Old friend now heroin addict

EibhlinA

Hi there,
I'm looking to see if anyone out there can give me some advice. A girl I used to be very good friends with is now a heroin addict.we did our leaving cert together and went to the same college. I haven't seen her in a couple of years as we sort of lost contact when I moved to Dublin, but one night when I was back home in limerick I met her mum in a bar and she said she was very worried about her that she is going out with a guy who is bad news. She had also been admitted twice into hopital for having seasures. I got her number and tried to make contact, I rang her and arranged to call out to the house she was living in with this guy and when the day came she would not answer the phone. I had sort of given up on her until I was told by another friend who had seen her said her boyfriend was a heroin dealer and they never come out of the house and that she is now really scrawney and has all burnt hands. She knew the signs of a heroin addict as a cousin of hers had gone through addiction.
My biggest fear is that she might die and I did nothing to try and help her. What can I or even should I do??
My friend is a good person, she was training to be nurse and had some tough times growing up. I think she may have been the type who could be easily led astray

dlofnep

Go to the Gardaí and get them to watch the boyfriend for dealing or buying heroin. If you can cut him out of her life, it will be a start.

tallaghtmick

stay away from her,if she wont listen to her mother she wont listen to a friend from a long time ago,shes more than likely hypnotised by this scumbags bad boy image.

Sykk

Taddle on her. Seriously, tell her parents/siblings.. If her mum can't do anything about it contact the garda and tip em off. She'll hate you for it, but it's so worth it if they manage to get her off of it.

MarkR

Don't know anything about it myself, but a quick search brings back

DRUG/ALCOHOL COUNSELLING & INFO

Clare 065 6865852

Limerick 061 318633

http://www.hse-ncs.ie/en/AboutourServices/SupportGroupInformation/Text_12054_en.html

dave1982

Sadly theres not much you can do,unless she wants you to.Keep in contact with her if you can

Zebra3

EibhlinA wrote: »

Hi there,
I'm looking to see if anyone out there can give me some advice. A girl I used to be very good friends with is now a heroin addict.we did our leaving cert together and went to the same college. I haven't seen her in a couple of years as we sort of lost contact when I moved to Dublin, but one night when I was back home in limerick I met her mum in a bar and she said she was very worried about her that she is going out with a guy who is bad news. She had also been admitted twice into hopital for having seasures. I got her number and tried to make contact, I rang her and arranged to call out to the house she was living in with this guy and when the day came she would not answer the phone. I had sort of given up on her until I was told by another friend who had seen her said her boyfriend was a heroin dealer and they never come out of the house and that she is now really scrawney and has all burnt hands. She knew the signs of a heroin addict as a cousin of hers had gone through addiction.
My biggest fear is that she might die and I did nothing to try and help her. What can I or even should I do??
My friend is a good person, she was training to be nurse and had some tough times growing up. I think she may have been the type who could be easily led astray

I'm not sure how much you yourself can actually help her.

Good to see you care, but this may be best left to her family and professionals.

Sorry to hear about her btw.

_feedback_

You didn't say that the mother knew she was involved with the heroin, just that she was worried about her and who she was with. Maybe you should let her know the rest of the stuff you are fairly sure about.

It's a sad situation, but its not your responsibility to sort out. Do what you can but don't get too worried about sorting it out yourself.

If her family realise the seriousness of it all, they can get together and sort something out.

dlofnep

Mothers know everything. They are like the FBI. I'm sure her mother knows. OP, go to the Gardaí and have an informal chat with them. Explain the situation, tell them that you are worried about her and ask if they could possibly keep an eye on the boyfriend for buying or dealing heroin.

Im Only 71Kg

Dont get involved. it's not your concern. it's in your interest to steer clear.

Thatnastyboy

AH answer : junkies < people

Real answer: fair play for caring, but i personally had a friend or two who turned to the yak, i just took them out of my life soon as i heard, i have no time for them as they made a conscious decision to take it.

As others suggested you are probably better off just going to the Gardai and your friends family to see if they can help.. If you confront her/her boyfriend I would imagine you will be met with hostility.

It will be an uphill struggle to help her though, i hope it works out!

dilallio

Probably better suited to Personal Issues Forum.

There's really not a lot you can do. It's more of an issue for her family to contact the Guards rather than for you.

Yes - you can speak to the Guards about it, but what happens if they raid the place and find stuff there - if the boyfriend gets caught, he will either get charged or move away - the chances are either way, that she will be on her own and now needs to find an alternative supply, and whatever goes with that.

To get her back on track will require a monumental effort from her, her family, and you, if you are willing to take on this responsibility, but the chance are, she will tell you all to sod off.

RachaelVO

For a start tell her family! If they don't know already, they need to!
Go to the Gardai. The might not be able to do much, but if you and her family go, they might just keep an eye out (they're not all heartless bastards as some people and threads may have your believe).
Contact some drug rehab services in her local area and get the details to her and her family.

After that there's not so much you can do. If she doesn't want to know, she doesn't want to know. If you do push it, you'll push her further and further into her boyfriends arms. If she ever does climb outta the mire, she'll at the very least knew you cared enough to see what you could do.

Good luck

Bottle_of_Smoke

If she splits from the boyfriend she may well end up a prostitute to fund her habit.

Maybe not of course but posters need to realise that she is an addict. That's the problem, not her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend may have been described as "bad news" but if your friend started going out with someone I would be describing her as "bad news" to them.

biko

AH -> PI
AH style answers from here on are not welcome.

EibhlinA

Thankyou all so much for replying. I have been thinking of posting this up for quite some time. My boyfriend says like some of ye to steer clear and that it's not my problem but something inside me makes the tears well every time I think of her and how she ever ended up in such a bad place. I just have a really bad gut feeling right now about the whole thing.
I think alright her mum may have an idea something is going on but is in denial. She has tried to call to the house but had the boyfriend tell get where to go. The mum is the only parent she has. To be honest I'm sure what type of relationship they have had in the last couple of years. I'll text her mum and maybe arrange to meet with her as I don't think telling her that kind of news through a text would be very nice.
Would the guardi take me serious even though my details are quite vague?

tinkerbell

Stay away from her - this is not your problem to fix. Your boyfriend is right and you should be listening to him. There is nothing you can do for her. Jees would you not think of your own safety? Going over to some girl's house who you don't even know anymore, she's a heroin addict and has a boyfriend that is not of a great character? It doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that that would be the stupidest thing you could do. It could be so dangerous for you.

Call her mother if you like but other than that, leave it be.

I am a friend

Tell everyone who knows her... There is a dangerous batch of heroin on the streets at the moment and the number of accidental overdoses have spiked since January.. She is playing russian roulette and her friends and family need to know. Its her only hope.

EibhlinA

@tinkerbell, do you not think that if you hit the lowest of the low that you would like to think there are people and friends out there that wouldn't judge you for the mistakes you've made?
I thought that originally when she agreed to meet me she didn't think I would judge her (she said she never finished her nursing degree and is now on the dole) but when she wouldn't answer my call I thought she didn't want me to see her the way she is now and be comparing how different our lives are. Part of me wants to believe people who are addicts don't really truly want to be addicts

I am a friend

EibhlinA wrote: »

@tinkerbell, do you not think that if you hit the lowest of the low that you would like to think there are people and friends out there that wouldn't judge you for the mistakes you've made?
I thought that originally when she agreed to meet me she didn't think I would judge her (she said she never finished her nursing degree and is now on the dole) but when she wouldn't answer my call I thought she didn't want me to see her the way she is now and be comparing how different our lives are. Part of me wants to believe people who are addicts don't really truly want to be addicts

Dont give up on her....

LegacyUser

EibhlinA wrote: »

I thought that originally when she agreed to meet me she didn't think I would judge her (she said she never finished her nursing degree and is now on the dole) but when she wouldn't answer my call I thought she didn't want me to see her the way she is now and be comparing how different our lives are. Part of me wants to believe people who are addicts don't really truly want to be addicts

Eibhlin, she's a heroin addict. Her not amswering your call has probably nothing to do with her concerns about how your lives are different. She was probably either off her head unaware of a ringing phone or she was strung out and meeting up with an old friend was the last thing she wanted to do. I don't mean to sound cruel but addicts are completely self focussed. That is the nature of the addiction. By all means try and help this girl but I would think you're in for a world of pain. The only one that can help her is herself. My advice would be not to get involved because tbh its unlikely anyone can do anything to help her and it's likely you'll just get taken advantage of. Heroin changes people, it turns them from themselves into addicts. I am sure there are some exceptions But from my experience heroin addicts do not care about anything other than heroin. They will steal from and hurt their own loved ones to feed their addiction. If you get involved with this girl then do it with your eyes open and for goodness sake see it like it is, this won't be a rekindling of a friendship, it will be completely one-sided so do not expect to get anything positive from it.

Part of me wants to believe people who are addicts don't really truly want to be addicts

Of course they don't want to be addicts! Who wants to be an addict? But what they do want, and will always want, is one more hit before they stop. And one more hit. And one more hit.

RachaelVO

EibhlinA wrote: »

Thankyou all so much for replying. I have been thinking of posting this up for quite some time. My boyfriend says like some of ye to steer clear and that it's not my problem but something inside me makes the tears well every time I think of her and how she ever ended up in such a bad place. I just have a really bad gut feeling right now about the whole thing.
I think alright her mum may have an idea something is going on but is in denial. She has tried to call to the house but had the boyfriend tell get where to go. The mum is the only parent she has. To be honest I'm sure what type of relationship they have had in the last couple of years. I'll text her mum and maybe arrange to meet with her as I don't think telling her that kind of news through a text would be very nice.
Would the guardi take me serious even though my details are quite vague?

I think we can all understand exactly where you're coming from. You do know that while she is taking heroine, she's not the girl you knew! She's still in there somewhere, but everything is about heroine and her need for the stuff!

Talking with her mum, and telling her what you think face to face is a good plan. You will probably need to make her realise though, that just because she knows about it, it doesn't mean she can do anything about it, and frankly neither can you. All you can both do, is make sure she knows that you know, and that you will help her when she wants it. Give her the options as you both see them, and leave those options with her. Thats it, there is NOTHING else you can do. It won't be like you see on television, there will be no epiphany or light bulb moment, nothing you say will change her situation.

Being there when she does decide she wants to take charge of her life again is all you can do. That's when your friendship and contact will mean something to her, cos right now it means NOTHING to her.

Fair play to you for caring, when she comes through this, she'll be glad of a friend like you, and I think she's lucky to have you!

asdf1234

dlofnep wrote: »

Go to the Gardaí and get them to watch the boyfriend for dealing or buying heroin. If you can cut him out of her life, it will be a start.

This is what you should do if you want to completely ignore the issue at hand.

If you didnt give enough of a sh*t to be in touch with this person till now, why decide its up to you to save the day now? I understand you want to help (even if it is in a holier-than-thou way) but do you really think you're going to get the right answer in a sea of internet people who love to give expert advice on things they've never encountered in their lives?

As a rule of the thumb, certainly don't take advice on this subject from anyone who can't spell heroin.

irishdude11

The mother must surely know she's on heroin - she's been in hospital twice for seizures, Im sure the doctors filled the mother in on her condition. Not to mention that the mother knows the bf is bad news so she has obviously heard about him. I think her mother who would have been constantly worrying about her for the last few years would actually be much more up to speed than you on the situation. And your other friend says the bf is a dealer. Basically, everyone who knows her around the town likely already knows about the situation and are the last one to find this out.

You are wasting your time trying to help. Im sure her mother and other friends have already tryed to help her, I dont see why you think you will be able to appear out of nowhere and make things better. She is not going to just say 'oh i suppose ill give up heroin and ditch the bf now' after you have a chat with her. As others have said she has to want to give it up herself.

She is no longer the person you knew, time to face facts, she shacked up with an utter scumbag and is now on heroin herself, you would be well advised to stear clear of this junkie and her scummer bf. Like tinkerbell said, you should think of your safety, who knows what kind of scum would be frequenting the house she's living in. You shouldn't feel guilty over not helping her because it is not your duty to help her - she choose her own path, you can't help her anyway, and getting involved with these people could have severe negative effects on your life.

I am a friend

You are all assuming that she is like one of the addicts you see hanging out on the quays.. There are many, many highly functioning heroin addicts who hold down jobs and manage to live a family live and you would never know they were on it.

No point all jumping on the bandwagon and telling the girl to ditch her friend til she knows how bad it is...

January

An addict cannot be helped unless they want to be helped. You can contact rehab centres, pay thousands of euros trying to get them clean but unless they truly want to get off it they'll come straight back out and onto heroin again, and they'll probably kill themselves because of it too when they take the same amount as they were taking before they went to rehab but they're not used to it anymore...

irishdude11

I am a friend wrote: »

You are all assuming that she is like one of the addicts you see hanging out on the quays.. There are many, many highly functioning heroin addicts who hold down jobs and manage to live a family live and you would never know they were on it.

No point all jumping on the bandwagon and telling the girl to ditch her friend til she knows how bad it is...

Doesn't look like she is a highly functioning heroin addict to me -

'admitted twice into hopital for having seasures'
'she is now really scrawney and has all burnt hands'
'she said she never finished her nursing degree and is now on the dole'

And she is going out with a heroin dealer scumbag who she lives with.

So yes there is no point in getting involved with this person. There's no need to say 'ditch her' because she hasn't been in contact with her for years anyway.

tinkerbell

EibhlinA wrote: »

@tinkerbell, do you not think that if you hit the lowest of the low that you would like to think there are people and friends out there that wouldn't judge you for the mistakes you've made?
I thought that originally when she agreed to meet me she didn't think I would judge her (she said she never finished her nursing degree and is now on the dole) but when she wouldn't answer my call I thought she didn't want me to see her the way she is now and be comparing how different our lives are. Part of me wants to believe people who are addicts don't really truly want to be addicts

She's not your friend nor a family member. You only know this girl from school. It's not up to you to go running in and saving the day, she's a heroin addict. Think of your own safety.

EibhlinA

So many mixed views! I agree anyway that I'm not going to be able to sway her if I did meet her. I suppose my main instinct was o my god what will I do, but like a lot of ye have said it doesn't fall on me to take action. I think I have been a bit delusioned thinking I could help much, being so far away. Her mum is such a lovely lady tho so I do hope I could meet with her and possibly give my support to her.
I hope I haven't offended anyone by putting up this thread, like I said I only ever discussed it with one friend and my bf and just was hoping for some unbiased opinions.
Thank you all