Should I go to "friends" wedding?

LegacyUser

Hi,

Not really serious, just torn on what to do? A girl I know for years/went to school with etc is due to get married soon and I am seriously contemplating not going to wedding. Why? Basically the hens was a while back and was the first time we've seen her in over 2 years. She couldn't decide on the theme for then hens and when she did she needed to order stuff for it, we only found she'd ordered this because we asked her so then had to proceed to go and try and organise our own stuff. She went home ridiculously early the main night of the hen party. She left abruptly the next day and didn't even say thanks for coming to anyone. She had originally planned to give us all individual invites for the wedding with +1. She has changed this as it's costing her too much, so got one of the girls to ask us if we'd now mind not bringing +1s, so we've all had to uninvite our friends/partners etc who we'd planned on bringing even though some of her closer friends who didn't show to the hens are still bringing their +1s. There's no rooms left in the hotel the night of the wedding and we were never told we needed to book etc so we have to arrange a bus back. I doubt this girl is going to suddenly make the effort to meet up with this from here to the wedding or any time after it. I am raging with her carry on and the fact the hens cost everyone a fortune, which to be honest is money I badly could have used for other stuff. Hence, I am really considering not going to the wedding. Do you think this is bitchy? What would you do?

username123

weddingdilemma wrote: »

....the first time we've seen her in over 2 years.

If you havent seen someone in over 2 years (unless they live in a different country and youre in good internet/email contact) - then why did you bother going to the hens at all - let alone the wedding!!!

If you dont want to go - for whatever reason - dont go.

Babooshka

username123 wrote: »

If you havent seen someone in over 2 years (unless they live in a different country and youre in good internet/email contact) - then why did you bother going to the hens at all - let alone the wedding!!!

If you dont want to go - for whatever reason - dont go.

Could not agree more, this is a no brainer...spend your money on people you care about cos you obviously aren't a friend of hers, nor she yours.

Miss Fluff

Why would you even be ar$ed? You'll end up forking out a fortune on an event that you don't even want to be at. Don't go with a bad grace and give yourself hypertension in the process, life is too short for that kind of carry on. Just apologise and say you won't be able to make it and send her a nice wedding card.

Kevin Duffy

So often I see the word "friend" in a thread title and by the time I've read the OP, I'm saying "this person is not a friend at all".

Toots

Don't bother going, it doesn't sound like she cares a whole lot about her guests anyway.

ongarboy

Ask yourself this question, OP. If you were getting married, would you want people at your wedding that didn't want to be there? I'm sure the answer is no. Therefore, you are doing yourself and this girl a favour by not attending her wedding. Just be polite and send an RSVP declining that you already had a previous engagement that you can't break. I doubt this "friend" who treats you badly and hadn't interacted with you for years is going to pursue you for declining. Her shortsightedness at inviting people and their +1s and then backtracking is astonishing!

LegacyUser

OP, you're only being invited as a second thought. Without insulting you, you will not be missed if you don't go.

Spend your money on someone more deserving, yourself.

snugglebear

I agree with the previous posters- definitly wouldn't go, there would be no point going just to feel miserable all day, your 'friend' doesn't seem like a real mate at all

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for replying. If I were to go I would make the most of it and have a good day with my friends. It definitely was a second thought, but i'm not the only one who is thinking this way so I don't feel bad.

Firetrap

From what you've written, definitely don't go. You sound like you were included at the hen to make up the numbers, your plans have been disrupted and she wasn't all that nice to ye. Use the money for the other things you had in mind.

LegacyUser

Would a text message to her be inappropriate?

I am a friend

weddingdilemma wrote: »

Would a text message to her be inappropriate?

Yes very!!! As bad as dumping someone by text.

How often do you talk to her? Did you reply to her written invite yet?

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

Yes very!!! As bad as dumping someone by text.

How often do you talk to her? Did you reply to her written invite yet?

I haven't received a written invite from her she sent one invite for the 4 or 5 of us to one of the other girls houses.

Not sure if you've read the OP, I didn't see her for over 2 years and would only speak to her every few months maybe by text/FB and brief.

greenprincess

I wouldnt go. Did she drop of the radar when she got a boyfriend? Is she possibly just trying to make up numbers? I realy doubt I'd go

Diddler1977

I am a friend wrote: »

Yes very!!! As bad as dumping someone by text.

How often do you talk to her? Did you reply to her written invite yet?

Just RSVP to the wedding invite with a sorry I can't attend note.

If she contacts you to see why just have another event on the same day that you can't miss (or a weekend away with the OH, etc.)

Katgurl

Eh... don't go to wedding if you don't want to as it doesn't sound like you're particularly close but i cant see anywhere in your OP that the bride has behaved too horribly.

Maybe she thought if you were all part of a group you wouldnt mind so much as people not knowing many other guests dropping your +1s.

Maybe she left the hen early and the morning because she wasn't having a good time. Some people find those sort of mass occasions with loads of attention really stressful. Did you even check if she was ok / upset / drunk / disappointed / distressed? It is supposed to be abotu her largely and not her entertaining her guests.

As for the hotel rooms - I was at a wedding last week and had to do a lot of ringing around to find B&B accommodation as everything else booked out.

What exactly are you 'raging' for? She is orchestrating a massive event and possibly not the most organised person. Don't add to her headaches by kicking up a fuss. Just drop her a line to say you wont' be able to make the wedding as you didnt realise the dates clashed with somethign else you have already paid money for with your OH. And do it in plenty of time.

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

Eh... don't go to wedding if you don't want to as it doesn't sound like you're particularly close but i cant see anywhere in your OP that the bride has behaved too horribly.

Maybe she thought if you were all part of a group you wouldnt mind so much as people not knowing many other guests dropping your +1s.

Maybe she left the hen early and the morning because she wasn't having a good time. Some people find those sort of mass occasions with loads of attention really stressful. Did you even check if she was ok / upset / drunk / disappointed / distressed? It is supposed to be abotu her largely and not her entertaining her guests.

As for the hotel rooms - I was at a wedding last week and had to do a lot of ringing around to find B&B accommodation as everything else booked out.

What exactly are you 'raging' for? She is orchestrating a massive event and possibly not the most organised person. Don't add to her headaches by kicking up a fuss. Just drop her a line to say you wont' be able to make the wedding as you didnt realise the dates clashed with somethign else you have already paid money for with your OH. And do it in plenty of time.

She said she was tired which is why she went home early. Yes it is her day, but you still should have the common decency/courtesy to keep people in the loop if you have asked them to your hen party. You don't then go home at 11pm and have a face on because some of the group stayed out and had to knock you up to get in because you haven't left someone with a key. She also complained to one of the girls because she brought a fella back to the house and how her "fiancee" wouldn't approve. I'm raging that it cost me €300 and to be treated like this.

She left the next day and just said right i'm off, no such thing as sorry I had to bail last night, thanks for coming nothing.

As for the +1s what if people had forked out for a new suit/dress to be told they weren't invited?

Regardless of her "headaches" these people are her guests, you don't treat guests like that, how rude.

Katgurl

I'm not married but a lot of my friends are and i'm just saying the stress can get to them. In comparison to stories i've encountered I really dont think what you are describing is particularly bad.

Anything at all could have been going on at the hen, she could have been having weddign doubts for all you know. Couldn't you have had a good night with your friends regardless of her going home early? I've been on a couple of hens when something similar has happened, nobody took it personally. Perhaps she felt obliged to have a hen party but is uncomfortable with everythign they entail and went home early to avoid extreme drunkenness / strippers / whatever.

As I said before, don' t go to the wedding, it does not sound like you are particularly close.

I don't know why you came on here looking for advice judging by your reaction to my post, it sounds like you just want a load of people to commisserate with you.

LegacyUser

Katgurl wrote: »

I'm not married but a lot of my friends are and i'm just saying the stress can get to them. In comparison to stories i've encountered I really dont think what you are describing is particularly bad.

Anything at all could have been going on at the hen, she could have been having weddign doubts for all you know. Couldn't you have had a good night with your friends regardless of her going home early? I've been on a couple of hens when something similar has happened, nobody took it personally. Perhaps she felt obliged to have a hen party but is uncomfortable with everythign they entail and went home early to avoid extreme drunkenness / strippers / whatever.

As I said before, don' t go to the wedding, it does not sound like you are particularly close.

I don't know why you came on here looking for advice judging by your reaction to my post, it sounds like you just want a load of people to commisserate with you.

We were but we were made to feel quite uncomfortable because of it, had to tip toe around the house when we got back were greeted by a frosty reception. She was mad for having a hen party with all the bling fluffy pink stuff etc, none of us got excessively drunk and she knew we wouldn't organise a stripper for her.

Commisserate me? are you serious? No I was looking for sound advice.

username123

Katgurl wrote: »

I don't know why you came on here looking for advice judging by your reaction to my post, it sounds like you just want a load of people to commisserate with you.

Thats weird - Im not reading the OP that way at all! I think its disgraceful that someone would hold a hens, expect people to spend 300 euro or so on it and then go home early with a face on because other people stayed out - of course other people will stay out - theyve spent money to be there!!! And to go off the next day without even thanking anyone is just rude.

Its irrelevant whether or not the person was having wedding jitters - there are some basic good manners that you should exercise when you invite people to an event!!

Its also silly to suggest that perhaps she felt obliged to have a hens but didnt want to go with extreme drunkeness etc... You can have a hens and not get drunk or have strippers!! Ive been to 2 hens parties recently, both of which had brides who dont drink - one was in the family home, the other was in a restaurant. The family home one cost guests nothing, the restaurant one cost maybe 40 euro per person. There is nothing to dictate that someone has to have a hens costing 300 odd quid per person - she could have done something much less costly - of course people are going to be annoyed to spend so much and not even get a thanks from the person responsible!!

Certainly if I were in the OPs shoes I wouldnt go near the wedding!! Who would want to go after how she was treated!