Struggling with break up...

LegacyUser

Broke up with my bf a few weeks ago. The main thing I am struggling with at the moment is not contacting him. He wants me out of his life yet I still feel this need to contact him, more like an uncontrollable urge. I was addicted to contact with him I guess. Now he doesn't want anything to do with me and I'm struggling with going from texting him a lot every evening to nothing at all. I don't have any friends nearby to go and visit. He has already found someone else so I know there's no chance of getting him back. I just miss talking to him really but I am driving him insane now. I just want to die so it will all stop.
I have suggested he change his number or block my number so that I can't contact him at all but he's not willing to do that even though it would get me out of his life.

Any advice?

ecoli

Sorry to hear about the break up but you have to respect his space. He wont change his number and why should he he has made things perfectly clear (sorry i know this sounds a little blunt).The first while is an adjustment period but it will get easier and in time it wont be as hard.

Any time you attempt to contact him instead try text or call anyone else in your phone book just for a chat. Contact with anyone should help as by the sounds of things its the interaction with someone that you are missing and is more so adjusting not to having someone always there when you need it. Try keep yourself busy with hobby or sport if the other idea fails. Focus on filling the time you used to spend in contact with him

LegacyUser

Ok, he keeps replying. Is this my problem? Why does he keep replying when he wants me out of his life? Is he just playing games?

I am a friend

I would think because he feels guilty and / or doesn't want to be rude to you.

It's getting you nowhere though so why keep doing it? Pet, he won't miss you til you are gone... Be good to yourself

LegacyUser

He's stopped replying now anyway. I wanted him to return the things he still had of mine but apparently going to the post office is too much hassle.

Miss Fluff

Oh love you please please have to stop contacting him. He broke your heart and he has already moved on. He is merely replying as he doesn't want to seem like an even bigger ba$tard than he feels already. Please don't demean and embarrass yourself like this. You are going to come across as desperate and needy and pathetic. Surely you don't want to leave him with that legacy of you do you?

You refer to texting him as an "uncontrollable" urge. It is actually not, you have full control over this. It's more a "habitual" urge, one based on habit and a compulsion stemming from something you used to do regularly. Like smoking or anything else that's toxic you simply HAVE TO stop. No cutting down or having the "odd one" or making the "odd" phonecall or sending the "odd" text. You have to go cold turkey and you have to put a stop to this.

Your difficulty in moving on is entirely self-inflicted I hate to say as every time you contact him it's like picking a healing scab. If the relationship has no future, which it evidently doesn't, then you will start to feel better and get over him the moment you cut him out of your life and let yourself get on with things. Leave him to lead his own life (without you) and you get on with yours hon x

LegacyUser

He's done this before. Wanted no contact and then as soon as I start moving on or his new gf dumps him then he comes running back.

I would really like him to return my things but he won't even do that.

Maga

Hi there,
I'm sorry for your breakup, but things will get better, you will see.

Now the texting.. just like Miss Fluff mentioned, it IS an addiction. It is a habit. Your brain is wired to repeat this behaviour, and the more you do, the harder it will be to stop.

I'd suggest leaving the phone at home when at work/school, leaving the phone at work/school when at home, turning off the phone completely etc. Just for a couple of days. After 3 days it gets WAY better. After 2 weeks you will never feel the urge again. Trust me on this one. This works for most unhealthy habits.

Best of luck!

PS. If you need to keep your mind busy, you can always try internet dating too, even if for a nice chatting with someone nice - just to remind yourself there's a world out there! Can't possibly harm!