Another Major Angst Post!!

bicarlowguy

Hey, sorry for this, but this is gonna be one of THOSE posts.

I am currently at uni in scotland, but cant wait to finish and come home!!

Over here I met a guy that I REALLY liked, but because he was seeing someone, no go, pretty obvious to anyone lol.

He has been in and out of hospital with pancreatitis and gall bladder issues, and before xmas got kicked out of his flat, and moved into boyfriends.

Over xmas, he split with the boyfriend, was in bits, and stupid me, I put my feelings to one side to try and help him as a friend.

He went off the rails, posting everything he had done on facebook, one night he asked me to go out with him, he started eating the face off a stranger and ignoring me when I tried to get him back to the group, again a facebook the next day. Then he asked me out second night running, left me waiting for over an hour on my own at which point i went home in tears!

It was at this stage I began to realise I more than liked him.

He was confronted by people who saw what was happening, and he did a huge internet apology, but never has he said to me "I am sorry for what I did"

We managed to stay friends, I helped him move to a new place, lugging stuff over from his exes, helping out with stuff and so on. I also helped him get a job in Sainsburys, which he has now quit after not even a month.

He has confided numerous issues and problems he has had in his life, the least serious of which is anorexia...

He wound up leaving his flat again, because of the landlord being a complete prick, and was homeless, I let him sleep in my bed while I took the floor, he was obsessing over a musical he was writing at the time and would stay up till 4 or 5 in the morning working on it, this obviously culminated in me getting totally frustrated and a big row, again, it was a facebook "what I said was unforgivable" from him afterwards, but no "I am sorry" to my face.

I have since lent him money, not a lot, but enough to leave me needing to borrow money until I get paid on friday.

Things came to a head last friday (13th ironically) when I bumped into his new boyfriend, for the first time actually, in the pub after work, I chatted for a while and we went to meet my guy, mr x, on the main street in aberdeen. At this stage he got really got in my face and "Im gonna have f*(^ing words with you, talking about me behind my f*(^ng back!" in middle of street, in front of new bf.

At the same time, he was meant to be meeting another friend he is moving into a flat with earlier that day, he never showed up to pay deposit, and when they nabbed him in halls, they had a big row.

I am left feeling hugely angry at him, he is messing my friend Ker around with flat, he used the flat deposit as an excuse to only pay me back a tiny amount of the money he owes me, and then doesnt pay it and abuses ker when she tries to talk to him about it.

And after that, he publicly humiliates me and leaves me in a state in the middle of one of the busiest streets in aberdeen at midnight in front of several pubs...

I LOVE him so so much, and he is self destructing, and I dont know what to do....

:(

bitter_lemon

he might be unwell. he could need some other form of help.

Beruthiel

bicarlowguy wrote: »

I LOVE him so so much, and he is self destructing, and I dont know what to do....

Urge him to go talk to a professional, sounds like he needs help.

bicarlowguy

I want him to go see someone, but I am still so upset and angry about it, havent really spoken to him since he had a go at me in the middle of the street friday night

TylerIE

bicarlowguy wrote: »

Hey, sorry for this, but this is gonna be one of THOSE posts.

I am currently at uni in scotland, but cant wait to finish and come home!!

Over here I met a guy that I REALLY liked, but because he was seeing someone, no go, pretty obvious to anyone lol.

He has been in and out of hospital with pancreatitis and gall bladder issues, and before xmas got kicked out of his flat, and moved into boyfriends.

Over xmas, he split with the boyfriend, was in bits, and stupid me, I put my feelings to one side to try and help him as a friend.

He went off the rails, posting everything he had done on facebook, one night he asked me to go out with him, he started eating the face off a stranger and ignoring me when I tried to get him back to the group, again a facebook the next day. Then he asked me out second night running, left me waiting for over an hour on my own at which point i went home in tears!

It was at this stage I began to realise I more than liked him.

He was confronted by people who saw what was happening, and he did a huge internet apology, but never has he said to me "I am sorry for what I did"

We managed to stay friends, I helped him move to a new place, lugging stuff over from his exes, helping out with stuff and so on. I also helped him get a job in Sainsburys, which he has now quit after not even a month.

He has confided numerous issues and problems he has had in his life, the least serious of which is anorexia...

He wound up leaving his flat again, because of the landlord being a complete prick, and was homeless, I let him sleep in my bed while I took the floor, he was obsessing over a musical he was writing at the time and would stay up till 4 or 5 in the morning working on it, this obviously culminated in me getting totally frustrated and a big row, again, it was a facebook "what I said was unforgivable" from him afterwards, but no "I am sorry" to my face.

I have since lent him money, not a lot, but enough to leave me needing to borrow money until I get paid on friday.

Things came to a head last friday (13th ironically) when I bumped into his new boyfriend, for the first time actually, in the pub after work, I chatted for a while and we went to meet my guy, mr x, on the main street in aberdeen. At this stage he got really got in my face and "Im gonna have f*(^ing words with you, talking about me behind my f*(^ng back!" in middle of street, in front of new bf.

At the same time, he was meant to be meeting another friend he is moving into a flat with earlier that day, he never showed up to pay deposit, and when they nabbed him in halls, they had a big row.

I am left feeling hugely angry at him, he is messing my friend Ker around with flat, he used the flat deposit as an excuse to only pay me back a tiny amount of the money he owes me, and then doesnt pay it and abuses ker when she tries to talk to him about it.

And after that, he publicly humiliates me and leaves me in a state in the middle of one of the busiest streets in aberdeen at midnight in front of several pubs...

I LOVE him so so much, and he is self destructing, and I dont know what to do....

:(

It sounds like he is really causing you serious concern.
Id respectfully suggest that you yourself go talk to someone in order to help you get over him.

If hes that volatile there is little you can do for him, and anything you do is likely to be thrown back in your face.

He sounds like he has no respect for anyone, and yes that may be down to underlying health and mental health issues, but until he goes to get help then you really cant do anything. Furthermore for as long as you keep picking up the pieces, he can avoid taking responsibility for his own life. Indeed you may be doing him a dis-service by molly-coddling him - he gets to abdicate all responsibility, and if he ever is on his own in the future he wont have the ability to handle it.

Trust me, Iv been there. I had a very similar situation ongoing, which over the course of two years got to the the point where the other party was expecting me to pick up the pieces after all his mistakes, deal with their issues, accept repeated false apologies while they were simultaneously treating me like sh1t.

IT may be worth an email to him stating that you value him as a friend but that you feel he needs help, and that for your own protection you need some space. You may benefit from these links (or Highland), and may want to examine including a phone number or email of them in your email to him.

Like I said, at the beginning, I think the most important thing is to get some assistance for yourself, in order to help make sure you have the strength and tools to say "No" to him, so that you can move on and find someone more deserving of your kind nature.

TylerIE

bicarlowguy wrote: »

I want him to go see someone, but I am still so upset and angry about it, havent really spoken to him since he had a go at me in the middle of the street friday night

Which really makes me feel my point above is important. The first way you can help him is to help yourself.... And helping him may mean leaving him to his own devices, hard as it is.

bicarlowguy

well i havent really talked to him since, he messaged me on facebook to say we needed to chat, texted me, and tried to ask me when i was free to chat, i said i had stuff to work through, job in supermarket and study to look at and i didnt know