Okay this has got me beyond frustrated!!!

LegacyUser

First off, I am a guy (22) who has severe social problems as a result of lifelong low self- esteem. I can't even go out of the house most days. The only moments where I do not feel anxiety and can be relatively confident are when I am out performing (I'm a musician).

Now for some reason, I even have to feel guilty saying this.. but the thing is I am 'naturally talented' in that regard. I work mostly with older musicians in their 40's - 60's, and would be considered on there level. So music has become the ONLY good thing I see about myself. I'm worthless in every other aspect.

So being able to express my abilities to people does actually help me cope. Without it, I think I'd be dead by now if I'm honest. Although sometimes I am pushed to the edge regardless...

Anyway I always get the sense (particularly online) that people are jealous of my talent.. And let me say that REALLY infuriates me.. There is this thread on a forum (for people with my issues) which is for posting videos of yourself. So I post up a video recording of my playing, and I get ignored. It is viewed, yet I am ignored, while people who videod themselves munching on a pack sweets get several comments...

Jealousy is the only rational explanation I can put that down to that of course. I put it on another similar forum too, and the same result..

It seriously does push me to the edge. I mean you have people being constantly admired for their good looks wherever they go and that's not even something one EARNS ffs!!!!

And the above is why I can't even go out unless I am able to express my musicial abilities. I feel like a worthless hideous nobody otherwise... and want to kill myself.

Right this was not much more than a rant. Had to do get it out before I ended up breaking something.. This is just the story of my worthless miserable life.

I assume from your frustration at not getting comments in other forums that you do want comments here?

You haven't asked any questions here, so unless this post really wasn't meant for responses, maybe your posts in other forums have had the same problem. You have to give people something to respond to.

Even if you do give people something to respond to, it's slightly irrational to put it down to worldwide web jealousy. Sometimes perfectly valid threads on boards go without any responses, and it's not because of some personal issues that posters have with the OP, be it jealousy or otherwise. It's just chance, or lack of interest, or that it just doesn't stir response.

Obviously I haven't seen your video posts, so I don't know the whole story, but turning on people because they aren't giving you as much validation as you desire isn't fair on them and isn't healthy for you.

Vicxas

OP.

If you posted your videos and didnt ask for opinions, people arent going to give them to you. like the poster above me said you have to ask questions to get responses.

LegacyUser

Your annoyed with people because they're not telling you how good you are, it seems alot to ask from people who also have low self worth to expect them to praise someone else.
Good for you that youve found a social outlet, so what if some people on the internet arent falling over themselves to clap you on the back for that.

Ave Sodalis

thewindcries wrote: »

And the above is why I can't even go out unless I am able to express my musicial abilities. I feel like a worthless hideous nobody otherwise... and want to kill myself.

This is worrisome. It sounds as though this goes deeper than lack of video responses. This is not a normal way to feel just because you don't get feedback on some website. If I were you OP, I'd seek professional help

mikemac

Ask a question and you'll get an answer back
Ask for feedback and you'll recieve it, good or bad.

The stupid videos that got more responses then your videos were probably witty and clever and so got a reaction

Have you a question here OP?
As I can see this thread sliding to Page 2 and you'll be frustrated but can you see why?

ztoical

thewindcries wrote: »

Jealousy is the only rational explanation I can put that down to that of course. I put it on another similar forum too, and the same result..

sorry op but jealousy wouldn't be the first thing I would jump to. I'm a visual artist so I know what its like putting your work out there for the public to see and a lot of times I've posted pieces I've spent days killing myself working on and get zero feedback yet someone whose done a silly doodle that's taken maybe 30 seconds gets loads of comments but I certainly don't think it comes down to jealousy on anyones part.

It's the Internet and that's just the way it goes a lot of the time. I do find when I post in forums that are more focused on art I get good feedback but also notice I get better and more constructive feedback when I make the effort to be part of the forum and offer my own comments and crits. Your posting in a forum that's not a music forum so what sort of feedback were you expecting? People may not feel they know enough about music to offer any comments or they may feel other people on the forum are in need of more encouragement for doing basic simple tasks and your giving the impression that you don't need that.

If you want people to comment on your music try posting in a music focused forum and being an active member of that forum.

thefeatheredcat

thewindcries wrote: »

Anyway I always get the sense (particularly online) that people are jealous of my talent.. And let me say that REALLY infuriates me.. There is this thread on a forum (for people with my issues) which is for posting videos of yourself. So I post up a video recording of my playing, and I get ignored. It is viewed, yet I am ignored, while people who videod themselves munching on a pack sweets get several comments...

Jealousy is the only rational explanation I can put that down to that of course. I put it on another similar forum too, and the same result..

Firstly posting your talent is a courageous step imo so you should be proud of doing that!

Jealousy would be unlikely imo. It is very easy to think up a response quickly there and then to something like a packet of sweets because it doesn't take much to give a response.

On forums/websites where creative talent is involved and people ask/don't ask for feedback, it can take time, because it needs more thought. Many places where it's asked for feedback on something creative you need to feel it, or go away and have a think about, in order to leave a helpful/constructive feedback or be in the position to offer encouragement. I find it with things that I post on other sites too, it gets viewed, but no response, and I expect no response either. Just knowing its viewed is enough for me because I'm putting out something for people to enjoy or think about and often am more surprised when there is a response given, because it is not asked of, required or expected.

All I can say is don't be deterred... It could very well be that if you are very talented, people can be intimated by that and feel a bit under qualified in commenting or adding a response.

if you are looking for feedback is it probably better for you to post where feedback will be given. I would say though as well, focus on creating something you love and have a passion for rather than focusing on if it is commented on or not. For all you know behind the scenes of one internet user could be someone forwarding that link to someone else to watch.

Yknow something though, if it was a forum/thread on people with self esteem issues, maybe you have inspired someone with posting it in the first place? Maybe someone is out there thinking, "hey, she/he is fantastic, maybe I should try that myself....."

MissFlitworth

thewindcries wrote: »

Anyway I always get the sense (particularly online) that people are jealous of my talent.. And let me say that REALLY infuriates me.. There is this thread on a forum (for people with my issues) which is for posting videos of yourself. So I post up a video recording of my playing, and I get ignored. It is viewed, yet I am ignored, while people who videod themselves munching on a pack sweets get several comments...

There could be a few reasons for that OP bar jealousy - do you comment on other people's videos? Normally when you share round praise you get praise, people can be reluctant to comment on something when the person who posted it doesnt seem to take part in their community.


The other thing I thought of is that if you are posting on a forum with a lot of younger people on it then the style of music you play might be an issue. You say you play with a lot of 40-60 year olds so I'm thinking it's something in the jazz/classical/trad line? In which case you'd be better off posting your stuff on a forum where lots of people with the same interests as you hang out

LegacyUser

thewindcries wrote: »

First off, I am a guy (22) who has severe social problems as a result of lifelong low self- esteem. I can't even go out of the house most days. The only moments where I do not feel anxiety and can be relatively confident are when I am out performing (I'm a musician).

Now for some reason, I even have to feel guilty saying this.. but the thing is I am 'naturally talented' in that regard. I work mostly with older musicians in their 40's - 60's, and would be considered on there level. So music has become the ONLY good thing I see about myself. I'm worthless in every other aspect.

So being able to express my abilities to people does actually help me cope. Without it, I think I'd be dead by now if I'm honest. Although sometimes I am pushed to the edge regardless...

Anyway I always get the sense (particularly online) that people are jealous of my talent.. And let me say that REALLY infuriates me.. There is this thread on a forum (for people with my issues) which is for posting videos of yourself. So I post up a video recording of my playing, and I get ignored. It is viewed, yet I am ignored, while people who videod themselves munching on a pack sweets get several comments...

Jealousy is the only rational explanation I can put that down to that of course. I put it on another similar forum too, and the same result..

It seriously does push me to the edge. I mean you have people being constantly admired for their good looks wherever they go and that's not even something one EARNS ffs!!!!

And the above is why I can't even go out unless I am able to express my musicial abilities. I feel like a worthless hideous nobody otherwise... and want to kill myself.

Right this was not much more than a rant. Had to do get it out before I ended up breaking something.. This is just the story of my worthless miserable life.

Are you not judging people here, yet you want to be accepted and not judged? Maybe those people who are good looking aren't lucky enough to have a musical gift or be naturally very talented. What about someone who has battled with a weight problem and manages to lose weight and looks amazing, did they not earn it? OP you are judging people on face value and not knowing them, yet you give out that people don't recognise and praise your talent as it's all you "feel" you have going for them. Yet you criticise people for praising others on something that may be for all you know all they have going for them. Double standards. OP, I don't suffer with low self esteem, yet there's nothing that seems scarier to me than getting up and singing/playing an instrument in front of a crowd. Yet i've been told I could sing, I have a good ear for music etc.

LegacyUser

Girlene wrote: »

Are you not judging people here, yet you want to be accepted and not judged? Maybe those people who are good looking aren't lucky enough to have a musical gift or be naturally very talented. What about someone who has battled with a weight problem and manages to lose weight and looks amazing, did they not earn it? OP you are judging people on face value and not knowing them, yet you give out that people don't recognise and praise your talent as it's all you "feel" you have going for them. Yet you criticise people for praising others on something that may be for all you know all they have going for them. Double standards. OP, I don't suffer with low self esteem, yet there's nothing that seems scarier to me than getting up and singing/playing an instrument in front of a crowd. Yet i've been told I could sing, I have a good ear for music etc.

I can tell you that if I had the opportunity to trade my 'gift' for an attractive appearance, I would do it in a heartbeat. I could then walk down to the shops or go for a pint without feeling worthless, undesired and inferior. I could also have a girlfriend.. All the normal things in life people take for granted. I have been denied all this, and lumped with my 'gift' as a replacement...

I have a miserable life despite my talent, which you seem to treat as this amazing blessing that one should be content with. Well I have a ****ty, miserable life despite it.

Ave Sodalis

OP if you wallow in this, it will keep dragging you down. Instead of complaining that all you have is a talent, actually do something about that talent and develop it further.
People who go around thinking that they are worthless do not make friends because a) they are closed and unapproachable in body language and b) nobody wants to hear someone constantly complain about how bad their life is. It's a hard fact but it's true.
You have a choice OP, get help if you are suffering from depression or else stop wallowing in your own misery, think of the positives in life and the rest (the girlfriends etc) will come in time. In general, I find a talent attractive in itself, what I don't find attractive is negativity.

I know it's a bit of a harsh post but seriously, sitting and thinking about it all the time will not help. It'll only make it worse. Again, seek professional help if it's depression...

LegacyUser

thewindcries wrote: »

I can tell you that if I had the opportunity to trade my 'gift' for an attractive appearance, I would do it in a heartbeat. I could then walk down to the shops or go for a pint without feeling worthless, undesired and inferior. I could also have a girlfriend.. All the normal things in life people take for granted. I have been denied all this, and lumped with my 'gift' as a replacement...

I have a miserable life despite my talent, which you seem to treat as this amazing blessing that one should be content with. Well I have a ****ty, miserable life despite it.

So you're problem is your shallow not insecure? You dismiss having an incredible talent because you'd rather be pretty? hat do you think will happen when you're older and your looks fade will your gifts/talents/qualities be still useless?

ztoical

thewindcries wrote: »

I can tell you that if I had the opportunity to trade my 'gift' for an attractive appearance, I would do it in a heartbeat. I could then walk down to the shops or go for a pint without feeling worthless, undesired and inferior. I could also have a girlfriend.. All the normal things in life people take for granted. I have been denied all this, and lumped with my 'gift' as a replacement...

I have a miserable life despite my talent, which you seem to treat as this amazing blessing that one should be content with. Well I have a ****ty, miserable life despite it.

OP If you are suffering from social anexity to such a degree you can't leave your home then you should be getting professional treatment for it not making yourself more upset by trolling internet sites and getting so worked up about it. As someone whose suffered from anxeity and depression for years and has found great comfort with my art I find it very odd that you've become so negative towards your music and urge you to speak with your GP if you haven't already about getting proper treatment. Being good looking does not equal someone being happy, getting a girlfriend etc etc....it's a common thing for people with depression/anxeity to get hung up on things like that and your not doing yourself any favors by getting so upset over it.

LegacyUser

I have been in and out of therapy for as long as I can remember (diagnosed with this and that). It's nothing new, and honestly it's been nothing but a waste of time.

I don't know why I'm even doing this, but here is a photo of me for those curious (will delete in due course)...

<SNIP>

And btw the above is THE MOST flattering photo of me in existence.. A lucky shot I think. It's amazing what the right angle can do... Just thought I'd mention that before people tell me there's nothing wrong.

I simply don't attract women and that says it all to me.

dudara

OP - I have removed the link to your picture.

I read your original post and the only piece of advice I have is not to look for validation on the internet. You will never get true, honest feedback on the net.

mikemac

Not to be harsh OP but it's up to you to change this.

You seem to be wallowing in misery and unhappy you haven't been blessed with good looks.
Well you're 22 now and you'll be feeling even worse at 32 if you don't change

You will never have friends and a girlfriend with this constant negativity, it just pushes people away and who wants to be around misery.
And you're coming across as shallow and judging people who are better looking then you

You have a talent and you can post videos of yourself online and could have a go at performing.
Work at it, go to the section of boards when people hook up for to join bands. You'll be out performing, meeting people and possibly getting paid.

Better then posting a video on the internet and hoping for validation.