Dump him or not

LegacyUser

I've been seeing this guy for the last few weeks and I really like him and he likes me also. I met his family and that went great as they were so nice to me and said they liked me to him afterwards and keep asking me.

The problem is a female friend of his only met me recently with him and said I let vibes off that I didnt want her around which was untrue as I was very welcoming to her. She said to him Im someone who always gets what I want and the only reason he doesn't break up with me is because he's too nice and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. His other friend said maybe she had a point but in meeting these people I was nice to them as he knows I did nothing wrong.

Should I break up with him or put up with his friends talking about me like this behind my back?

m-a-i-

I think his friend might be a little uncomfortable with a new person on the scene and that can sometimes cause some ugly things to be said and unfortunately short of talking to her and potentially causing more grief there might not be anything else you can do.

My advice to you would be that if you like him and he really likes you then stay with him. You are not in a relationship with his friend. Give it time and maybe she might come around. Like you said she has only met you recently so she might not know who the real you is.

hope it works out for you x

S23

Yes you should break up with him. If you are so completely immature that you'd consider breaking up with a person because of something a third party said then you aren't ready for a relationship with him. Do him a favour and pack it in

Little Acorn

I have a few wee questions,

You're only seeing the guy a few weeks, and you've only just met this girl (once?), so how the hell could she be saying that you are the type of person who "always gets her own way", when she doesn't even know you?
Why did his other friend who you also don't know, say that she "might have a point"?
Has your boyfriend possibly been bitching about you to them?
In what manner did your boyfriend tell you these things?
Like did he tell you in conversation, or did he just say it during an argument with you, as in "my friends agree with me, they said this too!"
If he told you during an argument there's a good chance he has been bitching about you to them, or a tiny chance that he made it up to win the argument.

If however, he just told you this in a calm conversation about it, and you know that he is not the type/has no reason to be bitching about you or making up lies, then I would have a few more questions.
Has he ever dated this girl? Any chance she would have feelings for him?
Have you been spending a huge amount of time alone together,(which would be normal for a new relationship), so much time that this girl and his other friend feel pushed out and are blaming you for it?

I can think of one way that might possibly fix the situation, but it would take a good bit of courage from you.
I would suggest that you just bring what you know out into the open.
Not at all in an argumentative fashion, but in a clearing the air type of way.
Next time this girl and the other friend are there with your boyfriend, you could say something like,
"I'm sorry we seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot, I was unaware that I came across as unwelcoming or spoilt, it wasn't my intention to make you feel unwelcome, as I actually quite enjoyed meeting ye!"
"Can you tell me what made you feel that way?"

They will probably be gobsmacked and embarrassed that they have been outed as being abit two faced and bitching behind your back.
They will either deny it, try and explain it away, or get defensive about it.
Whatever their reaction, remain very cheerful and calm, and bring the conversation to an end with something like, "sure we'll forget about the first impressions, and start over again, I'm looking forward to getting to know ye!:)"

By you doing this they won't have a foot to stand on with their stories, as you will have shown yourself to be more than nice to them, open and quite forgiving too. They might think twice about bitching about you to your boyfriend again, because what exactly could they say? They would just make themselves look really bad.

This idea could get your boyfriend into an argument with them though because he "told on them" to you, so maybe clear it with him first. He shouldn't have a problem with it though, as it would be unfair of him to tell you someone's bitching about you, and not give you the opportunity to address the matter.

You should all hopefully get along well together, once you get to know each other better.

gypsy_rose

Sounds like it's her problem and not yours OP. I don't know how close a friend she is to your BF, but it's very mean of her to talk about you like that after her first meeting with you, you being her freinds girlfriend. Did she say this to your face?

thefeatheredcat

shouldileave wrote: »

I've been seeing this guy for the last few weeks and I really like him and he likes me also.

^^ this is what is really important imo how you feel about eachother as long as you are both on the same page

shouldileave wrote: »

The problem is a female friend of his only met me recently with him and said I let vibes off that I didnt want her around which was untrue as I was very welcoming to her. She said to him Im someone who always gets what I want and the only reason he doesn't break up with me is because he's too nice and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. His other friend said maybe she had a point but in meeting these people I was nice to them as he knows I did nothing wrong.

Should I break up with him or put up with his friends talking about me like this behind my back?

now either she is a psychic or someone who cold reads behaviour or she's a small bit closed-minded, judgemental and being malicious through feeling threatened by your arrival in your bf's life.

Was this your boyfriend saying this back to you or did your bf's friends say this directly to you?

I would hope regardless that your boyfriend will do what makes him happy rather than listen to other's opinions and I think you should do the same. All it really proves is that your boyfriend's female friend is no friend at all, as a friend, even if they harboured some feelings beyond platonic friendship, should always be happy for someone finding and adding a person to their life that makes them happy, not looking to stab someone in the back or talk badly about them without knowing anything about them.

LegacyUser

the thing is this girl while with me boyfriend with me out of the room was like oh she is nice blah blah blah. but then when we dropped her home she texted him saying text me when you get home but he stayed at mine. so she texted him later saying you at home and he said he was then she started slating me and he said to her look i don't want to loose either of ye as she was making him choose.

Anyway in the end she said I don't want to see you with your girlfriend or hang around with ye I really do not know how to handle this

ABajaninCork

shouldileave wrote: »

Anyway in the end she said I don't want to see you with your girlfriend or hang around with ye I really do not know how to handle this

Methinks she's jealous and she's being extremely childish. Clearly, it's her problem not yours. If you and your guy like each other, why on earth should you break up?

Ignore the silly girl. Be nice to her when she's around, don't b1tch about her to your man. She'll soon give up.

thefeatheredcat

shouldileave wrote: »

tso she texted him later saying you at home and he said he was then she started slating me and he said to her look i don't want to loose either of ye as she was making him choose.

Anyway in the end she said I don't want to see you with your girlfriend or hang around with ye I really do not know how to handle this

the problem is definitely on her side - she somehow has it in her head that it's her or you but the real thing is that she is making herself look terrible to both you and your boyfriend. Either she begrudges you on the scene because they spend a lot of time together and that will no longer be the case, or there's deeper feelings on her side or past history between them

He's entitled to see who he wants and shouldn't be put in such a difficult position to show where his loyalty lies in picking sides.

I would say that slating you probably really has absolutely nothing to do with you really, more an issue on her side that she has a problem with generally, rather than you specifically and probably misplaced anger or frustration with your boyfriend. In saying that, it doesn't make her look very mature.

Don't let it bother you, just get on with being happy with your boyfriend and don't let her behaviour/actions/words sabotage your relationship