I want to live in the country..she the city

LegacyUser

I love my wife but this is making me miserable to think about.
I married a girl from another country, so she has no family here and pretty much depends on me for everything. Her English is pretty good but not at an office level, shes finding it very hard to get work.
We have enough saved now to buy a house and I know she would prefer it to be near the city (Dublin). She likes to be near to people even if she doesnt make friends with them (she is very shy here except with me).

I really would like to buy a place in the countryside as I feel my heart just comes to a happy place there, its hard to describe but I really really like the country living.

We are getting to place where we need to decide to live..where we will make an offer for a house. I don't want to live in Dublin city, i'd much prefer to live in the Wicklow mountains to be honest, like Laragh or Glendalough or somewhere like that. But what would she do?, we could get a house in a village up there, but is there even voluntary work up there for her to occupy her day?

So, should we bid on a place near Dublin city that makes me miserable or a place in a country village that might make her the same? I'm really stressing about this

Roselm

How about somewhere within striking distance of Dublin? Somewhere that is in the country but has access to public transport.
Maybe near to Lusk, Rush, Skerries, Donabate?

Distorted

I should think moving to an isolated spot in the country would be a recipe for disaster for your girlfriend if she is feeling the way you describe. She is going to be feel very isolated, bored and lonely. Unless she has any hobbies that might help her make friends in more of a rural setting. Does she like horses? Cycling? Does she drive so she could do a college course in a local town?

Why did she come to Ireland in the first place? Was it for a job or to study?

There are plenty of girls who like the country and you must have been attracted to her for other reasons than what you have in common, so I would say its up to you to compromise on where you want to live. If you can afford semi rural, thats probably the way to go just now. Maybe in time she will feel more settled and you can move somewhere more isolated.

Daisy M

Is it possible for ye to choose a small town\village ye both like and rent for 6months to see how it suits ye both?

solovely

I would agree with Is Mise Astra, try renting in a village first.

Also, if she is lonely and shy, wouldn't the countryside suit her better where people are more open and friendly, and there is more of a community? Would she be open to joining local clubs, volunteering, etc. There is much more scope to build relationships in small communities. Also, do you know any areas where other people from her country live that she could possibly make friends with?

Has she ever lived in the countryside before? Has she any big reasons for not wanting this?

What kind of work does she do? Is there no chance she could do this or something similar in the countryside?

What about kids, etc? Have you thought this far and about schools, etc?

Emme

Don't rush into buying a place just yet. What about renting in a small village for a year or so to see how she gets on? Her English should improve over time and that will give you more options in future. Rents are fairly cheap now.

At the moment there's no point in you spending your hard earned money on a place in the city if you're going to be miserable there, or a house in an isolated rural area if she's going to be unhappy there.

LegacyUser

Thanks very much guys, the renting idea makes most sense it seems.. We both want to buy but with house prices still falling, maybe waiting another year is no harm.
I talked to her abut renting for a year and she agreed it was fair and sensible so that's what we will do
The plan is to look for a house in a country village rather than the countryside proper so there is maybe the best of both worlds so I hope it goes well for both of us.

Thanks very much all for your suggestions

StillWaters

Distorted wrote: »

I should think moving to an isolated spot in the country would be a recipe for disaster for your girlfriend if she is feeling the way you describe. She is going to be feel very isolated, bored and lonely. Unless she has any hobbies that might help her make friends in more of a rural setting. Does she like horses? Cycling? Does she drive so she could do a college course in a local town?

Why did she come to Ireland in the first place? Was it for a job or to study?

There are plenty of girls who like the country and you must have been attracted to her for other reasons than what you have in common, so I would say its up to you to compromise on where you want to live. If you can afford semi rural, thats probably the way to go just now. Maybe in time she will feel more settled and you can move somewhere more isolated.

I agree, I think it would be very unfair to expect her to live in an isolated spot, especially if she doesn't drive. Somewhere like Greystones might suit to rent, a village feel, easy access to mountains and sea, yet DART into town.