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Unrealistic expectations?

  • 17-05-2011 8:41am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Been posting here recently about how my life just seems to be drifting along but theres one aspect in particular that I've been thinking about.

    I'm wondering if my expectations for relationships are realistic. I think I've only ever loved one girl and that was about 12 years ago. We never got together in the end and it took a while but I'm long since over it. After that though I didn't have much luck with women. I briefly saw a girl for about a month, then not even so much as a kiss for about 9 years.

    Met another girl I ended up really liking from an Internet site but she ended up doing my head in. I got quite hurt by her but even when we spent time together, I was occasionally glad to get away from her. Not sure why, although that was usually only temporary, but I'm guessing that shouldn't happen at all?

    Got hurt by her but eventually met a few other girls from dating sites but they've not developed into anything serious, even though I was open to that. The last few times I've ended up feeling a bit "meh" and I dont know why. I sort of keep wondering am I not meeting the right women or am I just living in cloud cuckoo land thinking I'll meet some girl and fall head over heels for her. Does that even happen?

    The only two times I've really been mad into girls have been after long periods of no interest whatsoever. So I'm wondering was the reason I was so into the girl who hurt me because I hadn't even been noticed by women for years before then?

    Why am I not feeling the same excitement with any women I meet these days? You know where you keep checking your phone or email hoping she's got in touch.

    Am I being unrealistic expecting that feeling with anyone? I just feel like nothing happens much on that front and I wonder if there is something wrong with me?


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Goingur wrote: »
    Been posting here recently about how my life just seems to be drifting along but theres one aspect in particular that I've been thinking about.

    I'm wondering if my expectations for relationships are realistic. I think I've only ever loved one girl and that was about 12 years ago. We never got together in the end and it took a while but I'm long since over it. After that though I didn't have much luck with women. I briefly saw a girl for about a month, then not even so much as a kiss for about 9 years.

    Met another girl I ended up really liking from an Internet site but she ended up doing my head in. I got quite hurt by her but even when we spent time together, I was occasionally glad to get away from her. Not sure why, although that was usually only temporary, but I'm guessing that shouldn't happen at all?

    Got hurt by her but eventually met a few other girls from dating sites but they've not developed into anything serious, even though I was open to that. The last few times I've ended up feeling a bit "meh" and I dont know why. I sort of keep wondering am I not meeting the right women or am I just living in cloud cuckoo land thinking I'll meet some girl and fall head over heels for her. Does that even happen?

    The only two times I've really been mad into girls have been after long periods of no interest whatsoever. So I'm wondering was the reason I was so into the girl who hurt me because I hadn't even been noticed by women for years before then?

    Why am I not feeling the same excitement with any women I meet these days? You know where you keep checking your phone or email hoping she's got in touch.

    Am I being unrealistic expecting that feeling with anyone? I just feel like nothing happens much on that front and I wonder if there is something wrong with me?

    I think maybe you are expecting too much from a relationship. Hows the rest of your life? Are you doing things that you're interested in? If you like to play football are you doing that or maybe you're interested in photography, are you pursuing that in some way. From experience I've seen people bounce from relationship to relationship hoping to find this one magical person who'll make them feel that excitement you described. Putting their hopes for happiness in the hands of someone other than themselves. But its nonsense that exists in romance novels and hollywood movies. Happiness is and fullfillment is achieved internally, having a relationship with someone is a bonus on top of that.


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