What To Do Next?

Placebofan

I hope this isn't that long-winded but I dont know where else to share these experiences and their consequences. I haven't come out to friends or family but Im pretty positive Im at least bisexual.

I've had a few incidents, nothing serious but stuff like being fondled and having my face planted against another guys crotch (with pants on) and I enjoyed it and I was always interested in guys in my school but never did anything about it cos I knew they were straight and I didn't want anyone to know what I am.

I've had a few girlfriends but again nothing serious, the furthest anything ever went was a dry hump with one of them and it might have been the single most awkward dry hump since the practise began.

Anyway any time I have a "wet dream" its usually over a guy, its only been over a girl a couple of times. In my head, when I imagine what I will say when I come out, saying Im bisexual just sounds better than saying Im gay, to my mother and gramdmother at least it will leave them with some little hope that I can live up to their expectations but I just dont know if I really am bi or not and anytime I actually think about telling them I just feel completely numb inside, its the worst feeling in the world, I dont know what I want. I know I like men but I dont like the idea of being gay and the stigma that seems to be attached to it with the common person, in my head its such a mess, I just wish things were different.

LegacyUser

You shouldn't wish anything to be different, you are who you are, and you feel what you feel.

Tell someone you're really close to what you feel and don't be ashamed.

Seeing as you've had a few GF's (though from your post it doesn't seem you have a huge interest in women?) but haven't delved into having sex with them I'd imagine you should come out as bi to whoever you have confidence in and then explore what you want with a girl or guy you find attractive to find out what really takes your fancy.

My advice probably won't be the best at the moment. I literally told my two best friends I was bi two weeks ago and it was after quite a few drinks. I feel much better for it though, they probably guessed though seeing as I'm always dragging them to LGBT nights 'cause the 'music is better than other nightclubs' :P

diddlybit

Hey Placebofan.

Have you given any thought to going to the BelongTo group in Waterford? People on here can give you advice but, it would be great if you could meet people of your own age face to face and talk about these things. You might feel really alone now but, there are so many other people that have found themselves in situations like yours and have felt exactly like you feel now.

In regards to the rest of your post, my advice would be not to fret about labelling yourself as gay or bi or straight and just to focus on how you feel. Labels can be pretty restrictive and it can take so long to figure out one's sexuality that there's no point in setting anything in stone for you. If read back on some of the threads here you'll see people taht knew they were gay from an early age and some that only discovered it in the thirties. Everbody comes to it in their own time.

There's no rush in coming out to your family either, people generally know when is the right time, but in my opinion, it's better to be sure of yourself and who you are sexually attracted to. Try not to fret about their reaction, often family can surprise you, and often we buold it up much more in our heads. They may have expectations, but I'm guessing, that their expectations of you is to live your to your fullest and most honest capabilites and that you are happy. Being true to yourself, whether that means you are gay/straight/bi, will make you happy and it is the most that anyone can wish for someone they love.

Try not to fret too much or rush into anything. Make friends and have some experiences and all this will come to you. If there is someone you trust and can confide in about the fact that you're confused, that's great, otherwise go to the youth griup. I've heard great reports about them.

Take care OP

PS. Best. Username. Ever.

Placebofan

Thanks Diddlybit and ye I have given serious thought to joining BelongTo in Waterford and Im sure I will eventually because I really think it would be a huge help to find out how people my age have dealt with similar situations that I have and just to generally feel like part of a community because atm I just feel alone.

Its been like a icking timebomb and just reading through the threads on this board and how other people came out and how they were able to live their lives and got a big weight off their shoulders has made me want to do it all the more, I know I will have to do it at some point, Im hoping that I can muster up the courage that other posters have to do it.

Thanks, Placebo are an awesome band and someone like Brian Molko, who is openly bisexual, really is a bit of an inspiration for me or even someone like Neil Patrick Harris who is openly gay and leading a happy life with a long term partner with kids, its good to have thsoe kind of role models in the world.

diddlybit

Placebofan wrote: »

Thanks, Placebo are an awesome band and someone like Brian Molko, who is openly bisexual, really is a bit of an inspiration for me or even someone like Neil Patrick Harris who is openly gay and leading a happy life with a long term partner with kids, its good to have thsoe kind of role models in the world.

They are both awesome and there are planty of really good role models out there, in the real world and in the celebrity world.

Placebo I've seen them so many times. First time was just before they released "Without You I'm Nothing". :cool:<

---

(Because I am that old. I was cool once too. )