Help with girls.

LegacyUser

Hey! I'm 20 years old. Never had a gf, only ever kissed 2 girls who I didn't fancy in clubs when I was out. Don't drink. I wish I could meet girls. I just don't feel attractive. I'm on a social network and get told a bit that I'm goodlooking, but I just never feel it when out. I do try to act confident on the dancefloor and that but girls never keep a gaze with me, they only look to see if I'm hot as like I would to a girl before looking away. I need some tips, conversation starters etc. If a girl is on her own beside the dancefloor or whatever and she's looking at her phone, would it be ok to approach her? Or is she totally not wanting contact? Thanks in advance

IrishEyes19

jjjkkbjk wrote: »

Hey! I'm 20 years old. Never had a gf, only ever kissed 2 girls who I didn't fancy in clubs when I was out. Don't drink. I wish I could meet girls. I just don't feel attractive. I'm on a social network and get told a bit that I'm goodlooking, but I just never feel it when out. I do try to act confident on the dancefloor and that but girls never keep a gaze with me, they only look to see if I'm hot as like I would to a girl before looking away. I need some tips, conversation starters etc. If a girl is on her own beside the dancefloor or whatever and she's looking at her phone, would it be ok to approach her? Or is she totally not wanting contact? Thanks in advance

Maybe drop the "is she hot attitude," and just walk over to someone and say hi, having a good night, always a good conversation starter. And no-one can tell if its ok to approach her, she may be looking at her phone to avoid looking awkward, or else is actually texting someone. So just bite the bullet and attempt it. Theres no magic solution thats going to make you wake up someday and have girls throwing themselves at you, unless your Johnny Depp or something, so just go for it and see how it goes.Rejection is normal, happens to everyone. So just take it on the chin and move on. Your success rate will be higher if you put yourself out there, and for godsake, lose the "if she's hot" thing. Its very unattractive to read that. Personality counts for a lot too. Not saying looks dont, of course they play a huge part in attractiveness. But not every Jessica Alba lookalike is going to be the perfect gf, nor is an average looking girl whatever that means. People vary, so dont limit yourself thats all. best of luck

LegacyUser

original poster here, thanks for the replies, The hot thing, everyone doesn't just like personality from the start, looks get it moving like, as far as I know and understand anyways. tried about 6 times ever going up to a girl and saying "hey how are you? having a good night?" they just shrugged me off, didnt even say anything.

Fentdog84

First of all, a girl will never ''gaze'' at you for very long. However, if she looks at you a couple of times, and there is eye contact between you, its a possible sign that she's interested. Then if you feel its right, move in and start a conversation. The conversation should be about/start by what is happening around you at that moment e.g this place is really busy tonight or do you like this song? , not by whats going on in your head e.g I'm having a mad laugh tonight, im so langers! avoid cheesy chat up lines e.g I think your gorgeous or you must be tired because you've been running around my head all day! Dance floor generally is a waste of time unless you ask her out to dance. If you are getting on well with a girl, learn to isolate her i.e getting her away from her friends or other obstacles. Anyone who wants PM me and I can recommend some good books/websites on the subject.

LegacyUser

The fact that you don't drink is an advantage, as it means you have to develop your social skills vis-a-vis girls minus the dutch courage of alcohol. This will set you apart from the vast majority of Irish people who only ever learn how to approach the opposite sex through the prism of alcohol. It's sad for them, but good for you.

I would say don't get so hung up on girls in nightclubs. If you don't drink and they do, they are likely half drunk by the time you meet them in said club - how can you have a natural interaction with them so? If they're under the influence, you can't really.

Instead, practice striking up conversations with girls at bus stops, in parks, in shops, on the street, with female friends of friends, etc. You know, the types of places where people tend to gather MOST of the time. This gives you more opportunities (obviously people/girls only spend a small fraction of their time in nightclubs).

Engage in a bit of banter with them - slag them a little, but only a little. Poke fun at them in a good-humoured way, but don't be an ass. Don't be too complimentary. Just practice this in your daily life in normal situations. Stay away from nightclubs - seriously, a great many Irish people can only flirt when they'v a few drinks in them. It's unnatural and pathetic. You're not one of them, so don't try to be like them

lordgoat

You gotta lose the fear. Be prepared for them to ignore or be cutting to you, once you get in in your head that no matter the outcome of the interaction it doesn't change who you are, you are better for it.

Also approach the girl with the idea of having a conversation not wearing the face off her - not suggesting that was your sole intent. I find alot of Irish girls (sorry ladies) defensive to the extreme as they think this is the situation.

Also you need the experience of getting completely shot down to learn to laugh at it and make you stronger.

Go get em.

LegacyUser

Nope I wouldn't want to just wear the face off her :L I'd just like to meet some new females like, make new friends etc, as well as ya know..."wearing the face off her" :L

ClimberC

You could try to find people that have like minded interests (girls included) by joining a club or society.

I find it hard to talk to people in pubs or clubs but when I'm out climbing it comes naturally to talk about the sport and this leads to more serious conversations. I have met many friends this way and even met my girlfriend of 5 years like this. You shouldn't worry about looks, it will only lead you to stress.

Sorry if i misinterpreted your plight but that's my two cents. Best of luck!

almostover

Right I was once like you....shy, introverted and uncomfortable around women...however I decided things were going to change when I went to college and they did....I've been with plenty of women and now even have a beautiful girlfriend. Basically first and foremost, no woman....and I mean no woman will take the slightest bit of interest in you if have no confidence in yourself. So step 1 is to learn to like yourself.....cliched as it may sound. And by this I dont mean become a cocky, arrogant jerk...basically just dont give a toss what others might think or say about you....become comfortable in your own skin....women are attracted to confident, assured men. Step 2. Develop a sense of humour....laughter is the quickest way to a womans heart/pants...basically just be yourself...tell jokes...laugh with women and just try to be charming in general. Step 3. The single most important thing of all........ just dont give a toss....simple really....view rejection as an opportunity to move on.....nothing drives women away like desperation.....just be self assured and confident and for once let the women chase you....if you let women think that they cant have you then they will want you all the more!
So in summary be self confident, humourous, charming, chivalrous, and dont take yourself too seriously.... a few small changes to your outlook will go a long way.... and like I say dont be worried....trust me, there are many more men in the same situation as you.....I am friends with some and I was this way once myself....just follow these simple steps and I'm condfident your success with the ladies will increase.....good luck!

Wompa1

A lot of people will disagree with me on this I'm sure. Girls only started being interested in me for the last 5 years. so since I was 21...before that I was like yourself, girls telling me I was attractive but rarely getting girls.

What I think changed was the girls themselves and it's a little unfortunate but most girls will either go for looks or a perceived reputation when younger..so the typical lad or 'bad boy'...after a few of them they are ready to look at the nice guy that will treat them right which is when you will get more attention. Then there'll be some you get with that end up going back for the drama brought on by being with an A-Hole but I digress.

I use the same kind of tactics for any girl when I start talking to them. Other than the usual where are you from? college or work etc. Talk about neutral topics...tv shows, music...usually based on the answers on this I generalize if she's into the more girly shows and pop music then it's a tough read but I'd say if you've travelled talk about that, kind of nearly brag a little to make your confidence seem even more blunt. I would nearly say seem indifferent to them and they'll be yours.

If she's into more alternative stuff I assume more intelligence and try to talk about current affairs and the like. Either way conversations should be organic. If she say's she's from Dublin then ya know ask her about a certain pub or whatever in Dublin etc. etc. Don't be nervous...if you can hold a conversation with a guy you can converse with women..they aren't ALL that different.

It's also a pretty popular concept but one that I've noticed works pretty recently and I don't mean it in the way that you should play games...but don't seem overly interested. By all means do text right away, don't wait a few days or whatever but don't get too hot and heavy too quick. Women don't react well to needy guys. All of this is just from my own personal experience...don't rush into sex either by the way..if you wait it will be better once you get it and it's better with someone you at least respect and like.

Good luck!