How much should a single give as wedding present?

LegacyUser

I know that couples generally give 100 - 200 quid as wedding presents but as a single am I expected to give the same or half? It seems mean giving newlyweds 50 quid but hard to afford more. What does anyone think? The last few weddings I ended up giving the same as the couples but tbh I just can't afford it.

ash23

I give €50 as I usually go to weddings alone. More than enough imo.

Daisy M

It is not mean to give 50e if that is the max you can afford, in fact it is really generous to stretch yourself to this if money is tight. If the one thing that this recession teaches us all is not to live beyond our means then that may be a good thing. Personally I used to feel so much pressure when attending a wedding to give more than we could afford so as not to apear mean:o this was so stupid, its great that that pressure is there and I think that most couples getting married are appreciative of any gifts they get and are more aware than ever of how expensive attending a wedding is on guests too. Enjoy the day and stop worrying about it!

shoes34

daftanddirct wrote: »

I know that couples generally give 100 - 200 quid as wedding presents but as a single am I expected to give the same or half? It seems mean giving newlyweds 50 quid but hard to afford more. What does anyone think? The last few weddings I ended up giving the same as the couples but tbh I just can't afford it.

Was wondering the same myself, I am going to a wedding next week and while I am not close friends with them they are my neighbours but going to the wedding sole and unfortunately at the moment circumstances dictate that I can't afford to give over €100 and I too was wondering would it be OK to give €50 or €60.

I guess in this recession people should understand that money is not as flush as it was a few years ago and people are struggling to keep paying mortgages, rent etc.

weiland79

I'm of the age where most of my friends (myself included) are planning our weddings, so i've heard and spoken about this plenty of times recently.

It seems that money is generally considered to be the 'guest' paying for their meal.
So 50 quid is plenty.

ziedth

I got married last October and bar maybe 10% of people who were very generous and 10% who gave gifts(which may have cost upwards of €50) the vast majority of the rest gave €50 each be they single or as part of a couple and we were delighted with their generosity. it's more then enough IMO.

My theory on anything like that is cover your meal and a little left over fir them.

MagicMarker

Nothing.

John Mason

i would give what you can afford - if it is 50e or 20e

Personally, i never give more then a 50e present - i think giving money is vulgar and crass.

I was told at one wedding last year, by the groom, that the min. gift he wanted in a card was 80e per person.

so he got a 30e photoframe

solovely

Any singles I know give €100, have never heard of anyone giving less (except for one girl I know took out a €20 to pay for a round of drinks after the ceremony!!), but if can't afford that, just give what you can. Have you considered giving a present maybe if money is tight? If you get something online or in a sale, you could get something that looks like it cost €100 but cost much less?!

shoes34

The general concenus seems to be that you can give €50.

I presume that people getting married aren't inviting people for their presents but because they want them at their special day.

Unfortunately a lot of people have lost their jobs, had their hours cut and wages cut at the moment so I am going to put €50 in an envelope and hope I don't hear anyone saying I was mean and didn't give over €100.

LegacyUser

I have a wedding in a few days time and its a girl I have been friends with for years, but less close in recent times. She is marrying a wealthy guy and since they have been together she has become more and more obsessed with money and designer clothes etc.

The wedding is a black tie affair.

I have recently lost my job and am a single mum who is not able to pay my mortgage and have been really stressed out trying to figure out what to do present wise for the wedding as she has everything she could want so wouldnt know where to start buying something.

Like the OP I am wondering what would be acceptable to give as a gift money wise coz I really dont want to be seen as cheap either since I know most people at the wedding will be flashing the cash and giving massive gifts.

Am regretting accepting the invite now. :-(

LegacyUser

Im sorry but im sick of people saying that €50 is not enough to give for a present. People are still loosing the run of themselves when it comes to their wedding. People are still of the opinion that a wedding will pay for itself however thats not the motto my parents shared when they got married. A wedding is sharing your special day with the people you love you invite people to join you in your celebration NOT to get presents and pay for your big day. I too have weddings coming up and have lost my job and I am facing the same dilema. Couples should be happy that you attended their day. I think €50 is fine for a single person.

LegacyUser

inthesameboat wrote: »

I have a wedding in a few days time and its a girl I have been friends with for years, but less close in recent times. She is marrying a wealthy guy and since they have been together she has become more and more obsessed with money and designer clothes etc.

The wedding is a black tie affair.

I have recently lost my job and am a single mum who is not able to pay my mortgage and have been really stressed out trying to figure out what to do present wise for the wedding as she has everything she could want so wouldnt know where to start buying something.

Like the OP I am wondering what would be acceptable to give as a gift money wise coz I really dont want to be seen as cheap either since I know most people at the wedding will be flashing the cash and giving massive gifts.

Am regretting accepting the invite now. :-(

Given your situation I don't think you should give any cash at all. Why not just spend a small amount maybe framing a nice photo from the wedding and send it to them after. Or if you're creative then you could make something. I'm not at so this is something I can't do. Your friend might have cash but if she's a friend she'll understand things are tight for you with a mortgage and kid(s).


I also think giving cash is crude but it is the norm to a certain extent. For the next few weddings Ive decided to give a present of a dinner voucher / tickets for a gig or show along with a promise of babysitting (most of them have had kids before tying the knot).

amywise9

I went solo to a wedding last April and gave a pressie. I just don't like the idea of giving money.
The couple was delighted with my gift.
I wouldn't fret too much though.

Otis Driftwood

Depends on my relationship with the couple tbh.

For example,one of my best female friends got married in March.I went to the wedding on my own and gave them €200.

If Im going to a wedding I generally know the people quite well anyway so would never give less than €100 if on my own or €150 if Im bringing someone.

Thats just me though,it depends on what you can afford.

LittleBook

inthesameboat wrote: »

I have a wedding in a few days time and its a girl I have been friends with for years, but less close in recent times. She is marrying a wealthy guy and since they have been together she has become more and more obsessed with money and designer clothes etc.

The wedding is a black tie affair.

I have recently lost my job and am a single mum who is not able to pay my mortgage and have been really stressed out trying to figure out what to do present wise for the wedding as she has everything she could want so wouldnt know where to start buying something.

Like the OP I am wondering what would be acceptable to give as a gift money wise coz I really dont want to be seen as cheap either since I know most people at the wedding will be flashing the cash and giving massive gifts.

Am regretting accepting the invite now. :-(

A personal present beats a flashy-cash gift every time in my book.

If it's not too late, can you get a hold of a photo of the happy couple and find an nice, inexpensive frame to put it in or something like that?

Another idea is to find a "nice" bottle of wine, get one from a wine shop where they'll give you a box, it doesn't have to be expensive because it will LOOK expensive in the box! Then you ask people at the wedding to put a little note in the box and give it to the couple saying it's not to be opened until their first anniversary when they can read what everyone wrote on their wedding day.

Or just get the wine and put a nice personal note around the neck.

Anything decorative (vase, picture, ornament) is a lovely present and no-one needs to know who much it cost. And if you can get it personalised (say at a pottery place) with the date of the wedding or their names, all the better.

ppink

Another idea is to get a pic of them, or something they would like, put on canvas. I am steering well clear of money gifts right now as I cannot afford the big bucks either. Also money is spent and never remembered but a gift that is special to them will be there always.

LegacyUser

My brother and sister are married, and I now know the cost of weddings, I think at least 50 euro and more if you know them well. Not a crap present they dont want. One present my sister got was a newbridge nut cracker!!

Most people these days are living together and have everything they are already need. Crap photoframes, candlesticks, anything newbridge would just be left in the box gathering dust.

As people said money is tight so you dont have to give it right away, I think some people are jumping on the bandwagon with the recession, they are just becoming mean and thinking they can get away with it, my brother had about 20 couples/people that didnt give any gifts, I just think its incredible to think you can just turn up to a wedding and not give anything.

I dont think you need to give it right away either just when you can afford it. In regards to the present, if its a really great original present go for it but any of the above please dont!!

MagicMarker

cantbelievesomepeoplesaidnothing! wrote: »

My brother and sister are married, and I now know the cost of weddings, I think at least 50 euro and more if you know them well. Not a crap present they dont want. One present my sister got was a newbridge nut cracker!!

Most people these days are living together and have everything they are already need. Crap photoframes, candlesticks, anything newbridge would just be left in the box gathering dust.

As people said money is tight so you dont have to give it right away, I think some people are jumping on the bandwagon with the recession, they are just becoming mean and thinking they can get away with it, my brother had about 20 couples/people that didnt give any gifts, I just think its incredible to think you can just turn up to a wedding and not give anything.

I dont think you need to give it right away either just when you can afford it. In regards to the present, if its a really great original present go for it but any of the above please dont!!

I think it's incredible that some people think they have a divine right to a gift.

If I invite someone to a party/wedding then I sure as hell don't want them to pay for it for me. I'm the host, I pay, and if I can't afford it then I don't have a party, I wait and save up until I can afford it.

cantbelievesomepeoplesaidnothing!

cantbelievesomepeoplesaidnothing! wrote: »

My brother and sister are married, and I now know the cost of weddings, I think at least 50 euro and more if you know them well. Not a crap present they dont want. One present my sister got was a newbridge nut cracker!!

Most people these days are living together and have everything they are already need. Crap photoframes, candlesticks, anything newbridge would just be left in the box gathering dust.

As people said money is tight so you dont have to give it right away, I think some people are jumping on the bandwagon with the recession, they are just becoming mean and thinking they can get away with it, my brother had about 20 couples/people that didnt give any gifts, I just think its incredible to think you can just turn up to a wedding and not give anything.

I dont think you need to give it right away either just when you can afford it. In regards to the present, if its a really great original present go for it but any of the above please dont!!

Well then they don't need a present do they.
If they can't afford their costly wedding, that's their problem, not the guests'

starlit

Depends how well you know the couple or one of them. How long have you been friends with them etc. I would say since you are single between €100-150 be about right for a wedding present. From a couple be 150 euro or more or nearer to 200 euro would suffice.

If it were a birthday/confirmation/communion/christening maybe €50 or less be about right. To be grateful and appreciate the invite to the wedding, knowing the couple/or one of them and thanking them for inviting you should be worth giving them appreciative gift/amount of money and not be too mean. You could throw in a gift voucher or something too if you think what you are giving them isn't enough whether you know what they like or don't like as a gift depends.

Just finding the right balance really gift wise.

Dudess

Up to you OP - whatever you can afford, or a bit extra if you want to do this as a gesture for the person. Don't mind all this cold, calculated "set amount" stuff which completely flies in the face of what a gift is supposed to be about (a goodwill gesture) - it's just the by-product of horrible greed and selfishness. There are some people with atrocious views on wedding spending (examples on this website if you look around) who feel a wedding present should solely be about funding the wedding - even though nobody forces them to hold a lavish event or buy really expensive stuff afterwards. It's like something out of The Simpsons - hilarious status-seeking.
You should definitely give a gift - to be fair, giving nothing would be ill-mannered to say the least, but don't bother adhering to bridezilla "requirements".

shoes34

MagicMarker wrote: »

I think it's incredible that some people think they have a divine right to a gift.

If I invite someone to a party/wedding then I sure as hell don't want them to pay for it for me. I'm the host, I pay, and if I can't afford it then I don't have a party, I wait and save up until I can afford it.

Totally agree, if I went to a party in I'd bring a gift of course, a bottle of wine/champagne & flowers so a wedding is really only a glorified party where one might get bit more dressed up and OK maybe a little more expensive depending on the food/venue.

If they can't afford to hold a wedding they shouldn't have a big wedding and expect their guests to pay for it. I'm sure it was great in the days my parents went to weddings as people didn't have massive weddings and over spend like they do now.

Daisy M

cantbelievesomepeoplesaidnothing! wrote: »

My brother and sister are married, and I now know the cost of weddings, I think at least 50 euro and more if you know them well. Not a crap present they dont want. One present my sister got was a newbridge nut cracker!!

Most people these days are living together and have everything they are already need. Crap photoframes, candlesticks, anything newbridge would just be left in the box gathering dust.

As people said money is tight so you dont have to give it right away, I think some people are jumping on the bandwagon with the recession, they are just becoming mean and thinking they can get away with it, my brother had about 20 couples/people that didnt give any gifts, I just think its incredible to think you can just turn up to a wedding and not give anything.

I dont think you need to give it right away either just when you can afford it. In regards to the present, if its a really great original present go for it but any of the above please dont!!

doovdela wrote: »

Depends how well you know the couple or one of them. How long have you been friends with them etc. I would say since you are single between €100-150 be about right for a wedding present. From a couple be 150 euro or more or nearer to 200 euro would suffice.

If it were a birthday/confirmation/communion/christening maybe €50 or less be about right. To be grateful and appreciate the invite to the wedding, knowing the couple/or one of them and thanking them for inviting you should be worth giving them appreciative gift/amount of money and not be too mean. You could throw in a gift voucher or something too if you think what you are giving them isn't enough whether you know what they like or don't like as a gift depends.

Just finding the right balance really gift wise.

God ye two have me lost for words, doesnt happen often:(.

it is sooooooooo ungrateful to call any presents "crappy" and so spoilt to have the "money please, gimme gimme" attitude. I dont care if someone gave me 10 Newbridge (or any kind) candlesticks / frames / knives etc - i would very much appreciate them and the effort and cost involved, but then i wasnt brought up to worship money.

when i got married most our our presents were money based ( this was in the boom) and i felt so overwhelmed with the generosity of people, i got very few "material" presents because i too was in my house for a few years and people assumed i had everything i needed, but the few bits i did get, frames, wine glasses, ornaments and yes the coolest toaster - i treasure those items because i think gift are so personal and such a lovely touch. I would advise a "single" (hate that term) to give a small gift, dont be measuring it in terms of money either, if the couple getting married have any sense of cop on they will treasure it.

Dudess

cantbelievesomepeoplesaidnothing! wrote: »

I think some people are jumping on the bandwagon with the recession, they are just becoming mean

In the same way as some people jumped on the bandwagon during the boom and became greedy and selfish.

my brother had about 20 couples/people that didnt give any gifts, I just think its incredible to think you can just turn up to a wedding and not give anything.

I agree with that, to be fair.

if its a really great original present go for it but any of the above please dont!!

Er... "please don't"? Oh right so, based on this plea of yours, people won't. Get over yourself. Some people appreciate a gift in and of itself, they don't freak out over it being crappy (even if they might not like it, it's the gesture itself that counts). As others have said, I thought people whom the bride and groom cared about were the ones who got invited to a wedding, therefore measuring the worth of the presents shouldn't even come into it. I understand sometimes a couple have to invite a lot of people in order to have an easier life (it will avoid all the "Why didn't I get invited?" questions) but other than that, any flash extras are entirely their choice and nobody is forcing them to have them.

Irish wedding tradition has become a ****ing ostentatious joke - like mafia weddings. :mad:

Kadongy

I thought it was 100 for a single person and 150 for a couple.
Never heard of it being less, unless an insult was intended tbh.

ash23

Kadongy wrote: »

I thought it was 100 for a single person and 150 for a couple.
Never heard of it being less, unless an insult was intended tbh.

Hmmm, I've never given that much either as a couple or on my own. And I've never done it as an insult. They all seem to have been gracious enough about it too.

ppink

Kadongy wrote: »

I thought it was 100 for a single person and 150 for a couple.
Never heard of it being less, unless an insult was intended tbh.

We Irish must have truely turned into a bunch of obnoxious, greedy, ungrateful, sad morons if that is the case.

You are invited to the wedding of X and Y on AAA day. We would love for you to celebrate this very special day with us. Get yourself a decent outfit, a lift there, a date and dont forget to bring my minimum 100 yoyo's (150 if you are bringing a man). :rolleyes:

Kadongy

Dunno. This is just my impression from wondering the same thing (as single guest and as couple), and what I have been told. Not getting onto anyone. Not married. Just contributing a different point of view which some people hold, for the sake of information.

Dudess

Kadongy wrote: »

I thought it was 100 for a single person and 150 for a couple.
Never heard of it being less, unless an insult was intended tbh.

Why would people go to a wedding if their intention is to insult anyway? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe people don't just invite people they care about any more. ****ing hell...

LegacyUser

Dudess wrote: »

Why would people go to a wedding if their intention is to insult anyway? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe people don't just invite people they care about any more. ****ing hell...

oh purrllleaassee!!! Its an insult to expect guests at your wedding to pay for it. Like another poster said if you cant pay for your wedding then dont go for the big wedding and go for a small wedding instead. People these days invite every tom dick and harry to their wedding. Some dont know half the people at their wedding its crazy but do so to get presents. i dont see how giving a present to a couple can be seen as an insult. Money and the cost shoulnt come into it at all.

Dudess

Holy misinterpreting, Batman!

Little Acorn

weddingbliss wrote: »

oh purrllleaassee!!! Its an insult to expect guests at your wedding to pay for it. Like another poster said if you cant pay for your wedding then dont go for the big wedding and go for a small wedding instead. People these days invite every tom dick and harry to their wedding. Some dont know half the people at their wedding its crazy but do so to get presents. i dont see how giving a present to a couple can be seen as an insult. Money and the cost shoulnt come into it at all.

I don't think Dudess ever said giving a present was an insult.
Anyhow OP, 50 euro is plenty or a less expensive present would be grand too.
I have to start following my own advice though, because even as a couple myself and my boyfriend have left ourselves broke after so many weddings, all of which happen to be my relations.
It's so stupid now when I think about it. Neither of us were working. My boyfriend had been in construction and unemployed, I am a student, yet we gave large cash gifts, and paid for clothes, travel, and for hotels with whatever money we had after ages of saving any bit we could.
One of the hotels we stayed in was 200 euro for the night, and another bride cousin of mine never even said thanks after we gave her our card with cash.
It really is idiotic when I think about it. Leaving ourselves so broke when money was already tight, just to not be the odd ones out.
I have more sense these days, don't make the same mistake.

John Mason

cantbelievesomepeoplesaidnothing! wrote: »

Most people these days are living together and have everything they are already need. Crap photoframes, candlesticks, anything newbridge would just be left in the box gathering dust.

the whole point of giving presents at a wedding is to help the couple set up their life together.

If the couple are " are living together and have everything they are already need." well then no present is required, as they dont need anything,

But if someone chooses to give a present they couple should be delighted.

since when did you have to pay an entry fee into a wedding :mad::mad:

Some people need to cope on to themselves, weddings are a celebration of love not a tax-free money making scheme

solovely

Kadongy wrote: »

I thought it was 100 for a single person and 150 for a couple.
Never heard of it being less, unless an insult was intended tbh.

Hilarious how people are getting attacked here for being generous!! Just shows how full circle we've come since the whole recession thing. A few years ago, people would have been looked down on for being mean, now they are being berated for being generous to people they care about! Gas!!

Like Kandongy, and as I said earlier, I've never heard of a single person giving less than €100. I've never felt any pressure from a bride or groom to give this much, I WANT to give this much to show my appreciation in being asked to share in such a special day. And also, I can afford it. If people can't afford it, or they feel indignant at being expected to show appreciation for being invited to a wedding, plain and simple, don't give it!! But don't attack the people who can and do!!!

ash23

solovely wrote: »

Hilarious how people are getting attacked here for being generous!! Just shows how full circle we've come since the whole recession thing. A few years ago, people would have been looked down on for being mean, now they are being berated for being generous to people they care about! Gas!!

Like Kandongy, and as I said earlier, I've never heard of a single person giving less than €100. I've never felt any pressure from a bride or groom to give this much, I WANT to give this much to show my appreciation in being asked to share in such a special day. And also, I can afford it. If people can't afford it, or they feel indignant at being expected to show appreciation for being invited to a wedding, plain and simple, don't give it!! But don't attack the people who can and do!!!

The issue isn't with the generousity. It's with the comment that any less than €100 for one person is an insult.
People should give what they can afford. A few years ago I wouldn't have considered giving less than a hundred. Now I can barely afford €50. So for me to give €50 now is generous. And people who can afford more shouldn't look at €50 from someone less well off as an insult.

Daisy M

solovely wrote: »

Hilarious how people are getting attacked here for being generous!! Just shows how full circle we've come since the whole recession thing. A few years ago, people would have been looked down on for being mean, now they are being berated for being generous to people they care about! Gas!!

Like Kandongy, and as I said earlier, I've never heard of a single person giving less than €100. I've never felt any pressure from a bride or groom to give this much, I WANT to give this much to show my appreciation in being asked to share in such a special day. And also, I can afford it. If people can't afford it, or they feel indignant at being expected to show appreciation for being invited to a wedding, plain and simple, don't give it!! But don't attack the people who can and do!!!

You have completely taken things up wrong, nobody is attacking anybody for been generous far from it. The point is that a gift should not be expected and if it is received it should be done so graciously and not poured scorn on. It really doesnt say much for a persons caracter if they invite people to their wedding with the intention of recouperating the cost of the event. I recently heard of one bride who complained that while she got the cost of the reception covered, she hadnt got the money she had hoped for to get a people carrier!!! Hopefully brides like her are in the minority.
The person who can afford to give large/expensive wedding gifts is no more generous than someone who can only give a token gift as its all they can afford. We are off to a wedding this weekend and our gift will be 150e which is what we can afford, what with staying overnight petrol to get there drinks for the day I would imagine we will end up spending another 250e, it will cost 50e approx just for petrol! For us that 150e gift is extremely generous as may the 20e gift from someone else. While I agree there probably is a rule of thumb that the average working person who has a decent wage and a bit of disposable income goes by, but you can hardly expect people who are suffering financially to leave bills/debts unpaid just so they can be seen to keep up with the jones.

Dudess

Solovely could you point out where people are being attacked for being generous? People who make demands for their wedding are the ones being attacked - and rightly so. Those who give gifts have the right to give what they like - although going above and beyond simply because it's "the done thing" is sheep-like...

Moonbeam

I think what ever you can afford to give is the ideal amount.
Be it 20 euro,baby sitting vouchers,a tea pot,a memory card for their camera,vouchers for the concert hall/theatre,a voucher for a meal for their 1st anniversary.
I think the presents with thought are better then money but we always tend to give money.
If it was me getting married I would be more then happy if a friend/couple gave us 50 euro, once they were there.

solerina

I think the couple should be delighted with whatever they get and if they are the kind to take offence to any gift they get then f**k them.
I always go single and always give 150 (even though that seems a lot to me I have been told many time thats whats expected.)

iguana

is mise astra wrote: »

The person who can afford to give large/expensive wedding gifts is no more generous than someone who can only give a token gift as its all they can afford.

Too right. €25 from someone who had to scrape it together is just as generous as €250 from someone who is very well off. In some ways it's almost more generous as they may have had to do without something they would have liked in order to give a gift, so they put their regard for couple ahead of their own desires.

Jesus.. I never realised so much was expected. Reminds me of the Goodfellas wedding scene.

Firetrap

I've been a bit flabbergasted as well by this thread. I usually give €50. Especially if I have to go to the wedding of cousins who I don't know that well these days. The fifty quid is only the tip of the iceberg though because before that I'll possibly have to have bought an outfit for the day (hate this horrible fashion competition between women but that's another thread :mad:), found somewhere to stay, put petrol in the car and of course money for drinks. Not everyone has the money to splash around these days and I'd be curious to know how many people genuinely do jump up and down with delight when the invite comes in through the letterbox. I've heard invitations referred to as a court summons or a bill and that's what they are.

I'd bitterly resent being told what to give. If there was a minimum expected, I'd be either cancelling or pulling that wine in a box trick.

Kadongy

Firetrap wrote: »

I've been a bit flabbergasted as well by this thread. I usually give €50...The fifty quid is only the tip of the iceberg though because before that I'll possibly have to have bought an outfit for the day...Not everyone has the money to splash around these days

You could just not "buy an outfit for the day" :rolleyes:

Firetrap

I'm not saying that has to be done (I avoid doing so if I can) but weddings are pure fashion parades and a lot of people do get new outfits. Perhaps not for every wedding but it happens. If I had my way, I'd tell everyone to just turn up in their everyday clothes and enjoy the day. It's all a load of pomp and circumstance. That's neither here no there in relation to the original poster's question. Fifty quid seems to be an acceptable amount to give. Especially nowadays when a lot of people will miss that money more than they would have a few years ago. If someone wants more and thinks fifty euros is an insult, they deserve nothing.

I am a friend

On the other hand, the bride and groom should not be penalised if you need to buy a new dress....

I think it depends on your relationship with the couple and how well you know them / how often you see them. I think between €50 and €100 dependant on the above and your income levels is acceptable but if always have the choice to refuse to go if its working out too expensive.

solovely

ppink wrote: »

We Irish must have truely turned into a bunch of obnoxious, greedy, ungrateful, sad morons if that is the case.

You are invited to the wedding of X and Y on AAA day. We would love for you to celebrate this very special day with us. Get yourself a decent outfit, a lift there, a date and dont forget to bring my minimum 100 yoyo's (150 if you are bringing a man). :rolleyes:

Dudess, you asked where could I see someone being "attacked"? This seems pretty harshly worded to me.

Look, I totally agree that people should only give what they can afford. I know people who have not been able to afford to give any presents but still went because it meant a lot to the couple to have them there.

I don't agree that people should be expected to give a set amount, but as much as people debate the moral rights and wrongs of it here, from my experience (and from talking to friends about this over the weekend after reading this thread), for working people, the accepted amount (in my world anyway) seems to be around €100 for a single and €150-200 for a couple. Not saying it's right, just the way it is!

If people can't afford to give cash, and/ or want to be more thoughtful, there's loads of alternatives to cash. Making something personal can be really thoughtful or offering your time to do something for them. I've heard of out of work tradesmen offering a couple of days work to couples building houses, I've baked wedding cakes for people in lieu of presents, I've heard of people getting photos of the couple signed by all the guests, or getting in singing waitors, or stuff like that - using their own talents instead of forking out cash they can't afford.

Dudess

I asked for an example of people being attacked for being generous - and what you've quoted doesn't attack anyone for being generous. It doesn't even attack anyone specific - it's a general commentary on people who make unreasonable demands of wedding guests to fund their big day, and harsh as it may seem, it's spot-on. Although I don't agree with the "we" Irish stuff but that's just a figure of speech.

ztoical

solovely wrote: »

If people can't afford to give cash, and/ or want to be more thoughtful, there's loads of alternatives to cash. Making something personal can be really thoughtful or offering your time to do something for them. I've heard of out of work tradesmen offering a couple of days work to couples building houses, I've baked wedding cakes for people in lieu of presents, I've heard of people getting photos of the couple signed by all the guests, or getting in singing waitors, or stuff like that - using their own talents instead of forking out cash they can't afford.

My cousin got married last summer and I drew a one page comic about her and her partner and how they meet [I work as comic book artist so wasn't like it was some half ass scribbles or anything, it was to the same standard as my paid work] Digitally coloured it so printed the finished piece on nice paper and stuck it in a cheap frame from Ikea. At the afters to the wedding the grooms brother came up to at the bar, never met the guy before then but he walked right up to me and called me a bitch and said he'd spent a fortune on his wedding gift [can't even rember what it was but he spent several hundred on it] and apparently felt he got the best gift cus he spent the most money but he thought he'd been totally up staged by my little A4 picture cus everyone at the wedding kept talking about it...I roared laughing and walked off...didn't have the heart to tell him it took me the grand total of about an hour to create and maybe 30 quid in materials but it was the thought put into it as I created something very specific to the couple and their relationship rather then splashing loads of cash on some random item from Brown Thomas they'll either use once, never use or re-gift to someone else. Who cares if someone spends a fiver or a fifity or five hundred as long as theres thought gone into it?

unreggd

ztoical wrote: »

it was the thought put into it as I created something very specific to the couple and their relationship rather then splashing loads of cash on some random item from Brown Thomas they'll either use once, never use or re-gift to someone else

Exactly! I did the same at my aunties wedding. Ive always been big into art, and she was taking the name Simpson, so I made a model of Homer and Marge in wedding attire with a congratulations message, and it went down a storm, they had it on display by the cake
(Note, I was 10! :P )

In general the presents people give to newlyweds are thoughtless! Things they dont need for their house [Seriously, people think couples stay in an empty house for a year and need appliances and waterford crystal as wedding gifts!]

My mates wedding is the only time I gave cash, as I know how costly theirs was, and they dont own a house, and they're moving abroad again soon so wont be hanging onto too many material things

Cant believe your man accosted you about your gift, jealous tool!

Anyways, to the OP, theres no set expectation for cash gifts. Sure 20 euro is probably worth a lot more to the couple after the wedding than a homewares gift voucher for 500 euro!