Fallen for girl in work

LegacyUser

Howdy,

Going to try to explain this without giving away too much identifying info. I work in a small office, around 20 people in total. A new girl joined the company fairly recently, and as the weeks and days have gone past, I've found myself falling for her more and more. She is really charismatic, outgoing, friendly, and absolutely gorgeous. Every time I see her or talk to her in the office my heart jumps and I get butterflies in my stomach. She is constantly on my mind, and I'd love nothing more than to put my arms around her and give her a huge kiss.

We get on very well to the point where I thought she was flirting with me and paying me special attention. For instance, the office always empties out in the evening before she and I leave, so she usually stops by my desk for a 10-15 min chat most evenings. Whenever she passes my desk she'll always comment on what's on my computer screen or if I look stressed or if I'm laughing at something or whatever. When we're on nights out she does things like touching my arm a lot, or she'll joke around fixing the collar on my jumper or something. A few weeks ago I had to leave early, and didn't get to say goodbye to her. I got an instant message off her later that night with her joking "I can't believe you left without our chat..can't believe you chose shopping over me!." When I got that I thought that I was in there for sure. On the first work night out we had together, she was asking for my number in case I got lost in the crowd in the pub. Plausible I guess.

There's always a "but" however. Because we're work colleagues, and she's on a temp position, I wanted to take the softly softly approach, be professional with her, be respectful, not be presumptuous about her liking me back, and not be the sleazy guy who hits on the interns.

I genuinely like her as a friend and wouldn't want to screw that up. However, I think I've let myself slip into the friend zone, and that's generally a one way ticket. She occasionally mentions this other guy she's gone for drinks with - he has been hesitant to get with her due to some history with mutual acquaintances of theirs. This is not a good sign for me. We were on a night out recently, and it ended up being the two of us by the end of the night. I would have made a move but the fact she mentioned your man was really off putting. As well, we don't do much communication outside of work or nights out. She added me on FB, we occasionally talk on FB chat, and anytime we're on nights out she'll always give me a big hug and kiss on the cheek goodbye and say things like " text me to let me know you got home safe" and reply with "thanks for you a lovely night, you're a star xx."

The point is that I'm so muddled by what I perceive as mixed signals, that I need some objective advice. Does it sound like I'm in the friend zone, does she even fancy me at all, or do I have reason to think I have a chance?

Thanks for reading.

STIG83

From your post OP, the signals look good between you and the girl you fancy,you seem well in there,
if ye are chatting everyday and on FB etc.
The only way to find out if you have a chance is to ask her out, "nothing ventured, nothing gained"

LegacyUser

if i were you when i was out, with just the 2 of you, if it got to the point where you were about to make a move, Id have asked her if i could kiss her, if she wants you to she will say yes, if no, it wont be as awkward as going for it and her shooting you down. She may be mentioning other guy in the hope that you will make a move, she probably fears rejection as much, if not more than you! How much longer will she be working there for?

Belladance

This is super cute. I don't think there are any mixed signals. Its clear to me that she was mentioning other guys she's been on dates with to (a) let you know she's single, dating and possibly looking for someone and (b) to have you feeling a little jealous. Both of these approaches are completely normal and acceptable behaviors from a single girl that is interested in someone.

I have read and re-read your thread a couple of times and I think it is clear as day that there is chemistry. Please just text or, or say it to her face something like "dont suppose you fancy going for a beer after work". It will be obvious that you mean just you and her. Just head out for a casual drink after work some evening and have a laugh. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there.

Keep us posted.. i'd love to know how this works out.

(Hopeless Romantic)

LegacyUser

Jebus, Does she need to rent out a plane wit a banner saying ask me out? and phone you and tell you to look up in the sky? Wow didnt think people were this naive any more..she wants some of you no doubt about it.

Miss Fluff

Aw, I'd hazard a guess that her particular traffic light is on green Ask her out!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies guys. You all make valid points.

spongeblog squareyfronts wrote: »

Jebus, Does she need to rent out a plane wit a banner saying ask me out? and phone you and tell you to look up in the sky? Wow didnt think people were this naive any more..she wants some of you no doubt about it.

Well it's not quite that simple unfortunately. As I said, she is very outgoing and chatty, and I'm afraid I'm mistaking this for genuine flirting. I don't want to be just another source of male attention for her, who asks her out, then gets turned down. I walk away gutted and she walks away with a boosted ego.

To update, a gang of us including her were out last weekend and we had a great time. I went home a bit early and got a quick kiss on the lips from her for my troubles, but I think that was just alcohol. The next morning she texted me inviting me over to hers for cuddles , she was sharing a bed with a mutual female friend. I know this looks like I'm being incredibly naive and that the reality is plain for all to see, but it's one of those things where you need to know the person.

I still remain unconvinced. I don't know if it's attention seeking behaviour or if she genuinely likes me. Our mutual friend put it to her that she should try it on with me and see if there's anything there, and her reply was "yeah maybe." Not very definitive.

karaokeman

I agree you should at least try and ask her out.

You have nothing else to lose especially if she texted you the next morning after a night out asking for "cuddles".

If you don't someone else will.

Good luck;)

ennis81

The signals are all good..... Ask her out;)

Miss Fluff

Oh ffs will you just ask her out! If you waste any more time agonizing over this you're going to miss the boat entirely and someone else will have gotten in there before you.

squonk

What Miss Fluff said. For god sake man, man up and just do it. Christ almighty the reason she said 'Oh I don't know' when asked by her friend is because she's just a bit bewildered at this point too. What more does she have to do? Stop being an eejit and man up.

LegacyUser

You need to ask her out ASAP, or someone else will get in there first - and believe me, it will kill you to see her with him.

S23

You've nothing to lose here OP. She's given you the all clear. Fair play for not wanting to mistake friendliness with a come on but it's now or never.

I don't want to be just another source of male attention for her, who asks her out, then gets turned down. I walk away gutted and she walks away with a boosted ego.

I hear you fella but at some stage you have to bite the bullet. If it turns out shes leading you on for a bit of attention and just wants to play games then thats no reflection on you. You've behaved with great restraint and respect towards her. If she turns out to be acting the mess then thats her own childish problem.

At least you'll know where you stand instead of wracking your brain trying to work it all out. Best to lay your cards on the table and see what comes of it.

Don't be gutted if it turns out that she was leading you on either. Be relieved that you've dodged a very immature bullet!