Is this friendship over?

LegacyUser

I'm pretty good friends with this girl who I'll call Sammy.We're both in our late teens. I'm really wondering about our relationship, because although I really like her when I'm around her I always go away feeling like ****. She constantly is really late for meeting me or tries to cancel at the last second (like I'm already there!) and she has two other friends who I've come to realize are the ones she really cares about. I've only told her one really massive secret and she knows how it affects my family and how important it is nobody finds out and then she goes and tells the other two friends. She didn't tell me she'd done this for ages and when she did she wasn't exactly specific as to what she told them. She's always saying and doing things that make her sound like she likes me as something more than a friend (I'm also a girl and she is very unsure of her sexuality, I'm not) but tbh I just think thats her ****ing me around at this stage so she can go talk **** about me to her other friends.

In spite of all that, I do like being her friend but I'm wondering if this is something I can confront her about and things will change or if its just a relationship I have to call a stop to

Chinafoot

rcereve wrote: »

In spite of all that, I do like being her friend

Why?

Are you so lacking in self-esteem that you "like" being friends with someone who treats you so poorly? She makes you feel like crap, she doesn't even have enough respect for you to turn up on time nevermind keep your confidence on something so important.

This girl is no friend. Cut your losses OP. You'll be amazed at the level of relief you'll feel when you remove such a toxic influence from your life.

Firetrap

So let me get this straight. You're friends with someone who you can't trust, says stuff about you, cancels arrangements at the last minute and likes two of her other friends better than you. Riiiight.

I think you know the answer to this. It's time to draw a line under whatever relationship you have with her and concentrate on your other friends or making new ones. Nobody deserves to be treated like she is treating you. You're worth far more than that.

johnboysligo

I cant put it better than Chinafoot already did.
worst thing about losing a friend is realizing you lost them a long time ago.

Firetrap

Yes. That's it in a nutshell, isn't it? It can take a while for the penny to drop.

I think too that a lot of people change personality-wise in their mid to late teens and you can find that the person who was your best friend at the age of 13 or 14 might not be someone you like so much at 18 or 19.

LegacyUser

But what if I can't extricate myself from her? We have all the same friends. If I were to split the group in half and take the friends she doesn't have claim over basically I'd have a load of people who are never able to go anywhere or do anything and who I can't come out to. I only have one close friend and thats her. If I lose her I have no-one.

Firetrap

Ah so we've gotten to the nub of the issue. You're only hanging around with her because you've got nobody else. That's not a friendship - it's desperation. That isn't going to help you or your self-esteem one bit. You need to start spreading your wings and making an effort to make new friends. You said you're in your late teens but I'm not sure from that whether you've done your LC yet. Life post Leaving Cert is a great opportunity to meet new people and make new friends. Especially if you go on to third level or start working.

As it is, when you socialise with this group, do ye ever talk to other people? What I'm trying to get at is that you shouldn't limit yourself to this group of people who are acquaintances at best. I'm not suggesting you drop them like a hot snot but to start doing your own thing parallel to this.

jimmycrackcorm

Stop treating her as a close friend, because she isn't one. You're not stuck to just her and you will always develop other close friendships.