No Wing-girl

LegacyUser

So it's a Saturday, I'm single, every last one of the friends is in a relationship& has no real interest in meating up for drinks/clubbing/socialising.
Any suggestions as to what to do, just to get out& about(cabin fever& to allow even the slightest possibility of meeting someone), but in a way which doesn't look majorly conspicuous as being a loner?

GirlWithBrain

That is one question I've been having trouble with myself! I'm pretty much in the same boat as you re the stuck-as-the-last-one-not-attached and it's fairly sucky. I've asked before for suggestions on what to do to get out and meet people and the general response is "Join a club...take up hillwalking...etc". Unfortunately, I've found that doesn't really help much with either meeting people (who wants to meet people in a gym?!) or getting one out of the house on a Saturday night (the ultimate worst night of the week to be in).

Not really sure what advice to offer as it's my current pet project but just thought I'd let you know you're not alone. Well, maybe you are alone but you're not alone in your aloneness!

Ickle Magoo

Singles night? Speed dating event? Boards beers? What hobbies do you have? While I don't think a gym is a great place to meet people, joining a club with people who share an interest with you is...even a night course or weekend away at a wine tasting or chef type course.

Meet more people and you're bound to make more friends.

All the best. :cool:

CuteOne

Me too. where are you both based?

Ickle Magoo

CuteOne, Personal Issues is an advice forum only. If you want to meet up or chat to other posters please use the forums linked above or PM.

Many thanks.

IrishEyes19

Agree with the gym notion, I would be mortified to meet someone in a gym, red faced, and hyper - ventilating not my most romantic image of it, haha

Its very difficult to meet people today and I think even in club/pub situations it's hard. Even basing when I was out last night with friends, wasn't drinking so I was far more aware of people around me and could see people eyeing each other up, yet the shyness involved in going over to say hi. Its very difficult. I know the old fashioned guy should always approach girl is gone. But as a girl, I still find it very tough to do that even if I like someone and in a day situation Id be totally shy to do that, couldnt imagine doing it outside the night scene, Id be far too shy for that.

thecookingapple

start more conversations.

get out of your comfort zone, speak to people in places you are around every day, you could meet new friends and even gain a relationship: in closing just be more open and accessible.

karaokeman

I also agree with the gym thing. Its impossible to meet people who will only hang around in a single room for about an hour and really come there at different times during the week.

But joining clubs may be a good idea. Joining a football team would be good as you can train every week with new people. You also get to know them as you learn to pass the ball and develop new team strategies.

If your not into sort, maybe do a course/go to college would be good.

College preferably. Its easier to get to know people if you see them most days a week rather than doing a night course where you will most likely be nackered tired and only see people for about 2 hours.

In college you can join many societies. They are for people with particular interests, Eg Yoga, Poker, Snooker etc. If there's not one your interested in you can set up your own, sure someone in NUIM liked nothing and set up a Tea society.

Nothing's impossible. Just giv yourself a chance and see how you get on.

Good luck:)

GirlWithBrain

Woah! Responses! Yeah! I thank all advice and agree that clubs are a good way to meet people; I don't think they offer me the solution I need though. Take for example, a yoga class I joined before Christmas. I'd go to the class, enjoy some relaxing yoga and chat with the others in the class but once it was over, that was it. Like, we'd be friendly enough in class and whatever but it was a case of everyone going back to their own lives afterwards. Moving from being a member of the same class/club to a deeper friendship doesn't seem to happen all that much. Then sometimes all you're looking for is someone to hit the town with or just meet for coffee. You know, when you've had a tough week at work and just want to chill out with some decent company.

Maybe it's just the stage of life that I'm at. I'm done with college which makes it more difficult to make new friends as my peers seem to have their own established groups now so it's harder to be the outsider trying to break into that group. Don't get me wrong, I'll give it a good go; I just find that the Irish social scene is still very conservative when it comes to things like this. People don't mention that they might be lonely or might not have as many friends as they'd like or that they'd like to improve their social life - God forbid you might be seen as a loner or social outcast!

IrishEyes19

GirlWithBrain wrote: »

Woah! Responses! Yeah! I thank all advice and agree that clubs are a good way to meet people; I don't think they offer me the solution I need though. Take for example, a yoga class I joined before Christmas. I'd go to the class, enjoy some relaxing yoga and chat with the others in the class but once it was over, that was it. Like, we'd be friendly enough in class and whatever but it was a case of everyone going back to their own lives afterwards. Moving from being a member of the same class/club to a deeper friendship doesn't seem to happen all that much. Then sometimes all you're looking for is someone to hit the town with or just meet for coffee. You know, when you've had a tough week at work and just want to chill out with some decent company.

Maybe it's just the stage of life that I'm at. I'm done with college which makes it more difficult to make new friends as my peers seem to have their own established groups now so it's harder to be the outsider trying to break into that group. Don't get me wrong, I'll give it a good go; I just find that the Irish social scene is still very conservative when it comes to things like this. People don't mention that they might be lonely or might not have as many friends as they'd like or that they'd like to improve their social life - God forbid you might be seen as a loner or social outcast!

I completely agree, OP, I'm 20, just finishing college now, and even at 20 a lot of my friends have settled down into serious relationships already. Been single now for a while and while it's been grand , and Ive enjoyed it,going out with the girls, having a laugh. It's still very hard to meet new people. Club scene isnt my thing for meeting people. I love going out at night dont get me wrong, and love the late bars and all that. But in the past, relationships that resulted out of pubs havent been the greatest and as for joining clubs, I agree its tough, people still keep to there selves. In comparision when I was away in France and Germany for a few weeks, men and women approached each other in day time scenarios totally relaxed and confident which shocked me. Very different dating scene over there.

Ickle Magoo

You don't say how old you are OP but there's a thread in The Ladies Lounge that may be of interest to you: Hard to meet new friends in my 30's.

There are also meet ups arranged in The Ladies Lounge private forum but you would have to register and post in the forum to gain access.

All the best. :cool:

ash23

I'm in the same boat. Most of my friends are settled down and as I had my child young, I'm starting to get some freedom back while they're all having babies

I tend to travel home and go out with my family instead of going out where I live but thats a total pain and I need to sort that out and meet some new people.

GirlWithBrain

Ickle Magoo - grazi for the link! I'm 24 so a bit off 30 yet but always nice to have options!

IrishEyes, I totally agree with you - the attitudes of other societies to meeting people is so much different to here. It's a lot more open and I gotta say I love it! I remember being totally overwhelmed by how forward I thought the Americans were first time I was over, even people in shops and stuff. Like, this friendliness bordered on overly friendly but it's pretty infectious so you just roll with it.

Dating here is ridiculous though. Not that I call it dating really - actually making it to the stage where you can legitimately call it a date is an achievement! From experience it's more "Uh, I'm going to be here with a bunch of my friends if you're also going to be there with your bunch of friends, maybe we could meet up??" Ah no, it's not that bad but I think the fact that the place with most potential to meet a guy/girl happens to be a pub/club speaks a lot for what you can expect. MAJORLY FRUSTRATING!

I'm pretty much the same myself, I don't drink and don't work in a particularly big place so my options are quite limited. It feels to me like so much in Ireland revolves around drink, everyone I know seems to go out and get wasted whereas I'm just not into that.

oncebitten

To the OP - that link to the thread in The Ladies Lounge has tons of general advice on meeting new people - it doesn't just apply to ladies in their 30s. You should give it a good read-through