Excuses to avoid a night out

Dangerdunf

I am susposed to go out for a colleagues birthday this weekend. Basically I don't want to go to it. I need a good excuse to get out of it. What are the best excuses have you used or heard to get out of nights out?

chin_grin

"I don't want to go." Man up. :pac:

YFlyer

No mon no fun

Hookah

Tell them you expect to ascend to heaven in this weekends Rapture, and cannot attend.

Captain_Generic

Just tell them on the night you have an explosive case of the scutters. They won't interrogate you for details

eco2live

Say you are going right up until the night. Encourage everyone else to go. Tell the person you cant wait.

Then txt them and tell them you have the sh1tes

Duggy747

• "I've got other / better shìt to be doing!"
  
  
• Kill yourself
  
  
• Kill your colleague
  
  
• Go to the party with a bag of KP peanuts. Try and look ill, when nobody is looking put a load of peanuts in your mouth and chew (don't swallow), take a few sips of water (Again, don't swallow the water). Now, walk up in full view of everyone and prepare to empty your mouth as if you're vomiting. Extra points if you get some on another's head.
  
  The sight of a moist, lumpy and yellow mess should disgust everyone and give you an ample excuse to leave
  
  You are now free to go home and **** the night away

jme2010

Tell 'em your granny died.

That worked for everybody in school. One lad had several granny's die...several times.

marzic

injury.

1. take a hammer in one hand
2. place other hand on a solid surface in front of you
3. close your eyes and begin striking the hammer with force on same surface trying not to hit other hand
4. continue until you hit other hand
5. inform colleague of unfortinuate injury, and subsequent forced absence from said party
6. success:D

kfallon

eco2live wrote: »

Say you are going right up until the night. Encourage everyone else to go. Tell the person you cant wait.

Then txt them and tell them you have the sh1tes

Are you me?? :eek:
That is the only excuse that works!

fonecrusher1

Say you have bum disease.

Fukuyama

Hmmm... kinda wish I had of done the same last night. Ended up being a boring night in a crap place. Would have saved a lot of money too.

Anyways, best to come up with something slightly original and believable. Being ill is the most obvious. It's a good one but it can come back and sting you if you're seen out and about.

Maybe invent a personal matter - family issue or something? People won't question it too much. Best to be vague. That way you don't have to remember a story and it's also more believable as people don't generally go into detail about their personal lives with colleagues.

OutlawPete

Tell them you bought a new outfit especially for the event and just seen on the news that the Queen is wearing the very same thing and so you're staying in.

phill106

You are on antibiotics for an std, so cannot drink...


or man the feck up and say your mom won't let you out

Hazys

Rapture is tomorrow, tell them you gotta zombie-proof your gaff tonight, so you're busy.

Dangerous Man

I don't want to go out. I just bought a litre of gin in a plastic bottle and I intend to sit in the dark drinking it by myself with Call of Duty Black Ops. Leave me alone.

jme2010

Duggy747 wrote: »

Go to the party...put a load of ....nuts in your mouth (don't swallow), take ......don't swallow.....prepare to empty your mouth .....Extra points if you get some on another's head.


The sight of a moist, lumpy.....


You are now free to go home and **** the night away

YOU FUUCKIN TEASE YA!

cosmicfart

I am gonna stay at home and get wánkered instead

Flincher

Dentist.

Duggy747

jme2010 wrote: »

YOU FUUCKIN TEASE YA!

Doirty mind on ya :pac:

Zombienosh

"Dear so and so,
I'd love to have been able to attend your birthday celebrations, really, I would have. I remember when you mentioned your birthday briefly and then later decided to become formal and carefully send invitations around the office, ensuring everyone got one, except crazy Roy, I can understand not inviting Roy, he's a bit of a d1ck and I'm sure he's stealing staplers from work.

Anyway, It was really nice to get an invitation, really made me feel like you view me as a friend. I imagined how much we'd drink and the craic we'd have, we'd stay out all night, maybe hit a club?! It's your birthday afterall, if you can't get crazy then, when can you?. Yes, I thought about how much fun it could be but then I remembered how much I hate you, I really really hate you so I'm not going.
p.s I hope you choke on your cake."

jme2010

Duggy747 wrote: »

Doirty mind on ya :pac:

Dont think you can talk, when you got a micky for a location

Seachmall

Tell them you have a court appearance, and assure them that you are innocent and never touched the boy.

They'll never invite you out again.

super_furry

Your herpes is flaring up. No-one would dare question it.

The King of Moo

You've always been upset about birthdays after Zag laughed at your name when you had it called out on the birthday roller on The Den, and he should know that the heartless bas***d!!

Then run crying to the corner and sit rocking on the ground with your hands around your knees, muttering "Zag's Rasta hat" over and over.

In fact, just skip the whole first paragraph. The second should suffice to make sure no colleagues ever ask you out for a birthday again!

Alter-Ego

Tell your colleague you're busy cutting the dingleberries out of your hole and it could be an all night job.

MonkeyTennis

tell them you've literally run out of craic

spider guardian

tell them you have to ride around in your van and solve mysteries n' stuff

ArtyM

Rewrite your entire original post in your phone and 'accidentally' text it to your friend.
Result=uninvited.

Saila

"sorry Im washing the tea stains out of all my mugs.."

smokedeels

diarrhea

Tell him you hate him and plan on murdering him in the near future.

efb

Ask him should you bring the lube or has he enough for everyone

Jonah42

I have court in the morning.

sweet girl

Your too upset after the Queen left Ireland, there is no way you could face a night out. Your going to stay in and make a collage of pictures from her visit in Ireland.


Well thats what im doing this weekend anyway:D

kelle

Tell them you've been roped in to mind a fellow Boardsie's children - then get over to my house immediately and mind my little horrors darlings so I can visit a health farm for the weekend!

OTOH, you might prefer to go to this party....

Oh_Noes

YFlyer wrote: »

No mon no fun

"Sure I'll buy ya a pint, come on, ya will..."

Agricola

Tell him you have womens problems. If you're a man, just admit you're a tranny.

holystungun9

Saila wrote: »

"sorry Im washing the tea stains out of all my mugs.."

or, "Sorry I'm washing the tea shtains out of me knickers".

Equally you can explain that it is set to be a hectic night on Boards and the community needs your advice on several issues.

They have to understand that!

seafood dunleavy

jme2010 wrote: »

Tell 'em your granny died.

That worked for everybody in school. One lad had several granny's die...several times.

You were in Stephen Ireland's class?

RachaelVO

Just text at about 10 and say you were watching the match and were celebrating/drowning your sorrows (lets hope it's celebrating) and that you're already pissed!

Problem solved!

Either that or just say you can't be fcuking bothered going cos you see enough of your work mates during the week and your weekend is your own fcuking time!

Again problem solved!

yaaaboy

this works every time for me: start by telling everyone how much you're looking forward to it saying things like "this is gonna be great" "havent had a night out in ages" "im really looking forward to this" "im due a night out" etc etc...to make it more believeable pretend to be on the phone or get a text and say "babysitter sorted" or " excellent i just cancelled pints with my cousin so i can go to the party tomorrow, brilliant!"

then...just dont show up! turn off you're phone or dont aswer it! the next day at work if anyone bothers to ask you reply with "something came up, long story -you dont wanna know.." or " personal, family stuff - i dont wanna talk about it" and pretend to get uncomfortable and nobody will push you.. or get someonr to do the lying for you by telling one friend you were bowed down with an awful dose of depression but not to tell anyone - so if anyone is asking uestions you're friend will say leave him alone its alright...

people at work still think my dad had an operation, little brother got menningitis, sister was in a car crash and other worse things i wont even mention - if you make it really bad nobody is gonna question you or think you're creepy enough to make up a particularly bad one!

Pauleta

I have a public stance of not attending Birthdays. Its like the way the Queen doesnt do interviews or autographs. I dont understand why other people should be excited and spend money for somebody elses birthday

Just say you are on anti-biotics or you have the ****s (saying its like im pissing out of my arse, usually works) Just remember the next time it is your birthday to publically state that you didnt ask people to go out for you so the favour should be returned.

mfceiling

Tell them you have an erection that won't go down........you've fapped til your arm has nearly fallen off but it's still there mocking you.