obviously got out (I heard it back). Anyway, we worked things out and one day she was on Facebook and I saw she had a new friend request. I asked who it was and she said it was some random guy that she had 7mutual friends with but didn't recognise or know. I asked why she was keeping it and she said she wanted to be sure she didn't know him (which was fair enough). I looked through his pictures on my own account later and saw he's this big tall good looking rugby player that's a couple of years younger than her. I got jealous and asked her was she thinking of accepting. She said she didn't know and lashed out at me. I took on board what she had said to me about dealing with my own insecurities so I left it alone for a week.

The following Saturday, I just casually asked if she had declined it. She said no and I asked why. She said that she was keeping it there to see how I would deal with it. I got angry at this as I felt she was putting me to a test to with you cannot pass. If I don't mention it for a month and then ask, am I wrong? Anyway, she got so annoyed, she stormed out.

Am I wrong on this or is it wrong of her to continue to do something so small she know annoys me?

I loves her to bits and would like to get past this jealousy thing I have but I feel in this instance, she's unnecessarily testing me and it's very hurtful. What do you think?

karaokeman

Are you sure that you're not just overexaggerating?

It sounds to me like your letting the girlfriend know your annoyed just because she's friends with some handsome rugby player on facebook.

I don't see what the big deal is, you're still going out with her and thats really what girls do if they really like you.

Teasing is what the best girlfriends do. I would get really bored of a girlfriend who was just always nice to me and didn't mind anything else.

And I don't think the 10-day off period was necessary either. Anyone can meet people during an off-period, doesn't mean they are cheating. It just means they put themselves out there and met new friends.

Try to relax and enjoy your time with her while you can and don't let the facebook thing bother you.

Miss Fluff

If you are both under 15 or 16, which I am presuming you are, then you will soon grow out of this phase. This type of jealousy is petty and extremely immature but all part of growing up.

If you are in fact over fifteen then I would suggest that it is really none of your business who your GF is or isn't friends with on Facebook. The fact you know she has pending friend requests would suggest you're snooping through her account.

booboo88

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If you are both under 15 or 16, which I am presuming you are, then you will soon grow out of this phase. This type of jealousy is petty and extremely immature but all part of growing up.

If you are in fact over fifteen then I would suggest that it is really none of your business who your GF is or isn't friends with on Facebook. The fact you know she has pending friend requests would suggest you're snooping through her account.

It almost sounds like he's watching over her shoulder.
I hate that, my ex used to try to do it, and even if i was just talking to an ex of mine, who im just friends with,i got the third degree. Its not fun being questioned about everything, for everything you know op said hot rugby dude could be gay, therefore not into your girlfriend.


Facebook.....seems to cause alot more hassle than its worth in relationships:rolleyes:

Kevin Duffy

Jealousy is not a "fly in the ointment", it's one of the most destructive factors in a relationship. Everyone wants to be number one for their OH and rightly so, but you can't be the whole of their life, they will have friends, family etc.

If you have confidence in yourself and the relationship, those other people will be a healthy, happy part of your life together. If that's not the case, you need to find out why you feel that way and address it, not expect someone else to tiptoe around your issues.

If you have genuine reasons to not trust each other, you address that candidly and openly, but realise that once trust is gone there's very little chance it'll return and very little chance you'll have a healthy relationship after that.

And I'd ban facebook, because of the ridiculous value people put on things happening on there.

many

Hey there

I've been in a relationship for a long while now and I too experience a bit of jealousy towards other people showing interest in my boyfriend. It's alright for me, though, because it's something we've talked out and he has admitted that he feels the exact same way. I'd say his jealousy even exceeds mine, but what we've found is that facebook definitely exacerbates the problem, as in, if either of us see a comment from an ex or a person we know that fancies the other, or even just a good-looking girl saying something completely innocent, it does get your blood up a bit, there's no denying it.

I think it's natural to experience jealousy and a feeling of protectiveness towards your relationship, but personally I've found that talking it out often and whenever it became an issue was key to always getting around it.

In the end you're only jealous because you care so much about her. Try talking to her.

lace

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Jealousy is not a "fly in the ointment", it's one of the most destructive factors in a relationship.

I think this point says it all OP. If you can't get over this jealousy then it's going to be very difficult for you to maintain any kind of healthy relationship. I know it may be annoying for your girlfriend to continue to do this one small thing to annoy you, but I totally understand where she's coming from. I think I'd do the same thing in her situation. She probably thinks that this is going to help your jealousy issues - that pushing you out of your comfort zone a little might help you to deal with it. Or perhaps she's just being stubborn and showing you that you just have to get over it. Either way, she's not in the wrong.

Kevin Duffy

many wrote: »

Hey there



In the end you're only jealous because you care so much about her. Try talking to her.

This is absolutely not the origin of jealousy and is very dangerous thinking. It's actually the cliched response of people who commit domestic violence. Jealousy is born of insecurities and an inability to deal with them in a healthy way.

StrawberryJazz

If you really trust her you should defriend each other on facebook . . . who cares who "likes" her statuses or who tags pictures of you.

Facebook is designed for friends not for lovers :P

stamfordbridge

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Jealousy is not a "fly in the ointment", it's one of the most destructive factors in a relationship. Everyone wants to be number one for their OH and rightly so, but you can't be the whole of their life, they will have friends, family etc.

If you have confidence in yourself and the relationship, those other people will be a healthy, happy part of your life together. If that's not the case, you need to find out why you feel that way and address it, not expect someone else to tiptoe around your issues.

If you have genuine reasons to not trust each other, you address that candidly and openly, but realise that once trust is gone there's very little chance it'll return and very little chance you'll have a healthy relationship after that.

And I'd ban facebook, because of the ridiculous value people put on things happening on there.

Great post, +1. Perhaps not so much about banning facebook - I don't see a real need for banning it. But it's your own issue, maybe insecurity, maybe control. But you have to sort that out yourself and stop taking it out on your girlfriend.

You may think keeping your girlfriend at arms length at all times will bring her closer but, ironically, it will drive her further away.

LegacyUser

OP, you have some serious growing up to do.

My better half has a FB account, I don't. ( I think it's the most ridiculous portal, TBH). I have no idea who she has as FB 'friends' and I don't care. It does seem FB has redefined the definition of the word 'friend'.