I dont get it?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, over the weekend my girlfirend broke up with me after 4 years. she came home on sunday morning (was away for the weekend) I had gone out saturday night. she flipped that i never told her i was going out! It was a last minute thing so didnt bother telling her. Im 22!! and we live together. Am I wrong? she called me sneaky etc and broke up with me!!

although every time we have an argument it always ends up in her breaking up with me i feel bad so end up apologising to make things right again. Am i crazy? I was talking to her last night and she said she had 3 years of misery with me etc. really giving it loads with the low blows.. it hurts because i do love this girl.
What am i to do???

That_Guy

From what you've written in your post OP, I think you're better off with this girl.

She sounds very controlling to be honest. You shouldn't have to ask permission to go out really.

qwerty13

She sounds very drama-y and controlling. Are you supposed to have her permission to go out?! And the manipulation in breaking up with you over every row, bloody hell! It sounds like 14 year old stuff.

I'm not being funny OP, but why do you love this girl? Honestly, I would run if I were you.

LegacyUser

thanks for the quick replies. its melting my head its like after 4 years she couldnt give a ****. i do everything for her and by the looks of it its still not enough.. before we got together she was the one chasing me, but its like shes broken me down.

i really dont know what to do i know shes broken up with me but feel helpless. it has hit me today. im angry at her but even more angry with myself . its my own fault though i have let her get away with this for too long , and dont think anything is about to change anytime soon. still doesnt stop hurting though.. I do love her but maybe i only think i do because we have been together so long.. although the tought of her with someone else is making me feel sick

dumoty1234

dumoty1234 wrote: »

Hi everyone, over the weekend my girlfirend broke up with me after 4 years. she came home on sunday morning (was away for the weekend) I had gone out saturday night. she flipped that i never told her i was going out! It was a last minute thing so didnt bother telling her. Im 22!! and we live together. Am I wrong? she called me sneaky etc and broke up with me!!

I'd put money on it that something happened while she was away and this is just an excuse for her to end it...

you're not wrong, no.

STIG83

Get out of there OP, run for the hills!!
She sounds like a control freak, she expects you to tell her where you going, what you doing etc, feck that!! she was away for the weekend so you are well entitled to go out for the night.
I watched The Hangover last night, the guy who got married in Vegas, his GF at home was a complete bi*ch!!
Hope your GF is nothing like that OP.

Taltos

OP

do yourself a favour here.
Make this crap end. When and she will - gets back in touch - remember you are broken up now and for good.

No way in hell could she really love you if she is insisting on breaking you down continually like this. It is all a big POWER junket. By making you feel like crap she is feeling better about herself.

By ending it with you (again) she is proving to you and her that she is the one in control. And dollars to donuts she is expecting you to come running when she clicks her fingers - and will doubtless have you promising to be more caring, more communicative, more whatever the hell enters her mind.

Seriously OP - we are not kidding - make sure that you don't go back to that - if at 22 she is like this - what the hell do you think she will be like at 40 with 3 or 4 kids? Run for the hills and don't look back...

Miss Fluff

I agree, call her bluff. Do not under any circusmtances go apologising, she may have just done you the biggest favour of your life.

MagicMarker

You've been with each other since you were teenagers (assuming she's the same age). It sounds to me like the relationship has run it's course.

What are you doing living with a girl at 22 anyway? That's crazy! Break up with her for real and go and live your life, it'll be the best decision you ever made.

LegacyUser

thanks everyone for all of your replies, it has really helped. we live with 2 other people, its going to be so hard to move out or decide who has to move out. I havent spoken to her since last night when she was really driving it home that it wasnt her fault. you are all right i know it , guess its been so long and i got kind of used to it. i cant explain it she's really takin me for a fool. the sad thing is she will never see that she is wrong .. so much for loving someone!!

Pebbles68

Personally I'd look to move out asap. Trying to negotiate will only end up as a fight. It sounds like either a. She was looking for an excuse to break up and you gave her one or b. She's trying to reinforce that she is in control and once again force you to apologise and beg her forgiveness so she'll take you back.

Taltos

Pebbles68 wrote: »

Personally I'd look to move out asap. Trying to negotiate will only end up as a fight. It sounds like either a. She was looking for an excuse to break up and you gave her one or b. She's trying to reinforce that she is in control and once again force you to apologise and beg her forgiveness so she'll take you back.

Absolutely - get you and your stuff out of there asap. Any effort to fix this will just end up with you apologising and doubting yourself even more. Think you deserve more than that - don't you...

LegacyUser

op here, thanks so much just need to snap out of it. and taltos* your'r right, dont think anyone deserves it.
she text sayin :"just remember all the sh*t you said last night , so dont come cryin yo me when you realise what you have done and i have moved on." wtf like? she really cant see that she's wrong.. just so frustrating.. your all right about moving out... the thing thats killing me is she has taken me for an fool for so long.

LegacyUser

thanks sunflower, iv just been a mug for so long.. guess ill just have to learn from this.. ill get there though

Taltos

Yup those texts are all about her convincing herself and in the process you that she was totally right. Who knows maybe she even believes this.

Best of luck OP - I know right now you are feeling like crap - but one day soon you will look back and go WTF - thank gawd I dodged that one...

As the others have said - stop engaging, responding even reading any further communication. Just get yourself out of there as fast and as safe as you can. Up to this point you have done what you can to keep this alive - but a time does come where you have to accept that the person you loved is not who they pretended to be.

Don't beat yourself up over this - many of us have been fooled. At least you have seen the light before you were trapped with kids or marriage. Remember - not everyone is like her - as others have said it really seems like she never grew up, as Mr T used to say - "Pity da Fool!" (at least it won't be you )

MitchKoobski

To say the same as an above post, she's only sending these texts to convince herself she's right and you're wrong.

Call her bluff on this break-up and ignore her, you deserve better.

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Yup those texts are all about her convincing herself and in the process you that she was totally right. Who knows maybe she even believes this.

Best of luck OP - I know right now you are feeling like crap - but one day soon you will look back and go WTF - thank gawd I dodged that one...

As the others have said - stop engaging, responding even reading any further communication. Just get yourself out of there as fast and as safe as you can. Up to this point you have done what you can to keep this alive - but a time does come where you have to accept that the person you loved is not who they pretended to be.

Don't beat yourself up over this - many of us have been fooled. At least you have seen the light before you were trapped with kids or marriage. Remember - not everyone is like her - as others have said it really seems like she never grew up, as Mr T used to say - "Pity da Fool!" (at least it won't be you )

thanks taltos,
It really helps to hear that. Cause every text she sent was just a mind F*ck.. its always been that way.. feel a little better now has helped make up my mind for me. it will take time.. but ill get there.. thanks again

at least i know ill be able to go out this weekend without the third degree :P

STIG83

Forget about her OP, it's onwards and upwards now!!

DagneyTaggart

Similar situation - thanks for the advice - moving in on though for the OP will be extremely hard to do - especially since the are in such close contact. Follow advice and remove yourself as soon as you can and give yourself space. Your mind will ebb and flow over and back so cut contact or you'll get sucked back in.

LegacyUser

me again! just need to write this down because shes doing my head in . she kept talking to me last night saying how i have made the relationship miserable, and then she dropped the bomb that she hasnt been in loved with me for 2and a half years! why would she want to hurt me any more by saying this stuff??.. she said it was only convienent.

she didnt get a reaction out of me so came out with shes going out all weekend and just to tell me in case i hear it from anyone else that she will be coppin off with someone. WTF like!!!and THEN she tried to have sex with me!!!! I DONT GET THIS GIRL .. my head is in bits...

MagicMarker

dumpd1234 wrote: »

me again! just need to write this down because shes doing my head in . she kept talking to me last night saying how i have made the relationship miserable, and then she dropped the bomb that she hasnt been in loved with me for 2and a half years! why would she want to hurt me any more by saying this stuff??.. she said it was only convienent.

she didnt get a reaction out of me so came out with shes going out all weekend and just to tell me in case i hear it from anyone else that she will be coppin off with someone. WTF like!!!and THEN she tried to have sex with me!!!! I DONT GET THIS GIRL .. my head is in bits...

I really recommend just cutting all contact with this girl. Move out ASAP, go back to your parents if need be, change your number if you have to. Literally stop having contact with this person, that includes online too.

She quite possibly sounds like the most horrible person on Earth.

bronte

dumpd1234 wrote: »

me again! just need to write this down because shes doing my head in . she kept talking to me last night saying how i have made the relationship miserable, and then she dropped the bomb that she hasnt been in loved with me for 2and a half years! why would she want to hurt me any more by saying this stuff??.. she said it was only convienent.

she didnt get a reaction out of me so came out with shes going out all weekend and just to tell me in case i hear it from anyone else that she will be coppin off with someone. WTF like!!!and THEN she tried to have sex with me!!!! I DONT GET THIS GIRL .. my head is in bits...

OP, I have seen way too many guys tolerate head-wrecks like this one.
I honestly don't know why they do it.
Cut this girl off. That means no communication whatsoever.
Let her send you message after message of taunts/threats/emotional blackmail and sit back and laugh. That is how you win.
You mentioned you lived together?
Move out.
You will look back at this one day and wonder how you ever put up with such crap.
She needs you to react to her. Don't.
She will try every trick in the book to get your attention (fake pregnancy scares are a favourite with people like her, don't be surprised if she pulls that card) Just ignore and get on with your life.
You are well rid. believe me.
Eventually she'll get bored and go hunting for the next victim.

LegacyUser

I know its crazy , it just hurts to think that its all been a lie. we were together over 3 years and for her to turn around and say she was never in love with me just breaks me in two.
its like iv wasted these years with her. And i did love her, was my first serious relationship and i was head over heels. Finding it so hard..

Taltos

OP - this is really simple. But it is all up to you.



>>> STOP communicating with her 100% & move out.

It really is over - and from here on out - you and only you will be hurt until eventually this destroys you. Trust me - you won't like the person that will turn you into so get out now. How many days have passed? Get out...

bronte

Dumpd1234 wrote: »

I know its crazy , it just hurts to think that its all been a lie. we were together over 3 years and for her to turn around and say she was never in love with me just breaks me in two.
its like iv wasted these years with her. And i did love her, was my first serious relationship and i was head over heels. Finding it so hard..

I know it's hard.
You were just very, very unlucky.
This is nothing to do with you and everything to do with her.
This lass will probably go on to put everyone else she dates/has a relationship with through the same utter muck that you're going through.
She needs help from a professional. And she has to want it herself.
Do NOT fall into the trap of trying to fix her.
A) It's not your job to and
B)You'll never fix her, she'll just use it as a way to gain sympathy from you.

She will continue with the damsel in distress act until she has lost all her friends and cops that she had driven everyone away from her with her antics.
Trust me I've seen it in action.
You might not believe me now, but not all girls are like this, there is much better out there and you will find it.
You sound like a very kind, patient lad...just don't let yourself get walked all over in future. You can be nice and be respected too.

Beruthiel

dumpd1234 wrote: »

she didnt get a reaction out of me so came out with shes going out all weekend and just to tell me in case i hear it from anyone else that she will be coppin off with someone. WTF like!!!and THEN she tried to have sex with me!!!! I DONT GET THIS GIRL .. my head is in bits...

First off, she's a child, acting in a childish way.
Threatening to shift someone else at the weekend is her way of trying to make you jealous.
See, I believe she still thinks that you will come crawling back and if you don't well she will teach you a lesson if you don't hurry up and make your mind up. Then you'll be sorry, you'll have missed out on the girl of your dreams and will regret it for the rest of your life. Cos, you know, she's gods gift to men!
LOL
The girl is deluded.
She may eventually grow up.
As she gets older, she will meet older men who won't take her bullsh!t for one second. If she has any working brain cells in her head, she may eventually work out why.

Either way, you are well rid.
There are plenty of nice girls out there for you.
Don't beat yourself up over this. You are only 22 and you should turn around to her and say thanks.
"Thanks Mary, you have opened my eyes and I'm getting as far away as possible from your toxic, bunny boiling ways.
You've done me a favour. Imagine if I had been foolish enough to marry you!"

Cut all contact with her OP. ASAP.
In six months time you will be so unbelievably happy with your decision.
I guarantee it.

Chucky the tree

dumpd1234 wrote: »

me again! just need to write this down because shes doing my head in . she kept talking to me last night saying how i have made the relationship miserable, and then she dropped the bomb that she hasnt been in loved with me for 2and a half years! why would she want to hurt me any more by saying this stuff??.. she said it was only convienent.

she didnt get a reaction out of me so came out with shes going out all weekend and just to tell me in case i hear it from anyone else that she will be coppin off with someone. WTF like!!!and THEN she tried to have sex with me!!!! I DONT GET THIS GIRL .. my head is in bits...

She's saying this hoping to get you angery and pissed. She thinks if she gets you pissed off then it shows that you still love her and have feelings for her. The best thing you can do is not to show any emtion or basically pretend you don't care infront of her. By getting all annoyed it's playing into her hands and she will do it constantly to you. Generally just agree with everything she says, tell her she is right and you were wrong etc etc. Also when she mentions other guys, which she definetly will, just tell her you are happy for her in that she is moving on so quickly and wish her the best etc. She will do her nut in.

LegacyUser

thanks to everyone. just finding it hard to accept i think.
Your all spot on just need to give myself a good shake and wake up and get on with it now. I have started packing to move out and hopefully should be out by the weekend . She just keeps popping up wit more and more digs, its like kick a man while his down why dont ya!..

This love stuff sucks..!

Pandora2

Sweetheart that ain't love...it's a mindfeck!! Good luck:)

shellyboo

Oh wow. She just wants the drama and attention and is throwing everything at you to see what sticks. Don't rise to it, no matter how difficult.

Get out of there ASAP and remember, the best revenge is living well.

Firetrap

You're seeing her for the nasty, manipulative waste of space that she is. Keep packing and get the hell out of there Someone who is capable of behaviour like that is never going to change. Be glad you are in a position to walk away without looking back. You're not married, you've no kids and you've no mortgage.

Fentdog84

This dosent sound like much of a relationship. She dosent seem to have any respect for you or your feelings. if you can take anything from this learn NEVER let a woman dominate you. Then your life becomes a ****ing misery.

LegacyUser

bronte wrote: »

n (fake pregnancy scares are a favourite with people like her, don't be surprised if she pulls that card)

^ This happened to me!

OP I could have written your post 2 years ago, in my situation I eventually had to end things as she kept breaking up with me- she resorted to a false pregnancy story once I did this and I literally lost weight/hair for 3 months until I called her bluff. A nasty nasty business and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Sleepy

OP, this is what spending too much time listening to Destiny's Child and watching Sex and the City during her formative years will do to a girl.

Pack bags. Move out. Develop better Bunny Boiler radar before getting into another relationship.

LegacyUser

op here, thanks everyone for all your advice, feel so much better as the week went on have low points here and there but getting through it,
i ended up sleeping with her wens night, (was seriously low and for a minute thought we could sort things out..) big mistake..!! because she went mental when she tried it on with me thurs and i wasnt interested.. hope she meets someone this weekend.! might get her off my case. looking back iv been such a fool for her and im so cross cause it was my own fault!! Anyways , thanks again for all your advice has really helped me get through the week!

Wompa1

I know how you feel with the whole finding out the person you loved is a complete psycho a-hole. I know people are saying it and it's true that it's best to cut all ties. You will do it eventually...for me everyone was telling me to stop contacting her but I didn't...it took me until I met her again after a month of thinking through everything and picking out the lies she told..then when I saw her and listened to her talk, I could tell I didn't love her anymore and she was a different person to whom I fell for. Good luck man!

dudara

OP - I have to give out to you here (gently). There has been great advice here about cutting contact with her and ignoring her jibes, but by sleeping with her, you've undone all your good work. You've effectively reset the clock.

Get out of there, don't talk, text, Facebook, e-mail or ANYTHING

Taltos

dudara wrote: »

OP - I have to give out to you here (gently). There has been great advice here about cutting contact with her and ignoring her jibes, but by sleeping with her, you've undone all your good work. You've effectively reset the clock.

Get out of there, don't talk, text, Facebook, e-mail or ANYTHING

+1
Also now the pregnancy card is pretty much guaranteed here OP.
More than likely (I really hope) it will all be a ruse to feck with you even more - so be prepared for it...

bronte

Yeah Op, you need to be pretty clinical if she comes up with the pregnancy story. Ask to see evidence. Go as far as taking her to the doctor to confirm.
If she backs out, you'll know her game.

Do not go near her again. Seriously!

Taltos

Don't forget the paternity case if it turns out she really is pregnant.
Chances are some one nighter has no interest and good old kicking bag is there to step in with a few lies over who the father is.

LegacyUser

I know I was stupid to sleep with her, just got me at a weak moment! jesus i doubt she will play the pregnancy card? dont think that even she could stoop that low..! but thanks for all the advice, has helped me so much.

steddyeddy

bluewolf wrote: »

I'd put money on it that something happened while she was away and this is just an excuse for her to end it...

you're not wrong, no.

+ 1

This sounds like a frankly cowardly way to end it by making some trivial thing you done into a reason for breaking up. You can do better than people like this op.

steddyeddy

Dumpd1234 wrote: »

I know I was stupid to sleep with her, just got me at a weak moment! jesus i doubt she will play the pregnancy card? dont think that even she could stoop that low..! but thanks for all the advice, has helped me so much.

I have read nothing about her behaviour to suggest she has limits of decency to be honest op. You have but (not giving out here) you need to develop testicular fortitude in dealing with her!

shannon_tek

Clearly shes not the one. better go out and find your next one. and by the time you reach a certain age you will have found the right one. dont ever hang around . once you get the blame walk. tell yourself who was i kidding. i have more fish to try. if thats what love is. im missing out cause i walk, Nothing is my fault when ive given what i have and they dont like it grand no more i can do im not chasing you. your young to love someone. I know i am . love wont exist untill im at least 29. till then im searching . i will stop on my tracks but i wont over stay my welcome

monroebaby

OP I was hurt by a manipulator, badly hurt. The best thing to do is get the hell out of there, completely cut contact, as others have said. It's hard to do but if she has always pulled the break up card before and this is the first time you've really felt fed up with it then you seem to be ready to move on. The hardest part is breaking away from that type of person. They have so many tricks to try and pull you back in, but trust me, they will never ever change. This is not love. Love doesn't suck, love is wonderful. Love is one of the most incredible experiences we can have. Not every girl is like this one, it's girls like this that give the rest of us a bad name. Girls like this make guys bitter and unwilling to open their hearts to someone else for fear of the potential pain. You seem like a decent, kind lad, don't let her change that. Move out, move on, and find a decent girl. Best of luck