(Ex) Girlfriend tried to kill herself

LegacyUser

Hello,
First time poster...... would appreciate any perspectives

Living abroad, started a relationship with a foreign woman (not native to my present country) just over a year ago.

It has been rocky. She has a lot of issues from her past, mainly to do with an ex-husband who treated her appallingly. These issues were represented by a lack of commitment, blowing hot and cold, and at times she was downright nasty & selfish.

As I got to know her issues, I tried to get her to see how her behaviour was destructive (to our relationship) and that by not facing up to her issues, she was avoiding the problems. She agreed and even visited a psychologist for a few (3) appointments.


To be honest her behaviour did not really improve.

A couple of weeks ago, I broke up with her. I did not do it very well. I sent her an email as part of an ongoing argument. We work opposite hours to each other, don't live together, but spend most nights together. We do a lot of communicating by email.

She was very angry, and probably rightly so, but I was so frustrated at having the same argument over and over again.

During the week, I returned her stuff to her appartment, by arrangement, and picked up my stuff.

She asked to see me last Monday, to talk, not to get back together. She had written a letter (she doesn't like to talk) asking to get back, but if that was not possible explaining that she could not be friends. I explained that there was no chance of getting back together. She left.

Later, as I went through my stuff, I saw that she had given back every card, letter, poem I had given her. I got really angry, called her and fecked her out of it. In a year it was the first time I had responded like that.

She texted an apology, said she was angry when she did it. I replied that I never wanted to hear from her again.

Fast forward an hour, I'm at work and an email pops in from her.... "You won't know anything from me anymore. Goodbye forever." I was thinking about that when my work phone rang... her brother (from abroad - never spoken to him before, got my number from the Internet). He too had received an email, was extremely worried.

I rang her. No answer. I went to her appartment. No answer. Went to the Police. Closed! Found a policeman, eventually convinced him it was a real situation, with the help of a neighbour found her in bed, headphones in, after taking an overdose.

She was rushed to hospital, too late to pump her stomach, observed over night and released the next day.

As she has no friends or family here I felt obligated to pick her up and look after her. Her brother and sister arrived the next day. She will return home for the weekend but comes back here on Monday.

She is due to meet a psychiatrist on Tuesday.

Now, I feel no guilt for her actions. After fear, then shock I seem to have settled on angry as my main emotion. I find her behaviour cruel and selfish. She emailed me, her brother and 2 sisters before popping the pills. She left the door of her appartment unlocked (she never does that). I have since found out that she did this before, 2 years ago after being dumped by her ex-husband. (She got confirmation last week that her divorce was coming through)

After her last attempt she was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, but left after convincing the doctors she would see a therapist. She didn't. She moved to our present country.

I need to shut her out of my life, but I don't know how to do it, or am afraid of the possible consequences.

When she comes back I am her only support in the country. She has just stared a new job in another city, so no friends there, had no friends in her previous job, has one cousin in another city who she does not get on with.

The fear I felt the other day is not something I want to experience again. I thought I was in love with her and her with me. I cannot see how she could do this and love me. Like I said, all I am feeling now is anger. I cannot see a life for us together. I feel like we can never have an argument again for fear she will try this again. I trusted her, but she never told me about her previous atttempt.

If anyone can provide a little perspective.......

Thanks

squonk

Just leave her to get on with it. I knwo I might sound cruel but you're not her only support in the country. She has a cousin. OK, she doesn't get on with them but that's her and the cousin's problem.

She sounds like she needs help badly but isn't doing anything to help herself. I don't see why you need to ride to her rescue after what she's done to you so far. It sounds like you did as much as was reasonably possible to maintain the relationship while she did very little to overcome her own issues.

Your relationship is over and you need to start moving on. You owe her nothing now and it's not your problem that she's moved to a new country where she knows nobody. There's nothing to stop her going out and getting to know people. There's also nothing to stop her attempting to patch it up with the cousin for a start.

Don't be a sap! You're not helping yourself. Ignore any calls from her. Let her get on with it. She didn't have to take an overdose so the fact she's recovering now is entirely her own fault. Go live your own life now and find someone who makes you happier. That's all you can do!

LegacyUser

Hi op, not only have i been there but i have the t shirt. I was with a girl and she was a mess frankly. She was a compulsive liar and had serious problems to say the least. She had a boyfriend while she was seeing me (i was unaware of course) and when i found out she went off the deep end and told me she had taken an overdose.

I rushed to her and she walked out to meet me (first clue) given i was not thinking straight i got her to the hospital and she was with the triage nurse for only a few minutes (second clue) and she was not admitted (third clue) and right after we were brought to the psychiatric hospital for her to be assessed.

I told you that because one thing rang out in your post, your girl emailing everyone and leaving the door unlocked was a clear sign that this was not a real suicide. That plus the fact she has done this before. My girl had me on a hook for awhile after because i didnt put it all together until much after because i was too worried about her. She would talk about "ending it all" just to make sure she had me on that hook.

Well i wised up and rid myself of her, its been 4 years since and she is very much still alive.

Long story short dont let her hook you like i was, all the best

seenitall

scared&confused wrote: »

I cannot see a life for us together. I feel like we can never have an argument again for fear she will try this again. I trusted her, but she never told me about her previous atttempt.

Er... am I missing something here or... why are you writing as if you were still with her/contemplating getting back together with her?

My advice is: do NOT under any circumstance allow yourself to get sucked back into this woman's drama (unless you want your personal life to resemble a bad soap-opera, of course).

Cut all contact, because my reading of this is that you won't be left in peace until you do.

What people do with their lives is their own responsibility. Don't get suckered into taking responsibility for the life of someone you don't even like. You would be beyond unhappy, and that is not what life is for.

Cut all contact and be consistent with it. It is the only way.

Best wishes.

Beruthiel

scared&confused wrote: »

If anyone can provide a little perspective.......

As has been said, let her get on with it.
It's over. No point melting her (or your) head with trying to stay friends or whatever.
As for her attempt, she had no intention of going through with it. It was a cry for attention.
She is not your responsibility. She is a grown woman and responsible for herself.
Forget about her and move on.

Neyite

OP,
Im throwing my hat into the ring with the others here. I know a guy who tried to break up an 18 month relationship with a headmelter in college. Every time she threatened suicide he stayed (as a friend). She ruined his career prospects, any potential relationships he tried to make, and basically his life. After nearly a decade he had enough - it was driving him to a breakdown, and finally threatened her with a restraining order.

Guess what, she is still alive and kicking (and probably ruining another guys life out there) 8 years on.

Cut all contact with her, tell her siblings you are doing this, and live your life.

Novella

OP, this is not your responsibility. You are entitled to break up with a person and how they handle it is up to them. It is okay for you to just walk away. If you stick around when you really don't want to, you are simply being manipulated.