Pseudo boyfriend?

nyarlthotepful

Have any of you ever encountered the awful problem of the pseudo boyfriend? I'd love to hear your stories about it. I'm having a bit of an issue with this at the moment and I'd like to hear how it has played out in other peoples' lives.

Could you clarify please, what is a pseudo boyfriend

--LOS--

someone pretending to have a bf?

ArtSmart

or a bf who is a pseudo...

nyarlthotepful

Sorry for not being clearer. I would define a pseudo boyfriend as someone who you spend a lot of time with (the amount of time that most people spend with their significant others). You go on what are for all intents and purposes; dates and you're the first person he calls and he's the first person you call if either of you wants to do something. You have deep meaningful conversations with each other and you just generally like each other a lot. Now for me, a pseudo boyfriend isn't someone you necessarily have romantic relations with. It can be with or without. I hope that kind of clears it up for you.

ArtSmart

nyarlthotepful wrote: »

Sorry for not being clearer. I would define a pseudo boyfriend as someone who you spend a lot of time with (the amount of time that most people spend with their significant others). You go on what are for all intents and purposes; dates and you're the first person he calls and he's the first person you call if either of you wants to do something. You have deep meaningful conversations with each other and you just generally like each other a lot. Now for me, a pseudo boyfriend isn't someone you necessarily have romantic relations with. It can be with or without. I hope that kind of clears it up for you.

LOL are you havin a laff???

seanybiker

I'm one of them so. Getting on great with one of the girls. We ringing each other all the time. I have a few things in my life I want to sort out before I even think of going with someone. She knows this but sometimes just ignores me and tells me she is my girlfriend lol

MagicMarker

nyarlthotepful wrote: »

Sorry for not being clearer. I would define a pseudo boyfriend as someone who you spend a lot of time with (the amount of time that most people spend with their significant others). You go on what are for all intents and purposes; dates and you're the first person he calls and he's the first person you call if either of you wants to do something. You have deep meaningful conversations with each other and you just generally like each other a lot. Now for me, a pseudo boyfriend isn't someone you necessarily have romantic relations with. It can be with or without. I hope that kind of clears it up for you.

Err, sounds like you have a friend.

nyarlthotepful

ArtSmart wrote: »

LOL are you havin a laff???

Pseudo as in fake and boyfriend as in boyfriend. Someone who you're practically having a relationship with but not.

ArtSmart

nyarlthotepful wrote: »

Pseudo as in fake and boyfriend as in boyfriend. Someone who you're practically having a relationship with but not.

ah. a friend. who one wishes was more.

not something i can identify with. thankfully.

ArtSmart

nyarlthotepful wrote: »

Sorry for not being clearer. I would define a pseudo boyfriend as someone who you spend a lot of time with (the amount of time that most people spend with their significant others). You go on what are for all intents and purposes; dates and you're the first person he calls and he's the first person you call if either of you wants to do something. You have deep meaningful conversations with each other and you just generally like each other a lot. Now for me, a pseudo boyfriend isn't someone you necessarily have romantic relations with. It can be with or without. I hope that kind of clears it up for you.

this bit confusing though. without = friend / with = desired lover who isnt

PseudoFamous

ArtSmart wrote: »

or a bf who is a pseudo...

I saw this thread on the front page and felt obliged to post. In relation to the thread, I suppose your definition of "Pseudo Boyfriend" honestly seems more like a good friend, than a boyfriend due to the "With or without romantic relations" part. Still, it's good for everyone to have both male and female friends they can have meaningful conversations with, so it's perfectly normal.

nyarlthotepful

MagicMarker wrote: »

Err, sounds like you have a friend.

If it is friendship, why do we do everything together, give each other presents and are closer than what I would call normal friendship. I'm rather confused. Maybe it is just really good friendship.

rainbow kirby

Moved from tLL to RI.

Dublinstiofán

I'm one too. I've a friend who has similar tastes in music to mine and we go to a lot of stuff together. Never (really) been romantically involved though beyond a drunken snog every once in a while.

nyarlthotepful wrote: »

If it is friendship, why do we do everything together, give each other presents and are closer than what I would call normal friendship. I'm rather confused. Maybe it is just really good friendship.

What i'm wondering is did you all of a sudden decide you don't want him as a 'friend' anymore or what brought this on?

--LOS--

cant say Ive ever had that, an old friend of mine did however see this guy for ages, they were definitely a couple in everyone elses eyes yet they took so long to make it 'official', I could not get my head around it. Why do you have an issue with this as you put it or why is this person not your bf?

nyarlthotepful

--LOS-- wrote: »

cant say Ive ever had that, an old friend of mine did however see this guy for ages, they were definitely a couple in everyone elses eyes yet they took so long to make it 'official', I could not get my head around it. Why do you have an issue with this as you put it or why is this person not your bf?

My issue is that I'm suffering from a case of unrequited love so to speak. This guy and I are such good friends that we do everything together and tell each other everything. But I told him that I was interested in him and he told me that he was still hung up on my friend from last year. We had a big long chat about it and nothing has changed between us. We're closer if anything and it's driving me a bit mad. He's one of my best friends and I don't know if I should take a step back from our close friendship.

ArtSmart

If someone declared their love for you, but you weren't interested, what would you do? how would you feel?

any romantic element is most likely already over.

as you're living on unilateral hope, and hope it is, I'd would suggest you distance yourself.

unless you wanna be hurt bad.

nyarlthotepful

ArtSmart wrote: »

If someone declared their love for you, but you weren't interested, what would you do? how would you feel?

any romantic element is most likely already over.

as you're living on unilateral hope, and hope it is, I'd would suggest you distance yourself.

unless you wanna be hurt bad.

I'd be frightened and want to run away if someone did that. I don't understand why he didn't.

That's a good point. And I wish I could. Again as I said, he's one of few and truly treasured close friends. I want to be his friend even if it hurts me slightly. Is there any way of dealing with this without withdrawing myself from our friendship? Will it go away on its own? I wish it would.

--LOS--

nyarlthotepful wrote: »

My issue is that I'm suffering from a case of unrequited love so to speak. This guy and I are such good friends that we do everything together and tell each other everything. But I told him that I was interested in him and he told me that he was still hung up on my friend from last year. We had a big long chat about it and nothing has changed between us. We're closer if anything and it's driving me a bit mad. He's one of my best friends and I don't know if I should take a step back from our close friendship.

Can it really be called 'unrequited love' if there has been nothing romantic between you and this guy. You may feel like that now but in reality you couldnt or wouldnt be in a relationship with or love someone that didnt want to be in a relationship with you/didnt love you. My point is what you are holding onto now is a fantasy, he has made it clear he does not reciprocate your feelings so you have to let that go. Ofc things could change in the future but there's no point living in hope. I would think it is quite hard for anyone to give you advise as to what you should do. I would say you'll know yourself, if it is hurting you too much, distance yourself.

razzler

Hi OP
Definitely distance yourself. Could be that (and I've known some people like this) even though he doesn't want someone (you) he still wants them to want him, it flatters him. When you told him how you felt he left you hanging, he didn't say no outright, but by saying he's still hung up on your friend he's insinuating that if/when he's over her then you're in with a chance. That's messing with your feelings. And what happens if he becomes interested in someone else? That could tear you apart and nearly drive you insane thinking about them (been there).
If he gets a new girlfriend your friendship won't be as close anyway since he'll be spending a lot of time with her. I think you have to think of yourself here, pull away a bit before you get hurt.

Miss Fluff

nyarlthotepful wrote: »

But I told him that I was interested in him and he told me that he was still hung up on my friend from last year. We had a big long chat about it and nothing has changed between us. We're closer if anything and it's driving me a bit mad.

I think he has been very honest with you don't you? And don't you think that your title is a little self-delusional when he has made it clear that he is not or does not want to be your boyfriend?

Fancying someone when it is not reciprocated is a tough one but I wouldn't be devoting all my time to him in the vain hope that things will change when he has been honest and told you he has feelings for your friend. You say you want to be his friend even if it hurts you but surely that friendship will be based on the hope that something more will materialise?

I'd say distance yourself a little for now.