Grade my English...

jumpguy

Hey y'all, after doing the 2005 Text 3 QA and 2005 Text 2 QB, think of it as a mini-mock I've just done to try and nail paper 1 timing. I'd love some constructive criticism and approximate marks you'd give? Considering I've no teacher and different opinions would be helpful. I'd be hoping to get a B1 in English at least...

For anyone that can be arsed reading through it, thanks a million! :P

Text 3 2005 QA (i)

I think Jerry Philip's attitude is one of admiration. He is very enthusiastic about Eva's rise to fame and he seems to have little criticism for the young, budding "rock icon". Jerry seems to even attempt to defend Eva, responding to critics that she is "certainly professional, hardworking and determinded to succeed in a tough industry." There is almost a tone of admiration in his enthusiasm. He employs very boisterous adjectives and descriptions when writing about Eva, claiming she has been on a "roller-coaster" and even calling her a "music queen". He describes her global success as "head-spinning" and she has been "packing" concert venues. He almost seems to have adopted the sort of enthusiasm of an avid fan.

He has little criticism of Eva's lifestyle. In fact, he praises her. He describes her as "extraordinarily beautiful" and "astonishingly tough, steely and ambitious." He doesn't seem to think of her lifestyly as verbose*. When seeing her "diamond and sapphire studded ring" he is reminded she is "about to marry and share her future with Irish music producer, Ross Kennedy." He speaks of the extravagance of her wedding in a tone of excited admiration, describing it as a "spectacular event." He even claims it will be a "glittering extravaganza." In my opinion, he really seems to have the enthusiasm of a fan of Eva's.

*Can you use verbose to describing anything that's over-the-top, or can it just be used for particularly wordy things (think Polonius in Hamlet)? It's not a risk I'd take in the exam, but I did here! :P

Text 3 2005 QA (ii)

No, the superstar life depicted in this passage does not appeal to me. I would not like the global media's attention and scruting of my life. The "world's press" is described as "constantly on her [Eva's] doorstep". I believe this would be very invasive of my privacy. There seems to be little time for relaxation with all that attention. Her "ruthless quest to fame" seems tiring and superficial. I would prefer to have a few close friends and perhaps be well known in my local community, at most.

I think the extravagance of her wedding is both verbose* and superficial. "Six hundred doves," "tiny rosebuds," "orchids" and "lily-of-the valley" seems to me life a grossly over-decorated spectacle. The notion of "party[ing] their way through the coming winter season in Italy" sounds unhealthy. While I like some partying, I am a firm believer in a healthy balance in life. One must have some work as well as some play. I would not enjoy constant partying - there is more to life than that.

I would not like the seemingly cut-throat industry Eva finds herself in. Eva says "this business is no place to be shrinking and insecure, it takes a certain attitude." Which I wouldn't describe myself as "shrinking" or "insecure," I don't think I would enjoy working in such a hostile industry. I am not a believer in the glamour of celebrity culture, and I think it is foolish to only look for money and fame in life.

Text 3 2005 QA (iii) Kinda worried I went off track here - started talking more about what he wrote instead of the style he wrote it in, but then again maybe it's okay...

I do find the style of writing in this article appealing. It is very engaging and interesting. Eva, her fame and her life are chronicled in a well-written, bubbly and enthusiastic manner. Even the introduction of Jerry Philips makes me want to continue reading. His "targets" are "super wealthy". They live "extraordinary lives." This provokes my curiousity, who are these people? The adjective "super" wealthy implies a over-the-top culture of fame I want to read more about.

He describes his interview with Eva as "rare and candid." This is both engaging and interesting. If it is "rare," I would like to read it. The fact it is "candid" means maybe it is a true insight into Eva's life. He is interviewing her in a very evocative setting, on a "sunbaked, marble terrace" with "glorious views" of the Arno River. The terrace is lit by candlelight. Jerry goes on to write this is far from "the terrace house of her childhood." This comparison immediately sparks my interest - how did she get to the terrace overlooking the Arno river? The article maintains my interest and once more, I would like to read on and find out more about Eva Maguire.

Eva herself, in her only monologue in the article, seems to be an interesting character. She describes herself as "very reserved." Her grin when she says it takes a "certain attitude" is very mysterious, as though she is keeping a secret. I want to read on and keep finding out more about her. The author is revealing more and more about Eva in small pieces, keeping me from reading farther.

The article is written in a way I think is engaging for young people, it's probable target audience. The boistrous adjectives, descriptions and Eva's monologue make it an interesting and exciting read. The description of the wedding allows me to visualise a kaleidoscope of colour and extravagance - white doves, tiny rosebuds, orchids and lillies. All this contrasting with the "Italian sky". The "high-octane world of glitz, glamour, sleek yachts and private jets" captures my attention. The adjective "high-octane" is very energetic. All these factors make the style of writing in this article very appealing.

Okay, actually, I'll leave it at that, before this looks scarily long, and well, I'm tired of typing...