Who do you dress for?.

Freiheit

Ok I've asked the question before but now that I've learned how to insert a poll I'm going to now!.

A colleague at the weekend insisted that women dress to be attractive and hopefully procure a man. I found it sexist and said women dress for themselves but of course if other men or women admire their appearance it's welcome!:) Would that be fairly accurate?.

By dress I mean clothes and make up!


Ok now for the poll

Links234

I find it very sexist indeed. To assume that when a woman dresses up or make herself look good, that it is an act solely for men or to attract men, is to assume that she is inviting or otherwise encouraging sexual advances, and that isn't a million miles away from "look at what she was wearing, she was asking for it!"

It's nice to look nice, and that's true for everyone.

krudler

bit of column A bit of column B tbh, same as guys, if you dress well and feel good you get attention from people, making you feel even better (when its the good kind of attention). I can go out in a tshirt every weekend or occasionally throw on a suit, I def get more attention from women those nights and its fun.

seenitall

I dress to look presentable, first and foremost (i.e. I dress for the world at large.)

An interesting thing that happened earlier in the day, I was in town running my errands, wearing jeans and an old well-worn parka, when I was called on an ad hoc professional appointment. I had to go right away and meet people wearing what I was wearing, and one of them gave me this distinct, bemused look of "Is this that highly skilled professional??" I felt really small for a moment. That's the power of clothes. (In my defence, my freelance work has really dropped off of late, enough so that I tend to forget that I may be called in at any time, pretty much, and thus conveniently forget to dress accordingly at all times... )

On a night out or similar, I dress to get attention. I like to dress in a somewhat dramatic fashion because I like drawing comments on pieces I am wearing. I like to think that I am good at expressing my individuality through what I wear; however, only in a right environment and at the right time for it.

tl;dr: I dress to conform/look presentable, and on the other hand, to attract attention. Clothes have different functions (depending on time of day, for example ). But broadly speaking, no, I don't put care into what I wear or put make up on "for myself". "Myself" is happiest with no make-up on and with the most well-worn clothes on my back.

Count Duckula

When it says "men" or "women", does it mean in a sexual way? I'm quite sure most people don't dress purely to engage with members of the opposite sex (well, most women don't do that, anyway) but at the same time we all dress to impress other people, surely?

By that I mean that when, say, a young woman dresses up and takes the time to make herself look stylish before going out whilst it doesn't mean she's crying out for male attention it does suggest she wants to be noticed as looking nice. The same with men who spend hours getting their hair right, choosing the right cologne and picking the t-shirt that best reveals their athleticism (or covers up their lack of it!). If other people weren't around we wouldn't ever dress up - at least, I've never known of anyone who puts on their best clothes just to toddle about the house.

Konata

I dress pretty much solely for myself. I pick out styles, colours and shapes that I like and buy the ones I feel most comfortable and secure in. I used to hate shopping with friends when I was a teenager as I always felt that pressure to pick out something "acceptable". Bollocks to that now I say :P

I don't dress for men. The very odd time my boyfriend might pop into my head when I'm shopping but he won't define my choice. At the end of the day, I know he loves me whatever I wear.

I think that women look their best when they dress for themselves anyway - if you look happy and confident then you'll be all the more attractive and eye catching to those around you.

xxtattyberxx

Its fairly sexist to presume a woman dresses to attract male attention. I know it happens alot, so its almost be expected.
I defo dont jump out of bed and think 'great what sexy number can I slip into 2day'
Unfort this isn't 90120 and I dont shop on Rodeo drive, so dressing to impress other women is out of the question.
My hairs usually bunged back, I dont wear make up so Im guessing I dress each day to suit myself and my mood.
On a night out, well thats always dif, I dress for both, bit of attention and feel good factor.
It irritates the S**t into me when you make a semi effort on a random day cause you want to and all of a sudden 'who are you trying to impress'
I honestly think the most attractive guy/gal is the one who made no effort, in worn clothes and happy out rather than dressed to impresses and uncomfortable

Azureus

I dress for myself, and what makes me feel comfortable in social situations.
I like to look good, and I do put a bit of effort in on a daily basis. Im in a happy relationship, so I dont do it to attract the opposite sex. I dont do it to impress my friends. I do it so that I feel confident, whether it be in work or socially.

The other afternoon I was going for a wander around the shops in town and my boyfriend saw me putting on makeup (I always do, its just the 'natural look' so he probably wouldnt notice it) and he was all 'oh?who are you gettin all dressed up for eh?'. I was going shopping on my own, and we all know how unforgiving changing room mirrors are! I just thought it was pretty funny that there was an automatic assumption that it was for somebody elses benefit rather than my own.

Aishae

i just wear whatever i like and if i look fancier its just cos i wanted to wear something that happened to be fancier. i dress up on nights out or even if im just going to lunch and while its nice if people take notice of it i dont do it for the 'note taking' i just do it to feel dolled up.

liah

I dress in whatever I like and only for me - if other people think I look nice, great, but I don't give a damn either way. Mainly because I have a theory (that so far is holding very true - knock on wood) that the people I want to be attracted to me will be attracted to me if I just act like myself (including wearing what I like instead of what I should wear). Those I don't, won't. A passive filtering process, I guess.

Rules do change occasionally over the course of a relationship though - I'm not entirely adverse to wearing something my hypothetical partner would like me in, as long as I didn't have to do it every day.

Also, can someone explain the 'dressing for other (platonic, I assume) women' thing? Is it a competitiveness thing or what?

Wibbs

It would be my take as a bloke *gets ready to run*... that yes women don't dress for men. But that they dress more for other women and society. Hence why the really cliched question "does my bum look big in this?" is unanswerable by a boyfriend or straight man. It's not aimed at them or their sensibilities. Like Konata said "The very odd time my boyfriend might pop into my head when I'm shopping but he won't define my choice. At the end of the day, I know he loves me whatever I wear.".

It would be my experience that women are far more competitive with each others clothing choices. Look at the traditional wedding. The men are essentially drones, including the groom. The ladies are dolled up, but not enough to upstage the bride in fashion or socially. Or two women show up to the same party or event in the same item of clothing. Two men show up to the same party or event in the same item of clothing. Compare. Who's likely to notice first and maybe even have noses outa joint?

I can't fnd it on youtube and I really wish I could. It was a channel 4(I think) programme/experiment. They opened a fake outlet clothes shop with really cheap hi end names. One week it was for men only, the next for women only. In both cases there would be a plant. A good looking male or female model and there would also be a planted dress or suit perfectly cut for them. It was interesting. The random men if they saw the good looking guy trying on the suit tended to give him the thumbs up for the great fit, even asked for his help with their own choices(surprisingly). The ladies wouldn't as a general thing, quite the opposite, would diss the choice saying it didn't look well at all(one even hid the dress on another rack). I've seen that kinda thing myself, but it's usually very subtle. Many don't even spot they're doing it. Kinda like that low level sexism men can get up to but genuinely don't see it.

This stuff tends to be way more prevalent in younger women, teens early 20's. Id say its almost entirely cultural. Young women are more competitive in that arena, simply because it's the one they're most valued in and commented upon. Again as much by other women.

My three cents anyway

Do I run now....

ratmouse

Definitley for myself. If I feel good in what I'm wearing and how I look, that's all that matters really.

LenaClaire

I will fully admit I dress for other women/social expectations. If I was dressing for myself I would wear yoga pants and t-shirts/sweaters nine days out of ten.

Going out in the evenings I never worry about men looking at what I wear but I do not want other women to think I am either frumpy or slutty. Work obviously has a whole other set of expectations and I dress to the corporate standard.

I have an odd body shape and so finding clothes that fit, look good and are comfortable is a hard battle.

gargleblaster

If I'm going out I dress for others, depending to the place I'm going (bar, work, social occasions). If I'm going to the store or the park or something, I dress for me and for others. For me in that I'll wear something comfy as opposed to stylish, for others in that it won't be as slobby as some of the clothes I might laze around the house in. (Yes, I have 'around the house' clothes and I am not ashamed of it. :P)

I can't say if I'm dressing to impress men any more than women though. It does seem women are more critical of those things in general, so, I suppose it's more for women than men if I look at it that way.

Wibbs

ratmouse wrote: »

Definitley for myself. If I feel good in what I'm wearing and how I look, that's all that matters really.

Take a step back though R. What does that actually mean? If you woke up in the morning and all other humans had vanished do you think you'd be wearing anything but the most cosy and comfortable clothes after a year? I doubt high heels would be in play anyway OK come at it from a different angle, why does it make you feel good? How do you define what looks good in the first place? It may well feel internal to you, but the definitions are nearly all external in nature. Naturally, we're a very social animal, so both fitting while standing out just a little makes us feel good. Doubly so for women as they're more harshly judged on that score(by this society, others have judged men moreso).

TaraFoxglove

Most of the time for myself, but sometimes undoubtedly for men.

Novella

I definitely don't dress for men. Ever. And ya know what? I don't think I do dress for me, not really. I could say that I do, and that I love fashion and clothes and sure, sometimes those things are true, but mostly, I couldn't give a shit.

I worked in fashion retail for a few years and that has definitely influenced my approach to dressing. There was always quite a competitive vibe to be up to date, to be 'quirky', to have others admire you, to be skinny etc.

I mean, I'm on my own at the moment and I'm wearing a t-shirt I think I stole from my bf and pants which could be pj bottoms, can't say I'm certain. You always hear on those shows, Off The Rails etc., about "dressing for comfort". Well, I'm comfortably dressed right now, but no way in hell am I stylish and I bet I even look scruffy.

Sonia Lennon isn't on rte dressing anyone for comfort, and if she thinks she is, she's deluded. Her aim, first and foremost, is fashion. She dresses people based on what's 'in' - block colour, ruffles, whatever. Do the majority of men know what's been up and down catwalks recently? Probably not, so I'm guessing dressing based on what's in Look every week is lost on them.

Dressing fashionably is appreciated by people who are in to that, more often than not ime, women. So I dress for other women, I suppose. And I hate that.

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

Take a step back though R. What does that actually mean? If you woke up in the morning and all other humans had vanished do you think you'd be wearing anything but the most cosy and comfortable clothes after a year? I doubt high heels would be in play anyway

This is a really difficult subject to give a straight answer on. But just on this point wibbs, I would often put make up on, blow dry my hair nice and straight, and then go absolutely nowhere. I feel better when I look better. I have always been and will always be like that. Heels though? that might be pushing it :pac:

Here's how it works for me; If I feel that I look sh*t but everyone tells me all night that I look great, I'll probably still feel like sh*t. On the flip side, if I go out feeling gorgeous, and noone tells me I look good, I will still feel gorgeous. Why? because it's not really about what other people think, it's about how I feel. However, if I feel gorgeous, and people are telling me I look gorgeous, then that's ultra bonus and I'll probably feel even better! It all sounds very complex but it's not really!

I'm one of those weirdos you meet in the toilet who tells you how gorgeous your dress is, or how fab your hair is, I love to see people look good!

Not very eloquently put, but there's my 2c

Chuchoter

I don't really know who I dress for. I'd like to say I wear things I really like all the time, but there is definitely an element of keeping the status quo and competing with my friends and getting other people to like me! :P If there was nobody else in the world I'd still dress nice and everything. I hate looking like crap.

Neyite

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm one of those weirdos you meet in the toilet who tells you how gorgeous your dress is, or how fab your hair is, I love to see people look good!

I do this too. I do notice other womens outifts, and occasionally I will tell a total stranger if they have a lovely dress or great shoes.

I dress for me, I tend to be dress-up-jeans and my fella always compliments me whatever I wear, however his compliments become far more effusive if I wear more girly things.

Stheno

liah wrote: »

Also, can someone explain the 'dressing for other (platonic, I assume) women' thing? Is it a competitiveness thing or what?

Confidence imo, clothing is like a shield so women dress to a certain standard knowing that friends and colleagues will expect it.

In work, I dress for my position, if I am with clients of any kind I wear a suit, it gives me confidence. On non client days I've been known to go in in jeans, flat boots and a wooly hoodie makes no difference to my colleagues. Part of my job is instilling confidence and trust in clients, and the right dress does influence that.

Going out, it depends, if it's the bf and myself out for a quick dinner, then it's jeans and a casual top. If it's a girls night out, then it's usually jeans and a smarter top. For occasions, it's a dress or smart seperates. If I'm going out and meeting strangers like the bf's friends that I don't know then it's smart clothes full stop.

Makeup wise I wear it every day in work, sometimes on girls nights out, and always on stranger/occasion nights.

Essentially I dress to match the occasion and use it to boost my confidence

If I could I'd spend my life in runners, yoga pants and giant sweatshirts

Caraville

I clicked that I dress for me, but really (as someone else alluded to) when you think about it, that's never really the case. For example, if somebody made fun of your clothes, or told you that you looked terrible in what you were wearing, your reaction would hardly be "oh well, I don't care, I dress for me anyway".

I only clicked that I dress for "me" because I dress for myself to feel good, which includes the approval of others, both male and female. Now my clothes are fairly run-of-the-mill, nothing very showy or dressy so it's not like I'm out there trying to turn heads. But I'd find it very hard to believe someone who says they don't care what people think and only dress for themselves.

Also, depending on where I'm going, I'd have leanings towards who I'm trying to impress. At work or meeting my girl friends I don't put as much thought into my clothes. But if I was trying to impress a particular man, then I definitely would lean more towards the LBD and my favourite high heels- not just to make me look my best, but in turn this gives me confidence. But ultimately I think even the most confident of us dresses in a way such that it meets to people's approval.

Although, I do wonder about the people you sometimes see on with Trinny & Susannah or Gok Wan- you know, the type who seem to be stuck in a time warp or who have no confidence. Have they gotten to the point where they don't even dress for themselves anymore? Or do they dress just to simply not be naked? I hope I never get to that point in my life- I know it's just fashion, but I like having an interest in it.

Dudess

Never in my life dressed for women - happy to admit I'd dress for men on nights out, as in, to attract the opposite sex. I don't get why this is viewed as a weakness. Don't most people at some point dress to pull? Or if not solely to pull, to at least increase the likelihood? Or just for the ego boost? It's not exactly dressing "for" the opposite sex anyway - moreso for yourself because of how good it makes you feel to look as attractive as you can make yourself.

Otherwise though, I just dress comfortably, but I always make some bit of an effort apart from when I'm lounging around.

Lia_lia

Lol, I'm a lesbian so myself and other lesbians. Wtf?!


Anyway, I dress for myself. Or nobody. Whatever. I just wear whatever I feel like wearing. I never dress to pull...because I've never in my life gone out "on the pull".

Dudess

I've never gone out on the pull either - as in, to have it as my sole focus when going out - but it's nice if it happens. Or even just to get chatted up. Getting glammed up (in whatever way you personally want - for me, it's not what's in fashion or seen as sexy to others, it's what I personally feel attractive in) as well as making you feel good about yourself, increases the chances of the above happening.

ztoical

Lia_lia wrote: »

Lol, I'm a lesbian so myself and other lesbians. Wtf?!

yeah seriously not getting that...wheres the "I'm bisexual I dress for everyone" option then?

I dress to suit the situation and the environment I'm in.

LittleBook

ztoical wrote: »

I dress to suit the situation and the environment I'm in.

Agreed. It's an interesting but unanswerable question for me as it changes depending on the day of the week (workday vs. weekend), time of day (day vs. evening) and the company I'm with (partner vs. friends vs. professional vs. nobody).

And there's also an enormous shift as you get older ... your personal rules in any of the above situations will change too.

Acoshla

I dress for myself, even my comfy clothes are coordinated, I have different David & Goliath pyjama bottoms and a selection of matching vest tops If I was the last person left on the planet in the morning I would still dress up nice, nothing gets my day off to a better start than knowing I'm wearing a dress/colour/shoes that I love and look good in. Myself and my best friend love to wear nice things and kind of enjoy seeing the outfits the other will put together for a night out or just on a regular day, I just love clothes and fabric and colour.

The master of dressing for herself is my mother. Her sitting around the house clothes are fab even, she bought a tracksuit once (a nice pale blue fitted one ha) for hanging around the house and gave up on it after about a week. She lives alone but is always impeccably dressed, just for her, because she loves clothes and colourful jewellery, they make her feel better so she can't see the point of sitting around feeling like crap in sloppy clothes.

Perfect example is one time I rang her and she sounded preoccupied as we were talking. I asked her what she was doing and she said "Trying to decide what necklace I want to wear". I said "Why, where are you going?", and she said "Nowhere, I just need to put on one that matches my outfit properly". Clothes are a bit of a pastime for us.

G86

Deleted User wrote: »

This is a really difficult subject to give a straight answer on. But just on this point wibbs, I would often put make up on, blow dry my hair nice and straight, and then go absolutely nowhere. I feel better when I look better. I have always been and will always be like that. Heels though? that might be pushing it :pac:

Here's how it works for me; If I feel that I look sh*t but everyone tells me all night that I look great, I'll probably still feel like sh*t. On the flip side, if I go out feeling gorgeous, and noone tells me I look good, I will still feel gorgeous. Why? because it's not really about what other people think, it's about how I feel. However, if I feel gorgeous, and people are telling me I look gorgeous, then that's ultra bonus and I'll probably feel even better! It all sounds very complex but it's not really!

I'm one of those weirdos you meet in the toilet who tells you how gorgeous your dress is, or how fab your hair is, I love to see people look good!

Not very eloquently put, but there's my 2c

+!1, nail on the head!

I think I dress for me, in that I wear what I feel most comfortable in - and I feel most comfortable in clothes I look good in! Even if I was sitting in the house all day, I'd still get up in the morning, have a shower, straighten my hair and put on something I look nice in...because when I look good I feel good.

Freiheit

Thanks for contribution all, I know that wording isn't perfect, especially the lesbian bit, which was an afterthought, but the sentiments expressed provide a good indication as to how people feel, pretty much as I expected. Hope all are well!:)

kingtut

I wear what makes me comfortable and not what I think will please someone else.

If you don't like what I'm wearing then tough s*it !

CathyMoran

I dress for me but take into account for the most part my husband's taste in clothes as I trust him, there are some outfits that I love that he hates though. I do have relaxing clothes but even still I like to make the most of me for me.

Mallei

I dress for me and only me. I don't dress for the compliments of other women, and I certainly don't dress for the benefit of men. That's dangerously close to "did you see how slutty she was dressed, she was asking for it when he raped her".

I wear clothes I find comfortable and like the look of myself in. Any man who would judge me by what I was wearing in a negative way is not a man I want to be with, frankly. I'd want a partner to respect me for who I am, which is reflected in what I wear because what I wear is what I like.

Thought I'd share a little anecdote that was relevant!

I'm going out tonight with work, it's an awards thingy and the dress code is "cocktail dresses for the ladies", last night I tried on a few dresses and asked my husband for his opinion, the first dress he described as stunning, and the second was "that's gorgeous aswell", there were many more dresses before I was done!!!!!

So I had the first two hung up this morning and said to my husband, "so you think one of those two" he said yes, I think maybe the second one, so I said I was going to go with the first as he said it was stunning, he said it was but it was very sexy, I laughed and said what's wrong with sexy!

Queue my SIX year old daughter (who I try very hard to keep innocent) saying, "it's work though mom, there's no point in looking sexy if there's noone there to look sexy for" apart from nearly dying from embarrassment, I told her it should never be about looking good for other people but for yourself.

I thought it was funny after me only posting in this thread last night!

Oh and for those who care, I'm wearing the first dress

Dudess

Mallei wrote: »

I certainly don't dress for the benefit of men. That's dangerously close to "did you see how slutty she was dressed, she was asking for it when he raped her".

Anybody who says attracting the opposite sex doesn't ever come into how they present themselves, if looking good (even if only on their own terms) is the objective, is lying.

Faith

Dudess wrote: »

Never in my life dressed for women - happy to admit I'd dress for men on nights out, as in, to attract the opposite sex. I don't get why this is viewed as a weakness. Don't most people at some point dress to pull? Or if not solely to pull, to at least increase the likelihood? Or just for the ego boost? It's not exactly dressing "for" the opposite sex anyway - moreso for yourself because of how good it makes you feel to look as attractive as you can make yourself.

Otherwise though, I just dress comfortably, but I always make some bit of an effort apart from when I'm lounging around.

This. I do tend to think "Who am I going to see?" when I'm getting ready to leave the house. I often meet my best friend for tea at my local pub. It's mostly full of old men, but recently there was a very attractive guy there certain nights. While I'd happily meet my bestie in jeans and a hoody, I made more of an effort if I thought the guy was going to be there. Even though I knew there'd be no more interaction than looking at each other, I wanted to feel good about myself because I knew that would make me more attractive to him.

I don't think it's a weakness to dress to impress. I'd love to be the type of woman who always wears gorgeous clothes just for herself, but frankly I'm too lazy. If I'm spending the day studying, I'm hanged if I'm blow drying my hair, putting on make up and wearing lovely clothes!

Faith

Mallei wrote: »

and I certainly don't dress for the benefit of men. That's dangerously close to "did you see how slutty she was dressed, she was asking for it when he raped her".

No. It's not. Not even remotely.

Stheno

Stheno wrote: »

In work, I dress for my position, if I am with clients of any kind I wear a suit, it gives me confidence. On non client days I've been known to go in in jeans, flat boots and a wooly hoodie makes no difference to my colleagues. Part of my job is instilling confidence and trust in clients, and the right dress does influence that.

Just adding to this, I like having quirks about my clothes, you'll rarely see me in a suit with a shirt, I like to team them with interesting tops for variety.

Simiarily on a girls night out recently I'd on knee high purple suede boots under my jeans and one of the girls was gaga about them after I'd pulled up my jeans and shown her.

Dressing to show off a bit of my personality is something I enjoy Those purple boots under a grey pant suit are fun

Caraville wrote: »

Although, I do wonder about the people you sometimes see on with Trinny & Susannah or Gok Wan- you know, the type who seem to be stuck in a time warp or who have no confidence. Have they gotten to the point where they don't even dress for themselves anymore? Or do they dress just to simply not be naked? I hope I never get to that point in my life- I know it's just fashion, but I like having an interest in it.

Actually I was a dreadful tomboy when I was growing up, and in my early twenties tended to wear black black and more black. I'd no idea about color or shapes or anything else, and I actually dressed based on that. I was tall, and very slim, and had pale skin and red hair, and frankly was afraid of colour. Then I got one of the Trinny/Susannah books and it completely changed my outlook on clothes.

Now I'm more likely to be on the hunt for the perfect tan jacket that will complement four or five other items of clothing and will happily spend weeks doing so I would regularly get asked by female colleagues where I have gotten an outfit, or told how well it looks, and it's fun.

The shoe obsession was the best bit

Mallei wrote: »

I dress for me and only me. I don't dress for the compliments of other women, and I 1.certainly don't dress for the benefit of men. That's dangerously close to "did you see how slutty she was dressed, she was asking for it when he raped her".

I wear clothes I find comfortable and like the look of myself in. 2. Any man who would judge me by what I was wearing in a negative way is not a man I want to be with, frankly. I'd want a partner to respect me for who I am, which is reflected in what I wear because what I wear is what I like.

1. Mallei, I find your attitude to men through repeated posts to be dreadfully negatively skewed, and statements such as that, just reinforce to me that you have a deeply engrained dislike if not hatred of men. Such posts make me despair.

2. I interact with men who are partners in different parts of my life (work/home/leisure) every day, who judge me based on what I wear, my male colleagues expect me to present a certain image with clients, yet see me in jeans and a hoodie on non client days, my male friends see me both at work and in leisure situations and expect I will look a certain way based on that, and my partner sees me dressed as a complete slob chilling out, but expects that I will dress appropriately for occasions, as I do of them all. Were I to be going to a sales meeting and my male manager rocked up in jeans and a Tommy Hilfiger polo, I'd not be impressed, much as I wouldn't if I was going to a funeral and my bf arrived in in ripped jeans and a tshirt.

What I like to wear is not indicative of the situations, apart from the odd quirk that I interject to be a little more individual.

Morgase

I have to admit that most of the time I really am just dressing so that I'm not naked If I'm going to the pub / out for dinner I'll dress up, and if it's necessary to be suited and booted I'll do that too.

But getting nice clothes / shoes / accessories just seems like so much effort! I'd love to be able to do this:

Stheno wrote: »

Now I'm more likely to be on the hunt for the perfect tan jacket that will complement four or five other items of clothing and will happily spend weeks doing so

but I seem to be a bit colourblind when it comes to matching different bits of clothes and knowing what looks good. Pure laziness on my part I'm sure though

Stheno

Morgase wrote: »

but I seem to be a bit colourblind when it comes to matching different bits of clothes and knowing what looks good. Pure laziness on my part I'm sure though

I'm not joking it took ages to learn what looked good and what didn't, and what looked good that I liked

I kinda thought of it as an investment, but it was a fair enough effort, like I said already, yoga pants, giant sweatshirts and runners are what I was born to live in. But hey, if I've to live otherwise I might as well look good and have some individual style, e.g. I never wear black as it doesn't suit me and now love playing around with colours The TrinSus rules say I can't wear black or grey, so I'd be fecked if I stuck with that, so I wear a particular shade of grey and brighten it up

Maple

Mallei wrote: »

I dress for me and only me. I don't dress for the compliments of other women, and I certainly don't dress for the benefit of men. That's dangerously close to "did you see how slutty she was dressed, she was asking for it when he raped her".

That is utter horse manure.

Please keep the hyperbole to a minimum and going forward do not push your hateful attitude towards men here again.

Maple

Assets Model

I want to pick two. I dress for myself and other women.

G86

Stheno wrote: »

2. I interact with men who are partners in different parts of my life (work/home/leisure) every day, who judge me based on what I wear, my male colleagues expect me to present a certain image with clients, yet see me in jeans and a hoodie on non client days, my male friends see me both at work and in leisure situations and expect I will look a certain way based on that, and my partner sees me dressed as a complete slob chilling out, but expects that I will dress appropriately for occasions, as I do of them all. Were I to be going to a sales meeting and my male manager rocked up in jeans and a Tommy Hilfiger polo, I'd not be impressed, much as I wouldn't if I was going to a funeral and my bf arrived in in ripped jeans and a tshirt.

What I like to wear is not indicative of the situations, apart from the odd quirk that I interject to be a little more individual.

This made me think.

Maybe I DO dress for other people in a way. I mean, I dress appropriately for situations, i.e work - whether I've any meetings or not, and nights out - dependent on the kind of place we're going to. If I'm in work and I've no meetings that day when I'll get up at 8, have a shower, throw on some foundation, run a straighter through my hair and grab a skirt and top from the wardrobe. Whereas, if I've meetings, I'll get up at 7.30 so I can take more time getting ready, and go for a smarter look dress-wise. The thing is though, I always feel way more confident and professional on those days, because I KNOW I look good. I remember being called into a meeting last minute before and I'd hardly any make up on, my hair was all over the shop, and wasn't really dressed for it; I definitely wasn't as confident and I think it showed.

On the other hand, I used to work with a girl who looked PERFECT, every single day. I mean, she'd come in with hair and make up perfect, and everything matching - clothes, accessories, bag etc. I couldn't do that, it's just not me! I like that I can look pretty average on a normal day and still know I can scrub up well, sure if I put the same effort in every day it'd take all the fun out of dressing up!

Ach, I'm confused now! I think what I mean is that I wouldn't wear something just because someone told me they preferred it, and I wouldn't change my personal style for anyone, but at the same time I do dress for the occasion and I like it when people complement me for looking well!

I'm the same as Stheno too, in that there's always a bit of 'me' in what I wear. For example, in the case of wearing suits/work attire I'll add some jewellery like a pair of earrings that are more 'me'.

Ah god this post is one big contradiction isn't it.....:p

Dudess

The only way a person dresses exclusively for themselves is 100 per cent not giving a sh1t what they put on - literally just covering their nakedness. That's the case for a lot of us when just lounging around at home for sure, or even dashing to the shop for milk, popping over to a friend's place, etc - situations where you're not concerned about how you look in front of others (although even in the last two situations, I'd wear something that flatters me, like leggings and an empire-line top, rather than big baggy stuff). Otherwise though, the approval of others always has a bearing - partner (I just do not get people who object to the idea of making a bit of an effort for your partner), work, pubs/clubs/restaurants, dates, occasions - formal and informal, visits to the homes of people you don't know that well, etc.

At the same time though, while your dressing is informed by your environment, it is also informed by your own personal preferences - the objective to look good in front of others isn't just about them, it's about you feeling good in yourself because of it, and others are not dictating what you wear. My "look" is the pale skin/jet black hair one - I'd go for kinda burlesque, borderline goth stuff when dressing up. Not majorly OTT or anything - I'm not gonna be going to a wedding with my tits pushed up to my chin in a corset - but there are elements of the above to my style because it very much suits me. I've been at do's where I've stood out like a sore thumb, but I don't give a sh1t - fake tan and the like would look way more ridiculous on me. At the same time though, on those occasions, I've still put a lot of effort into looking my best, so in that sense, I am concerned about what others think - but on my terms.
When it gets to the point of being obsessive about your appearance, or allowing others dictate what you wear, even down to specific items, then that's a different ball-game. And I've never understood people feeling compelled to only wear what's in fashion and to avoid stuff that's not in fashion even if they really like the latter and it looks great on them.

But it's just not correct to say dressing doesn't have to be shaped by what's around us. Lots of things are when you think about it - even for the most independent, headstrong people you could find...

liah

I'm not going to say there aren't days when I lounge around the place in 'comfy' clothes and no makeup, but that's a laziness thing, time of the month thing or allowing my skin time to breathe thing more than anything else. A lot of the time I'll put on makeup and proper clothes even if I'm not going anywhere, because I like the ritual and look of the makeup and I just like my clothes. Even my comfy clothes are (mostly) clothes that suit my figure and I really like. Is that weird? :eek: