long distance relationship

clarebear12

Anyone have any thoughts on this? I am going out with someone 5 months and he has to relocate within Ireland, so it ll be long drives, no planes needed!
Thanks!

mfceiling

If it's meant to be it's meant to be.



If not PM me...

Kojak

My thoughts on this thread are Why did you wait 2 years to post your first post in AH?

Biggins

Honestly, in the long term I suspect the majority of cases turn out to be failures (especially the greater the distance).
I can't show figures but its just an educated guess.
If your one of the lucky few to be able to make it work - fair play!

Chris P. Bacon

Ireland isn't that big,so it should be no problem.

within ireland does not count as ldr
if you have a car anyway

Fremen

Welcome to After Hours. Prepare to be eaten alive.

bluto63

The sex better be worth it...

clarebear12

it does count as long distance when its 4.5 hours drive! It would be quicker to get on a plane to the UK!

Ficheall

bluewolf wrote: »

within ireland does not count as ldr

Well, it depends on the length of time, no? Dublin/Galway for more than a year is far enough away to make things a little strained.. whereas if it's only for a couple of months it probably shouldn't even register as much of an inconvenience.

Biggins

clarebear12 wrote: »

it does count as long distance when its 4.5 hours drive! It would be quicker to get on a plane to the UK!

There is a number of points to cover.
* How often would you see each other in a week?
* How long for each time?
* Is the hassle of getting to and fro, likely to effect the moods of one another when meeting up?
* Will one be doing more travelling than the other?
* Who's home will be most moved into for the duration?
* Are ye eventually willing to give up a work role for the other, if the outcome/agreement is to settle together eventually?
* Will any of the above and more create growing, quiet smouldering resentment?

At the back of it all, are both of ye looking forwards to at some point, to be settling down together in the long run?
- Do both of ye honestly share these thoughts?

ok i take it back, it's just something going off in my head when i hear within ireland being called ldr!

Ficheall

clarebear12 wrote: »

it does count as long distance when its 4.5 hours drive! It would be quicker to get on a plane to the UK!

So on any given day that you really miss your OH you can pop onto a bus and sleep for 5 hours before getting to see them for a cost of less than 50e?
Is that about right?

cherryghost

It works if you have genuine affection and care for each other. If its something else like lust, realize it and don't kid yourself.

unknowngirl!!

I think you're lucky you'll be in the same country, you can definitely make it work.. Last May I moved to Toulouse to work with Air France and my boyfriend stayed in Ireland. I then got moved to Belgium in Feb and he moved to Luxembourg to work and we were only 2 hours apart. I recently had to move home because my dad is sick and he is still in Luxembourg and won't be back until Christmas when his contract is up.

We've made it work. It's much easier with skype, Facebook etc.. It's difficult at first but you'll get used to it..

kfallon

Tried it, didn't work for me but I got one of my best friends out of it!

OP the odds are against you and your OH but it can def work so good luck to you, hope it all goes well

Lady Chatterton

A friend of mine lives in Galway and her boyfriend had to move to Wexford over a year ago for work, they see each other every weekend and they take turns travelling and it seems to be working out but it is difficult for both of them. During the week she often goes into work early or stays late so that she can leave early on a Friday afternoon or come in late on a Monday morning.

There are more and more people in this situation now and it is often complicated by owning property in one county and not being able to sell it so you can move elsewhere. I was in a long distance relationship years ago and it didn't work out but I do remember the great buzz and excitement that was there when we did meet up, it was thrilling!

I think that you both really should try to make it work for the next six months and see how ye feel. You could find that your feelings for each other stonger and you might want to move to be with him or vise versa. Unfortunately, the relationship could also fizzle out.

Good Luck

Emz133

Ive been with my Bf five years and 4 of these years have been long distance. hes now in the US for the summer which has also been fine! we talk and skype everyday. but when he is home we see each other every weekend and its perfect, i think, if you really want to make it work, it will. but thats just my opinion...

Chuchoter

I don't do long distance and my definition of long distance is anyone I can't get to by one bus journey or who I can see less than once a week. I'm an affectionate person and I don't see the point in having a relationship where you never get to see the person.

alwaysadub

I live about 4 hours drive from my bf so I suppose it could be considered long distance. ( Not as long distance as some though!)
Makes us appreciate each other all the more when we do see each other, and we know it won't be forever, am trying to move closer.

General General

clarebear12 wrote: »

Anyone have any thoughts on this? I am going out with someone 5 months and he has to relocate within Ireland, so it ll be long drives, no planes needed!
Thanks!

Get the vibrator out...

LighterGuy

clarebear12 wrote: »

Anyone have any thoughts on this? I am going out with someone 5 months and he has to relocate within Ireland, so it ll be long drives, no planes needed!
Thanks!

Bluewolf said it best. if you have a car its not a problem to have an long distance relationship in ireland.

But my view of LDR's is that the majority dont work out. Too many varibles.

Kanoe

never thought I would do one but as it happens I'm comfortable with it at this stage of my life. I'm useless at being in committed relationships and this makes it a little bit easier, there's less pressure and it's an opportunity for me to figure out how to be better at it.

Aoifey!

It can work for some people if you want to keep the relationship that much, but I can't see it being easy. I know it wouldn't be for me anyway.

eternal

If you genuinely care for soemone then it doesnt matter where they live.
Ireland is ,what 9 hours drive one end to the other worse case scenario.
There are people living in USA in realtionships with people in this country.If its meant to be then eventually it will work itself out.
Most men now won't make an effort with you if you dont live half an hour away .Met one guy from Limerick years ago and he said 'oh you live nearly two hours away ,how can we have a relationship ' .Seriously ,theres people drive to and from work further than that every day.
If someones too lazy to make an effort then let them be.Plus the fact that you already are in this realtionship should mean you have a foundation to make it work anyway .But what I really feel is :
You joined this site ,never really posted anything ,now you come along asking this question which you already know the answer to .
Its not like you post here often enough for this query not to mean something.Therefore you really have no belief inside yourself that this is going to work out.
End of .Have a nice life.

Iancar29

I would be willing to try.... the person who i want to be with lives in london, with me being in dublin...
We both really have strong feelings for each other...

She said shed want to try but she had a similar LDR b4 and the person cheated on her..... how could i persuade her to try again?
For all i know we could be together ( no Long distance) within a year...


I just believe so much in the type of message Eternal has given across...


I really hope it will be good things in the end.......

Mickeroo

I was in a relationship with a girl who lived in New York for 2 years. It didn't work out, having said that I don't think it's impossible to make it work, but it takes equal commitment from both parties and one of you is going to have to be willing to commit to uprooting and moving permanently to where the other person is living at some point in the future(the sooner the better). Speaking from experience it probably won't work out, but Ireland really is not that big so you never know, good luck with it.

The worst part was when things finished and I knew straight away I'd never see that person again in my life, thats quite a painful thing to deal with especially since the distance was the only reason it ended.

Toby Take a Bow

If there's an end-date in sight, then it might work. Any of my previous long distance relationships have failed, and failed miserably. I would like to think this is because of the lack of an end date and not them just starting to think I was a bit of a dick.

Charlie.

.

steve9859

Within Ireland is long distance???? Come on!!! If you can drive it means you can be with each other Friday, Saturday and Sunday night. To be honest, if you have a professional job right now you are probably working hard Monday to Thursday anyway. I know I am. Generally only go out Friday Saturday or Sunday anyway. So your situation sounds pretty much perfect - work hard in the week without feeling under pressure to go out with 'yer one', and then take off for the weekend

Long distance involving a flight is a different story altogether. I've tried that and it's a nightmare. A few hours drive I would be more than happy with

Elba101

I've had 2 long distance relationships that did require planes and I'm about to enter another


I have a few friends that are in long ditance relationships at the moment. I think it's a lot more common these days. I don't think it's a big deal as long as you know that it's not forever.

jive

If it's an indefinite long distance relationship with no signs of either of ye moving closer on the horizon then I'd nip it in the bud now. If ye plan on eventually moving close to each other or in together then it is just Ireland and Ireland isn't that big!

Eric Cartman

have someone else on standby for the midweek ride youll be wanting

Aidric

If you like your sex, then forget about it right now.

Sky King

Or just pull the bells off yourself...

clarebear12

clarebear12 wrote: »

it does count as long distance when its 4.5 hours drive! It would be quicker to get on a plane to the UK!

Eh, you'd be hard pushed to get from your house to your boyfriend's house in the UK in 4.5 hours door to door. :rolleyes: Not to mention that flights get expensive if you don't book them way in advance.

If you consider a few hours away in the same tiny country to be a LDR and are wondering if it's worth it, then you might as well give up now. I was a 12 hour flight away from my boyfriend for a year. It works out fine if both people are committed and there's an end in sight.

Asphyxia

If the two of you care about each other and want it to work then there's nothing saying it wont but if you have any doubts you might want to clear them up before he moves! There no point being in a LDR if you are going to be insecure about it. Those kind of feelings can really eat you up.

pragmatic1

Best type of relationship. "Familarity breeds contempt".

--LOS--

Don't think I could do it, maybe it's easier to maintain a longer relationship that way but then it's just prolonging the inevitable.

starlit

Nope doesn't work out...:(

Professey Chin

Hope they rot in hell

Princess Peach

I'm in a long distance relationship within Ireland and it works really well for us. Not gonna say it isn't hard but we are in constant contact pretty much all of the time. We make a good effort to see each other and really make the most of our time together. It was long distance right from the start but I am so glad I went for it, don't want to imagine my life if the distance had scared me off!

Give it a go for sure if you think the relationship is worth it. It takes a bit of effort but an be totally worth it

jester77

I did it for 2 years while the gf was in Oz, was tough going, especially the first year. We only saw each other 3 times thoughout the first year and it nearly ended. Sat down together at xmas of that year and planned that we would change things. For the second year we left no longer than 6 weeks between visits. Even with that it was tough going. Wouldn't recommend long distance to anyone.

Sykk

My girlfriend has just went back home to Germany to study. So within Ireland can hardly be classed as a long distance relationship to me.. :eek:

I'll be following her over once I've got a bit more German in any case. But if iyou both want it to.. It it'll work out.

Scarinae

It can be done, but you have to have both trust and good communication. I live in London, and my boyfriend lives in Namibia (in the desert, not even in a city)

prinz

Did it for about 4 years, then we were together for about 18 months and now we're back long distance. It can definitely work.

Bipolar Joe

I know two couples that were long distance, across the Atlantic, now married. Another couple are pretty much there.

There are ladies I would die to be in a relationship with, but realistically I don't think I could mentally handle not being able to touch them or whatever.

Jam

Ah, to hell with people and their "if it's meant to be..." deterministic-fate bollocks.

Relationships are hard work, long distance relationships are even harder work. The stupid thing is people assume that if it's difficult that "it's not meant to be." Despite nobody ever saying it would be easy. Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

If they're worth it then ou need to sit down and talk it out. How, how it might and could work. How often will you talk, Skype, write, and visit. When will it end? How? Sex? Work? Anything and everything.

Basically, you have to be adults about it.

prinz

Jam wrote: »

Ah, to hell with people and their "if it's meant to be..." deterministic-fate bollocks.Relationships are hard work, long distance relationships are even harder work. The stupid thing is people assume that if it's difficult that "it's not meant to be." Despite nobody ever saying it would be easy. Nothing in life worth having comes easy.

Give that man a can of coke. Nail. Head. Sums things up perfectly.

InTheTrees

:pac:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUpbO-mpi74

Scarinae

Jam wrote: »

Ah, to hell with people and their "if it's meant to be..." deterministic-fate bollocks.

I think what people mean is that if you like each other enough, you’ll make the effort, even if you miss out on the obvious benefits of having a partner that you see a lot. There are many disadvantages to a long-distance relationship; the obvious one is not seeing the person all the time. Visiting them can be expensive, whether flights or train tickets or the cost of petrol. Spending all that time travelling can be a pain in the ass, and if you’re doing it frequently it can affect your social life with the friends who do live near you. You may have close friends who they have never even met, and vice versa. They may not be able to make it to important events in your life, like your graduation or a sibling’s wedding. Coordinating your time off from work so that you can actually see each other can be complicated. You may go for months without sex. If you’re in different time zones, you have to plan things like phone calls/skype in advance. You have to trust that they won’t cheat on you with anyone else, and that they’re as committed to the relationship as you are.

I didn't intend to get into a LDR, it just happened, but neither of us wanted to break up. We don't have an end in sight, as we both have jobs in our respective countries, so I think it will go on for a while in our case.