I did something stupid 26 years ago

LegacyUser

I did something stupid 26 years ago and I have been increasingly troubled by it in the last three years.
I haven't even told my wife about it. Nobody knows. I am 41 now, but when I was 15, I was dared to, essentially, grope my teacher.
I did.
And I got caught. She confronted me and that was it. I got on grand with her after that and was one of her star pupils. I forgot about it in my late teens, 20s and even 30s.
But, I don't know why, it has come back to me in the last few years.
I just feel terrible for what I did and simply can't get over it.

LegacyUser

Is it possible your using this as a focal point for something else you feel guilty about? It seems pretty inoccous to me. It sounds slightly embarrassing moreso than something to be deeply ashamed of, it was years ago and the "victim" chastised you for it and let it go. Dont beat yourself up over it.

LegacyUser

Just to add, the problem is I feel completely wracked with guilt and shame. I have stated waking up at night thinking about it.
I would have been very friendly with the teacher afterwards, but I just can't believe I did it. I feel that it was another person, tbh.

Victor

cantgetoverit wrote: »

She confronted me and that was it.

The end, she seems to have forgiven you. Assuming you aren't doing it anymore, you can move on.

Sure, it was inappropriate, but we often do inappropriate things, especially as teenagers as we are discovering things and determing where the boundaries are.

I just feel terrible for what I did and simply can't get over it.

Find ways that you can get over it. Get some counselling. Admit it to your wife. Go to confession (if thats your thing). Make a donation to a service for those who suffered sexual abuse.

Forever Hopeful

Why do you think this is affecting you now all of a sudden? Is there anything in your life that has changed or has something similar happened somewhere else?

I know that sometimes when we are feeling a vulnerable and unsure of ourselves, our minds can recall times in our past when we have behaved out of character, did something silly and we use that as evidence as to why we are undeserving of something or to prove to ourselves that we are not worthy.

What is going on right now which is making you fixate on this? You were 15, you were underage. I have friends who are teachers and they say teenagers behave in the most unpredictable ways. They are trained for that. She knew exactly how to handle the situation and you can be assured she has long forgotten about the incident.

cafecolour

cantgetoverit wrote: »

Just to add, the problem is I feel completely wracked with guilt and shame. I have stated waking up at night thinking about it.
I would have been very friendly with the teacher afterwards, but I just can't believe I did it. I feel that it was another person, tbh.

From 15 to 41 - you basically are another person.

Are you in an unhappy period of your life? That could be misplace regret.

Or do you have any OCD tendencies? This could simply be obsessiveness rearing it's head, and the topic - while seemingly significant is essentially random. If that's the case, instead of dwelling on it when it comes up, force yourself to think of something else.

xzanti

She forgave you, now you need to forgive yourself and move on.. otherwise you'll drive yourself insane.. I bet you blame any bad luck you have in your life on 'karma' don't you? you feel like you deserve it because of what transpired.. Seek out some help if needs be but you really need to let this go.. in the grand scheme of things.. it wasn't that bad, it's not like you groped a child or something.. Just let it go.

Miss Fluff

I think you could probably do with a trip to your GP. All kinds of anxiety disorders can manifest themselves in the obsessing over of past incidences and it is not right that you are now waking up at night fretting about this. It's easier said than done to tell you to get over about it and forget about it but I'd hazard a guess that it goes deeper than this if you've spent the last three years obsessing over this. A medical professional will be able to properly guide you on where best to take it from here tbh, it's clearly consuming you.

Fittle

Im a bit confused. You 'groped' your teacher and you got 'caught'. What do you mean you got caught? How could you not have gotten caught groping someone....? I'm confused at the level of 'groping' if I'm honest...

I think this guilt and shame is completely misplaced...is there something going on in your life at the moment and you are trying not to think about it - hence you are focussing on an event that happened over 30yrs ago

Daisy M

cantgetoverit wrote: »

Just to add, the problem is I feel completely wracked with guilt and shame. I have stated waking up at night thinking about it.
I would have been very friendly with the teacher afterwards, but I just can't believe I did it. I feel that it was another person, tbh.

You are a different person you are now an adult totally responsible for your actions in every way, at the time you were 15 not a child but not an adult what you did was inappropriate and wrong like so many things teenagers do.
Obviously the teacher at the time was able to put it into context, it was a young lad showing off and pushing the boundaries, inappropriate yes, sex offender no.
It comes across that you are judging the present you for what you did when you were 15, that makes no sense at all, look at the i5yr olds you know then look at people your own age do they behave the same? No way they dont!!!
Put it into context move on and if your unable to do that on your own ask for help, theres no way your life today should be affected by a silly action 26 yrs ago.

Starokan

you are making a huge deal out of this for some reason. sure it was totally the wrong thing to do but im guessing its not as bad as you think or there is no way the teacher would not have taken it further or there is absolutely no way you would have become friends with the teacher.

our minds have the capacity to create endless torment for us, you are wallowing in senseless guilt. if you cant get over it then get professional help from a therapist/counsellor.

Forgiving ourselves for anything is as important as forgiving others

stop being so hard on yourself, you were a kid

LegacyUser

cantgetoverit wrote: »

I did something stupid 26 years ago and I have been increasingly troubled by it in the last three years.
I haven't even told my wife about it. Nobody knows. I am 41 now, but when I was 15, I was dared to, essentially, grope my teacher.
I did.
And I got caught. She confronted me and that was it. I got on grand with her after that and was one of her star pupils. I forgot about it in my late teens, 20s and even 30s.
But, I don't know why, it has come back to me in the last few years.
I just feel terrible for what I did and simply can't get over it.

At the age of 16 I did far worse. Circuit court with a threat of high court. Psychiatric hospital, overdoses, the works.

Now at 38 with wife and kids I am a new man.

Forget about it, that "kid" is gone.

Believe me.

If it continues to bug you, I suggest you talk to someone. The guilt is eating away at you unnecessarily.

CrazyRabbit

Is it possible that the real issue that's bugging you is that you were so easily pressured into groping the teacher? It can be hard to know that someone manipulated you into doing something bad.

I've only ever given into peer pressure once & it's something that still bothers me and I think about it sometimes. It was 'only' theft, but I imagine that if I'd done something more serious, the effect on me would be greater.

I could be totally wrong, but I figured it's worth a mention.

LighterGuy

cantgetoverit wrote: »

I did something stupid 26 years ago and I have been increasingly troubled by it in the last three years.
I haven't even told my wife about it. Nobody knows. I am 41 now, but when I was 15, I was dared to, essentially, grope my teacher.
I did.
And I got caught. She confronted me and that was it. I got on grand with her after that and was one of her star pupils. I forgot about it in my late teens, 20s and even 30s.
But, I don't know why, it has come back to me in the last few years.
I just feel terrible for what I did and simply can't get over it.

You're 41. Doesnt matter what you did at 15. Let alone something trivial as touching up a teacher. Its no big deal, in fact its no deal at all.

spurious

LighterGuy wrote: »

You're 41. Doesnt matter what you did at 15. Let alone something trivial as touching up a teacher. Its no big deal, in fact its no deal at all.

I'm sorry, while I agree the OP is a completely different person now and has no reason to be guilty over something he did as a child, 'touching someone up' is not 'no big deal'.