Which is worse. (Unfaithfulness)

strobe

So this is sort of split off from a thread in another forum and a couple of things people said just got me thinking about it.

If you were in what was a presumably faithful relationship ('faithful relationship = unspoken agreement not to have sex with other people, which is what most of them are, your traditional boyfriend/girlfriend situation, or marriage, whatever {but I guess that would be a spoken agreement}) and the other person cheated on you, which would you think would be the worse out of the poll options (there's a poll coming, hold your horses). Also, the person apologises for the transgression and promises not to do it again, they still love you bla bla etc.

For the purposes of the thread:
Affair = A relationship on all levels (sexual, emotional etc) with another person while in a relationship with a current girlfriend/boyfriend.
Fling = A once (or maybe at a push twice/trice) casual sex thing with a random person you wanted to have sex with.

[Now of course there are going to be the "everything is just as bad as everything" crew, but it's not, is it? There has to be something to tip you over one side of the fence, in all situations, really.]

(Jaysus I've made this far more complicated than it had to be).

Fukuyama

(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant nothing to me it was just sex."

Perhaps go and write your own article you half-assed journo?

Edit: I'm in a foul mood which may come across in the above original post. My intentions still stand however. If you're not a journalist working for the Metro or the Herald, then why are you creating such an accurately approached poll in AH?

No Pulitzer prize for you! Bad journo! BAD!

Bodhisopha

(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant a lot to me, but I want to be with you"

They are not the same, not even close. The affair is much worse.

Ricardo G

I had a relationship with................YOUR MA !!!

Bloody Nipples

It's irrelevant cos they'd be out on their ear either way.

strobe

Dean0088 wrote: »

Perhaps go and write your own article you half-assed journo?

Bodhisopha wrote: »

They are not the same, not even close. The affair is much worse.

Ricardo G wrote: »

I had a relationship with................YOUR MA !!!

All classic never say die responses, and I salute you.

Latchy

Op what's the (hic) question again ?

Turtyturd

Ricardo G wrote: »

I had a relationship with................YOUR MA !!!

You're on form tonight.

sonic85

there all as bad as each other to be honest.

LighterGuy

All answers are all BOLL*X!
If someone cheats, doesnt matter what they say, its all crap you're been fed.

Truth is "I had sex with them because I wanted to"
or "I had sex with them because i've been using you"
you rarely hear the real reasons in this world.

El Guapo!

(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant a lot to me, but I want to be with you"

I voted but only after it took me a while to decipher your post! You really did make it more complicated than it needed to be!!

the_syco

Bloody Nipples wrote: »

It's irrelevant cos they'd be out on their ear either way.

Agreed. Cheating is cheating.

Cupcake_Crisis

They'd be sent packing either way so it doesnt really matter

strobe

Dean09 wrote: »

I voted but only after it took me a while to decipher your post! You really did make it more complicated than it needed to be!!

This is what I do.

minidazzler

(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant a lot to me, but I want to be with you"

It's the difference between monogamy and fidelity. I would prefer a faithful relationship with polygamy to a monogamous relationship with infidelity.

I mean, I am attracted to alot of people I don't really know I am cut out for a single woman for the rest of my life.

So yeah, it meaning something is far worse.

Ricardo G

Turtyturd wrote: »

You're on MY MA tonight.

FYP

strobe

strobe wrote: »

S
[Now of course there are going to be the "everything is just as bad as everything" crew, but it's not, is it? There has to be something to tip you over one side of the fence, in all situations, really.]

Bloody Nipples wrote: »

It's irrelevant cos they'd be out on their ear either way.

sonic85 wrote: »

there all as bad as each other to be honest.

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

They'd be sent packing either way so it doesnt really matter

Yeah, obviously that is going to be the main answer given, like I acknowledged in the OP (up there at the top ^^) but which would make you most angry as you threw them out or most upset/disappointed as you ended it? Is the question.

Cupcake_Crisis

strobe wrote: »

Yeah, obviously that is going to be the main answer given, like I acknowledged in the OP (up there at the top ^^) but which would make you most angry as you threw them out or most upset/disappointed as you ended it? Is the question.

Just knowing that they had been with someone else is what would hurt me, duration doesnt really matter.

Turtyturd

Ricardo G wrote: »

FYP

Cool....close the coffin when you're done.

strobe

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

Just knowing that they had been with someone else is what would hurt me, duration doesnt really matter.

Well that's fair enough I guess. I accept some people will not be able to choose one in the whole "would you rather be punched in the face or kicked in the face" vein of things. It's not really about duration though. More to do with, would you be more hurt by them having sex with a random person they met in a club or having a relationship with a person they got to know and grew to care about, thing.

I think it's a bit complex, in that on one hand if they are just sleeping with a random person it could be put down to a once/twice off moment of 'weakness' but on the other hand it could be said that they didn't think too much of you if they would give into one moment of weakness.

But on one foot if they were having a relationship with someone else then it could be looked on more favourably than the former, in that they weren't just risking your relationship and risking hurting you for a moment of weakness, but may have been risking it for what may be deep meaningful sh1t. Where as on the other foot it wasn't just an instinctual craving they were satisfying, it was a complete betrayal on and emotional and personal level as well as a sexual one.

Or something... (I'm sure I had some conceptual crap in mind. Bear with me...loading.....)

theboss80

Easy

Cheating of any form = End of relationship (end of trust)

7sr2z3fely84g5

(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant a lot to me, but I want to be with you"

i think it be dead in the water of any reconciliation if it did happen,there always be fear of happening again,but its up to the two people to agree if they can start over.

sonic85

id be equally hurt if it was a fling or if it was a meaningful relationship. theres no real difference in my eyes cheating is cheating

careymary

(I'm Male) - She says - "He meant a lot to me, but I want to be with you"

I picked -(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant nothing to me it was just sex."

I think if someone cheated on me just for a fling/casual thing I would be more annoyed/ hurt, it would be like they were throwing away everything we had for nothing- if they had feelings for someone else, I wouldnt like it but in a wierd way i could understand it more.

Bodhisopha

(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant a lot to me, but I want to be with you"

sonic85 wrote: »

id be equally hurt if it was a fling or if it was a meaningful relationship. theres no real difference in my eyes cheating is cheating

Which would leave you more psychologically and emotionally scarred in the long run?

Kadongy

Not sure which one is worse, and I dont wish to imagine either in order to decide.

The just sex thing would be more disgusting though.

DWCommuter

"He meant nothing to me, it was just sex", is bad, but "He meant a lot to me, but I want you", is a big kick in the bollix altogether.

Contessa Raven

I can't choose.

On one hand, I'd be angry and upset about a fling because I would see it as throwing our relationship away for meaningless sex.

On the other hand, I'd feel so hurt and deceived by the affair. Affairs tend to involve a lot of creeping around, lying and deceit. I would feel so betrayed that a person who's supposed to love and care about me would treat me like an idiot.

I'd end the relationship over either scenario. They're both horrible.

sonic85

DWCommuter wrote: »

"He meant nothing to me, it was just sex", is bad, but "He meant a lot to me, but I want you", is a big kick in the bollix altogether.

something similar happened me years ago but it was more along the lines of i love him and i love you - i just cant decide. devastating

sonic85

Bodhisopha wrote: »

Which would leave you more psychologically and emotionally scarred in the long run?

i cant say. i really think id feel pretty much the same no matter what the scenario. playing away shows a real lack of respect on a basic level in my opinion. dont think id ever be able to look at someone in the eye again if they messed me around. id just be angry and distrustful all the time and thats not a good way to be

alwaysadub

I'd be very hurt by both, but I think it'd hurt me more to know he had an affair and had feelings for someone else. That's being sneaky and devious.

DWCommuter

You really have to stay with a cheating partner to fully understand how soul destroying and utterly lacking in self respect, it can be. I experienced it many many years ago. It made me a lot tougher. One of the best lessons I ever learned.

Feckfox

(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant nothing to me it was just sex."

I voted wrong.

Angron

strobe wrote: »

Yeah, obviously that is going to be the main answer given, like I acknowledged in the OP (up there at the top ^^) but which would make you most angry as you threw them out or most upset/disappointed as you ended it? Is the question.

I dunno if I could pick one that would make me most angry, cause one way or another, it's amounting to the same thing. I reckon I'd be equally angry with either, one is saying it was a throwaway thing meaning nothing, the other is like they are trying to justify it by saying they are important to them. Just how I see it I spose.

pragmatic1

(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant a lot to me, but I want to be with you"

Cheating transforms your partner from someone you care about into an instant enemy.

candy-gal1

(I'm Male) - She says - "He meant a lot to me, but I want to be with you"

Imho, all cheating is bad and I would never cheat as i dont see the point of it- if your with someone and love them then why cheat?! thats what being single is for, getting it all out of your system
But cheating on someone and having feelings for the person youve cheated with is a hell of a lot worse and hurtful than having it as just sex, meaningless and random, tbh

Little Acorn

careymary wrote: »

I picked -(I'm Female) - He says - "She meant nothing to me it was just sex."

I think if someone cheated on me just for a fling/casual thing I would be more annoyed/ hurt, it would be like they were throwing away everything we had for nothing- if they had feelings for someone else, I wouldnt like it but in a wierd way i could understand it more.

I would be the complete opposite.
He would be dumped either way, but if he had a one night stand I would think him an idiot who I didn't want to be with, but I would believe that he did still love me and had made a mistake.
If it was an affair however, on top of the long term lying and deceitfulness that involves, the main thing that would be in my mind is, that as he had feelings for or felt like he loved another woman, then he couldn't possibly truly love me the way I expect to be loved by my boyfriend.
Even if he chose me in the end, I still wouldn't want anything to do with him because I would feel like his love for me wasn't enough, if he could so easily love another whilst still with me.
An affair would hurt me a million zillion times more.

Azureus

Random fling-bad
Affair-unforgivably ill never speak to you again bad.

willow tree

oh its such a murky area, both are painful.. i guess if it was going on a while and he had feelings for her i would wonder why he didnt choose to leave and have a relationship with her? instead of acting like a fool and lying to me? thats somehting thats well thought out, where as a one night thing could be a mistake done in anger/stupidity (although a mistake he would learn from as it would be out the door with him)...
i also think who its with is a big factor, id be more hurt if it was a friend/sister than a randomer (dont sh*t on your own doorstep). ick, what a horrible thing to do to someone you're meant to love, down with this sort of thing...
incidentally my dad cheated for years on my mum and now he is the joke of the family, we have no respect for him, you can never take it back