Boyfriend issue

orca2008

Hello,

I am going out with a guy for the last few months but find he is not very generous, we split everything when going out, he comes over to my place to eat always, I am never invited to his apt to dinner, he always leaves me to drive places. The trouble is I like him a lot, so I dont know how to approach it........I am a very generous person but dont like to feel taken advantage of......anyone had this experience before.

Thanks.

Wompa1

orca2008 wrote: »

Hello,

I am going out with a guy for the last few months but find he is not very generous, we split everything when going out, he comes over to my place to eat always, I am never invited to his apt to dinner, he always leaves me to drive places. The trouble is I like him a lot, so I dont know how to approach it........I am a very generous person but dont like to feel taken advantage of......anyone had this experience before.

Thanks.

Sounds like a loser. I'd let him go. If this is what he's like now I'd say it will only get worse!!

Esoteric_

If he's like that at the beginning of a relationship, imagine how stingy he'll get when/if it becomes long term! I'd just end it tbh.

LegacyUser

Is he quite laid back?

I was out with a girl Sat night and I paid for dinner - no probs. I'm not overly flush at the mo but it was a first date.

Sometimes though, I am laid back about that sort of thing.

Or is he a bit lazy.... or or you a better cook? Or do you have a nicer car ? Or does he have money worries? Or do you have a much nicer place? Or are his flat mates always at his place?

Might be more to it than just him being tight.

gypsy_rose

I think splitting things unless one of you is very broke is a matter of course, I don't like feeling that my bf is buying me and vice versa. However, you driving him everywhere and always having meals at your house is a bit much, do you know if he can cook at all?

Every relationship has it's challenges, so if you really like him maybe just sit him down and tell him how you feel, he might not even realise what he's doing. Bear in mind though that he shouldn't be under the impression that things are all about him, he should be thinking about how you are too, so be wary that this selfishness could be a general character trait.

Chucky the tree

I don't really see the problem here. Splitting everything is perfectly normal on a night out. The other stuff really depends on his circumstances I suppose as Hangonaim pointed out. If he shares a place with a lot of lads then having the girlfriend over for dinner is never really going to go down well, maybe he's not a very good cook, kitchen could be crap. If he's eating at yours and not throwing money for the food that poor form and I'd mention it to him.

Fentdog84

He sounds like a bit of a user. If someone is just careful with their money its ok but if you are the one who's constantly going out of pocket paying for all these bits and pieces it cant go on, whatever his financial situation is. I know money issues can be awkward to talk about but you need to chat to him and tell him you are not happy about this situation. The way he reacts should tell you whether he's worth sticking with or not.

greengiant09

LyndaMcL wrote: »

If he's like that at the beginning of a relationship, imagine how stingy he'll get when/if it becomes long term! I'd just end it tbh.

can't believe some of the responses on this thread....talk about going over the top advising to end the relationship!!!...it's only new and there are numerous ways the OP can handle this before making any rash decisions.

first things first...you like him a lot so he's worth fighting for. i think your best option and i'm sure it doesn't appeal to you the most is to actual say it to him straight out....no subtle hints, straight up, sit him down and have a conversation with him about it. tell you're not happy the way things are and why....no sugar coating.

guys don't get hints or mind games very well....you need to be up front.

After that, see how he responds....if he likes you, then i'm sure he'll be willing to change....

Esoteric_

greengiant09 wrote: »

can't believe some of the responses on this thread....talk about going over the top advising to end the relationship!!!...it's only new and there are numerous ways the OP can handle this before making any rash decisions.

first things first...you like him a lot so he's worth fighting for. i think your best option and i'm sure it doesn't appeal to you the most is to actual say it to him straight out....no subtle hints, straight up, sit him down and have a conversation with him about it. tell you're not happy the way things are and why....no sugar coating.

guys don't get hints or mind games very well....you need to be up front.

After that, see how he responds....if he likes you, then i'm sure he'll be willing to change....

If a relationship is causing bother in the beginning, it's probably not worth it, which is why I suggested ending it. The first few months of a relationship are usually happy, easy and simple. Not worrying about whether or not the other person is a stingy person and wondering whether or not you should say something to him/her.

Firetrap

If the OP thinks her boyfriend is stingy, it is definitely something to keep an eye on. It's the sort of thing that can often cause problems down the road.

It might be worth testing the waters on this a bit though. Suggest to your boyfriend that you eat in his place? Get him to drive for a change. See how he reacts.