Should You Tell?

LegacyUser

For the past couple of weeks I have been taking anti-depressants. It has been a tough year or two, so they are helping me come out of my extremely rough patch, which led to a severe bout of depression that lasted just over a year. It is expected that I shall be on these for six months, which I have been advised is the right amount of time by a counselor and the GP that prescribed them.

I am currently single, but if I start to see somebody, should I tell them that I am taking anti-depressants?

Wibbs

Better here methinks.

DangerMouse27

Id say the only girl ive properly loved took anti-depressants..i saw the girl and not the condition. That said, not everyone she has come across was so forgiving or understandable. Your better off waiting until you get a sense of someone before disclosing something so personal, some guys appear to be very held together but hide behind some awful insecurities or fears. Meeting the next guy with his mates too and seeing his family..then maybe tell him.

There is nothing to say you cant have a very healthy loving relationship..we did! it was other things that got in our way.
Best of luck!!

2Scoops

Would you tell them if you were taking aspirin? Or an inhaler for asthma? Probably not. Your meds don't define you. If it comes up, it comes up but no need to announce it apropos of nothing - makes it into a much bigger deal than it needs to be.

seenitall

Apples and oranges. Aspirin and antiasthma-inhalers are not mood-altering, addictive substances.

OP, I am also single and if I were getting into dating someone, I would want to know about the use of anti-depressants. One relationship I had, I wasn't told anything about it until I figured it out in the relationship, and it didn't sit right with me that that was the way I had to find out.

That said, honesty for me really is one of the non-negotiables and I would share the same kind of personal information with the person I was dating as well.

Not talking about the first few dates here, btw, but when you realise that the person has potential, honesty is the best policy all round. After all, if the person gets put off by something like that, surely that can only mean they didn't have potential after all.

Best wishes.

LegacyUser

First of all, I think that you are worrying about things before they happen. IF you meet someone special in the next 6 months or so while you are taking anti-depressants, then you can think about whether or not you want to tell them about your medication. No point worrying about this until it happens.

Secondly, I would be of the opinion that it really is nobody's business but your own. If you wish to tell someone about the meds, then do. If you're not comfortable talking about it, then don't. The right person will not mind.

I've been on them and it was the best thing I ever did-same sort of situation as you in terms of a very prolonged, very rough time sending me into a short-term, exhausted depression. Between them and some therapy, I was a new, much happier, stronger person at the end of my course. My partner knew about them from day one but we had been together for 4 years at that point.

Your post suggests that you are a little worried about what peoples' reaction to your taking of this medication might be. The bottom line is that if you were taking an anti-biotic, nobody would bat an eyelid. You have had a rough time. You are depressed. You are also very very brave and strong to have taken the step of going to a doctor and identifying this issue and finding a solution. Frankly, anyone who has a different, more negative opinion of this is not worth your time.

I would also suggest that this time should be "you time". Have 6 months to really figure out how to make yourself happy and keep yourself happy. Try and make it so you don't have to keep going back to drugs to help you through the hard times. Anti-depressants are wonderful in the right situation. They've saved many lives. Try not to care what anyone thinks of you taking them. And when you're better and happy (which you will be!), then look for someone to share your lovely life with. Good luck

johnr1

This :
Apples and oranges. Aspirin and antiasthma-inhalers are not mood-altering, addictive substances

This :
I am also single and if I were getting into dating someone, I would want to know about the use of anti-depressants.

This :
Not talking about the first few dates here, btw, but when you realise that the person has potential,

OP, I also have experience of being in a relationship where my OH used anti-depressants and I would recommend that you maybe take a six month break from the whole dating thing if that's to be your course.
I say this not to be nasty or negative, but if you get involved with someone and develop serious feelings, these may affect your mood either overly positively or negatively and cause further problems for you.
Love and like yourself and your life before you attempt to like/love someone else is a motto I believe strongly in.
Having said that, I'm not a doctor or a psychiatrist and I'm only speaking from personal experience.

Good luck.

Eviledna

I would recommend that you maybe take a six month break from the whole dating thing if that's to be your course

I wouldn't.

Depression isn't always something that is subject to a course that gets fixed after a period of time, there is an element of learning to live your normal life with medication and councilling as you improve. To remove elements of your normal life (like dating) could give you false positives, only to have you experience a mood trough should you then date and deal with the complexities of relationships once you feel a little better. For many relationships can be a source of difficulty and it's important to remember that so many many people deal with depression and anxiety every day in their lives, take medication, and go on about their lives getting the most out of it with that little help.

If it's your first time on anti-depressants it can seem like a big deal, that everyone must be told, or you may feel that it's dishonest not to. Turn it on it's head - when you date someone, in the early days theres no way for you to know that they aren't on medication! It's your perrogative to tell, not a rule. It's personal and this notion that it's "mood altering" therefore you must tell someone is imo absolute cack. Look at it this way, the medication is only replacing chemicals in you that are lower than others that don't suffer, so really it is just bringing you up to speed, like a vitamin for a deficiency.

One thing to be aware of is that some people who haven't suffered may not understand that. The sad truth is that some people equate helpful meds like these with "mood altering" substances like illegal drugs. So getting to your question - if dating, after a few dates try to get a feel for the person, of they have ever suffered with depression or know someone close who has, if they are likely to understand the reality. If not, don't tell until you get closer so that you could open up about it. An OH must be supportive on this issue, and if they are not, you are not compatible, because you need support from those close in your life to feel better and get the most out of your life.

On an aside, I think this is also the case for telling friends, I have a friend on ADs that made the mistake of telling a close friend about her medication, only to overhear her friend laughing about it in the pub later. That was devestating for my bud who is doing great, but it exposed that other one for the kind of person she is, I guess. Painful nonetheless.
Some people just don't get it,but it's important that you stay resiliant, confident in the medication and stay getting better, cos you will get there like so many others have.:)

seenitall

Absolute cack my foot.

The guy I was with hid it from me until I found out, and the way I found out was, of course, through just observing his behaviour. Because guess what, anti-d's are not some panacea or "vitamins", sometimes they don't work or they stop working as well for some reason of bodily chemistry etc., and then you get a person who is beside you spiralling into some kind of an "episode" and you are left to go , what is happening here? How is that fair to a partner?

It would be dishonest not to tell this to an OH, and I'd have no problem ending a new relationship for the reason of dissimulation and dishonesty if the same thing happened to me again. I wouldn't end it for anti-d's use but for hiding it, yes.

Mallei

I don't know whether the OP is a man or a woman, but I'd tailor my advice based on which. If you are dating women, then there is nothing wrong with telling your partner. In my experience women are often very open; if we like you, we like you. Men, on the other hand, can get very scared about things such as this, and use it as an excuse to break off the relationship.

Eviledna

seenitall wrote: »

Absolute cack my foot.

The guy I was with hid it from me until I found out, and the way I found out was, of course, through just observing his behaviour. Because guess what, anti-d's are not some panacea or "vitamins", sometimes they don't work or they stop working as well for some reason of bodily chemistry etc., and then you get a person who is beside you spiralling into some kind of an "episode" and you are left to go , what is happening here? How is that fair to a partner?

It would be dishonest not to tell this to an OH, and I'd have no problem ending a new relationship for the reason of dissimulation and dishonesty if the same thing happened to me again. I wouldn't end it for anti-d's use but for hiding it, yes.

In your situation I can see that you are angry that your OH didn't feel he could or should tell you, and can understand that it is a deal breaker for you in the future. But at the end of it all it was your OHs perrogative not to tell you for whatever reason, just as it is your perrogative to find that objectionable. [That does not change the fact that medication addresses the chemistry, the deficiency. That's a fact. I never said it's a panacea.]

The OH is asking if they should tell when Dating. As in early days. It's not in the best interest of the OP to put the needs of their OH over their own mental health, which is why I advised scoping out their potential OH to see if they are understanding, and base compatibility on that. If so tell, if not, leave. If this advice was followed by your previous partner seenitall, you wouldn't have been hurt. I guess it's a case of don't get too deep without telling, but don't get too deep if they aren't understanding either. And remember when you are in medical treatment for depression, you must consider your own health first, before you hurt yourself and anyone else.

seenitall

Eviledna wrote: »

I guess it's a case of don't get too deep without telling, but don't get too deep if they aren't understanding either.

Agreed I guess.

missgroovy21

I agree that your condition doesnt define who you are but if u do start seeing someone and tell them ur on anti depression tablets then they leave that may spiral u back into a depressive state.....if it were me id look after me till i deal with my issues then start into looking to find someone because you cant really care for someone else till you care for yourself first

good luck

LegacyUser

I don't entirely see how my not telling someone I'm on anti-depressants is necessarily being dishonest - I am not lying about anything in the slightest. It's like saying it's a bad thing to be on these when, in fact, I am on these so that I can try and get better, try and return to some form of normality in my life, whatever that may be.

My biggest concern with going on these is developing a dependency for my happiness, so during the six months I plan on trying to get myself in a better position in my life, which I can do so now that I am also finished college fully.

Should probably have said that I am male.

LegacyUser

Hey

I went out with a girl who after about 2 or 3 months told me (while a bit drunk) that she was on anti-depressants. I thanked her for telling me, told her not to worry about it and we'd talk about it later. (A friend of mine had been through the ringer with bi-polar so I wasn't going to be making rash decisions either way).

The next day I brought it up (cos I felt it fair on her - in case she didn't quite remember). Told her to tell me when she felt like telling me and to not feel obliged either way. And I did ask her to tell me if she was coming off them....

I'm on some anti-depressants at the moment to get me over a rough patch. I have started seeing someone - I'll be off them soon enough. If I was continuing to take them and things do get deeper, I certainly will tell her.

bobbytables

fabot wrote: »

I went out with a girl who after about 2 or 3 months told me (while a bit drunk) that she was on anti-depressants

I'm surprised she was drinking. Alcohol & anti-depressants aren't exactly a good mix.

Good for you though for being considerate. If anyone ever told me that they were on anti-depressants, I'd simply ask them "are they improving their quality of life?" and then move on, unless of course they wanted to stay on the subject.

I once knew someone once that had a terrible headache. They told me they were taking paracetamol. Later I asked them if it had improved their quality of life, and they said "it did!". You had to be there, it was very very awkward :rolleyes:

The quicker society completely discards this dangerously volatile stigma associated with mental health issues, the better.

Elle Collins

bobbytables wrote: »

The quicker society completely discards this dangerously volatile stigma associated with mental health issues, the better.

+ 1

There is still a hell of a lot of pure ignorance around depression unfortunately. I have been on anti-depressant medication for over a year and researched everything about my medication before I put it in my mouth.

Eviledna is correct when she says "the medication is only replacing chemicals in you that are lower than others that don't suffer, so really it is just bringing you up to speed, like a vitamin for a deficiency." It's a pity more people don't know that.

I have clinicial depression, which means that I have a long-term irreversible deficiency of serotonin in my brain. The pills I take every morning adjust my serotonin levels to match the levels of those who are lucky enough not to need them, and that's all they do.

As far as their being mood altering, you would assume that that's a fair description given that their purpose is to alter your mood! but I personally think it's not an appropriate description because it has strong connotations to narcotic drugs, which anti-depressants are absolutely not.

And as for their being addictive, the vast majority of anti-depressants prescribed today are SSRI medications, which were lauded as a major medical breakthrough precisely because they are NOT addictive.

My view on relationships is that it's my business what medication I'm on and I'll tell a person if and when I see fit. I would usually see fit straight away though, because the truth is I'm a very open person and it wouldn't occur to me to conceal it, but I would still seriously resent the attitude that I have no right to my privacy regarding my own medical health.

It's just as well I'm open about these things though as it exposes you to a persons attitudes, and after one look at a bad attitude there they'd be straight out on their ear!

seenitall

Elle Collins wrote: »

+ 1

There is still a hell of a lot of pure ignorance around depression unfortunately. I have been on anti-depressant medication for over a year and researched everything about my medication before I put it in my mouth.

Eviledna is correct when she says "the medication is only replacing chemicals in you that are lower than others that don't suffer, so really it is just bringing you up to speed, like a vitamin for a deficiency." It's a pity more people don't know that.

I have clinicial depression, which means that I have a long-term irreversible deficiency of serotonin in my brain. The pills I take every morning adjust my serotonin levels to match the levels of those who are lucky enough not to need them, and that's all they do.

As far as their being mood altering, you would assume that that's a fair description given that their purpose is to alter your mood! but I personally think it's not an appropriate description because it has strong connotations to narcotic drugs, which anti-depressants are absolutely not.

And as for their being addictive, the vast majority of anti-depressants prescribed today are SSRI medications, which were lauded as a major medical breakthrough precisely because they are NOT addictive.

My view on relationships is that it's my business what medication I'm on and I'll tell a person if and when I see fit. I would usually see fit straight away though, because the truth is I'm a very open person and it wouldn't occur to me to conceal it, but I would still seriously resent the attitude that I have no right to my privacy regarding my own medical health.

It's just as well I'm open about these things though as it exposes you to a persons attitudes, and after one look at a bad attitude there they'd be straight out on their ear!

I just wish that people on this thread would stop drawing the analogy between anti-d's and vitamins, because it is irrelevant for the purpose of this thread. No one here claimed that anti-d's aren't addressing a deficiancy, but the analogy itself is flawed in that if vitamins stop working, a person may feel a bit weak or feel the need to go to a doctor while when anti-d's stop working, all hell can break loose (depending on the severity of the condition). This difference is what is so pertinent to the OP, as he is contemplating not informing a potential date/partner of the fact that he is on this very potent medication.

ssri's have proven themselves to be physically addictive in some cases, as some people will get clear physical withdrawal symptoms on cessation of use. Withdrawal symptoms indicate addiction to me, no matter how the medical profession tries and sugarcoats it.

"It's just as well I'm open about these things though as it exposes you to a persons attitudes, and after one look at a bad attitude there they'd be straight out on their ear!" - Well, exactly, and one of the best arguments in favour of the sufferer telling the truth to their new partner - it would also be in the OP's best interest to be honest, although I have been advocating from the position of the partner so far.

"It's like saying it's a bad thing to be on these" - No, it's not, OP, nor was anything like that suggested on here. Keeping a very, very pertinent piece of information about your temporary reliance on medication to keep your mood stabilised, from a person who you want to be close to, is where the dishonesty comes in for me. Like I already said, I am talking from the experience of being the OH and I did feel a bit "played" then, because the truth was kept from me, but the consequences of the medication's malfunction were visited upon me as well as him.

If you are sure that your 6 month journey with your medication will be all smooth sailing, by all means, never tell a soul, it's your prerogative. All I'm saying is, if at any point things get a bit tricky, you could find yourself with awkwardness, questions to answer and a hurt and puzzled OH to appease, and that's on top of your condition. I just think it's not worth the risk if it is someone you care about, I don't think it is good for either yourself or them to keep it from them.

Elle Collins

seenitall wrote: »

...when anti-d's stop working, all hell can break loose (depending on the severity of the condition).

It would moreso depend on the variety of the condition. Situations where "all hell can break loose" would most likely relate to the small percentage of people with manic/bipolar depression who experience psychosis as a symptom of their illness. The vast majority of depressives are not manic depressives and of those who are, psychosis is still very much in the minority among them.

seenitall wrote: »

he is contemplating not informing a potential date/partner of the fact that he is on this very potent medication.

I'd like to point out that the OP never told us what medication exactly he is on, nor did he disclose the dose. You have no way of knowing his is on "very potent medication".

seenitall wrote: »

ssri's have proven themselves to be physically addictive in some cases

I've never heard of that, never experienced that, never had a days hassle coming off any anti-d and never met anyone who has.

Was the person you were seeing dealing with bipolar Seenitall? This might make more sense as you referred to a situation where a person might find themselves dealing with someone "beside them spiralling into an episode". I can tell you I've been on different anti-depressants since the mid-nineties and I've never had anything happen that you could remotely refer to as "an episode".

seenitall wrote: »

Well, exactly, and one of the best arguments in favour of the sufferer telling the truth to their new partner

It could well be, but I'm not about to start telling the OP what to divulge to people about his personal health. I believe that is his decision, and that he's entitled to it.

seenitall

Elle Collins wrote: »

It would moreso depend on the variety of the condition. Situations where "all hell can break loose" would most likely relate to the small percentage of people with manic/bipolar depression who experience psychosis as a symptom of their illness. The vast majority of depressives are not manic depressives and of those who are, psychosis is still very much in the minority among them.



I'd like to point out that the OP never told us what medication exactly he is on, nor did he disclose the dose. You have no way of knowing his is on "very potent medication".



I've never heard of that, never experienced that, never had a days hassle coming off any anti-d and never met anyone who has.

Was the person you were seeing dealing with bipolar Seenitall? This might make more sense as you referred to a situation where a person might find themselves dealing with someone "beside them spiralling into an episode". I can tell you I've been on different anti-depressants since the mid-nineties and I've never had anything happen that you could remotely refer to as "an episode".



It could well be, but I'm not about to start telling the OP what to divulge to people about his personal health. I believe that is his decision, and that he's entitled to it.

OK, I guess I used the term "very potent" to give a bit more emphasis to the vast distinction between the general effects of taking vitamins and these. "Potent" is a somewhat relative term, alright.

You are correct in your assumption about my ex.

I don't believe I was "telling" the OP what to be telling his (potential) OH, either; I do however, want him to consider this issue in some part from a potential OH's perspective, too.

I would be telling something like this in a new relationship for reasons such as yours and because the truth (as opposed to the omission of it, for example) makes for an easier life IMO; and I would certainly also want to be told about something like this in a new relationship. It's a win-win in my view.

Eviledna

seenitall wrote: »

I just wish that people on this thread would stop drawing the analogy between anti-d's and vitamins, because it is irrelevant for the purpose of this thread. No one here claimed that anti-d's aren't addressing a deficiancy, but the analogy itself is flawed in that if vitamins stop working, a person may feel a bit weak or feel the need to go to a doctor while when anti-d's stop working, all hell can break loose (depending on the severity of the condition). This difference is what is so pertinent to the OP, as he is contemplating not informing a potential date/partner of the fact that he is on this very potent medication.

Ok now we are back to absolute cack again! Your dislike for the analogy doesnt make it any less true, and your advice is clearly coloured by a very negative experience of interacting with someone that has serious mental health issues. Can you appreciate there is a severity scale and that not all cases are the same??:rolleyes: You are tarring everyone with depression with the same brush here, which just re-inforces and propegates the crappy stigma for those dealing with issues, all because you had a bad experience.

If you had ever been on the other side seenitall, you'd have a better appreciation for the damage such an attitude has for people just trying to get through something they can't help, chemically.

ssri's have proven themselves to be physically addictive in some cases, as some people will get clear physical withdrawal symptoms on cessation of use. Withdrawal symptoms indicate addiction to me, no matter how the medical profession tries and sugarcoats it.

You are broaching medical opinion here, and your classification of addiction does not make it so either. You are confusing "addiction" with the necessary physical dependence that SSRIs etc create to treat the chemical deficiency.

Keeping a very, very pertinent piece of information about your temporary reliance on medication to keep your mood stabilised, from a person who you want to be close to, is where the dishonesty comes in for me. Like I already said, I am talking from the experience of being the OH and I did feel a bit "played" then, because the truth was kept from me, but the consequences of the medication's malfunction were visited upon me as well as him.

Sometimes the reliance is not temporary. If you had an underactive thyroid gland for example, you would need to take hormones to correct it for the rest of your life. If you didn't take them you would feel the negative effects of the original condition. Is this addiction? No. Is it something that's considered "mood altering"? No. Yet it is a replacement of a hormone that has knock on effects on the whole body. Is there stigma attached? No.
I really think your advice is disproportionate to the average situation seenitall. Just because you had one very bad experience with an ex, you should not approach all people on the varying degrees of medication for the varying degrees of mental health issues that exist in the same disproportionate way.

It's hard enough going through a rough patch without misunderstanding and misadvice making it worse. The sad fact is that attitude is abundant in Ireland, which makes it very hard for people to seek help for mental issues and no doubt has an influence on the suicide rate in Ireland.

seenitall

Eviledna wrote: »

Ok now we are back to absolute cack again! Your dislike for the analogy doesnt make it any less true, and your advice is clearly coloured by a very negative experience of interacting with someone that has serious mental health issues. Can you appreciate there is a severity scale and that not all cases are the same??:rolleyes: You are tarring everyone with depression with the same brush here, which just re-inforces and propegates the crappy stigma for those dealing with issues, all because you had a bad experience.

If you had ever been on the other side seenitall, you'd have a better appreciation for the damage such an attitude has for people just trying to get through something they can't help, chemically.

You are broaching medical opinion here, and your classification of addiction does not make it so either. You are confusing "addiction" with the necessary physical dependence that SSRIs etc create to treat the chemical deficiency.

Sometimes the reliance is not temporary. If you had an underactive thyroid gland for example, you would need to take hormones to correct it for the rest of your life. If you didn't take them you would feel the negative effects of the original condition. Is this addiction? No. Is it something that's considered "mood altering"? No. Yet it is a replacement of a hormone that has knock on effects on the whole body. Is there stigma attached? No.
I really think your advice is disproportionate to the average situation seenitall. Just because you had one very bad experience with an ex, you should not approach all people on the varying degrees of medication for the varying degrees of mental health issues that exist in the same disproportionate way.

It's hard enough going through a rough patch without misunderstanding and misadvice making it worse. The sad fact is that attitude is abundant in Ireland, which makes it very hard for people to seek help for mental issues and no doubt has an influence on the suicide rate in Ireland.

I would appreciate if you didn't so offensively label my opinion as "absolute cack", Evildna. What I think of your absolute over-reaction to my views which are NOT biased against anyone in any case is perhaps not printable, but I have been courteous in my exchages with you, which can't be said for you, and is not a great way to be making your point.

I explained how fallacious the vitamins/anti-d's analogy is in the context of their effects, (before we even come to any possible side-effects, any possible withdrawal symptoms...) and the fact that you don't like your precious analogy to be under scrutiny, doesn't make it any less fallacious.

I haven't been tarring anyone with the same brush, thank you very much, and I certainly don't have an "attitude", I merely presented what is the other side of the coin of most of the views on this thread. I wish you stopped making entirely unsubstantied accusations.

"You are broaching medical opinion here, and your classification of addiction does not make it so either. You are confusing "addiction" with the necessary physical dependence that SSRIs etc create to treat the chemical deficiency." - OK.

"Sometimes the reliance is not temporary. If you had an underactive thyroid gland for example, you would need to take hormones to correct it for the rest of your life. If you didn't take them you would feel the negative effects of the original condition. Is this addiction? No. Is it something that's considered "mood altering"? No. Yet it is a replacement of a hormone that has knock on effects on the whole body. Is there stigma attached? No.
I really think your advice is disproportionate to the average situation seenitall. Just because you had one very bad experience with an ex, you should not approach all people on the varying degrees of medication for the varying degrees of mental health issues that exist in the same disproportionate way." - The reliance is (or is hoped to be) temporary in OP's case, and the truth is that this medication is not an exact science and no one can predict exactly what the short-term effects on any individual will be, that's why there is a lot of trial and error method in prescribing them, their dosage etc. You can think my advice as disproportionate as you like, I have my reasons for my opinion just as you have your reasons for yours, and they are both borne from our respective experiences. Furthermore, I fail to see how my advice is disproportionate anyway, I am merely advocating being honest and upfront with an OH sooner rather than later. I wonder in relation to what exactly is that disproportionate?


"It's hard enough going through a rough patch without misunderstanding and misadvice making it worse. The sad fact is that attitude is abundant in Ireland, which makes it very hard for people to seek help for mental issues and no doubt has an influence on the suicide rate in Ireland." - Oh boy, :rolleyes: talk about "disproportionate". I suspect the next thing I will be to blame for single-handedly raising the Irish suicide rate.

Eviledna

seenitall wrote: »

I would appreciate if you didn't so offensively label my opinion as "absolute cack", Evildna. What I think of your absolute over-reaction to my views which are NOT biased against anyone in any case is perhaps not printable, but I have been courteous in my exchages with you, which can't be said for you, and is not a great way to be making your point.

I'm not saying your views are absolute cack, see my original post, I said the idea that one must tell an OH based on the mood altering effect of meds is absolute cack, an idea you were leaning to in the section I quoted.

I explained how fallacious the vitamins/anti-d's analogy is in the context of their effects, (before we even come to any possible side-effects, any possible withdrawal symptoms...) and the fact that you don't like your precious analogy to be under scrutiny, doesn't make it any less fallacious.

First, it's not my analogy, it's an established one. To describe it as fallacious imo is wrong, but this is not a personal disagreement and I refuse to be dragged into one!

The reliance is (or is hoped to be) temporary in OP's case, and the truth is that this medication is not an exact science and no one can predict exactly what the short-term effects on any individual will be, that's why there is a lot of trial and error method in prescribing them, their dosage etc. You can think my advice as disproportionate as you like, I have my reasons for my opinion just as you have your reasons for yours, and they are both borne from our respective experiences. Furthermore, I fail to see how my advice is disproportionate anyway, I am merely advocating being honest and upfront with an OH sooner rather than later. I wonder in relation to what exactly is that disproportionate?

Thought I made that clear, sorry. What I find disproportionate is your sweeping equivelence of all medication for all issues, in relation to your one non-first-person experience.

"It's hard enough going through a rough patch without misunderstanding and misadvice making it worse. The sad fact is that attitude is abundant in Ireland, which makes it very hard for people to seek help for mental issues and no doubt has an influence on the suicide rate in Ireland." - Oh boy, :rolleyes: talk about "disproportionate". I suspect the next thing I will be to blame for single-handedly raising the Irish suicide rate.

Read it again. I said that misunderstanding and misadvice is influencing the suicide rate in Ireland. Again, I won't be dragged into pettiness, it's against the charter and not in my nature.

Getting back to the OP, I think this thread alone signifies the sensitivity of this issue. The broad range of reactions and opinions only further reinforce the case for delicacy in this matter. At the end of it all OP it's your perrogative, it's you that is getting better and imo you should put your needs first, as no one else will.

seenitall

Eviledna wrote: »

I'm not saying your views are absolute cack, see my original post, I said the idea that one must tell an OH based on the mood altering effect of meds is absolute cack, an idea you were leaning to in the section I quoted.
First, it's not my analogy, it's an established one. To describe it as fallacious imo is wrong, but this is not a personal disagreement and I refuse to be dragged into one!

Thought I made that clear, sorry. What I find disproportionate is your sweeping equivelence of all medication for all issues, in relation to your one non-first-person experience.

Read it again. I said that misunderstanding and misadvice is influencing the suicide rate in Ireland. Again, I won't be dragged into pettiness, it's against the charter and not in my nature.

Getting back to the OP, I think this thread alone signifies the sensitivity of this issue. The broad range of reactions and opinions only further reinforce the case for delicacy in this matter. At the end of it all OP it's your perrogative, it's you that is getting better and imo you should put your needs first, as no one else will.

"I'm not saying your views are absolute cack, see my original post, I said the idea that one must tell an OH based on the mood altering effect of meds is absolute cack, an idea you were leaning to in the section I quoted. - Oh, OK then!

"First, it's not my analogy, it's an established one. To describe it as fallacious imo is wrong, but this is not a personal disagreement and I refuse to be dragged into one!" - Whoever "established" this analogy, forgot to send the memo to all the vitamin users out there to keep an eye on the physical dependence and withdrawal symptoms side of things! Ugh.

"What I find disproportionate is your sweeping equivelence of all medication for all issues, in relation to your one non-first-person experience. " - I made no such sweeping equivalence, I was and am talking about the anti-depressants specifically, the use and application of which I have and always will agree can vary widely from individual to individual, which doesn't discount me from offering my opinion on a medication-related relationship issue; and my non-first-person experience is I believe relevant to the OP's non-first-person-related question (i.e. a relationship question).

"Read it again. I said that misunderstanding and misadvice is influencing the suicide rate in Ireland. Again, I won't be dragged into pettiness, it's against the charter and not in my nature." - Oh, the "misunderstanding and misadvice" weren't aimed at my opinion, I see. Well, for my part, I didn't mean to come across as petty any more than you meant to come across as offensive; sorry!

Azureus

I havent read the responses here in detail, but to answer to OPs question, in my experience I would like to know if the person I am dating is on anti-depressants.
Not straight away, but I think its important to know these things. My boyfriend was on anti-depressants when we met and his moods had a tendency to fluctuate a lot, he ranged between very outgoing to totally withdrawn. He explained his condition to me and it was no problem whatsoever-in fact it completely endeared me to him and allowed me to understand him better.

sweetheart

i cant believe some of the responses on here. Being a sufferer of severe depression myself, I think its an absolute disgrace that in this day and age, mental health is still such a taboo subject. OP- If you are lucky enough to find a person that you are comfortable with then by all means tell him/her from the start. If the person is mature enough to understand then there should be no problems. People forget that in relationships, you have to take the bad with the good. Every relationship has its ups and downs and if someone presumes that the others medication is a factor in this then they are sadly mistaken and not worth being in a relationship with. I wish you the best of luck in the future.

spinandscribble

Op I've thought about this from your side and the potential gf/bf's side. I think the important thing is you're READY for a relationship. Sometimes people on anti d's are in the final stages and are generally stable. If you're crying or extremely emotional to the point where you can't hide it, function daily, then a relationship isn't on the cards.

If it was me and I was on anti-d's I wouldn't tell straight away because I wouldn't want to be seen for a condition that i'm working on improving. you're not at fault or a villain. Plus if it went down the pan after a couple of months I'd always wonder was I dumped coz of the meds (which probably wouldn't help).

If a guy I was seeing was taking anti d's I would understand if he didn't tell me straight away. I would probably feel relieved he trusted in me to tell me but I would understand if he took a couple of months to tell me.

It would probably be best to have some idea of the girl/guys opinion on mental health before getting too involved. I remember a guy I knew and was sorta seeing telling me people with depression were just fat and needed exercise. I said what if they're skinny or do exercise? apparently they still needed exercise and he said people with depression deserve it because they're lazy *face palm* I wish I could tell you he was only a teenager but unfortunately not... At the time I knew a lot of people with depression. Completely turned me off the guy, completely distorted idea of mental health. the sertonian hormone can help, of course, but circumstantial depression and problems of rumination do exist, its not as easy as running a mile every time you don't feel like being alive.

So yeah, getting a basic understanding of the person you're dating's opinions on mental health before it gets anyways serious is a good idea.

LegacyUser

Dear OP,

First off, I am horrified by responses you have received here. But also very happy with others. I won't go into detail but I am a HCP.

You are perfectly entitled to keep this information to yourself, it is nobodies business but your own.

It saddens me the views people still hold in this country, and the stigma still attached to mental illness.

Seenitall it was not "your right" to know that your OH was taking medication. quite frankly it sounds like your distorted views put them off telling you in the first place. And as it turnd out they were right. Seems like their judge of character was spot on. Describing their behaviour as an "episode" is degrading and hurtfull. You may have run to the internet for your information but mental health is complex, one size does not fit all, and these diseases manifest themselves in different ways. I appreciate that you may have had a bad experience, but maybe you could look at your reaction to your OH and the outcome could have been different.

A person suffering from a mental illness needs, understanding, support, and compassion. If you are not willing to exhibit these traits, move on. The person does not need you. In fact you will only hinder their recovery.

I have enormous respect for you OP, and you will judge a person when you meet them how they react to certain things. You will know when they care. If you feel like telling them, you can, but you owe them nothing. xxxx

Best of luck to you, and to everyone here on the road to recovery xxxx
I admire you and have great respect for you xxx

Wibbs

Horrified wrote: »

You are perfectly entitled to keep this information to yourself, it is nobodies business but your own.

Yes and no. Depends on how it may affect others. And when it comes out and it will, they're "perfectly entitled" to be upset and/or walk.

Seenitall it was not "your right" to know that your OH was taking medication.

Maybe not but IMHO they should have told her. Generally I smell a rat when someone invokes "rights" when it's removing the right to choice from another.

quite frankly it sounds like your distorted views put them off telling you in the first place. And as it turnd out they were right. Seems like their judge of character was spot on.

Nice. So just because seenitall happens to disagree with you she's of distorted view and dubious character? OK

I appreciate that you may have had a bad experience, but maybe you could look at your reaction to your OH and the outcome could have been different.

Again with the blame. The outcome may have been worse, the same or better. You simply don't know unless crystal balls are part of your jobs equipment. Did it ever occur to you that seenitalls attitude was shaped by this ex? That this ex was just a muppet? You seem to be blaming her and doubtless I'll receive same, just because we're not "sensitive" enough? Fact is there are people out there who are just toxic, mental illness or no and life is too short to be around them.

If you feel like telling them, you can, but you owe them nothing. xxxx

Talk about a very self centered attitude. "You owe them nothing" Common take on this too. Sheesh. If one steps outside oneself for a moment you might see you owe them some semblance of honesty. You're in their lives and if you're going to build some honest future with them it does help to know about the big stuff in each others lives. Stuff that can affect the relationship. Mental illness can be pretty big. I'd want to know about something like diabetes or a heart defect when it started to get serious too(and they don't go to the core of someones "soul"). All this talk about choice, yet so quick to remove that choice from someone you claim to love. You are hiding a pretty big aspect of your character and life.

I've been in relationships with women who were various levels of depressed. Most told me which was appreciated. a couple didn't and that was difficult as initially you look to yourself to see if it's something you're doing to cause the mood swings. Would I go out with someone with depression now? Depends. Someone with a depressive/mental illness episode treated and in the past? Yea no issue at all, but chronic and current? If I'm honest no. For me I've paid my dues there and it was again for me far too stressful. I wanted a partner and too often I had a patient. That said I'd be a lot more likely to do so if I was given that choice to make in the first place.

OP if it was me I'd not tell every Thomas, Richard or Harold about it. If I was becoming serious with someone I would give them the choice. I think you'd feel similar in their position. I'd echo what seenital said early on "
Not talking about the first few dates here, btw, but when you realise that the person has potential, honesty is the best policy all round. After all, if the person gets put off by something like that, surely that can only mean they didn't have potential after all."

seenitall

Horrified wrote: »

A person suffering from a mental illness needs, understanding, support, and compassion. If you are not willing to exhibit these traits, move on. The person does not need you. In fact you will only hinder their recovery

Errr... how can I offer someone "understanding, support, and compassion" if I don't know why exactly and to what extent they would need these things in the first place? Having common decency and compassion is one thing, but dealing with a mentally ill person can be a whole different level of demanding on a partner's emotional resources. Was I meant to have a crystal ball or something?