Friends with ex again??

LegacyUser

How do you get to be friends with your ex after a couple of years of not talking?

I really loved my ex as a friend, I want him back in my life as a friend, we are in the same social circle, i see him every weekend, i see him on facebook and now i want us to be friends again, i miss talking to him and confiding in him, it would be so much easier for the whole group if he and i could get along again like before.

what do i have to do? i see others who hang out with their ex as friends. i don't think exes should be enemies when theres no reason for it.

any advice guys? xx

Virgil°

You can't really DO anything, you can't make him be your friend if its not what he wants. If it was an amicable breakup then he was never your enemy just your ex.
I suppose you could mention it to him that you'd like to be friends if he's ready but that's all you can do. He hasn't tried to reconnect over the years so I would expect he doesn't REALLY want to.

i see others who hang out with their ex as friends

You only see the surface of things though. It can and does work sometimes i'm not saying otherwise. But in my experience, in scenarios like this, the majority of the time one of the "friends" still harbours feelings for the other and this is not a scenario you want.

LegacyUser

Hi Virgo! thanks for your reply. i just don't understand why he wouldnt want to be my friend, i never hurt him or argued with him. he ended our relationship, honestly he actually cheated on me with someone else for a long time and that hurt at the time but i'm past it and just want to have some part of him in my life again. i never wanted him to end our relationship. i was willing to work through our probs but he never was. i have tried to reconnect with him several times but he either hasnt got my msg or maybe he didnt want to reply but i always text him off mymeteor webtext and he may not have got it. we're both adults, hes 30 now so i think its time we work things out and be friends if we're gonna be in the same group every weekend.

Miss Fluff

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

i never wanted him to end our relationship. i was willing to work through our probs but he never was.

I don't think you're being entirely honest with yourself. You can't just be "friends" with someone who you obviously still harbour some feelings for. You might not even be aware of it yourself but there's a distinct possibility that you have alterior motives for being friends again.

And it would seem he knows this. You have tried to "befriend" him a few times now and he hasn't reciprocated.

Maybe the time has finally come once and for all for you to move on and accept that he is no longer a part of your life or won't be in the future hon.

Virgil°

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

Hi Virgo! thanks for your reply. i just don't understand why he wouldnt want to be my friend, i never hurt him or argued with him. he ended our relationship, honestly he actually cheated on me with someone else for a long time and that hurt at the time but i'm past it and just want to have some part of him in my life again.

This is a man who completely betrayed your trust(purposefully,multiple times) and now doesn't seem interested in reconciling things with you?
I have to agree with Miss Fluff here, you don't sound like you're past this at all and you're doing a pretty good job of lying to yourself about it. Why you would even want this man back in your life is beyond me let alone a close friendship. He clearly doesn't have a shred of respect for you.

i have tried to reconnect with him several times but he either hasnt got my msg or maybe he didnt want to reply but i always text him off mymeteor webtext and he may not have got it. we're both adults, hes 30 now so i think its time we work things out and be friends if we're gonna be in the same group every weekend.

Don't make excuses for his lack of contact. If you've tried making contact multiple times then its almost certain he's just ignoring you. Honestly I would focus my energies elsewhere. Make some new friend circles, return the favour and ignore him while you hang out with this one.

A friend comes to you and tells you she wants a close emotional bond of friendship with a man who went out of his way to cheat and betray her and now endeavours to ignore her every attempt at communication......What would your advice be?

I am a friend

Are you a sadist? Why do you want to be friends with someone who cheated on you????

JimmyCrackCorn

From my own experience I am not friends with any of my ex Girlfriends nor is it something I want to do to myself.

While I may have been a different person when I dated them and had long history some things are better left as memories. (i dont think iv had a relationship under a year and a half)

If I wanted to drag up old feelings both good and bad id just be asking for trouble probably for both sides.

Better off focusing on current and future relationships.

MissFlitworth

He definitely got your texts OP, sometimes those sites don't work but if you've sent multiple messages and not got a reply he's just not answering them.

You can't make him be your friend if he doesn't want to & you should be wary of being too pushy about the whole thing because it can make you seem a bit obssessive. Maybe try striking up a casual conversation with him when you're out & see how it goes?

seenitall

I am a friend wrote: »

Are you a sadist? Why do you want to be friends with someone who cheated on you????

I agree, but you must mean "a masochist". A sadist would be on the other side of the coin.

booboo88

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

Hi Virgo! thanks for your reply. i just don't understand why he wouldnt want to be my friend, i never hurt him or argued with him. he ended our relationship, honestly he actually cheated on me with someone else for a long time and that hurt at the time but i'm past it and just want to have some part of him in my life again. i never wanted him to end our relationship. i was willing to work through our probs but he never was. i have tried to reconnect with him several times but he either hasnt got my msg or maybe he didnt want to reply but i always text him off mymeteor webtext and he may not have got it.

we're both adults, hes 30 now so i think its time we work things out and be friends if we're gonna be in the same group every weekend.

he's not interested?
he used you.
its time to move on

LegacyUser

No need to be mean!

I'm not trying to start trouble or something. Its a tough situation for all involved. If we all go to the cinema i can end up sitting next to him and sometimes worse again his gf and we all just sit there in silence, i have tried to make convo a few times but havent had any luck so far, it would be so much easier on the entire group if we could all just get along.

If anyone has the right to be angry its me, i was the one who was hard done by. i don't need people here telling me how i should react or feel, i dont have a problem with what he did, and i am ready to be friends.

the only reason he cheated was we were going through a rough patch as i was studying all the time for final year college exams and didnt give him as much attention as i should have.

maybe he did get my texts, i dont think he got them all but maybe he has decided to not reply to one or two, or more likely his gf wont let him reply. i'm a little angry with her still as she led him away for me for 2 years. But if its a matter of getting to know him again i'm willing to get to know her to.

MissFlitworth good advice on striking up convo, i'm gonna try that again tonight and see how it goes. I just really really want to be friends. Before things got tricky in our relationship it was sooo great, we were great friends, so fun. i really miss him and spending time with him. I'm a little nervous thinking about this already!!

I know the only reason hes been ignoring me up to now is he feels guilty about what he did to me and wants to avoid arguing with me and hurting me more but he doesnt realise that I don't want to argue about the past at all.

It's been 2 years and the past is the past, no point dwelling on it. People make mistakes every day and i know he wasn't perfect, he didn't always chose the right thing, but that was then.

thanks guys xx.

JimmyCrackCorn

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

the only reason he cheated was we were going through a rough patch as i was studying all the time for final year college exams and didnt give him as much attention as i should have.
n.

I don't think that's a fair excuse.



All I can say to you is that if the guy doesn't want to be friends with you there is nothing you can do about it.

It may be a hard fact of life to get used to but some people in life wont want to have a friendship or maybe don't like you for whatever reason. If that's what they want I personally respect them/myself and leave them alone.

You might not like it or think its fair but its a part of life.

Wompa1

Doesn't sound like he wants to be friends with you. You can't force the issue. Also seems like you have strong feelings for him which would be even more reason not to be around him, he's seeing someone else.

Miss Fluff

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

No need to be mean!

I'm not trying to start trouble or something. Its a tough situation for all involved. If we all go to the cinema i can end up sitting next to him and sometimes worse again his gf and we all just sit there in silence, i have tried to make convo a few times but havent had any luck so far, it would be so much easier on the entire group if we could all just get along.

If anyone has the right to be angry its me, i was the one who was hard done by. i don't need people here telling me how i should react or feel, i dont have a problem with what he did, and i am ready to be friends.

the only reason he cheated was we were going through a rough patch as i was studying all the time for final year college exams and didnt give him as much attention as i should have.

maybe he did get my texts, i dont think he got them all but maybe he has decided to not reply to one or two, or more likely his gf wont let him reply. i'm a little angry with her still as she led him away for me for 2 years. But if its a matter of getting to know him again i'm willing to get to know her to.

MissFlitworth good advice on striking up convo, i'm gonna try that again tonight and see how it goes. I just really really want to be friends. Before things got tricky in our relationship it was sooo great, we were great friends, so fun. i really miss him and spending time with him. I'm a little nervous thinking about this already!!

I know the only reason hes been ignoring me up to now is he feels guilty about what he did to me and wants to avoid arguing with me and hurting me more but he doesnt realise that I don't want to argue about the past at all.

It's been 2 years and the past is the past, no point dwelling on it. People make mistakes every day and i know he wasn't perfect, he didn't always chose the right thing, but that was then.

thanks guys xx.

I'm sorry to say this but you sound so so deluded it's scary

This guy cheated on you and yet two years on you are blaming yourself entirely because you didn't give him enough attention

You've sent him countless texts but you think either a. he didn't receive them or b. his girlfriend won't let him respond to them

You think the only reason he is ignoring you is because he feels so guilty and wants to avoid hurting you more

Do you actually realise how ridiculous you sound? You're teetering very close to the edge of bunny-boiler territory here and risk making a total fool of yourself.

Please for your own sake have a bit of dignity and accept that it's over and that you don't need him as a "friend" in your life. He hasn't accepted the countless olive branches you have offered him thusfar so just stop it. Stop pushing this as it is clearly not a runner.

I am a friend

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

I'm not trying to start trouble or something. Its a tough situation for all involved. If we all go to the cinema i can end up sitting next to him and sometimes worse again his gf and we all just sit there in silence, i have tried to make convo a few times but havent had any luck so far, it would be so much easier on the entire group if we could all just get along.

Just sit beside someone else... Be pleasant and polite but dont inflame the situation by sitting next to them in silence...

You sound obsessed hon. Have you had counselling to deal with what happened?

LegacyUser

Woahhhhh. Hold on a sec guys, i am NOT obsessed. I'm just a person who does not like confrontation and argueing. I am happy to forgive and forget and not be bitter about the past.

he was my first and only bf. It was a big deal to me.

I never had many friends before him but he introduced me to all of his friends and ive become best friends with them all so its inevitable that we will hang out with the same group for the long term so it would be nice to get along with the entire group and not make it awkward for our other friends in the group to see some people not talking when there is no good reason for it.

Its really nasty to call me deluded, scary, psycho. I'm none of those things. i'm a mature woman and can handle my feelings just fine. i am obviously a bigger person than any of you as i am able to forgive and forget and move on. i think this clearly says i have dealt with the situation just fine.

i am a nice happy cheerful girl, i put my friends first always, and i think life is alot easier if everyone gets along.

i find it really ignorant to ask if i have had counsulling. I don't need mental help thanks anyway!!

MissFlitworth

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

i have tried to make convo a few times but havent had any luck so far, it would be so much easier on the entire group if we could all just get along.

If you've tried make conversation a few times and it hasn't panned out then I think you've got your answer. He doesn't answer your texts (and tbh I wouldn't think its his girlfriend stopping him unless he's an absolute pushover) and he won't make conversation with you. Short of actually telling you to go away it doesn't seem like there's much more he could be doing to signal that he isn't up for friendship?

Even if you did manage to get him talking to you it's not going to be like it was when you were in a relationship, he won't be there for you to confide in & you won't be spending time with him by yourself. He's got a girlfriend so it would be very uncomfortable for everyone concerned with someone who is so clearly into him.

There was a thread on here a while back that you should have a look at to see what happens when people get completely obsessed with forcing a friendship with an ex who isn't interested, it's a scary path to go down

Virgil°

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

Woahhhhh. Hold on a sec guys, i am NOT obsessed. I'm just a person who does not like confrontation and argueing. I am happy to forgive and forget and not be bitter about the past.

The fact that you feel butterflies and excitement about trying to become best friends with a guy who betrayed you monstrously shows a level of interest in a person that is at the very least, in my opinion, unhealthy.

I never had many friends before him but he introduced me to all of his friends and ive become best friends with them all so its inevitable that we will hang out with the same group for the long term so it would be nice to get along with the entire group and not make it awkward for our other friends in the group to see some people not talking when there is no good reason for it.

There is a good reason for it. He cheated on you and then ignored you for 2 years. If you want to get on with things and be all friendly then good for you, you've put the offer on the table several times now, he isn't interested.

Its really nasty to call me deluded, scary, psycho. I'm none of those things. i'm a mature woman and can handle my feelings just fine

You're getting defensive now. Nobody called you a psycho or scary. People here are giving you truthful advice, harsh to hear maybe, but truthful all the same. That you would call it mean and say people are being nasty to you is side stepping things.
And I wouldn't say you're deluded but you definitely are deluding yourself in some places regarding his behaviour.
For example:

the only reason he cheated was we were going through a rough patch as i was studying all the time for final year college exams and didnt give him as much attention as i should have.

maybe he did get my texts, i dont think he got them all but maybe he has decided to not reply to one or two, or more likely his gf wont let him reply

i'm a little angry with her still as she led him away for me for 2 years

Look hun, he's a big man now he sure as **** won't be forced into anything he doesn't want to do. He didn't reply because HE didn't want to, he cheated on you because HE wanted to, that's all there is to it.Id bet every red cent i have that he wasn't coerced into anything.

i am obviously a bigger person than any of you as i am able to forgive and forget and move on. i think this clearly says i have dealt with the situation just fine.

Except you haven't moved on have you? If you had you'd have truly forgotten him or not care any more. You're sitting here wondering how to get back in contact with him. Wondering why he wouldn't reply to you.

i am a nice happy cheerful girl, i put my friends first always, and i think life is alot easier if everyone gets along.

That's all well and fine, but he isn't interested and you can't make him be.

i find it really ignorant to ask if i have had counsulling. I don't need mental help thanks anyway!!

Again with the overreactions. Nobody said you need mental help. Talking to a counsellor about your feelings and emotions and getting some weight off your chest might do you good.

I'm gonna lay down my prediction here. Unfortunately the way you're reacting makes me think you're not going to take any advice on board, you're going to do what you want to do and contact him again. And again you'll be ignored or at best brushed off with some small reply.

Nobody here is against you hun. You wrote down the problem in black and white and the advice overall was pretty unanimous.None of us know you in real life, what you do at the end of the day sticks to you, it doesn't affect any of us. It'd be pretty pointless to come here and argue with everyone about this issue and then do what you were going to do in the first place anyway don't you think?

I am a friend

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

i am obviously a bigger person than any of you as i am able to forgive and forget and move on.

Thats a nice attitude when people have taken time to respond to you... And you have not moved on because.....

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

i have tried to reconnect with him several times

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

i think this clearly says i have dealt with the situation just fine.

He is blanking you. You think he cheated on you because you didnt give him enough attention and you continue to contact him even when he ignores you. Are have not dealt with the situation just fine...

LegacyUser

I'm at a total loss now guys and dont know what to do.

Friday nite i tried talking to him and he didnt exactly make conversation but seemed happy to see me all the same. then saturday night i start talking to him and his gf is there and he completely ignores me. so I know for a fact now that SHE is the problem and that's so upsetting. Like this is the same girl he cheated with while we were together. It was just a silly fling back then, i have no idea how he can still be with this girl. Later in the night i stupidly confronted her and asked why she is so threatened by my relationship with him and she just told me to '**** OFF' in a really nasty way, I havent been able to think about anything else since. Really cant believe anyone could be so nasty. I know i wasnt right to go confronting her because she may have seen me as threatening but i wasnt i'm a really gentle nice person, i dont start fights for no reason. I can't believe she could be so nasty and i'm sure he even overheard her but didnt seem to care at all. I know other people in our group were shocked and wont ever think of that girl in the same way again.

I havent been able to think of anything else since and dont know what to do now. I want to text him but know theres no point if that bitch is with him all the time which she is because shes so insecure.

Please people dont be nasty to me. i ttook alot of courage for me to come here and update and i need advice.

I tried deleting his number from my phone but i still ended up texting him sun morning cos i remembered the number. I cant erase it from my mind. HELP!!!

Wompa1

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

I'm at a total loss now guys and dont know what to do.

Friday nite i tried talking to him and he didnt exactly make conversation but seemed happy to see me all the same. then saturday night i start talking to him and his gf is there and he completely ignores me. so I know for a fact now that SHE is the problem and that's so upsetting. Like this is the same girl he cheated with while we were together. It was just a silly fling back then, i have no idea how he can still be with this girl. Later in the night i stupidly confronted her and asked why she is so threatened by my relationship with him and she just told me to '**** OFF' in a really nasty way, I havent been able to think about anything else since. Really cant believe anyone could be so nasty. I know i wasnt right to go confronting her because she may have seen me as threatening but i wasnt i'm a really gentle nice person, i dont start fights for no reason. I can't believe she could be so nasty and i'm sure he even overheard her but didnt seem to care at all. I know other people in our group were shocked and wont ever think of that girl in the same way again.

I havent been able to think of anything else since and dont know what to do now. I want to text him but know theres no point if that bitch is with him all the time which she is because shes so insecure.

Please people dont be nasty to me. i ttook alot of courage for me to come here and update and i need advice.

I tried deleting his number from my phone but i still ended up texting him sun morning cos i remembered the number. I cant erase it from my mind. HELP!!!

Ok, will try to be as nice as can be here. You need to step back from all of this. You clearly have feelings for the guy. He cheated on you, Why would you want a friend that doesn't respect you? All you are doing by stoking the flames here is showing others that you are desperate. I'm sure you are a lovely and caring girl that any guy would be lucky to have. Your ex does not want to be your friend. If his g/f wasn't feeling threatened by you before, she would be now.

IF you HAVE to see them on nights out. Sit far away and do not engage them at all. Talk to your actual friends. The reason why you text him is because you want him back, it's not to resolve any issue with his current g/f

If you get back with this guy he won't love you the way you love him. Just let it go. What goes around comes around. He will cheat on her, she will be in the same place you are now. You don't need to forget his number, you need to forget him...

Miss Fluff

I am also going to try and be as kind to you as possible.

I genuinely think that you should maybe explore the possibility of counselling. This is clearly an obsession for you and you're continuing to make this situation worse through your erratic, deluded and desperate behaviour.

It is so painful to have your heart broken and I do genuinely feel terribly sorry for you and your loss BUT there does come a time when the pity party has to stop. You're clearly not able to move on from this on your own so I think perhaps having a professional help you would get you on the path to recovery.

JimmyCrackCorn

so I know for a fact now that SHE is the problem and that's so upsetting

I'm afraid not OP.

There is no nice way to say this. Your behaviour is the problem. I don't know if you realise it but your coming across a little bit scary and obsessive.

He has made it clear he doesn't want your friendship, you have no choice but to accept it and try and move on.

I would personally avoid all contact until you have you have gotten a chance to straighten it out in your own head.

Socialise with a different group of friends and avoid drinking to the point where you feel the need to text him.

Elle Collins

Sounds to me like your ex is talking out of both sides of his mouth OP. He seems happy to see you when his ex is not around, and as soon as she is you get consigned to the dustbin again.

You need to forget about this man because any man who treats you as he's done does not deserve the time of day from you, never mind the offer of your friendship, which is a very precious thing.

There's a book out called 'It's called a break-up because it's broken'. I think you might benefit from having a read of that hun, x.

I am a friend

+100

Op I am trying to be nice as well and am very sorry to say you are coming across as needing some professional help to get over this. Please talk to your doctor. This obsession is not healthy. Good luck

War Machine 539

I know this feeling. Its hard to explain to people who dont go through it, OP so your fighting a losing battle, but unfortunately, and I am speaking from personal experience here, its a battle you may have to forfeit.

There was a girl in my life, who was very special to me. The sun shone out of this girls arse. She dumped me, without warning, justification and during a happy time.

I am still feeling the effects three years later. I dream about this girl a lot ( Not in a creepy way, she just seems to be in my subconscious a lot )

The best thing you can do is in a polite way, make said person aware of your existence, and then do NOTHING.

The other person has to make the move. I know your pain but trust me, dont do the needy, crazy thing. Its not good!

May I ask have you suffered any loss or abuse in your life? I myself was orphaned when I was 5 and abused by my foster parents, I ask this because I believe my own detachment issues may have manifested themselves in this way. Perhaps there is a deeper underlying cause?

I dont mean to offend, merely trying to help!

LegacyUser

Elle Collins wrote: »

Sounds to me like your ex is talking out of both sides of his mouth OP. He seems happy to see you when his ex is not around, and as soon as she is you get consigned to the dustbin again.

Your so right! That's exactly how it is and i'm glad someone sees it. it's really hurtful. He'll listen when i talk to him when hes alone but the second she's there he just blanks me totally. I just don't get how some woman can have this power over him and i know i'm wasting my time trying to get back with him as i'm worth sooo much more than this. I need to just forget him. I held my hand out wanting to make peace and he just won't accept because he's under her thumb.

LegacyUser

War Machine 539 wrote: »

I know this feeling. Its hard to explain to people who dont go through it, OP so your fighting a losing battle, but unfortunately, and I am speaking from personal experience here, its a battle you may have to forfeit.

There was a girl in my life, who was very special to me. The sun shone out of this girls arse. She dumped me, without warning, justification and during a happy time.

I am still feeling the effects three years later. I dream about this girl a lot ( Not in a creepy way, she just seems to be in my subconscious a lot )

The best thing you can do is in a polite way, make said person aware of your existence, and then do NOTHING.

The other person has to make the move. I know your pain but trust me, dont do the needy, crazy thing. Its not good!

May I ask have you suffered any loss or abuse in your life? I myself was orphaned when I was 5 and abused by my foster parents, I ask this because I believe my own detachment issues may have manifested themselves in this way. Perhaps there is a deeper underlying cause?

I dont mean to offend, merely trying to help!

Thanks and no offense in what you say.

It really helps when someone understands where im coming from, it really hurts to have everyone think your nuts.
No i was never abused or anything. But if i'm honest my only friends before i met my bf were my mum/family. i never had many friends in school and it was so nice to meet my bf as he had soo many friends and they all instantly accepted me as there best friends and we all do everything together. i will never give my friends up because of him. it was his choice to end our relationship . he didnt have to. My mum loved him soo soo much. It was so hard telling her we were over, and i still havent had the courage to tell her he's been seeing someone else since. I'm still very close to his family and always will be. his new gf won't put me out like that. I hoped he would cheat on her sooner and end their relationship but he hasnt done so yet and theyre together a long time, yet he cheated on me. I dont understand why that is, whats better about her than me.

thanks for commenting xx

Supermummy

its not a good idea and ex is an ex for a reason, i wouldnt try to push trying to be friends with him.

ongarboy

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

It really helps when someone understands where im coming from, it really hurts to have everyone think your nuts.

When people recommend counselling or therapy, it's not because they think you are nuts. Counselling is something everyone could benefit from as we all have issues and misguided ways of thinking that counselling can help address. Does that make us all nuts??

I'm not trying to be harsh here but you need to stop deluding yourself by accusing every poster here that attempts to give you constructive advice of "attacking" you. Most help to personal issues here involves advice that is painful to hear because it's the truth. But it is only by accepting the truth and taking corrective action that you can become happier. Denial is self destructive and will continue to make you unhappy which is the overwhelming sense I get of you from all your posts.

Anyway, to go back to your OP, you asked is it possible to remain friends with an ex. The answer is yes, if you've both completely moved on from the relationship and no longer harbour romantic feelings for each other. Your ex sounds like he has. Unfortunately, you have not moved on and you and only you are the reason you cannot be platonic friends.

You say you delete his number but couldn't resist the urge to text him from memory anyway. Do you treat all your other platonic male and female friends this way? I bet the answer is no. This suggests an obsession with him. I would suggest distancing yourself from the group for socialising if the group always involves the ex or suggest social activities that don't necessarily involve the entire group (ie excluding the ex). Better still, try and make new friends, you never know - you might meet a new man this way.

You (like all of us) deserve to be happy - listen to what people are saying here to help you become this way.

Virgil°

You're not allowing yourself to heal. The advice i and others gave you above was the best advice you're gonna get. You did as i thought you would and contacted him, worse actually, you went around him and confronted his girlfriend.
The end result is that you will end up alienating yourself from this circle of friends and branded as a trouble maker, on top of that i'd wager you feel 20 times worse now than you did when you were contemplating contacting him.

This is no coincidence, you're making yourself unhappy with your own behaviour and theres only one way to make this better. Notice the trend. Notice how the only advice you seem to entertain on here is that which says you should contact him and vilify the girlfriend.

justwanttobefriends wrote: »

I hoped he would cheat on her sooner and end their relationship but he hasnt done so yet and theyre together a long time, yet he cheated on me. I dont understand why that is, whats better about her than me.
thanks for commenting xx

Say that back to yourself. Would a person who is past their ex really say these things?

Faith

OP, imagine you and him had never broken up. You're happily together, and the girl who he's seeing now is just a woman who claims she wants to be friends with him. She sits next to him in the cinema. She constantly tries to start conversations with him even when it's clear that he's not interested. She texts him regularly despite the fact that he never replies. Both you and him know he's not even the slightest bit interested in her. She approaches you in the pub and starts asking why you're trying to keep them apart. What would you think about her? You wouldn't feel threatened; you'd think she was pathetic. You'd think how sad it is that she can't move on past this guy and how she seems obsessed with it. The level of contact being made, considering none of it is being reciprocated, is bordering on stalking.

OP, he cheated on you meaning he had no respect for you. He then stayed with that woman. He chose her over you. I'm sorry to be harsh, but you mean nothing to him. Let him go. If he cared about you at all, he would make an effort to be friends but he doesn't care. He loves this other woman and you need to accept that and move on.