Something the bf said that I wanna figure out!

Esoteric_

Hey guys, so my boyfriend said something to me last night that I'm a little annoyed by and wanted some outside views, because it could just be me being stupid or whatever.

Basically, he told me something I do that makes him feel bad every now and then. FAir enough, I apologised straight away and promised it wouldn't happen again, so that was sorted.

But then he said that whenever we have different opinions or views on something, he doesn't like that I back my views up with fact to prove my point because it makes him feels stupid. I understand the first thing he said that makes him feel bad but I don't see why I should have to not give an opinion on something when he is, just because it makes him feel stupid that I can generally back my opinions up with fact (I don't really debate or anything like that unless I can back my opinions up). Am I wrong here too? Have I gotten the wrong end of the stick? I asked him to explain it better because I didn't understand, but that's the best explanation that I got.

The last thing is, we usually see each other 3 or 4 days per week as we live close to each other, and we usually talk every day. About a month ago, he was depressed about something to do with his father and losing his job and when he went to visit family in Louth he asked for very limited contact (just like, a how are you text in the morning and a good night text). I had no problem with that because I understood. Now though he's saying that he wants a day or two of no contact whatsoever, but he's not going to visit anyone, he's just staying in his flat. He doesn't want to talk to me after I go home for a few days. It's not a break apparently, but it sure as hell feels like one.

What would you guys think about that? I mean, there's plenty of stuff he does that can annoy me but I'd never tell him to not contact me for a few days because of it, I just work through it. It's not like the things that annoy me or him are important anyway! But like, I feel crap now. I'm meant to be staying with him til Sunday and he was like "I don't want you to go home yet but when you do I want time to myself for a day or two." tbh this p!ssed me right off. It's like, oh I don't really want you around but I won't ask you to leave because you made plans and are already here. Am I right for being miffed at this?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

I am a friend

Lynda you alays give good advice on Boards so Il try to be as fair to both parties as possible....

LyndaMcL wrote: »

But then he said that whenever we have different opinions or views on something, he doesn't like that I back my views up with fact to prove my point because it makes him feels stupid.

I dont really get what he means here either but it seems he doesnt like when you can prove yourself to be right? Does he always like to have the last word / upper hand?

LyndaMcL wrote: »

The last thing is, we usually see each other 3 or 4 days per week as we live close to each other, and we usually talk every day. About a month ago, he was depressed about something to do with his father and losing his job and when he went to visit family in Louth he asked for very limited contact (just like, a how are you text in the morning and a good night text). I had no problem with that because I understood. Now though he's saying that he wants a day or two of no contact whatsoever, but he's not going to visit anyone, he's just staying in his flat. He doesn't want to talk to me after I go home for a few days. It's not a break apparently, but it sure as hell feels like one.

He needs to explain to you why he doesnt want contact. You say he was down about stuff - has this lifted?

Is your relationship going well cos it sounds (and not trying to hurt you here) like he is trying to get some distace to see what life is like without you.....

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I'm meant to be staying with him til Sunday and he was like "I don't want you to go home yet but when you do I want time to myself for a day or two." tbh this p!ssed me right off. It's like, oh I don't really want you around but I won't ask you to leave because you made plans and are already here. Am I right for being miffed at this?

Why is he calling all the shots? If someone told me hey didnt want to see me or talk to me I would be out the door like a shot. Let him have the weekend to think as well. Take back some control. He should be more straight with you and not using you for company when he wants and then shunting you off when he doesnt.

If I were you, and if he didnt give me an adequate reason for his proposed isolation, I would be telling him he has the weekend to think but tell him you dont like the way he is behaving and that you will be using the wekeend to think about the future of relationship as well...

Its very frustrating but you need to take some control back. He is manipulating you here..

Oryx

Sounds like he has stuff on his mind. It could be to do with you, or it could be something else completely. My instinct would be to do what he is asking, and back off.

I also wonder if something is up within your relationship, (tho this is only based on the limited info you give). Either way, pushing him now may not help, it might just make him retreat more and make it harder to talk to him. Space, and then talk would be my advice.

Esoteric_

Thanks so much, you were one of the people I was hoping could advise me

I think he means that I prove myself to be right too much for him to be happy with it. I kind of got that vibe from him and I said that basically I can't help it if I can prove my point and he can't but he just said I didn't understand.

With regards to the relationship, it's actually been going great! We were talking about moving in together later in the year and we've planned a holiday and everything. His depression seems to have lifted, but I could be wrong.

I don't really understand it. The only reason I didn't leave straight away when he told me these things was because it was 1am and I was half asleep in bed, but I told him I'd be going home today. He's telling me not to, but like you said, he has all the control here and I need to take that back. He won't give me any reason for why he wants no contact, just saying that he won't be talking to anyone those days, not just me, and that he just wants time to chill out.

I'm very confused by this!

Esoteric_

sunflower and Oryx, thanks a million. I would understand it if the relationship was going badly but things have honestly been great. I think there may be something on his mind, but surely instead of pushing me away every time he's upset about something, he should talk to me and let me help?

Everything was fine yesterday until I told him I was a bit annoyed about something he did that he only told me about yesterday (a while back, in a bar, he got talking to some random girl. Fair enough, don't care about that, he can have as many female friends as he wants. But I was annoyed that he told me he had to stay with her for ages to stop other guys coming on to her). After I admitted to being annoyed at that, he started acting all off with me.

I kind of think I'm being treated badly here because I understand people need space, but I'd have the decency to talk to the person and explain why, and if I'm feeling depressed I'd talk to him or talk to my doctor, not just push him away.

I am a friend

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I think he means that I prove myself to be right too much for him to be happy with it. I kind of got that vibe from him and I said that basically I can't help it if I can prove my point and he can't but he just said I didn't understand.

Ah ok... Well look, maybe its just something you do that annoys him... We all have those things... My bf chomps his cornflakes and that drives me cuckoo....

Thats not that serious...

LyndaMcL wrote: »

With regards to the relationship, it's actually been going great! We were talking about moving in together later in the year and we've planned a holiday and everything. His depression seems to have lifted, but I could be wrong.

Put everything on pause and let him know its on pause til he sorts his head out..

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I don't really understand it. The only reason I didn't leave straight away when he told me these things was because it was 1am and I was half asleep in bed, but I told him I'd be going home today. He's telling me not to, but like you said, he has all the control here and I need to take that back. He won't give me any reason for why he wants no contact, just saying that he won't be talking to anyone those days, not just me, and that he just wants time to chill out.

Well I would give him plenty of time to chill out starting now...

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I'm very confused by this!

I dont blame you but the arrival of the new friend seems to be pertinent... Do you think thats all there is to it? Would she (sorry in advance) have turned his head?

I am a friend

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I kind of think I'm being treated badly here because I understand people need space, but I'd have the decency to talk to the person and explain why, and if I'm feeling depressed I'd talk to him or talk to my doctor, not just push him away.

100% agree....

Brussels Sprout

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I think he means that I prove myself to be right too much for him to be happy with it. I kind of got that vibe from him and I said that basically I can't help it if I can prove my point and he can't but he just said I didn't understand.

I've been thinking about this point and how ridiculous and petty it sounds. But then I remembered a guy I went to college with. Basically you couldn't make any sort of throw away comment around him because he'd immediately interject and tell you that you were wrong and why. The first few times it was ok but when it started happening constantly it really got irritating. It was like he was constantly trying to 'win' the conversation.

I'm not saying that that's exactly what you're doing OP but I'm just putting it out there.

Alternatively, your boyfriend is insecure and childish and doesn't like you making him feel foolish.

LegacyUser

I dunno really about this one, on the one hand, it could be something else going on and some people push away, and shut down rather than talk...it could be that....and whilst it's not a great strategy, I understand it and maybe give him some space and he'll come to you later and talk when he has things a little more figured out in his head.


and just asking but are you the type of person that maybe rams home the fact that you're right?? maybe ask a few close friends and suss this one out, I can get his point- it can be a little tiring if someone always has to be right, and pushes the point home, nobody likes beign wrong all the time, maybe concede now and again for peace, or let some things slide??

do you guys spend a lot of time together? frankly 4 days a week is a bit much...maybe he needs some time to reconnect with himself and friends?? that wouldn't be so bad, and I wouldn't be bothered by it, ok it hurts a little, but I can understand him maybe wanting to balance the relationship and his own life..if the thing happened with his dad and losing his job just a month ago, maybe he's still bothered by it and feels a bit like he can't handle everythign in his life right now....maybe with no job, he's starting to feel like he might be a burden.

whilst i can get this it's not fair to you - and it wouldn't do any harm to let him know that his reaction of 'I need some space' will be met with 'ok, things are on pause till you know' and give him a bit of a warning that it's putting the relationship into question for you. he can't really do that to you, it's not fair...I get bad vibes about it - it could be that he needs space for himself, or it could be that he's trying to see what life without you is like.....and the big thing that bothers me is the reaction to the girl.

'I had to stay with her to protect her' is frankly bull**** - he liked feeling like he was protecting her, but in reality, she was fine on her own, what would she have done without him - same thing as always, told the unwanted suitors to back off and that would be that.....this just doesn't sit well with me, I don't really know the full story here...maybe she was being hassled and he genuinely was helping her out.....but if she wasn't and he voluntarily stayed with her....and the fact that he stayed for ages....just doesn't sit right....fair enough, I've asked a guy in the past would he mind pretendign to know me to get rid of another guy - but generally after about 10m we part ways with a 'thanks for the help' and that's it.........I've never ever needed a guy to spend 'ages' being my knight in shining armour.....that just sounds like he was having a good time and she was too...the fact this happened ages ago....why bring it up now? maybe she's on the scene, maybe nothing's happening but he could be having the 'grass is greener' feeling

fact is I don't know him well enough, you need to have a chat and see why he's asking for space and figure out yourself if you think it's worth waiting and being on the back burner for him. If the relationship is good and you think he has some troubles then ok, give it a chance, but if you get the feelign that this is the start of a downhill road to 'we need a break' (sounds a little like that now) then let him make up his mind fast, or make it for him

Esoteric_

Brussels Sprout wrote: »

I've been thinking about this point and how ridiculous and petty it sounds. But then I remembered a guy I went to college with. Basically you couldn't make any sort of throw away comment around him because he'd immediately interject and tell you that you were wrong and why. The first few times it was ok but when it started happening constantly it really got irritating. It was like he was constantly trying to 'win' the conversation.

I'm not saying that that's exactly what you're doing OP but I'm just putting it out there.

Alternatively, your boyfriend is insecure and childish and doesn't like you making him feel foolish.

Yeah, I thought it could be that, but generally I'm pretty quiet and I don't really give an opinion on much unless he wants to debate something or discuss something. That part isn't really bothering me too much, it's the whole space thing.


I_am_a_friend, I thought it could be the girl from the bar turning his head, but it wasn't like he announced it to me, it just came up in conversation and was apparently months ago. He just saw her in town yesterday and said he knew her, and when I asked how he knew her (he's only living in Dublin a year and doesn't know many people that I wouldn't already know) he mentioned that. When I said I was a bit annoyed about the staying with her to stop other men flirting with her thing, he defended himself but apologized after.


I spoke to him a few minutes ago about the space thing and he just said that it's not that he wants space from me, he just wants a day to himself, away from everyone, and apparently he does this every few months (strange 'cause we're nearly together a year and it hasn't happened before!). I said I understand that but when you're with somebody, they're not supposed to really be included in the "I want time away from everyone" thing, but he couldn't answer that. He just said he wants a day or two where he doesn't have to check his phone for a text or talk to anyone, but I said that surely talking to me shouldn't be such a chore? If it was, I'd have happily given him space. I'm not the type of person to need to talk 24/7, I love having my own space but when it's out of the blue like this and I'm made to feel wrong for not agreeing or understanding, it's difficult.

He keeps trying to cuddle me and is saying he loves me, but I'm kind of brushing it off tbh, I don't think a cuddle and an "I love you" makes it ok :mad:

I am a friend

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I spoke to him a few minutes ago about the space thing and he just said that it's not that he wants space from me, he just wants a day to himself, away from everyone, and apparently he does this every few months (strange 'cause we're nearly together a year and it hasn't happened before!). I said I understand that but when you're with somebody, they're not supposed to really be included in the "I want time away from everyone" thing, but he couldn't answer that. He just said he wants a day or two where he doesn't have to check his phone for a text or talk to anyone, but I said that surely talking to me shouldn't be such a chore? If it was, I'd have happily given him space. I'm not the type of person to need to talk 24/7, I love having my own space but when it's out of the blue like this and I'm made to feel wrong for not agreeing or understanding, it's difficult.

He keeps trying to cuddle me and is saying he loves me, but I'm kind of brushing it off tbh, I don't think a cuddle and an "I love you" makes it ok :mad:

His request is all fine and well but its on his terms... We all need space but.... He wants you around when he wants you and then he wants you to p off when it suits him.... Will he want to have sex today as well???

Look, I can only tell you what I would do and I would get out of there to clear my own head and figure out if this behaviour is something you can live with forever. Its happened twice now. What happens if you are married with 2 toddlers. Is he going to P off then when it suits..

Stop worrying about him and start thinking a bout what you need in a relationship and if he can provide it... Good luck hon - big hugs...

Wompa1

I've been in this position with a girl, she would get frustrated when I'd have an opinion that contradicted hers even though mine was based either on opinion or fact. I tried to avoid those situations a bit more. My ex felt like I was always putting her down by going against what she had said. Fortunately I'm with somebody now that is intelligent and can discuss her viewpoint without turning into a child that doesn't get her own way.

I always stayed calm when discussing things with the ex..I would maybe look at how you handle these things. I find with some people, if they put forward their side on a topic they can come across as a little smug and close ended. If the other person raises some other points and you just keep responding with the one answer that could be frustrating, maybe relent a little and try to see some of the good points he raised..

like..I see what you mean or I see what you are saying about blah, that's a good point etc.

Angeles

I think this relates to topic on top of things, your bf sounds allot like me in that regard. I hate when my gf proves me wrong with facts and on several occasions i have even asked her not to! because it also does makes me feel stupid!

The problem lies in the way its said/presented! If some topic came up that i was thought to believe as being correct, which was then suddenly proven wrong by my gf, to which facts were thrown in my face, i will immediately be defensive,in denial and upset! the info would be there and i would eventually research it and apologize but for the time i would be the one feeling like **** because something so well known to me has been proven otherwise! it becomes a matter of pride and knowledge.

We men are fickle and often wrong, 90% of the time we will know this but our pride will sooner fight for that wrong then bow our heads in defeat!

Best way to avoid conflict in this is to understand some of us are more defensive then others when it comes to things like this, instead of throwing facts in his face and making him feel stupid, present a way for him to research it himself!

If say he beliefs an apple is the color blue, and you say "no its green! look!" and shove an apple in his face, your the one being spite, and he's the one feeling like an idiot, if however you say, really? i was under the impression it was green, lets look it up online or in a book later, you've not only defused the situation and left him defenseless, but he'll have learned for himself and not felt as bad about not knowing, in fact he'll more likely complement you on being correct!

Give it a try and see how you do, your not exactly changing your ways, you'll still know your right, but your presenting it in a not so, i'm right and your wrong kinda way.

As for the contact issue, I'm afraid i can't offer much advise other then to talk to him, could be many reasons why he might want time to himself.

Best of luck

tinkerbell

Oh Lynda, this doesn't sound right

The no contact thing for a day or two every week is not acceptable. You're either in a relationship or not, you're not a part-time gf.

As for the girl at the bar, I would be upset if I were in your shoes. Even if you know you've nothing to worry about, it would still bother me.

Wompa1

tinkerbell wrote: »

Oh Lynda, this doesn't sound right

The no contact thing for a day or two every week is not acceptable. You're either in a relationship or not, you're not a part-time gf.

As for the girl at the bar, I would be upset if I were in your shoes. Even if you know you've nothing to worry about, it would still bother me.

The day or two isn't so bad. Be more worried if it went on for a week or more. I'd think if a supposed love one could go a week with no contact it would be writing on the wall for me. And it was!

LegacyUser

Lynda,

Something very, very similar happened to me two years ago.. I was going out with a man I was crazy about. He had a history of depression, but it was a long and serious history, and hadn't abated. Several times over the summer of 2009, he would request these hiatuses from our relationship. He only wanted to see me on his terms. If I had a night out/function on that I'd like him to come to, it was irrelevant. He'd request my presence at his apartment, like a fool, I'd go, we'd be all lovely and coupley then the next day or after the weekend when I left, he'd text me saying that he just wanted to be on his own for a while and would text me when he was ready for company.

At first, it was for a day or two, then a week, then ten days and by the time I finally got to breaking point, a fortnight. He was ill but he wouldn't talk to me, wouldn't take his meds, wouldn't lead or drive. In the end I got sick of spending my life staring at my phone, second guessing his moods, never knowing if he'd be there for me when I needed him, feeling clingy because I wanted to be an equal in a relationship, feeling like I was in some sort of relationship limbo. It was shocking and did a lot of (thankfully reparable) damage to my confidence.

That was over a longer timescale and I have no idea whether or not your boyfriend is still down or depressed, but what I DO know is that you can't check out of a relationship every now and then when it suits you. That's not healthy, kind, considerate behaviour. You're not two teenagers playing games. He's either your boyfriend or he's not. If he needs to get himself sorted and take some time to get help/treatment then fine, he should do that, but it needs to be mutual or have some definition, because if this carry-on goes full steam ahead, unchecked, it will hurt you.

fungun

What does he do when he wants his space?

I do remember when I was younger and going out with people and still really liking having a day or two to myself. And although its not a chore to reply to a text, sometimes its nice to not have to.

But I guess I wonder why? For me, I had lived at home and with people but had recently moved out to live by myself for the first time....and although I was mid twenties and this sounds really childish.....but I loved having a day to do nothing and have no one hassle me and I could just play playstation all day or something. Or there were days I just liked not having to talk to anyone at all, kinda felt more free to have some time like that, totally unanswerable to anyone (yes, even my gf, even though I loved her!). But I just read the paper, had a good think about what I wanted to do with my life etc. It was a phase though, it wasnt like that for more than a month or two

So I kinda understand what he wants. But if this is how he is feeling he could do with communicating it to you a bit better.

So if that was the only issue, Id step back and maybe leave him to it. But the other stuff you mention sounds like he might be a bit controlling etc. Anyway your initial post was just on this and just wanted to mention that I did feel that way before and it wasnt because I didnt want or love my gf.....but I think I did explain it to her better!

IrishEyes19

Heya, OP, breaks are terrible even if its not an official one, someone telling you not to contact them is horrible, what are you supposed to think otherwise. So try not to worry too much, its very unfair in a way.

On the issue with him feeling stupid thing, I might throw my two cents in, I was going out with someone who did that a lot to me, I dont think he meant to make me feel small, but if I said something, he'd come back with saying I was wrong because all this factual matter pointed otherwise, even though I knew deep down I was right. Im not saying Im highly intelligent, not at all, but it made me feel so low, and beneath him. Drove me crazy. That could be the issue here. Having said that, that doesnt mean that you stand back and let him think he's right all the time, but maybe when you both disagree on something, there needs to be give and take regarding each others feelings.

I dont wish to worry you, but the no contact thing also speaks of him wanting time away from the relationship to be honest, so Id just be aware of that, best of luck with everything

Chucky the tree

I don't really see the big dea with no contact for a day, if you meet 3-4 times a week then it's not like a day or two will kill you. Personnally I'd find it pretty head wrecking if someone expected me to keep in contact with them every single day especially if it was by text.

The guy is obviously going through something. I've been there and I've been in his shoes - sometimes you just need your own space to sort things out. Everybody deals with different things, so just do as he says for now. It might seem selfish, but I very much doubt that's intended.

Semele

I'm a huge fan of giving each other space in a relationship and don't have an issue with keeping un-necessary contact minimal between meetings- it's always nicer to leave a lot to talk about when you do meet up.

However, there is a big difference between this and being together part-time, so to speak. While I may not want to contact my (hypothetical at this point!) boyfriend midweek it'd be a totally different kettle of fish if I felt that I couldn't. That's essentially saying "I like you well enough when you're around but I don't want to have to bother thinking about you when you're not". I've seen friends in relationships where they feel they can't text for fear of seeming clingy- and this would be a simple "goodnight, love you" text in the context of a long-term relationship!

What happens if you have news, or are upset and could do with a chat? Is that not allowed? You shouldn't have any arbitrary rules imposed unilaterally in a relationship. Fine if he wants space, but come up with something that meets both your needs and doesn't cause emotional distance.

ppink

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Hey guys, so my boyfriend said something to me last night that I'm a little annoyed by and wanted some outside views, because it could just be me being stupid or whatever.

Basically, he told me something I do that makes him feel bad every now and then. FAir enough, I apologised straight away and promised it wouldn't happen again, so that was sorted.

But then he said that whenever we have different opinions or views on something, he doesn't like that I back my views up with fact to prove my point because it makes him feels stupid. I understand the first thing he said that makes him feel bad but I don't see why I should have to not give an opinion on something when he is, just because it makes him feel stupid that I can generally back my opinions up with fact (I don't really debate or anything like that unless I can back my opinions up). Am I wrong here too? Have I gotten the wrong end of the stick? I asked him to explain it better because I didn't understand, but that's the best explanation that I got.

The last thing is, we usually see each other 3 or 4 days per week as we live close to each other, and we usually talk every day. About a month ago, he was depressed about something to do with his father and losing his job and when he went to visit family in Louth he asked for very limited contact (just like, a how are you text in the morning and a good night text). I had no problem with that because I understood. Now though he's saying that he wants a day or two of no contact whatsoever, but he's not going to visit anyone, he's just staying in his flat. He doesn't want to talk to me after I go home for a few days. It's not a break apparently, but it sure as hell feels like one.

What would you guys think about that? I mean, there's plenty of stuff he does that can annoy me but I'd never tell him to not contact me for a few days because of it, I just work through it. It's not like the things that annoy me or him are important anyway! But like, I feel crap now. I'm meant to be staying with him til Sunday and he was like "I don't want you to go home yet but when you do I want time to myself for a day or two." tbh this p!ssed me right off. It's like, oh I don't really want you around but I won't ask you to leave because you made plans and are already here. Am I right for being miffed at this?

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

There are times with a couple of people close to me that I feel like i can say nothing right. One in particular is pretty much always right in their eyes and to be honest I am delighted when I can get some head space from them for a few days. If I said black they would say white type of thing.
Maybe he feels like this?

How long are you together? If you are nto living together then maybe he just wants space to do his own thing?

You are right to be miffed about the weekend thing. He needs to tell you what is going on, nobody can just hang around and then be dictated to that they go home and cool the contact.

Esoteric_

Thanks so much guys, I've gotten some really valuable input here!


Fungun, I talked to him and asked him what he meant this morning after I last posted here and he basically said exactly what you posted (and no, he doesn't look on boards!). So, I understand where he's coming from now.


Guys, I really appreciate all the help you've given me. I asked him exactly what he wanted and was this wanting space from me or what and he said pretty much what fungun's post said.

He also mentioned that it's his dad's anniversary on Wednesday (his dad died 4 years ago), so that explains why he needs space and may have things on his mind that he feels he can't talk to me about because I haven't lost a parent and while I can support him, I can't exactly understand what he's going through.

So apparently he didn't mean that he wanted no contact with me (he brought this up, I didn't try to drag answers from him or anything like that). He meant that he'd want to basically give me a quick text in the morning, disappear and basically chill out, read, play video games and such all day and then call me before bed. He admitted he said it completely wrong last night and apologized unreservedly for upsetting me and has said he'll think about how to word things better in future (this is not the first time he's communicated something badly to me and ended up p!ssing me off because he didn't know how to say it right).

So, I kind of see where he's coming from now. When I thought he just wanted no contact with me, I was stunned frankly because usually he'll call/text me a few times per day. I'm totally fine with giving someone space, it was just how he worded things was quite upsetting to me and it felt like he wanted space from ME, rather than from everything.


Chucky, I'm not the type to care about giving space. Frankly, I want more space than he does normally, but the way he worded things last night gave me the impression that he wanted to have a break from me as opposed to wanting space.


Again, thanks so much guys. If I hadn't posted here, I wouldn't have had the balls to ask him about it and get things sorted out. I feel awful that I didn't know it was his dad's anniversary on Wednesday but as I never knew the man, I guess that's understandable! But I can definitely see why he'd want space around that time, I'm sure I would in his position!


As for the girl thing - he has apologized several times for that. I'm not the jealous type and I do trust him but the whole "pretending to be with a girl you don't know while talking to her all night" thing really got to me simply because I'd never even consider doing that while dating somebody. He does it for his female friends (his two best friends are girls, who I love), so I guess he really was just stupid enough to do it with this stranger too (he's quite naive and a bit immature tbh).

And with the opinion thing - I don't force opinions on him as far as I'm aware, but my anti-depressants haven't been working recently so I've been narky and irritable, so I would assume my tone of voice has been different and that made him think I was pushing my opinion on him and disregarding his. I'm gonna re-read what you guys said on that topic and put your advice into action.

Thanks a million guys, I really appreciate it and I love that I can come on here and get completely different opinions and suggestions