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I'm not sure what the point of my life is

  • 13-06-2011 1:18am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm writing this while I'm in floods of tears. The title says it all really- I'm not sure why I bother anymore. I've been suffering from depression since I was 18 (I'm 27 now). I've been seeking help for the past 2 years, and while I've seen an improvement, I'm just not sure I'm bothered trying anymore to sort myself out as I see no point. I can count the moments that I've felt good about myself on one hand & then I feel intensely sad again as I know these moments are short lived.

    I love my friends and family with all my heart. At the same time, I feel so isolated from everyone because I feel I can't explain to them how I feel so I just put on a happy persona. I feel that, to them, I'm just the idiot that makes people laugh. I genuinely dont think there would be that much of a difference to them if i weren't around. I don't really feel I feel there is very little for me to look forward to in life but I keep plugging away at in the desperate hope that i can make something good come my way but it rarely does. While I'm so happy to see my friends move from strength to strength- doing well in their jobs, falling in love etc, it is beginning to kill me on the inside as well.

    I just needed to get this out as I feel I can't tell anyone else, even my counsellor.


Comments

  • #2
    Ickle Magoo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    Hey OP

    You have to change counsellor or grab the bull by the horns - there is little point in investing the time and money in session if you aren't going to fully disclose how you feel.

    All the best.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hello OP,

    I could have written that myself I really do understand what you are feeling from reading your post you sound just like me. I'm 29.

    I'm sorry that things are so bad for you at the moment. You say you are getting help but I am not sure what type of help. Go to your GP if you havent already or ask to see a psychiatrist. If you need meds they can relieve some of the symptoms. if you are on meds you may need to change type or dose but only a professional can discuss this with you.

    Your counsellor is your greatest asset sometimes and you should try and let loose. I know i was feeling suicidal and i never told her, i just couldnt. Then i realised i didnt care anymore and i did tell her and i felt better. Just let it all out, it cant be any worse than what you are feeling now can it?

    Depression is awful. People dont understand it-especially if you have a good life and are a bit of a joker (like me). It's all on the inside and it's a greater pain than any other could fully understand. Isolation is dangerous. It feeds depression, it makes us worse.

    Tell your family? I havent told mine, i just cant, but apparantly we should.

    I got to a stage where i demanded more help from wherever i could get it. I needed someone to help me. I'm still not great, but i'm still here and i do what i can to help me get better.

    The bottom line is you're not well at the moment, it's hard to think of it that way but hell, it's the truth. Mind yourself. You will get through this.

    Take care xx


  • #4
    gargleblaster
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    pointless wrote: »
    I feel so isolated from everyone because I feel I can't explain to them how I feel so I just put on a happy persona. I feel that, to them, I'm just the idiot that makes people laugh. I genuinely dont think there would be that much of a difference to them if i weren't around.

    This part stuck out for me. You are completely wrong about there not being much of a difference if you weren't around. I don't know you but that's just not how friends and family operate. You feel disconnected, but the connections are there. Please don't be afraid to reach out to them. I hope you'll consider telling maybe just one person who is closest to you how you're feeling, so that they can tell you for themselves.

    Take care of yourself ok? You are loved far more than you know.


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