When you go all the way do you have to stay?

AceHi

I've just broke up with my second girlfriend and have been hurt so much by women that I want to take a 1 way trip back to hetro-land. I have had relationships with men too but they just don't have the emotional impact that women have on me. Is there anyone out there that has grown out of their gayness so to speak? I don't want to start seeing men in case it ends up the same as the other times, ie. me not giving a sh1t, but I would rather grow old with 100 cats than a woman at this point. Has anyone ever decided after being gay that they are really straight?

Asry

No.

Well. I mean.

I'm both gay and straight but at the same time all the time. So I'd have to chop half my body off or something to do that.

So, no, I never could make a decision. I mean, it's not like I'd have a choice to make a decision like that.

It'd be like me waking up and deciding that I'm actually a man, when I'm not, I'm a woman. Or that I'm from Asia, when I'm not, I'm from Dublin.

AceHi

I get your drift... I guess it is so difficult for me to imagine because i'm probably gay as opposed to bi, and can't just force myself to like men.
I guess its me and the cats!

AceHi

Do you not even have a relationship preference like do you like both equally?

Kanoe

This is probably why I'm not overly keen on committing myself to a category or label but I'm happy where I am right now. I was discussing the same subject earlier and I said that technically I'm probably bi as I had been with men in the past but not for a long long time and didn't really see myself being with one anytime soon and on that note I was classified gay. I don't think you have to do anything you don't want to do. I do know someone who always claimed she was bi but when push came to shove ( I shoved her) she was fairly adamant that she was now totally straight and that kissing girls was just a phase she went through in college eh...

AceHi

Kanoe wrote: »

This is probably why I'm not overly keen on committing myself to a category or label but I'm happy where I am right now. I was discussing the same subject earlier and I said that technically I'm probably bi as I had been with men in the past but not for a long long time and didn't really see myself being with one anytime soon and on that note I was classified gay. I don't think you have to do anything you don't want to do. I do know someone who always claimed she was bi but when push came to shove ( I shoved her) she was fairly adamant that she was now totally straight and that kissing girls was just a phase she went through in college eh...

Yeah... A more appropriate title for this thread would have been is there anything you can do to make yourself straight women are such hard work!

Kanoe

AceHi wrote: »

Yeah... A more appropriate title for this thread would have been is there anything you can do to make yourself straight women are such hard work!

maybe just that bit would do :P

AceHi

lol! and two together-nightmare!

AceHi

Apart from your friend who said kissing girls was just a phase, do you know other lesbians who ended up with men? Or if you prefer women now is it likely that will always be the case? Sorry for all the questions and me assuming that you're an expert on the subject but right now your my Freud!

wonderfulname

Perfectly normal response to a bad break-up, how many times do you hear hetro girls swearing off guys "for life"? Never does happen though does it?
This isn't about women, its about A woman. Give yourself time to heal from her and I'm sure that others will start to look a hell of a lot more appealing than a bunch of cats...

Kanoe

AceHi wrote: »

Apart from your friend who said kissing girls was just a phase, do you know other lesbians who ended up with men? Or if you prefer women now is it likely that will always be the case? Sorry for all the questions and me assuming that you're an expert on the subject but right now your my Freud!

unless you count that girl who writes that comic thanks to whoever linked to that originally :pac:
but what wonderful name said, just give yourself some time

AceHi

wonderfulname wrote: »

Perfectly normal response to a bad break-up, how many times do you hear hetro girls swearing off guys "for life"? Never does happen though does it?
This isn't about women, its about A woman. Give yourself time to heal from her and I'm sure that others will start to look a hell of a lot more appealing than a bunch of cats...

Thanks for putting things into perspective. I guess I'm just young and got involved with a woman at what I realise now was probably too young an age for me to know what I wanted and with all the pain and what not I'm starting to consider if it's right for me and don't want to put more energy in if its not. But I guess I should just leave things and find out with time.

AceHi

Kanoe wrote: »

unless you count that girl who writes that comic thanks to whoever linked to that originally :pac:
but what wonderful name said, just give yourself some time

Thanks for your advice!

wonderfulname

AceHi wrote: »

Thanks for putting things into perspective. I guess I'm just young and got involved with a woman at what I realise now was probably too young an age for me to know what I wanted and with all the pain and what not I'm starting to consider if it's right for me and don't want to put more energy in if its not. But I guess I should just leave things and find out with time.

Such is life, it doesn't really matter what age you are. Bearing in mind I have no idea what the situation is, it sounds as though you need to step back and just concentrate on yourself more so than anything or one else. Even if it does turn out that this is "right for you" you sound to have taken quite a hit so take the time to evaluate and heal before you big decisions - be they immediate, i.e. involving this woman, or more general, for example allowing this warp your view of people or relationships in future.

I'm connecting random dots so ignore that if it doesn't sit right.

gcgirl

You get to kiss a load of frogs before you get your princess !

;-)

AceHi

gcgirl wrote: »

You get to kiss a load of frogs before you get your princess !

;-)

Yay frogs! That will make my long awaited princess seem extra special! I look forward to it

AceHi

wonderfulname wrote: »

Such is life, it doesn't really matter what age you are. Bearing in mind I have no idea what the situation is, it sounds as though you need to step back and just concentrate on yourself more so than anything or one else. Even if it does turn out that this is "right for you" you sound to have taken quite a hit so take the time to evaluate and heal before you big decisions - be they immediate, i.e. involving this woman, or more general, for example allowing this warp your view of people or relationships in future.

I'm connecting random dots so ignore that if it doesn't sit right.

That makes perfect sense. I just wondered would age have a part of it I was very young when I fell in love with my first girlfriend who was substantially older and i'm 20 now and that relationship was so intense and I really had little support from family or friends and felt so alone afterwards and after 5 years of making & breaking up i'm on the same boat with my latest ex. Maybe I just invest too much or take things really bad but surely nothing should hurt like this. I thought maybe back then I confused loving someone as a friend with being in love with someone and that could be it. But thanks so much you're after really helping me I realise that I just need time to figure things out. Too bad somebody can't diagnose homosexuality, it would save all this confusion!

Aishae

OP dont worry - its not your age or the fact you're gay. any breakup of a long term relationship - or an intense one, even one where you thought you might have some sorta future - can leave you feeling like this.
everyone i know who did the swearing of men thing have moved on. some moved on with other men, some took time to enjoy the single life. no hard and fast rules there!

AceHi

Aishae wrote: »

OP dont worry - its not your age or the fact you're gay. any breakup of a long term relationship - or an intense one, even one where you thought you might have some sorta future - can leave you feeling like this.
everyone i know who did the swearing of men thing have moved on. some moved on with other men, some took time to enjoy the single life. no hard and fast rules there!

I suppose, it's like losing a limb of course it's going to take some time to adjust! I guess i'll take the enjoy the single life option

shortie_chik

A former colleague of mine was a lesbian for a long time (at least 20 years) until about 2 years ago she found she was attracted to a guy in her new job. Was quite the shock for her! Anyway it seems they're getting along happily-ever-after now. I'd guess she's about 40ish and was out for years, so nothing to do with her age or trying to decide if she really preferred women; she definitely preferred women for 2 decades. But now she's met a person she wants to be with, and I guess she's not too concerned that he's not her usual type!

cuffesis

I think as girls we expect other girls to just GET how we feel and what we like straight off the bat where as with men there's a forgiveness, a free pass if you will. I've been with guys and I was never pushed but I recently broke up with my first girlfriend (and yes I'll grant you the first one will probably always mean the most) but I wondered why I'd ever go for a girl again because the pain I felt was just so bad.

I put it to myself this way - maybe the pain was so bad because the happiness and dynamic was so high - it's exactly what I had wanted that's why THIS hurt to lose it rather than when I'd been with guys.

Don't settle for guys because it's easier. Go with what your heart body and mind want. You have to get pricked by a few thorns to get that beautiful rose.

Fall down seven times - STAND UP EIGHT

AceHi

Thanks Cuffesis, that's really after helping me understand why I feel this way. You're completely right, with guys the good days were good, but with girls they were amazing, and thats probably why the lows were so low. I guess it's better to have a great time and miss it a lot when it's gone than to have never experienced it at all.