She wants me to do something that I don't want to do... (possible topic NSFW)

LegacyUser

Registered user going unreg'd for this one.

I'm a 25 year old German male living in Dublin. I'm currently engaged to be married to my most wonderful fiancée, who is also 25 and is originally from New York.

My problem is this: as mentioned above, my fiancée is American. Before she met me, she had never had sexual contact with anyone who wasn't American. The culture in America is that the vast majority of men are circumcised.

We met six months ago and we've been head over heels ever since. We are genuinely in love and I would do anything for her and she would do anything for me. Just thinking about her puts a smile on my face and I hate to be apart from her for any length of time.

We also have a very wide, varied and healthy sex life. We have done pretty much everything in the bedroom and thoroughly enjoy our time together.

However, over the past few weeks she has made overtures about my penis. I'm uncircumcised, and she just cannot get 'used' to it. She says it just looks and feels so different and she prefers her lovers to be circumcised. I've tried to laugh it off and stuff, but it she is getting more and more... 'insistent' is the only word I can think of, but she isn't really insisting that I do anything yet.

We intend to get married in a secular ceremony (I'm an atheist and she does not practice any particular religion) so it would not be a religious issue for me to get circumcised. It is simply a cultural one, in that she is more used to circumcised men.

My problem is: I'm terrified of this operation. I do not want to lose some of the most sensitive and erogenous tissue of my body, no matter what anyone says. I've researched circumcision a lot on the internet lately, and some of what I have found has horrified me. While an unbiased site on the subject is pretty non-existent, from what I can gather is that my penis would become de-sensitised and masturbation (something I still enjoy) becomes much more difficult and orgasms can be also more difficult to acheive. Also, I do not find it very aesthetically pleasing.

I don't want to upset my fiancée, but I also do not want to get circumcised. What can I do? It is my body and I feel that any decision made about it should be mine.

Eve_Dublin

Scared-Guy wrote: »

....It is my body and I feel that any decision made about it should be mine.

And that's what it comes down to. It's your body and 100% your decision. Sounds like you don't like the idea at all, so don't do it OP just because she think it looks unusual. To be honest, it sounds as if your girlfriend needs to open her mind a little more and realise that she's going out with a European man where circumcision is not standard. If she only wants you to do it for asthetic reasons, then she's being completely unreasonable because the sensation for her is the same (well, I'm speaking from my own experience here). There's no difference with this and you trying to convince her to get breasts implants. Does she honestly expect you to go through this painful and unnecessary operation just because she doesn't like the look of your penis with foreskin? How come this is only an issue now? Sounds like you've a full and healthy sex life regardless of whether you have foreskin or not and she's being insensitive making these comments. How would she feel if you made similar comments regarding her breast size for example?

This is something she has to get used to. She chosen to marry a man from a different culture and with that will bring some differences that she needs to adjust to. If this is something that would make or break your relationship, then it probably wasn't worth it in the first place. Talk to her and explain to her what you explained to us and how the idea of an operation scares you, particularly as it's unnecessary for both of you beyond aesthetics.

ElleEm

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

And that's what it comes down to. It's your body and 100% your decision. Sounds like you don't like the idea at all, so don't do it OP just because she think it looks unusual. To be honest, it sounds as if your girlfriend needs to open her mind a little more and realise that she's going out with a European man where circumcision is not standard. If she only wants you to do it for asthetic reasons, then she's being completely unreasonable because the sensation for her is the same (well, I'm speaking from my own experience here). There's no difference with this and you trying to convince her to get breasts implants. Does she honestly expect you to go through this painful and unnecessary operation just because she doesn't like the look of your penis with foreskin? How come this is only an issue now? Sounds like you've a full and healthy sex life regardless of whether you have foreskin or not and she's being insensitive making these comments. How would she feel if you made similar comments regarding her breast size for example?

This is something she has to get used to. She chosen to marry a man from a different culture and with that will bring some differences that she needs to adjust to. If this is something that would make or break your relationship, then it probably wasn't worth it in the first place. Talk to her and explain to her what you explained to us and how the idea of an operation scares you, particularly as it's unnecessary for both of you beyond aesthetics.

+ 1 to all of this.

I wonder how she would react if you told her to have vaginoplasty. Ask her!! I wouldn't say she's be too impressed.

It is your body and you should not feel pressure to do anything with it that makes you uncomfortable.

On a side note, I know you love your fiancee very much, but you are only together six months. I would be concerned about her finding other things to change about you.

CrazyRabbit

If she can't accept you as you are, then I would have serious concerns about her commitment to you.

metrovelvet

Tell her to get over it or get stuffed. Most American males are circumsised, but so what? Im from NYC too and to ask someone to do that is way out of line.

I cant believe the goddamned nerve.

*I just edit this to add, that yes in general the culture does circumsize males at birth [although that is changing with boys being born now adays] , but the culture does not advocate putting pressure on adult males to get circumsised because you think it looks weird. FFS.

shinikins

Wow. Your Fiance sounds like a beaut, to be honest. She's had no problem with you for the last six months, but in recent weeks has been insisting you change something about your physical appearance for her sake. Have you asked her how she would feel if you told her to have a boob job because your used to a bigger cup size than hers? I'm pretty sure she would be offended.

From a womans perspective there is absolutely no difference between a circumcised and uncircumcised penis during sex. I would be telling her no, in a pretty unequivocal way. If she chooses to push the issue even after that, it would make me question whether she was happy in the relationship at all.

Little Acorn

Why is it just all of a sudden that she has started saying these things? As long as everything is kept clean down there, then i don't know what her sudden problem is.
I can never understand what makes some people feel that they have a right to tell other people what to do with their bodies.
Fair enough in a relationship you could certainly tactfully discuss and state your preference for certain things, but if the person is not interested you should just leave it at that, and not keep insisting that they change to suit you.
She sounds very controlling.
Just tell her no, and she can either put up or shut up.
If she leaves, you can thank your lucky stars that you didn't marry someone who would would be willing to leave you over the simple issue of foreskin.
If she stays which I think she will, then just tell her that you no longer wish to hear her keep going on about it, as you have made your decision and are sticking to it.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

This is insane, OP. She has no right to keep bringing something like this up.

So she isn't used to uncircumcised penises. And you have one.

If she doesn't like you, she can end the relationship. At most, she can mention it to you. But she has no right to ask you to change, especially when that change involves a knife to your penis. I'm female, and even I cringe thinking about a fully grown adult having to go through that procedure. Plus the recovery. If this is the kind of way she deals with issues (as ridiculous as it is to have an issue with it) then I strongly suggest sitting her down and discussing why she goes about things in this way. Hopefully you two can figure something out together, but you really can't get married until you have this resolved.

Taltos

OP - this would terrify me too.
For me not only would it be a rejection of my penis - it would be a rejection of me as who I am. I know I know all the jokes about men thinkng with their penis but our sexuality and how we feel about ourselves does help define us and our emotional well being.

My response would have been alot more crass and one that would pretty much ensure the end of the relationship "oh sure honey provided we can put it in the prenup that you give it back when we get divorced..."

I'm sorry but the nerve of insisting. I can get asking once or twice - but either she respects you and your choice or she needs to get lost.

Neyite

Any person who tries to insist their partner get any type of cosmetic surgery* for their own sexual pleasure is out of order.


Tell her you have researched it, and your answer is no.


*in this case, its neither for religious nor medical reasons so I would see it as a cosmetic procedure.

metrovelvet

Taltos wrote: »

OP - this would terrify me too.
For me not only would it be a rejection of my penis - it would be a rejection of me as who I am. I know I know all the jokes about men thinkng with their penis but our sexuality and how we feel about ourselves does help define us and our emotional well being.

My response would have been alot more crass and one that would pretty much ensure the end of the relationship "oh sure honey provided we can put it in the prenup that you give it back when we get divorced..."

I'm sorry but the nerve of insisting. I can get asking once or twice - but either she respects you and your choice or she needs to get lost.

Listen, in a city full of plastic surgery, where circumcision is the norm, not only for the 50% Jewish population, but for most boys born before 10 years ago, she may not even realise that this is a pretty big thing to ask someone to do.

I have certainly heard of boob job requests from boyfriends, or voluntary masectomies from lesbian girlfriends, and you name it, people, are not afraid to ask each other to do things like this with of course the full understanding that they are in their full rights to tell you to stuff it.

Permabear

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metrovelvet

Permabear wrote: »

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Look, I know that. You know that. And I dont support circumcision myself, but she is 25 and hasnt got a clue and he really has to step up and set a boundary here and its up to him to do that, and be very direct, its what New Yorkers expect. If you are subtle it wont count.

banie01

Dude! Its your penis, tell her straight out no!
I second wholeheartedly what Permabear said!
If a man had said this to woman he would be lambasted for condoning Female Genital Mutilation FFS!
As long as you have no health issues caused by a foreskin! Keep it!
If you ever decide to lose it.....Lose it because you want to, Not because you want to meet her stereotype of an ideal looking penis!

On a side note....Women do go wild for sales...Maybe she prefers 10%off :P

tinkerbell

Permabear wrote: »

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Exactly - I would imagine there is a major difference going through that kind of an operation as an adult compared to when the person is a baby.

OP, if it is something you don't want, then tell her that. She has no right to insist on you going through an operation just because it's something she would prefer. How would she feel if you asked her have surgery because you found it more pleasing? I'd like to see her reaction if you said "hey gf, I want you to get a boob job because I'm used to women with bigger boobs".

metrovelvet

^ Its not that much fun for the babies either.

tinkerbell

metrovelvet wrote: »

^ Its not that much fun for the babies either.

Oh yeah obviously - I wasn't trying to disregard it for when a baby has the operation but obviously there is a big difference mentally between a baby and a grown man as the grown man would have a serious emotional attachment to their private parts being as far away as possible from an operating theatre for that kind of procedure.

deisemum

I'm female and I'm shuddering at the thoughts of anyone having such a procedure.

You've been together 6 months and she's been happy with your penis until recently and is like a dog with a bone (pardon the slight pun) and is not respecting you.

Her insistance about it would worry me and I wouldn't be surprised if she's a controlling sort and your only starting to have your eyes opened to this side of her. The frog in the boiling water springs to mind.

metrovelvet

tinkerbell wrote: »

Oh yeah obviously - I wasn't trying to disregard it for when a baby has the operation but obviously there is a big difference mentally between a baby and a grown man as the grown man would have a serious emotional attachment to their private parts being as far away as possible from an operating theatre for that kind of procedure.

Well...not to go too OT bit it requires GA and there are risks with that for infants as well as any surgery on infants because of potential blood loss and how they can bleed out, so I dunno... the risks are in some ways greater for infant surgery than adult ...but I think its bull**** if its not for med reasons for any age.

I dont think the point is really about a grown man vs an infant, but this is a boundary issue of the highest order. If OP gives into this, he is absolutely doomed.

Its absolutely crazy and must be so hard for Europeans to understand this because IT IS ABSOLUTELY CRAZY, but a lot of them really do think its weird.

implausible

Scared-Guy wrote: »

However, over the past few weeks she has made overtures about my penis. I'm uncircumcised, and she just cannot get 'used' to it. She says it just looks and feels so different and she prefers her lovers to be circumcised.

I have never had a conversation with my other half about the penises of other men I've been with. Neither would I be overly keen on a graphic description of the anatomy of women he's been with.

OP, she's marrying you, you're not just another lover. Say 'no', it's too much to ask of you.

LegacyUser

Marriage is a lifetime commitment, she's got all the time in the world to "get used to it".

I much prefer a circumcised penis but I would never in a billion years suggest to a guy that he have it done, or for that matter want a man that I love to go through the pain and danger of the surgery. Not cool.

fghijkl

However, over the past few weeks she has made overtures about my penis. I'm uncircumcised, and she just cannot get 'used' to it. She says it just looks and feels so different and she prefers her lovers to be circumcised. I've tried to laugh it off and stuff, but it she is getting more and more... 'insistent' is the only word I can think of, but she isn't really insisting that I do anything yet.

This is just psychological bullying imho
This woman sounds awful
How would she feel if you told her you'd prefer your lovers to have smaller labia or bigger tits or something:rolleyes:

For someone who is supposed to love you to make comments about something so personal is just unacceptable, it's bordering on mental abuse.
Is she marrying you or your penis ffs.

You've only known her 6 months, maybe it's just a case of her true colours starting to show
I'd tell her in no uncertain terms that if she continues to make comments she can take a hike.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Think some people are being a bit hard on my fiancée... she is my baby, I love her so much and I would (nearly!!!) do anything for her, and she would for me.

Thanks all the same to everyone for all their replies... I'm going to talk to her about this either tonight when she gets home from work or tomorrow.

She is NOT the heartless, horrible person some people have made her out to be. A previous poster mentioned that she does probably not realise how big a deal this operation is outside the US. If I tell her how I feel and how uncomfortable I am, I can be very sure she will be fine with it. She probably thought it was just a little snip and it was over (never mind that it takes up to 6 weeks to heal, during which there is no sex or masturbation!!!).

Thanks to all who replied... will update here on how the chat with her goes....

LoGiE

Wow op, 6 months in, your engaged and she wants you to mutilate yourself for no good reason. Put your god damn foot down and say no or expect to be walked over for the rest of your married life.

I think as another poster mentioned you could ask if she would be willing to do the same for you if it was the norm in your country.... watch her run a mile.

Permabear

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Thoie

99% of me thinks "to hell with her" and agrees with everyone else that she's being completely unreasonable.

The other 1% is wondering where this suddenly came from, and if it's purely an aesthetic/pleasure thing. I don't expect (or want!) you to answer here, but have you checked your personal hygiene? Just to rule out that this isn't some cack-handed attempt on her part to bring up a sensitive topic. Once you've ruled that out, then tell her to feck off.

Sleepy

Ask her if you were African would she be prepared to undergo FGM in order to please your cultural obsession with unnecessary mutilation?

The Hygiene thing was never valid, it was an excuse made by doctors to cover up their religion's insane treatment of their young.

irishdude11

Tell her to get on her bike if she doesnt like it. And tell her there is no point hanging around Dublin if she doesn't like unmutilated mickeys. It would crazy to get a circumcision that wasn't medically needed. A small % of every type of surgery can go wrong, and you do not want to be one of the unlucky few who end up with a botched circumcision...

opinion guy

Gotta say I agree with crazyrabbit. I would have doubts about the whole relationship over this. To be so insistent about something after agreeing to get married.

I have to ask you - how well do you really know this girl ? And it really sounds as though she is pushing you. First circumcision - whats next - lop off a bollock cause it hangs lower then the other one ?

Oh and don't whatever you do get an unnecessary circumcision. THough I highly doubt you will find a surgeon in Ireland who would do an adult circumcision without medical need in any case.

I am a friend

The big issue for me is now she seems to be shoeing her true colours. True love can happen in 6 months but it seems age has been showing her best side up to now and maybe in reality you don't know your fiancée all that well.

Tread carefully here and dont rush into the ceremony until you are sure you can live with her

LegacyUser

For mutilating yourself for no apparent reason other than "Simon says" I'd be looking for some sign of commitment here .. get her to tattoo "property of" on her forehead!! ...oh and have her lob of a breast because they're not exactly the same size - alternatively get "property of" on your forehead if you go through with this. you need to draw a line here.

.... sit her down and go through the myths and misunderstandings of circumcision. I have to say this is very disrespectful. Relationships are all about meeting halfway but unnecessary surgery is a shocking request. Whats next on her list of requests.

I would hope a doctor would send her packing with this request - something to do with hippocratic oath

metrovelvet

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I know there is a growing movement in the last ten years. This girl is 25, so she has probably been with men around that age group and I would bet they are all circumsized.

Im with you PB, I dont know of any women myself in the US who would be freaked out, or have the nerve to request one unless it was part of a conversion [Jewish], and I have heard hints of that here and there back home in NYC. But she is from NYC with a high Jewish population so I would say the stats on circumcision are a bit higher than the rest of the country.

The whole circumcision thing in the US is a hangover from Victorian English medicine they inherited, but like so many post colonial nation, the coloniser moves on and some of the more fuddy duddy stuff get left behind, like our obsession with cleanliness.

Imjust trying to imagine what is going on in her head. She hasnt actually come out and asked him to do anything about it, so far just expressing a preference, very insensitively I might add, but its up to him to set the boundary and say he is very uncomfortable with what she is saying, he has an intact penis he is very happy with and she will just have to suck it up. End of.

I look at this as a boundary issue and its one of those things he has to dig his heels in about.

*I was kind of suprised by that Sex and the City episode too, but then I chalked it down to most women I know grew up in European or South American households where circumcision or lack of was not such a big deal.

Firetrap

I am a friend wrote: »

The big issue for me is now she seems to be shoeing her true colours. True love can happen in 6 months but it seems age has been showing her best side up to now and maybe in reality you don't know your fiancée all that well.

Tread carefully here and don't rush into the ceremony until you are sure you can live with her

That's what's ringing alarm bells for me too. You only know her six months and are still in the "honeymoon" phase for want of a better description. Tread carefully.

kylith

Firetrap wrote: »

That's what's ringing alarm bells for me too. You only know her six months and are still in the "honeymoon" phase for want of a better description. Tread carefully.

I agree. OP, six months is not a very long time to get to know someone and you should definitely tread carefully and not rush into anything.

If you don't want to get circumcised, and I can't really imagine why you would if you have no medical reason, then don't. If she insists that it's her or your foreskin tell her you've known your foreskin longer, and it's never made any unreasonable demands of you.

From the female point of view: there is no difference between a circumcised and uncircumcised penis when it comes to the act of sex. TBH uncircumcised are better during, um, 'manual handling', but with or without a foreskin it's the person you love, not the penis.

LegacyUser

OP here.

Thanks to all the replies, really have helped me with this issue.

Just to let anyone know, it could not possibly be a hygiene problem; I shower at least twice daily (first thing in the morning when I wake up, and then in the evening either after I go to the gym or when I get home from work), and I always clean 'down there' very carefully and I am certain there is never any smell or anything down there.

I screwed up the courage to talk to my fiancée about this, and finally did... after we had made love!!! haha... was kinda funny. Pillow talk as it were...

But she was very surprised. She was very apologetic at making such an issue of this. She says she simply does not know why she prefers circumcised men, but she just does. But she also said she never expected me to get circumcised! She is very sorry that she said it, because she never realised how sensitive I would be about it (cannot imagine how she could think I'd take it well!!!!!!!!)

But I think it has gone well, and I don't think that there is any more issue.

Also, for people worried that she is something of a domineering person, she is not... she is the sweetest, kindest, most loving and best person I know, and this is why I want to spend the rest of my life with her. One little issue like this is bound to arise... and hopefully it is now solved. Thank you to you, boardsies! Much appreciated...

chloek

Scared-Guy wrote: »

I don't want to upset my fiancée, but I also do not want to get circumcised. What can I do? It is my body and I feel that any decision made about it should be mine.

You are absolutely correct here it is your body and your choice alone. she is asking you to do something that is not necessary. If she can persuade you to do this what will she want you to do next.

booboo88

mental..... but glad you sorted it out op. theres NO reason you should put yourself under any surgical knife unless absolutely necessary!

Gyalist

Scared-Guy wrote: »

But I think it has gone well, and I don't think that there is any more issue.

If you're planning to have children in the future, would she expect you to agree to have your son/s circumcised?

Also, for people worried that she is something of a domineering person, she is not... she is the sweetest, kindest, most loving and best person I know, and this is why I want to spend the rest of my life with her. One little issue like this is bound to arise... and hopefully it is now solved. Thank you to you, boardsies! Much appreciated...

Tread very carefully here. People don't need to be domineering to be manipulative.

opinion guy

Gyalist wrote: »

If you're planning to have children in the future, would she expect you to agree to have your son/s circumcised?

Excellent question. One to be answered OP if you are planning marriage

metrovelvet

opinion guy wrote: »

Excellent question. One to be answered OP if you are planning marriage

My guess is yes, but if they are in Ireland circumcision isnt done and if they are in the US she cant do it without his consent.

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

My guess is yes, but if they are in Ireland circumcision isnt done and if they are in the US she cant do it without his consent.

It's not done automatically but you can still get it done!

Beruthiel

Scared-Guy wrote: »

I don't want to upset my fiancée, but I also do not want to get circumcised. What can I do? It is my body and I feel that any decision made about it should be mine.

In all fairness, she has absolutely no right to ask you to do this. In fact, how dare her bring it up and suggest it's an actually issue for her.
It is totally unnecessary and if you do not want to get it done, then don't.
If she doesn't like that, tough sh!t.
If this is the only thing she has to complain about in your relationship, the girl needs a reality check.

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Just to update anyone on this, I've spoken to my fiancée about this and she APOLOGISED for even saying it!!! She DID NOT mean it like it sounded to me. It was just a slip on her part, and she was absolutely, genuinely regretful.

Gyalist wrote: »

If you're planning to have children in the future, would she expect you to agree to have your son/s circumcised?

Actually, this is something that I did talk about following our previous conversation, and she said she would not want this at all. Which is good, because I was going to launch into a "No son of mine..." rant about it! haha.

She went and researched the topic of circumcision a bit after we talked and was upset at some of the things she found out... And she said she would NEVER do that to any of our sons (if we have any in the future). But she said that even if she had not researched at all, she would be unlikely to get her sons circumcised anyway, as she did believe that it caused babies a lot of pain and she didn't want that...

I know how bad it may have sounded, boardsies... but please, I do know her very well. We share our lives together and I'm going to marry her in the near future. I love her, she loves me and we want to spend our lives together and she is NOT manipulative or controlling at all. I know how bad what she said sounded (even to me!), but it was not meant like that and I realise that now.

So... I'm not getting 'cut'. She does not want me to get 'cut'. And none of our future baby boys will be 'cut'. It's all good.

Elle Collins

I know I'm risking a ban here but I think in this case it's called for: You need to tell her to go and fcukoff and get her labia sliced off while she's at it. The nerve of her! I don't even know you and I'm fuming!! :mad:

Lumen

Without wishing to appeal unhelpful, perhaps some perspective is needed.

I have difficulty believing that a woman who has ""done pretty much everything in the bedroom" would have an issue with a bit of clean skin. Is she suggesting, for instance, that a dirty sanchez would be fine as long as you were circumsized?

Also, whilst this may appear to be a big problem now, conventional wisdom suggests that the frequency with which this will be an issue after you get married will decrease drastically. It'll all blow over.

booboo88

Scared-Guy wrote: »

OP here again.

Just to update anyone on this, I've spoken to my fiancée about this and she APOLOGISED for even saying it!!! She DID NOT mean it like it sounded to me. It was just a slip on her part, and she was absolutely, genuinely regretful.



Actually, this is something that I did talk about following our previous conversation, and she said she would not want this at all. Which is good, because I was going to launch into a "No son of mine..." rant about it! haha.

She went and researched the topic of circumcision a bit after we talked and was upset at some of the things she found out... And she said she would NEVER do that to any of our sons (if we have any in the future). But she said that even if she had not researched at all, she would be unlikely to get her sons circumcised anyway, as she did believe that it caused babies a lot of pain and she didn't want that...

I know how bad it may have sounded, boardsies... but please, I do know her very well. We share our lives together and I'm going to marry her in the near future. I love her, she loves me and we want to spend our lives together and she is NOT manipulative or controlling at all. I know how bad what she said sounded (even to me!), but it was not meant like that and I realise that now.

So... I'm not getting 'cut'. She does not want me to get 'cut'. And none of our future baby boys will be 'cut'. It's all good.

So its fine for her to ask you....but she doesnt want it done to her kids??
selfish much?

Kimia

Guys, bloody hell, can we put down the torches now please? He's clarified over and over again that she didn't realise what she was asking and that he loves her and she's cool. Calm down!! OP I'm glad it all got sorted for you.

LegacyUser

OP here...

Kimia wrote: »

Guys, bloody hell, can we put down the torches now please? He's clarified over and over again that she didn't realise what she was asking and that he loves her and she's cool. Calm down!! OP I'm glad it all got sorted for you.

Thank you... It really is hurtful how many people here judge my fiancée and demonise her in such a bad way.

I can kind of understand how it sounded. I mean, it sounded bad to me. But once we talked it out and I explained how I felt about it and she is so sorry about what she said. She doesn't really know why she brought it up at all now, and we're so happy that this issue has been resolved.

It is a very touchy issue tho, I'll admit. It sounded so bad at first; but it's so much better now.

Not to say anything bad, but to those who were quick to judge: I've never met anyone quite like my fiancée. She is the sweetest person I know and I love her so much. She is absolutely the light of my life and I just know that I will be so happy when we finally get married. We are leaning towards setting a date before the end of the year, by the way. I also know that when we have children, she will be a most wonderful, loving mother.

I can appreciate the judgements tho, as you do not know her as I do, and probably can only do it on the face of one little issue that arose.

Thanks to all who replied and helped. Even those who criticised and used a bit of hyperbole in their posts, you were trying to help. Thanks!

metrovelvet

You know ...this is a perfect example of how most things can be solved by good communication and how most problems are caused by bad communication.

It is also an example of how feedback, advice,perspective from others can all be determined by what the poster or complainer initially presents.

I too, jumped to judge, because I was picking up on what you were presenting and your interpretation of what she was saying as a demand. As I thought more about it, when I realised she hadnt actually COME OUT and made a demand, that she may have just been expressing her feelings about it and that was all there was too it. But because you HEARD it as a demand, and presented it here as a demand, I read it that way too.

Am happy for you that you resolved it.