My ex wants to meet me to talk

LegacyUser

So here I am a month after he dumped me and he wants to meet me tomorrow to give me back his stuff ( and vice versa) and talk

I've been thinking about it a lot and I can safely say I do not want him back but still care for him as a friend ( I think ) . I was so hurt when he dumped me because of the way he did it and still get a bit angry when I remember how immature he was through the relationship when he was with his friends and sometimes when we were alone.

I guess what I'm looking for is has anyone been in the same circumstance? what should I say to him ?

I guess I want to have a say because I was so speechless when it happened that I feel I never got a chance to say my piece. I want to show him that I'm willing to be there for him if he needs me but want to make sure that he is fully aware that I'm not going to take him back

Any advice would be great thanks

James400

abitconfused23 wrote: »

So here I am a month after he dumped me and he wants to meet me tomorrow to give me back his stuff ( and vice versa) and talk

The relationship is done and dusted, so why are you under any obligation to talk to the guy at all? Leave his stuff in a box outside where you live.

I get the impression from your post that you feel that talking to him may become arkward, so why get involved?

Seems to me that he's chancing his arm to see if you'll jump when he comes calling. You don't have to.

If you want to say your piece, write it down in a notebook and think about it.
Don't meet him for a while and don't have chats, just exchange your stuff. He's not going to drop off the face of the earth so if ye still want to talk after having some more cooling down time, do it then.

Wompa1

I was in a similar situation only I found out other information since the breakup which was related to why we broke up so I felt I needed the closure by talking to her again. It was an awful situation. Seeing the person you love being so smug and selfish about their behavior. I met with her again then because she was in hospital and said she'd like me to visit so I felt guilted into it...When I saw her all I could think about was how much I hated her and what an awful person she was. I left things respectful enough but told her I wouldn't be visiting again and I'd leave her alone.

She then contacted me a few days later which irritated me to no end so I send back a really nasty reply and told her how much I hated her, didn't want to talk to her again and would never forgive her etc.

And I haven't contacted since and that's a few months now. Point being I've dragged out by getting over her phase by seeing her. Don't do that to yourself..you are right to hate and it's normal.

Azureus

I met up with my ex three months after we broke up.
He rang one night asking could we talk, the next day we did. Like you the breakup was very out of the blue, and although I didnt want to get back with him, personally it did help to meet up and talk it all out like adults. We went through everything that ****ed eacother up, during and after the relationship, and it was one of the best conversations Ive ever had, even though at the start of it I didnt have anything much to say. It reminded me both why I loved him and why we weere terrible together. It created a genuine friendship.

I think if you can and theres no nastiness/resentment on either side, then its a great thing to do. It makes you see yourself and the previous relationship from another perpective, and this is both cleansing and educational imo. I would say one thing; one month is very soon and there is probably still raw feelings on one or both sides. Might be better to wait a little longer and then do it. Some will say it only prolongs the hardship pf a breakup, others will think like me. It really depends on whether you want a friendship with the guy, or just want to move on and forget-everyone has different views on the 'ex-as as friends' thing.

keithclancy

Don't bother if you don't want to, you have no obligations to this person.

If you feel you'll gain something from the discussion then by all means do but just be careful that this person isn't using the event to make themselves feel better at your expense.

If you feel nothing positive will come from it either leave the items at a location he can pick them up or exchange through a mutual party.

Lucyx

abitconfused23 wrote: »

I want to show him that I'm willing to be there for him if he needs me but want to make sure that he is fully aware that I'm not going to take him back

Mmmm I'm not sure i believe you op. why would you want to be there for him? he behaved badly throughout the relationship and also when he broke up with you. would you not even give it a few more weeks cos you may feel ok now but when you see him the feelings may return (although i think they are still there big time but correct me if i'm wrong).

I'm just saying I've been there OP. Don't wreck the bit of progress that you've made in the past month.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here.

Thanks so much for your help. I think I'm going to give it a few months more until I meet him.
Like Azureus said there is no resentment between us or anything, I of course was angry with the way he did it but I understand and looking back on it now I think we weren't going to last so it was bound to happen

It would give me a bit of closure and I would like to be friends because at the end of the day he was great fun to be with despite his flaws that were present in the relationship

Thanks again

(you can lock this if you want )