Breasts getting me down

LegacyUser

Il start at the beginning - so this could be a long one! I have always had 'odd' breasts. I first noticed when I was about 13 and they just didnt seem right. I have 3 sisters all with lovely boobies and mine were always very different to what I had seen. Anyway I kept it to myself for many years, didnt have too many long term or serious relationships in part due to my confidance re my breasts, I never ever took my bra off in front of anyone. I was a little chubby then and when I lost weight I looked great with clothes on but the boobs still got me down.

I decided to go for surgery when I was 23. I had a terrible time, I got an infection and had to have the impants removed, I had to wait 6 months to heal and then go through the whole procedure again. I was in a lot of pain and had to have weekly apointments with a nurse at the clinic. My mum (was v.supportive in beginning) but when she saw how much I went through said that I was daft to have put myself through all that for 'cosmetic reasons'. I know in part it was cosmetic, but I found out that I have a condition called tubluar breasts, so its not just that they were too small, I never wanted really big boobs - just ones that didnt like like 'snoopys ears'!

So the surgery boosted my confidance somewhat, but it wasnt the best boob job ever done, in fact I believe the consultant had no experience with my condition, but at the time I trusted him when he said he could fix them. I had my 1st baby 8 months ago. I was desperate to breastfeed, I just wanted to give my child the best start. Also I hoped that my ugly boobs might at least do they job they are supposed to do ie. feed my baby. I suffered severe pain with feeding, I know most people do and was told to expect this for 6wks or so, 3 months later I was still in agony. Also I had low milks supply and had to pump 3 times a day and take medicaiton to increase my milk supply. I did continue to feed my baby until 5 months - but was very upset that I couldnt continue. He wasnt gaining weight, I was told to give him formula and stop being silly about wanting to breastfeed (this from a peadatrician). I gave in at 3 months and gave him top ups, which made me feel like ****, but I did what I thought was best fo rmy baby. He is coming along brilliantly, hes a big boy now and very healthy so I guess I didnt do too bad.

So now, after breastfeeding, my boobs are horrible. One is bigger than the other (i fed more one one side as i had more milk in one) they are streched, flabby, covered in stretch marks - basically when i see them I just want to cry. My partner is great, he doesnt make me feel any way bad about them but he has said in the past that I should have sued the surgeon who did my implants as it really was a very bad job. I didnt sue, even though I prob could have, because basically i just wanted to forget about it and didnt want to fixate on them still not being right after all the pain never mind cost I went too. BUT... I HATE THEM! They are ugly and do not work. I want to have another baby (if not 3) in the near future so I wont be considering more surgery untill I have finished having my family, so I just have to put up with them. Its really getting me down. Has anyone had a similar issue? I feel pretty alone in this. Sometimes I tell myself to cop the feck on, I have lots of great things in my life. like my partner and my wonderful baby, but I just feel so disgusting. Of course im still carrying baby weight which doesnt help, but I am starting to shift it now. I dunno why I even started this thread - maybe just to hear from someone in the same boat?

Thanks for reading.

ennis81

I didn't have a problem with my breasts like you but I did feel really crap about my body after having my baby, I felt all fat and saggy and hated the strectch marks but it will get better, I understand you disliking your breasts, I've read about the tubular thing before, I am nearly 30 and have been wearing braces on my teeth for the last year cause I hated my teeth so much growing up. In situations like that its a confidence and not a cosmetic issue, by the way you may still be able to sue for the botched job, maybe look into that

I'm sorry the surgery went wrong for you, but like you said yourself there is no point in having more surgery on the breasts until you have completed your family.

Also a sister of mine was unable to breast feed, she was also very upset about it but found it very painful and her baby wasn't gaining weight either, there is nothing wrong with formula feed if you are unable to breast feed.

I think most women find alot of fault with their bodies none of us are perfect but you do have the option of fixing this in the future.
You could try going and getting proffessionally fitted, my sister works in the Lingerie business and I have actually seen women cry with happiness after being properly fitted in her shop because it can make such a difference.

Hope I helped a bit

gypsy_rose

aw Op if it's really getting you down and you think more surgery could help you should go for it, it's important to feel good in your own skin. I know it's very expensive so like the other poster said, you could try some different bras to see if they make you feel a bit better? If you are going to go for surgery maybe do a lot of research online or see if anyone can recommend a good one so this doesn't happen to you again.

LegacyUser

aw there is really no need to be so hard on yourself. your doctor should have told you that having the surgery may impact your ability to breastfeed. you tried, and tried hard, and that's as much as you can do. you should be proud of yourself for trying so hard really. so many women give up after much less discomfort and trouble.

as for your breasts, i am amazed that you have educated me to what i've hated about my breasts for so long. i didn't know it was a condition i just thought i had 'ugly boobs'. but you've done as much as you could to deal with those too, so please be more gentle with yourself. you are loved by your husband and your child, and once you're done having children and working on breastfeeding, and getting your body back into shape after, you can consult with another surgeon about correcting your boobs. as for me i'm done with relationships so i won't bother, but i wish i'd known about this condition a long time ago. i might have done something as well.

good luck to you op, you deserve to be happy with your body after suffering for so long. and please don't tell yourself to cop on, don't be mean to yourself or harsh with yourself over this. i hope everything works out for the best and that someday soon you can look in the mirror and love what you see.

LegacyUser

Thanks for everyone who replied to me. Am feeling a bit better today, it comes and goes I guess. I have other issues in my life right now and I suppose that everything all together is just getting me down. My OH is out of work for almost 2 yrs, bar a few weeks work here and there and we are really broke so everythin is a struggle.

I would love to go and get fitted properly but will not be able to for sometime as things are so tight at the mo. I am still wearing maternity bras as my old ones do not fit anymore (my boobs havent good bigger in a good way, just flabbier which results in 4 boobs - ifykwim!!!)

As for more surgery - thats a definite no no, not just about the cost but I dont want to do anything more to harm my chances of successfully breastfeeding my next child. I was very clear with my surgen that I wouldnt have the procedure if it would affect my ability to feed so I had the implants under the mussle and the ducts were not touched, so i think the problems I had where a culmination of botched surgery, the infection, and the original problem - as I have read that women with boobs like mine can have problems with milk production.

Also we have been having some intimacy issues, which really doesnt help my self esteem or hatred of my breasts. I dont think that the sexual problems are to do with this issue, its my oh that has low libido at the mo and I realised that it is his problem...well most days! Some days like y'day I think its because my body is disguisting, but he had similar issues before we ever had a child, and back then my body was much better.

Sleepy

OP, you don't need to spend a fortune to get properly-fitted (even pretty) lingerie. Change (who did an €80 voucher for €40 on Boards Deals so keep an eye out for a repeat) have a lovely "basics" range which my o/h went to town on with that voucher. Even without the voucher, if memory serves it was about €15 for a lovely bra and matching underwear from that range. I know with money being tight it can be hard to justify spending it on "nice" things but at that sort of price level, even if you could only get one new set a month or so, it wouldn't take too long to fully re-stock your underwear drawer with stuff that made you feel better about yourself. Might help the flagging libido a bit too, what man doesn't enjoy lingerie shopping with his o/h?