Fallen for the wrong guy all over again

allovertheshop

Maybe i just need to see it in writting, but i need other peoples opinions on whats going on at the moment.

I met a guy a while back. we got on like a house on fire but he had a girlfriend and i didn't want to go there so we stayed as friends for a long time. then one nite, at a house party we ended up with each other. i felt like **** after it happened and cut all contact with him for a while. then we bumped into each other again it it happened again. i made it quite clear that i didn't want anything else to happen unless he broke up with his girlfriend and he said he didn't want to do that. he said that what he had with his girlfriend wasn't serious and he wasn't looking for a serious relationship.

I cut all contact again for the second time. that lasted a few months but recently bumped into him again and we wnded up with each other. he's still with his girlfriend and we had the same conversation with the same outcome. he told me that he really likes me but is not ready for a serious relationship and if he was with me, he'd want it to be under the proper circumstances, where he could be the person that i deserve to be with. I cut all contact with him again.

then one night, when i was out with another guy, we bumped into him again. he hung around all night, even though i asked him to leave. he tried interupting the conversation i was having with this other guy and telling me that he wanted to be with me. he was the one who told me to go off and find someone else and when i do, he's there to try and prevent anything from happening.

he has my head wrecked. it's as if he has all the right lines, knows just what to say to get me back on side, just to treat me like his dirty little secret. problem is, i've really fallen for him and i don't know what to do. I can't talk to any of my friends about it because i feel so bad for being with him when i know he's with someone else but when we're together he makes me feel so special.

I'm so confused, i like him so much but i hate the way this whole thing is making me feel. how do i stop this from happening again?

dixiefly

To be honest he sounds like an a$$hole.

You seem to be smitten with him. My advice would be to stay clear of him but you seem unable to do so.

Mighty_Mouse

Just set him straight.
Say something like:
"I'm too good to settle for a guy who wants me as his bit on the side. I like you. I think you're a nice guy but you have no chance with me until you get it together."

beks101

allovertheshop wrote: »

how do i stop this from happening again?

By reminding yourself over and over again that this guy will never give you what you want because he's just not that into you. If he was, he would break up with his girlfriend and start a relationship with you. He hasn't; instead he has strung you along and played you like a fiddle as a nice little ego boost for himself. He knows how you feel and is rolling out all the right lines to keep you in hope, because he gets a kick out of it. In reality he has no intention of breaking up with his girlfriend and you'll always be his 'dirty little secret'.

And all these hook-ups didn't 'just happen - come on, you're a grown woman, you know better than that. You've known he has a girlfriend all along and you were complicit in copping off with him all these times. Take responsibility for your actions. Maybe it's a self-esteem thing, maybe it was acting on impulse - but it was wrong and in the end you are the person who will end up hurt, so open your eyes and put a stop to it. It's as simple as that - you just STOP. Stop the contact, delete his number, walk away if you bump into him again and don't instigate any form of contact with him. This is a 'relationship' that is going nowhere fast.

TommyKnocker

Guy here, but can I just ask why would any girl even consider a relationship with a guy who has cheated on his current GF 3 times with her.

How could you trust that if he was dating you and out on his own/with the lads, that he was not cheating on you too?

Also this guy seems to have the best of both worlds. A steady GF and at least 1 other girl who he can hook up with whenever he feels like it. As long as he has you as his "go to" girl, why would he drop his GF. Also are you sure that you are his only "go to" girl?

IMO you should kick him to the curb and find someone who will commit fully to you. Everybody deserves to be more than another persons bit on the side.

Wompa1

Seriously...what are you doing to yourself? This is going to sound harsh because it needs to be harsh in fairness. I've heard so many girls in the same situation. If it's something you are bothering about enough to post on here then you need to stop this from happening again...if it happened once then you take a step back and re-assess..it was a mistake on your part and just move on..but for it to happen multiple times and you looking for more out of it...I don't know, I think you are being naive.

Why would you even want to go out with a guy who is treating his g/f the way he is..he's telling you it's not serious..I wonder if you ask his g/f how she felt about it!

Leave it be and don't have No string sex with someone again because you obviously can't separate sex from your emotions...

greengiant09

this guy is just a user. he's just playing you like a piano and he knows it. he can use you whenever he wants. i have no doubt that he has a few other girls on the side....i'm sure he's plying them the exact same lines. you can dispel any romantic notions you may have of this situation having a happy ending.

i don't what to advise except that even if you got with this guy, he's going to be screwing other girls on the side. the only other advice is out of sight, out of mind.

thecookingapple

Do You really want to be with someone who shows you such little respect?

And is that the kind of guy you want to be ''smitten with''?

And do you realise that one day soon you maybe his Gf and he will be telling another girl its not that serious and he doesnt want anything serious.

quite the catch.

and you will hardly be in a situation to judge the other girl or be even angry with him.

Such delightful scenarios for you to ponder with your smitten kitten.

Chucky the tree

He's playing you. He basically see's you as an easy **** every so often and also enjoys the fact he has control over you and can play you whenever he wants. It's a nice little confidene boost for him every so often.

aidan24326

Come on OP, you know this is going nowhere. Yes he charms you and makes you feel special and all of that, but really he sounds like an arsehole. He's playing you like a violin so have some respect for yourself and leave it be. Don't be fooled by his charm and the lines he feeds you, recognise that this is a player and you're the one being played. Cut all contact and walk away.