Why am I getting so freaked out over this?

LegacyUser

I'm in my late teens now and I've known I liked girls in some way since 2nd year and I came out to my parents and one or two friends as gay last year. My parents took it exceptionally badly and my friends didn't take it that well either. The last year has been kind of chaos emotionally.

My problem is that I used to be so comfortable with my sexuality. I think I came out way too quickly but I knew who I was. Now the whole thing just scares the **** out of me. I can't watch gay people on TV, I can't talk about it without crying, other gay people scare me to death and now apparently loads of my other friends are saying **** about me in school and theres a rumor going round I'm gay and I've honestly never been so afraid of anything in my life and I have no idea why. Its like I'm more afraid of myself than other people. I hate being gay and I feel like its going to ruin everything forever. I feel like theres no place for me. I can't even see myself in a relationship with anyone other than my best friend because I love her more than anything and I don't know if she'll ever feel the same way about me and it kills me. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I just feel so trapped. Being gay is like a prison sentence.:(

LegacyUser

Hi OP. I was sorry to read about your situation. You seem to be going through a really hard time. It all seemed to be going well at the start. I admire how open and brave you were telling your parents early on that you are gay. Being gay takes time to get used to, for the person themselves and for those around them, and some take longer than others.
At the moment, you seem overwhelmed with this aspect of your life. Is there someone you feel you could confide in, someone who would be sympathetic and wouldn't judge? A cousin, teacher, counsellor in or out of college? Working through your feelings with the help of someone supportive and objective might really help.
Things may seem rough for you now OP but keep in mind that It Gets Better. You might find some of the videos in the ItGetsBetter project (you will easily find via Google) helpful and even inspirational.
I hope you can work some things out OP and feel better in yourself soon.

LegacyUser

well if your friends and family don't like you for who you are, they can f*ck right off in my opinion. you obviously where comfortable with who you where before you came out, because you wouldn't have obviously came out if you weren't, and now your opinion of yourself has changed because others people's options of you have changed. you need to tell your parents they've got to accept you for who you are and get the hell over it. i don't get why people react badly to someone being gay it's ****ing utter madness. you parents should love you from the minute you're born AND nothing should change that, ever. not even your sexuality. you need to sit them down and tell them you are who you are and NOTHING will ever change that. they'll make you more comfortable in yourself and who you are if they are ok with your way of living. their acceptance will make you feel better about yourself and for your friends who ****ing needs em. why would you wanna be friends with a bunch of homophobic pieces of absolute ****? i think you should get better friends cause they aren't your friends. i hoped i helped in someway or another. talk to your parents about it and it'll make you feel better about yourself and get some new fiend who accept you for who you are! best of luck and don't do anything stupid!

LegacyUser

This is why I don't recommend people coming out too early or too young. My parents took it very badly too

Kanoe

I've spent the month of april locked in my bedroom with a bottle of vodka and a bong trying to come to terms with "my lifestyle choice". I literally walked away from all the people I thought were friends..and some family. I removed myself from every aspect of public life that I was involved in, from facebook to the coffee shop and the most I can manage right now is going to work and trying to lose myself in it. and I'm not 19.
I also have a kid that needs raising and honestly she's the only thing that gives me hope in this very fcucked up world. she has more cop on than most adults I've met and makes me feel "normal" when everything goes pear shaped. I'm crap at giving advice but I know when I'm feeling bad it helps to have someone else understand where I'm at, that's all.

I do expect it to change though, I know that you don't get anywhere in life by sitting down and giving up. Have a look around and see if there is anything that you can invest yourself in, there are plenty of groups out there and if you step up and be a little bit brave you will find it rewarding.

thats my plan anyway

Lorrrrraine

nitur wrote: »

I'm in my late teens now and I've known I liked girls in some way since 2nd year and I came out to my parents and one or two friends as gay last year. My parents took it exceptionally badly and my friends didn't take it that well either. The last year has been kind of chaos emotionally.

My problem is that I used to be so comfortable with my sexuality. I think I came out way too quickly but I knew who I was. Now the whole thing just scares the **** out of me. I can't watch gay people on TV, I can't talk about it without crying, other gay people scare me to death and now apparently loads of my other friends are saying **** about me in school and theres a rumor going round I'm gay and I've honestly never been so afraid of anything in my life and I have no idea why. Its like I'm more afraid of myself than other people. I hate being gay and I feel like its going to ruin everything forever. I feel like theres no place for me. I can't even see myself in a relationship with anyone other than my best friend because I love her more than anything and I don't know if she'll ever feel the same way about me and it kills me. I don't know what to do with myself anymore, I just feel so trapped. Being gay is like a prison sentence.:(

You're just getting overwhelmed with it, you need to take things slower and realise that this feeling won't last forever.

You've mentioned a lot of different topics in the post, you've got so much going on so I think you really need to talk to somebody. Can you talk to your best friend? I'm sure if she knew how upset you were getting she'd do anything to help you put things in perspective. Or maybe you could call the Gay Switchboard? It's situations like this that the switchboard was made for!

And to the "friends" saying **** about you, it says more about them than it does about you. If they want to spend their time talking rubbish about you then let them see where it gets them.

At the end of the day, your sexuality is only one aspect of your character, don't let it become a massive issue.