Should you have a sibling as groomsman/bridesmaid?

City boy turned country

Just wondering what peoples thoughts on this is?

Getting married in November and still cant choose my best/grooms man. I have 1 brother who I would have been close to while younger but he moved away to college about 6 years ago and we aren't as close as we used to be.

The folks still think that he should be at least a groomsman as we were close but I have 2 very close friends that I have known for 10/12 years and while they would understand if 1 of them was left out, I am not sure that I wont to leave one of them out.

Myself and the OH have agreed that we will have 2 grooms men and 2 bridesmaid so having the 3rd isnt an option.

Just wondering what people's thoughts are. If you have 1 brother, should they be involved or if your a bride and have 1 sister, would you feel like you have to have them as a bridesmaid?

Thanks

MazG

If you really want to have your two best friends as your best man and groomsman, but don't want to leave your brother out either, then the only option really is to reconsider your decision to only have two groomsmen. There is no law dictating that the bridal party numbers must be an even number, so if you did include your brother, your fiancée would not be obliged to add another bridesmaid. I'm getting married in June and I'm having 3 bridesmaids, while my fiancé is having a best man and one groomsman.

Best of luck

MazG

MazG

Sorry - I just realised I didn't actually answer your question! Should you include a brother or sister in the bridal party?

Well really I don't think there's a 100% correct answer to that one, it all depends on circumstances. If you get along quite well with your brother, it's quite likely that he will remain in your life in future as it's not the usual case (though of course it happens sometimes) that siblings totally loose touch over the years. Wheras it can often happen with friends, even close friends, as people move to other cities and countries and settle down to their own family lives.

So I suppose I would be leaning towards including a sibling, but certainly not as an absolute must in all cases.

seamus

I know plenty of people who've only had a best man or maid of honour without groomsmen/bridesmaids and who chose someone that's not a sibling.

There's no "done thing". The best man should be someone with whom you share a close bond and that you would trust to give you a hand in life, no matter what, where or when that would come up.

If you and your brother were close growing up, then it's likely that you still share a bond, but life does get in the way. I would consider my brothers to be my best friends, but I might not see some of them for a month or more if life gets in the way. The best man doesn't have to be someone you see all the time, it should just be someone you know inside-out (and you knows you likewise).

What you do is really up to you. The only thing to be wary about is excluding family from anything, as this can be the most painful. Not being a groomsman is one thing, but if you brother has to sit 3 rows back at the ceremony and share a table halfway down the room with your less-good friends, then that can sting badly.

I would say that you should re-evaluate your numbers. IMO, family should only be left out of the bridal party if you're nothing more than acquantainces. If you still love the guy like a brother and would happily sit and talk with him for hours, then he should be a groomsman at least. Figure out if a 3rd bridesmaid will work, or if not, no matter. The numbers don't have to be even.

Cellygirl

There's no set rule at all. But families are tricky things!

We included siblings in our bridal party. Friends as well, but mainly siblings.

The great thing about a wedding is that there are a lot of jobs to do in the ceremony, so if you decide not to have your brother in the wedding party he can do a reading, a prayer, read a poem, be an usher etc.

Don't leave him out altogether.

Also, bridal parties don't have to be even. My husband had a best man and groomsman. I had a maid of honour, a bridesmaid and a flowergirl.

A friend of mine is having three bridesmaids, her groom is having one best man.

ElleEm

In my opinion, OP, you shouldn't have to do anything you don't want at your wedding.
Don't feed into your family encouraging you to do something you're not fully comfortable with just for them. The fear would be that they would continue butting in with other things.
Pick your friends.
I have loads of friends that were asked to be bridesmaid by their sisters/ cousins (as a formality) and feel the pressure to ask them to be in their wedding party "to be fair".
I just don't think your wedding day should be about formalities/ the "done thing"/ tradition etc.

Do what YOU want to do!

missgroovy21

if im not close to someone they wont be in my actual bridal party, have ur bro as an usher and have him do a reading aswell.....ur closer to ur friends they should be the main 2 in your party

PrincessPixie

I'm not close to my sibling, in fact you could say we have a deep seated dislike for each other and were never close.

But when I told my parents she wasn't going to be included in the wedding party the look on their faces made me change my mind. They were willing to go ahead with my wishes, and didn't force the issue.

I did ask her to be a bridesmaid, she was fairly useless and tried to make the day about her, she didn't turn up for my hens and really only worried about herself, but it was worth it all, when both my parents thanked me for including her, they had always hoped we'd be friends and be close, it hasn't turned out that way, but it made my Mom and Dad very happy to see their daughters standing together.

At the end of the day I realised no matter how much we wanted it to be about us, a wedding is essentially about making others happy.,

Du141197

Hi all... its wedding fever in my family as well(brother got married in April) I was best man. I would have felt horrible if i wasnt asked to be best man ( even tough we are not majorly close) . i think its a real family day out. His friends were groomsmen so everyone was happy.
On another note, i wouldnt mind you all giving me some advice on my current conundrum".!
I am going out with my GF for 9 years. I was planning on getting engaged on my holidays in New York in August. My sister is after stealing my march and getting engaged at the weekend. I dont know what to do. I had it all planned. One part of me is saying that i cant do it as it will ruin my sisters moment but another part of me says that i had it planned and should proceed. I obvioussly would hold off with my wedding (presuming my GF accepts!!) and leave at least a year of a gap..
Would love to know the consensus??

G453

To the original question I think you should include your brother, you only have one and it would mean a lot to your parents plus you didn't have a falling out or anything, you just grew a little apart. This could bring ye back together...you never know!! I don't believe you should exclude one of your friends though.

To the post from Du141197 above my cousins have done something similar, not quite as soon but no problems, many jokes were made about saving money and doing the lot on the one day Maybe just tell your sister and explain to her you have it all planned. Cant see her having an issue with it! You have gone to a lot of effort, and cost and your sister will recognise that!

PrincessPixie

Du141197 wrote: »

I am going out with my GF for 9 years. I was planning on getting engaged on my holidays in New York in August. My sister is after stealing my march and getting engaged at the weekend. I dont know what to do. I had it all planned. One part of me is saying that i cant do it as it will ruin my sisters moment but another part of me says that i had it planned and should proceed. I obvioussly would hold off with my wedding (presuming my GF accepts!!) and leave at least a year of a gap..
Would love to know the consensus??

Being honest, if I was you I'd go for it, can you give your sister the heads up and judge her reaction? It might sound mean but why are your delaying your life and that of your girlfriends, she's probably waited patiently for the last 5/6 years for you to pop the question, I'd be gutted if I thought my boyfriend was more concerned about his sisters happiness rather than his future wifes happiness, after all when your married it's your wife that comes first not your siblings.

I'm sure your sister will be delighted for you, just be sensitive to her plans and leave a decent amount of time between the weddings (about 6 months) so that she is the centre of attention on her day.

helimachoptor

I'll be having 4 groomsmen and 1 best man.
Most likely I'll have my bro as best man, for a couple of reasons. Up until 2-3 years ago we were never that close, there's a 6.5 year age gap between us but in the last couple of years he's really matured, we've become closer and he's become a father and i'm godfather so it's given us more opportunity to bond.

The second reason is that I have 3 really good mates from school and one of them got married last year and picked his brother as BM so he didnt have to choose between us and I think thats fair as I wouldnt really want to pick between the lads either. My other groomsman is a very good mate i've known for about 7 years.

I still havent decided and tbh I may just pick names out of a hat closer to the time!

Du141197

I've had more time to think about it. I'm considering going ahead with it and maybe waiting till october to announce ( once my gf is ok with that). Therefore everyone is happy! Thanks for the replies!

Heineken Helen

We had 5 bridesmaids and 4 groomsmen... nobody cared!

I'm glad you decided to go ahead with it... sometimes it's good to do what only you want... other times it's good to just do the right thing, a wedding is one of those times cos you can't change it afterwards! You won't regret it if you go with him!

Toto Wolfcastle

Du141197 wrote: »

I've had more time to think about it. I'm considering going ahead with it and maybe waiting till october to announce ( once my gf is ok with that). Therefore everyone is happy! Thanks for the replies!

Propose when you had planned on proposing and then tell people when you had planned on telling people. There's no point in proposing and then having to keep it a secret. People will be happy for you and if your sister has a problem with it then that's her problem. People get 1 engagement and 1 wedding day. (Well, most people do.) A couple of months between engagements is not too close and there is no reason why you should have to delay your wedding by a year either if getting married earlier suits you. People get one day for a wedding. Not a whole year. Best of luck with the engagement.

Daisy M

Op if you and your brother had never been close I would say just go with your friends, but as you once were close and are no longer due to distance, I would be of the opinion that in time you will regain that friendship and closeness and you will look back and regret not having him as your bestman.
To be honest I think its sad that ye have allowed a once great friendship to slide use your wedding as a way of getting to know him again and this time keep in contact, there is no excuse not to. Best of luck with your wedding.

baby and crumble

On the flip side, my best friend (female) got married and was pressured into having 2 cousins that she wasn't terribly close to as her MOH and bridesmaid. She's still annoyed to this day that I wasn't her bridesmaid, and TBH so am I. It goes 2 ways.

My brother go married last weekend, and my other brother wasn't best man, and it was no biggy. Who would you feel most comfortable with delegating jobs to on the day, and the days leading up to it? The job of Best Man isn't just about standing at the alter,t here's a hell of a lot involved.