Another one not getting any.

LegacyUser

My partner has had erection problems since about 2 yrs ago. He has been to GP and was prescribed medication which did help. Now he says he only takes it a very odd time - doesnt really need it anymore. But his libido hasnt improved much. We have discussed this many times and he is very open in regard to talking about it, we are good comunicators generally. But...We have always had some issue with sex.

He seems to prefer getting a bj/handjob and giving me oral (which is great and he is the only person to give me an orgasam but I want to have actual sex too. We discuss our fantasises, are very open in the bedroom and I am very willing to try most things. We often use sex toys too which is great and I love all these things but he doesnt ever seem to want 'normal' sex. I mean, even if we do have what I would call normal sex, he will want to do anal instead (which is fine, i enjoy it too) but we are an established couple and a family and sometimes I want loving intimate sex as an expression of our love. I dont mean like 'in the movies' Im not that naieve - but there has to be a middle ground ya?

So I have told him all this over and over. He says sorry, that of course he loves me and fancies me and that he will try harder. We were away two weeks ago, stayed in a hotel (1st away since our child was born) and we had a great time but no nookie that night. I was expecting that as we were pretty drunk, we did have a lovely conversation and cuddle late that night, but no sex until the following morning. He went down on me, me on him and then nothing. I said it to him at the time that I wanted to make love. He saw I was a bit upset and seemed really sorry that we hadnt done the deed fully and said he would make more effort. Since then NOTHING. I had my period for a few days but its been two weeks now and he hasnt come near me.

I do make an effort, I dress up for him (not all the time but a good bit) I ask him to come to bed early - tell him Im horney and I want him, send him suggestive texts, but nada. I decided for the last two weeks not to bnring it up again just to see if maybe i was putting pressure on him, but he hasnt made any move and I am getting very frustrated and upset.

Should I talk to him again tonight - or should I say nothing and give him more time? Im finding this very upsetting, and it worries me deeply because Im afraid that this will affect our relationship so much that we wont last the distance. I can see myself falling out of love with him in years to come if this problem isnt sorted, I need sex to feel loved and connected to my pratner. Has anyone any advice am desperate.

seamus

anotheronenotgettingany wrote: »

Should I talk to him again tonight - or should I say nothing and give him more time?

Talk to him again. Vaginal sex can be a bit vanilla, but it's odd that he's actively refusing it.

Erectile dysfunction can be very damaging to a man's ego & libido, it can be a bit of a vicious circle. If he doesn't find vaginal sex that exciting, then it's possible that he's worried that his ED will return if he attempts it again. Do you/would you insist on condoms for vaginal sex?

Or maybe there's something simpler at play, like perhaps being worried about getting you pregnant?

It sounds to me like he has fairly normal appetites (if a slightly lower sex drive), but has some specific issue about vaginal sex?

LegacyUser

Thanks for reply seamus. We dont ever use condoms, Im not planning on getting pregnant again and he knows this -and there was no issue when I was pregnant, and we both want another baby in the next few years. So I cant imagine thats the problem. I have said to him that is it because he finds it boring but he says no. I thought maybe I wasnt tight enough? But he said no - actually he has said no to any reason I can think of but hasnt explained why.

LegacyUser

Vaginal sex is often not that important to men if they can get a bj/handjob/anal instead as all those things are more intense and 'tighter' for men. Especially men who masturbate a lot, they would require a tighter 'grip' and harder movement than vaginal can give. Vaginal sex is just a bit 'blah' for them.

Taltos

seamus wrote: »

Or maybe there's something simpler at play, like perhaps being worried about getting you pregnant?

That was my first thought too...

It could also be that maybe that he just doesn't get enough sensation through straight intercourse. But until he opens up to you we are all just guessing.

My recommendation is that if he is not totally honest then you broach the subject of maybe seeking professional help together. Otherwise this is just going to eat away at your confidence and at some point you will start believing that it is all your fault (and not his cause he is staying quiet).

Best of luck OP