Pornography Addiction

backmonkey

Hi,

I am looking for both help and advise.

I have been compulsively looking at porn and masturbating to the same many times a day, for many many years. I am in my mid twenties and it is now three years since I have had a meaningful relationship of any kind. I am socially inept when in comes to relationships and sex. I lead a very withdrawn life cut off from most people. I never used to be this bad but I have found myself getting progressively more withdrawn into isolation.

I live on my own, I don't really talk to anyone at work. I find it difficult to socialize and talk to people. even when i do strike up conversations with people I will say the wrong thing and I find people very difficult to read. I find it hard to concentrate on anything except porn and my work suffers.

I can stop looking at porn and I feel like a junkie because of it. I am afraid i will be like this for the rest of my life. I am nearly at the stage where I don't care anymore.

I bought a book about Sex Addiction, I tried to read it but I just felt too down in the dumps to finish it. Is there support out there from people like me? I make around 400 quid a week I don't have money for therapists. But if I need to I'll stump up. Is there medication I can go in to stop compulsive behaviour? I am actually sick from worrying about this. Can someone PM me the name of any therapists in Dublin that might specialty in this? I'm pretty low at the moment and I need to change drastically.

Thanks.

JuliusCaesar

Moved from Psychology forum
JC

Roselm

I'm sorry to hear you're so down at the moment.
Your GP might be a good place to start as regards where to begin getting support.
I also found this website you might find useful although I know you said you don't have money for a therapist
http://www.irish-counselling.ie/index.php/find-a-counsellor-psychotherapist

Best of luck!

tenchi-fan

Hi
Sorry to say, it's not a physical addiction. And even if it was, it's all about self-control.

Do you also battle with slightly excessive alcohol consumption? Or is porn your only vice?

Try leaving your laptop behind somewhere for a few days so you can't access it. Go for very long walks or do something else in the evening to keep you busy. And if all else fails, smash up your computer screen. It would save you a lot of money on a therapist.

Hope that helps

backmonkey

I think Porn is my only vice. I try and stop then I just figit and can't sit still. I got the internet out of my house. No use... i'd try and find a substitue like a magazine or a sex scene on a DVD.

I make a resolution everyday that I won't look at porn or masturbate. I can only last a day most of the time. Is an uncontrollable urge I get.

I feel sickened by how I am.

David09

Perhaps you need to find other interests to keep you occupied. If you become intensely focused on one thing only, without other distractions it can really drag you down.

backmonkey

I have tried other hobbies, i play rugby to that gets me out of the house about 3 times a week. I can't read a book or watch tv without getting urges. My attention span is nearly zero.

It just seems like there is a void when I try to quit, or even abstain for a small amount of time.

I'd posted originally in the psychology section but the thread was moved. There seems to be no consensus if this is a problem or an addiction.

It's ruining my life.

LegacyUser

i thought i had a porn addiction once too, looked at it all the time, got really depressed because of it. felt like i had no friends, terrible at socializing ect ect same problem as you

maybe 2 years on now and i still look at porn all the time. **** everyday. but i dont consider myself anymore. one day it sorta hit me that ever other lad out there does it!

reading articles and books written by experts in the field only give you a medical point of view of biology and mental stress, adaptions, counselling, resistance etc etc (insert big words here)

realistically all the other lads you know of look at porn too, maybe even more than you. i was on my friends computer the other day and i saved a picture, open the downloads folder and discovered about 100 downloaded porn videos (i said nothing about it )
now this is a fella whos the life of the party, heads out and pull girls in nightclubs, dead sound and great crac to hang around with so looking at porn is not the the problem of poor social skills. its the other way around

my opinion is look at porn! sure ya may as well you only live once and its a good feeling! but put it to the back of your mind and forget about it!

but try fixing up the other actual problem you have, making friends, chatting a bit, putting youself out there and put a bit of effort into it!!
eventually the porn will just become a leisure activity and it will make ya feel better when you feelng down

karaokeman

Firstly fair dues to you for playing Rugby.

Some people have NO other hobbies and they become completely self-absorbed so you're lucky in that sense.

I would say that (knowing from experience) your main problem is you want to have a girlfriend. Usually this is the case with people who constantly look at porn, think about sex etc.

Do you follow sport, maybe watch Rugby on the TV. That is something you could look at rather than a romance movie with a particularly arousing sex scene.

If you get into the habit of watching Rugby or any other sports on the TV you can talk with your teammates about it.

Perhaps that could take your thoughts about sex away and it will help you engage in normal conversations with your friends. It will be easier to read people's expressions this way and you will get along much better with them.

If you start getting along with your teammates like this, maybe go out for some drinks with them in the pub or a nightclub some evening. If you get into the buzz and have some craic with all your mates you will eventually meet a woman who likes you for who you are and from there on you will be in a relationship and won't need to masturbate/fantasize about sex and that stuff.

Hope I've helped and don't worry, you have self control thats the important thing. Its not too late, just be yourself and be confident;)

backmonkey

Thanks for the constructive advise, I appreciate it.

I just wish there was some switch i could flick that would make me stop thinking about it all the time and feeling anxious when i'm not looking at it.

samesituation - i know whet you mean. I have friends who look at alot of porn and don't seem to give a ****. The difference is though they don't let it control them, I feel it controls me, or at least I can't control it.

Morally i don't like it, I feel it has completely warped my perception of women, at least sexually.

I've even considered hypnosis. I just want a calm mind and not have this constantly nagging at me.

LegacyUser

backmonkey wrote: »

Thanks for the constructive advise, I appreciate it.

I just wish there was some switch i could flick that would make me stop thinking about it all the time and feeling anxious when i'm not looking at it.

samesituation - i know whet you mean. I have friends who look at alot of porn and don't seem to give a ****. The difference is though they don't let it control them, I feel it controls me, or at least I can't control it.

Morally i don't like it, I feel it has completely warped my perception of women, at least sexually.

I've even considered hypnosis. I just want a calm mind and not have this constantly nagging at me.

i dont think the porn is the problem at all. i think that something else is the problem and the only way to find some relief is by porn.

if you cant control it, dont waste your time trying, enjoy it. eventually it will click with you that porn is grand and fun and it was your depressing job or your fear of rejection of your ****ty house or something else that has worried and anxious and you needing to look at porn.

some time something will change in your life that will lead to an improvement and then the porn will just fade away or become irrelevant. change of job, immigrate, anything.

also i dont think its warped your perception of women. no doubt you read that phrase in the porn addiction book and once you read it you started believing it. women are what they come across to be not what some stupid video shows.

on one hand i think there is no point wasting you time on professional help and hypnosis and crap because its only masking the problem but on the other hand i think the whole situation is bull**** and just get on with living and watching porn if you feel you want to because life is too short to be worrying about this ****e

backmonkey

i think the whole situation is bull**** and just get on with living and watching porn if you feel you want to because life is too short to be worrying about this ****e

Thats the thing though I don't want to look at it. I feel controlled by it. There's the question though, what do I want to do?

It's raised an interesting point. Most of the time I feel a compulsion, i'm bored. Does anyone know anything constructive to do that kill's time?

LegacyUser

backmonkey wrote: »

Thats the thing though I don't want to look at it. I feel controlled by it. There's the question though, what do I want to do?

It's raised an interesting point. Most of the time I feel a compulsion, i'm bored. Does anyone know anything constructive to do that kill's time?

i remember a time too when i had a whole list of extra hobbies to not get bored: gym, facebook, tx people, games, pool, jogging etc and all i found them to be was postponing the inevitable and then feeling worse off when i ended up looking at porn again which i always did

your not going to always have time for extra curricular activities. try it for awhile and i bet you'll be back to square one soon enough.

look mate, just accept that this is where you are at at the minute and things will change even if you didnt make them.

this time next year you will read over this thread, cringe and then laugh at how upset you were over nothing and then you will head off and look at some porn and then continue with daily life happy as ever

ulysses31

Perhaps you should consider yoga or mindfulness meditation?

You can use mindfulness techniques to help you relax. It's not as "new age" as it sounds. A book i'd greatly recommend is "Full Catastophe Living" by Jon Kabat-Zinn.

You don't have to feel compelled to do anything except live in the moment.

http://www.mindfulness.ie/

Check it out. (btw - i'm not affiliated with any group)

LegacyUser

OP its a common issue these days. I had a serious issue with sex addiction. Not just porn. one night stands, affairs with girls in work and those I met online in dating website. Nearly threw away a fantastic relationship. But after counselling and some work I am in recovery and am proud father to two children.

http://www.addictivebehaviours.com/

This site is a great one. Was my first contact. I would reccomend Declan Fitzpatrick. Reallly helped me one on one and then in a support group where there was alot of guys with internet sex addiction.

Remember only 50 years ago they sneered and laughed at those who were alcoholics. Just thought they were out of control and people of low moral standing. Sex addiction is like that.

prinz

Some good advice already OP, have a word with a GP and ask her/him for advice on how best to proceed with reagrd to your financial position and counselling. Also have a look for support groups, not as uncommon as you might expect. Expand your hobbies or activities to keep yourself busy for the time being, particularly in relation to improving your social life and widening your social circle, seek out opportunities to make more friends. Try something to boost your self-esteem and confidence. It is impacting your life, your isolation coupled with the porn. Well done on starting the thread and recognising there is an issue. Unfortunately there will be no quick fix and it is going to take hard work on your part. It's a habit like any other.

samesituation wrote: »

maybe 2 years on now and i still look at porn all the time. **** everyday. but i dont consider myself anymore. one day it sorta hit me that ever other lad out there does it!

No, they don't.

samesituation wrote: »

if you cant control it, dont waste your time trying, enjoy it.

Will he still enjoy it when his suffering work becomes an issue with employers? When his feelings of disconnect and isolation continues is it still fun?

samesituation wrote: »

also i dont think its warped your perception of women. no doubt you read that phrase in the porn addiction book and once you read it you started believing it. women are what they come across to be not what some stupid video shows..

Those books tend to include that angle because that is what the people involved themselves admit to. It wasn't just cooked up one day for the fun of it.

samesituation wrote: »

my opinion is look at porn! sure ya may as well you only live once and its a good feeling! but put it to the back of your mind and forget about it!..

The vibe off the OP is hardly one of someone enjoying 'a good feeling'.

same situation wrote: »

this time next year you will read over this thread, cringe and then laugh at how upset you were over nothing and then you will head off and look at some porn and then continue with daily life happy as ever

As happy as the last few years have been for the OP? Sounds like a real blast alright.

Mr.Capello03

Wow. I've just come across this thread now, some months after the initial discussion. I have to say i am deeply shocked at some of the 'advice' that has been offered to this man who has bravely opened himself up about his addiction. The suggestion about checking out the www.addictivebehaviours.com website is certainly on the money. But I have to say some of the earlier advice about keeping going with the addictive tendencies and writing them off as 'normal' and 'shur every male does' is just bull****.

@backmonkey - one thing i'd say is there is a risk when you put yourself out there to the public with a delicate situation that you will be ill advised. I don't blame the people who have contributed to this thread, i'm sure they mean well, i'm just saying be weary of what advice you take as it is clear you are in a vulnerable position at the moment in your addiction.

Taltos

Please read the forum charter. Digging up old threads can result in a warning.

Taltos